


Destruction, Decay, and Desire

by denna5



Series: Need and Want [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe, Brainwashing, Dark, Dubious Consent, Forced Bonding, M/M, Memory Alteration, Rape/Non-con Elements, Stockholm Syndrome
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-04
Updated: 2018-01-04
Packaged: 2018-03-28 23:22:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 40
Words: 103,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3873760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/denna5/pseuds/denna5
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After New York, after everything with Loki, Clint starts to chose to spend his heats with Steve, starts to spend time with Steve during his ruts, and a tentative bond starts to form. It is something that doesn't escape either of their notices and unfortunately they are not the only ones aware of it.  Hydra finds out about it, have had previous dealings with Clint, and decide that it is finally time that their soldier takes a mate. </p><p>In other words, Hydra decides to make sure their soldier will fight Captain America by giving him something he has wanted before and that Steve wants now, Clint.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So first time writing A/b/o and a bit nervous about it. The idea wouldn't leave me alone and I wanted to make it a prompt on the kink meme but no one ever fills my prompts so just decided to write it myself. If you have any questions about the set up of dynamics in this fic or anything like that feel free to ask me in comments or on my tumblr.

Clint had never really worried about bonds before, had never put much thought into it. He tends to avoid spending his heats with anyone, suppresses them or spends them alone for the most part and it is difficult to bond without sharing heats or ruts together. It takes time for a bond to form properly, to become something more than just left over hormones , and there has been only one time when a partial bond started to form and that had not been by Clint’s choice.

He still thinks about it sometimes, about the mission that went wrong, being taken and dosed with something that forced a heat, an alpha in rut being placed in the same room with him, being there for days. It had been years ago and a lot of the details are a bit fuzzy but he remembers blue eyes, cool metal fingers touching his skin, how strong the alpha was. He remembers the smell of the alpha, remembers his own forced heat smell, how bitter smelling it was but how it changed after about two days, a natural heat taking over and his smell becoming sweeter. The alpha had nuzzled his neck more when it changed, had breathed it in like he had never smelled something so nice.

The alpha had been aggressive, the rut making him want to claim an omega, and he had taken Clint often during those days. Clint fought, tried to stop himself from being taken though the heat and instinct told him not to, that it would be simpler to let the alpha have him, but it did little good. The alpha was strong and fast and subdued Clint and took him. He did not bite but he covered Clint in his scent, left bruises where he could, and he barely let Clint move away from him even as his rut started to subside a bit. When food was brought to them, he had held Clint closer to him, had not let whoever brought the food to them near him.

Clint remembers muttered words coming from the alpha, different languages coming at different times. There had been words of possession, words of praise. Most of them did not stick with Clint but there had been one instance when a claiming had been finished, the alpha still inside Clint and holding him close, that he remembers the words spoken clearly.

“If it is allowed, I will keep you.”

The alpha had claimed Clint’s lips with a kiss after the words, before he could say anything to them, but he can remember the hope in them, the longing in them even years after. Days passed in that room until both the rut and heat had calmed and then Clint was given cloths, taken out of the room, the alpha staying behind when a command was given but his eyes stayed on Clint the whole time. He was able to escape then and he remembers the feeling of wrongness at leaving his alpha behind.

SHIELD had evaluated him when he got back, told him it was possible he was partially bonded by what they could find out. The fact that he had ended up with a natural heat during the alpha’s rut had started to trigger the bonding process but it wasn’t completed ,he would feel it for a little while but it would go away. The alpha’s smell had lingered on Clint for about a month and a half and there was a need in him.   When his next heat hit, he did not spend it with anyone else and the bond went away soon after that, though Clint still thought about it at times, had looked into who he thought the alpha might be but it did not lead anywhere. Almost all stories of the winter soldier are ghost stories and Clint does not have time to chase ghosts.

Clint moves past the almost bond, is careful to avoid capture and spends his heats almost entirely alone. It works till Loki comes, till New York happens, and then Steve Rogers enters his life and things become different and pretty soon, Clint is no longer spending his heats alone but he doesn’t really think about what that means till Natasha makes him.

“You are starting to smell of Rogers.”

She says it simply one day as they are having lunch at his place, just the two of them and it makes him put down the bite he was just about to take and stare at her. She doesn’t miss a beat and simply keeps talking.

“I noticed it the other day and it hasn’t changed. He smells a bit like you as well.”

Clint gives just a bit of a shrug at her words, picks up his fork again and takes a bite before speaking.

“We have been spending a lot of time together, it happens.”

He tells her this as he tells himself this, tries not to think about certain things. He doesn’t deny what she is saying, he has noticed Steve’s smell lingering on him as well, but he tells himself that it is harmless, doesn’t really mean anything even if he knows it isn’t the truth, even though he feels the pull. Natasha speaks again, voice matter of fact .

“You have been spending heats and ruts together. It is not a bonded smell, not yet, but it is getting stronger and you are going to have to decide a few things soon.”

He knows what she is saying and he gets it, if things continue the way they are, eventually a full bond is going to start and Clint needs to decide if that is what he wants. He gives her a brief nod before changing the subject to something else. The rest of lunch goes quietly and Nat doesn’t mention it again, even as she leaves, just gives Clint a look before she goes out the door that tells him he can talk to her about it if he needs to. He might but first he needs to think about it himself, should figure out how to talk about it with Steve.

A bond is a commitment, something Clint has tried avoiding most of his life. He doesn’t want to risk tying himself to someone else, people leave, Clint knows that. A bond is something he has never wanted but that was before Steve and Clint finds himself wondering about it now. Steve is a good alpha, has never tried to put a claiming bite on Clint, never even touched him that first heat a few days after Loki because Clint didn’t ask for it, had instead stood near his door, kept any others from coming in as Clint worked through it himself. They started to spend time together after that, became friends and when Clint’s second heat after Loki was approaching, Steve offered to be there and Clint took him up on the offer, enjoyed it. It picked up from there, Clint spending his next heat with Steve as well and offering to spend his rut with him if Steve wanted. There had been hesitation for Steve in taking up the offer but he ended up agreeing to it and they soon found themselves in an arrangement of sorts. Clint spends the evening thinking about it, decides that he should probably say something about it to Steve soon but that it can wait for just a little while more. They haven’t marked each other yet, haven’t had their heats and ruts synch up yet, there is time to discuss becoming a bonded pair and Clint thinks it can wait for a little while longer. He doesn’t call Steve that night to talk about it but the thought of a bond is still in his head even as he goes to sleep.

The next day comes and with it a mission that finds Clint suiting up, going along with Steve and the strike team. It is a fairly routine mission, just one that needed to be taken care of quickly and it goes pretty well. Clint catches Rumlow watching him and Steve just a bit and Clint knows that Natasha isn’t the only one who has caught onto their scents clinging to each other but Rumlow doesn’t say anything to either of them so Clint doesn’t say anything to him. What is possibly happening only really concerns Steve and him, Clint doesn’t see the need to include other people in it. Steve himself seems a bit irritated after the mission, a bit twitchy and he stands pretty close to Clint as they give their debriefing. His scent is also growing just a bit stronger and Clint knows without being told that he is getting close to a rut. The debriefing doesn’t take too long and Clint catches Steve before he leaves.

“Want to grab a bite?”

He makes the offer and Steve simply gives him a nod and then they leave, head to a nearby pizza place that is open late. They talk a bit as they make their way there, nothing too important but they walk close together, bodies touching most of the time and it feels nice. They get to the restaurant, pick a both in the back where they won’t be bothered and place their order quickly and then they are left alone.

“It is getting close, isn’t it? Want me to come over for it?”

Clint asks now, doesn’t have to say what he is talking about it, and Steve takes a drink of water before replying and Clint watches his throat as he swallows, thinks about how it would look with a mark on it. He pushes the thought away.

“I have a day or two, planning on visiting Peggy tomorrow but if you want, I would like it if you came over tomorrow night. It goes easier when you are there and I like spending time with you.”

There is something very honest in Steve’s voice and Clint likes it, likes what he is saying. They have both been so very careful since all this has started to not call it anything but they both know that it is a relationship of sorts, they just haven’t decided what yet. They are going to have to soon, very soon, but not yet and so Clint just gives him a smile right now before he speaks.

“I’ll come over around eight then. I’ll bring over that movie I was telling you about, we can watch it before we have to do other things.”

He gives a bit of a smirk with his words and it makes Steve laugh and tell him that it sounds like a plan. They spend the rest of the meal talking about random things and enjoying each other’s company. Clint doesn’t bring up their scents, doesn’t bring up the possible bond forming, pushes it aside for now and just lets himself enjoy Steve.

<^><^><^><^>


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have a bit more and comments are great.

<^><^><^><^>

The body underneath Steve’s own is beautiful, strong and solid, even the scars that liter it do not deter from how nice it looks. He traces some of those scars with his fingers, with his mouth sometimes, always careful not to bite thought instinct is telling him, to mark Clint as his permanently . There hasn’t been permission given for bites and even in the middle of rut, Steve has enough of a hold of himself to remember that. He knows the limits Clint has set for him and he is going to respect them, doesn’t want to risk losing this, doesn’t want to push him away. Still, right now Steve wants and perhaps there is one thing that Clint will allow that will settle the possessive feeling in him.

“I want to bruise you, mark you. A small one, right here?”

Steve says this now, places a small kiss against Clint’s throat with his words, and he can feel a bit of shiver run through Clint. He is always so responsive to Steve, even when he isn’t in heat and Steve loves it. He pulls up just a bit so he can see Clint’s face, waits for his answer, and Clint stares straight into his eyes and Steve can see want in them, need, but also just a tiny bit of a caution.

“Yea, just a bruise, no teeth, no biting.”

His voice is calm and there is no hesitation in it and it is all Steve needs to hear. He brings his mouth back to Clint’s throat now, starts to suck a bruise there. Clint’s skin taste slightly of sweat and salt, and Steve breathes in his scent as he marks him. His scent is wonderful, slightly sweet even when he isn’t in heat, and Steve’s own scent coats him as well, mixing in and making Clint smell even better to him. His scent has been lingering on Clint’s skin now, he smelled it there even before his rut started, had smelled Clint’s scent in his own when he had visited Peggy, but right now he doesn’t care to think about what that might mean, instead he continues to breathe in his scent as he keeps his mouth on Clint’s throat.

He puts a bit more pressure on it and Clint whimpers just a bit, shifts a bit, tries to move away from Steve’s mouth. Steve lets out a little growl, shifts so Clint stays pinned under him. Clint stills at the growl and Steve lets the pressure up just a bit. He spends just a few more seconds applying pressure to Clint’s throat before pulling away. There is a bright red mark there, one that will bruise soon enough and Steve rubs his thumb along it now.

“You are so good.”

It is gentle praise, something Steve only really gives Clint during times like these, when Clint is under him and giving himself to Steve. He moves his thumb away from the mark now, claims Clint’s lips again, and the possessive feeling has settled just a bit. He kisses Clint for a bit before deciding that he needs to be inside the omega again and then he starts to get him ready, knows that he needs to open him up just a bit because he isn’t in heat right now. Steve doesn’t mind having to prep Clint, after all his first experiences sharing a rut with someone hadn’t been with an omega, Bucky being an alpha and he never got a chance to do much with Peggy. In fact, Clint has been the only omega that Steve has done anything with, the only omega he has been interested in doing things with, and he focuses on making this as good for Clint as it will be for him.

He slicks his own fingers quickly, eases one into Clint, works it in and out. Clint lets him do this, doesn’t offer any sort of protest when Steve puts in a second finger. There is a bit of impatience, his rut is starting to wane a bit but it is still telling him to take Clint now, but Steve pushes those feelings down, makes sure Clint is open for him before he slicks his cock. He takes just a few seconds to appreciate the sight of Clint laying there, ready and willing for him, before pushing in.

It feels wonderful, tight and warm and everything Steve needs right. He thrusts into Clint, covers as much of Clint’s body with his own as possible, taking kisses when he can. Clint for his part lets Steve take right now, gives himself over, returns each kiss. He takes a sharp breath when Steve leans up just enough so that he can grab ahold of Clint’s cock, wraps fingers around it and starts stroking it. Clint can come with just Steve inside of him but Steve wants to make certain that it is good for him and he finds a steady rhythm. It doesn’t take too long till Clint is coming, his release coating Steve’s hand and Steve doesn’t hold out much longer. As he comes, his thumb finds the mark on Clint’s throat and strokes it. He lets himself stay like this for a just a moment, Clint spent underneath him, covered in their scents, and his cock still inside of him. He pulls out after a while, lies down on the bed and pulls Clint into his arms. The smaller man seems tired and Steve decides that they can clean up later, just holds Clint close to him, as much as their skin touching as possible.

His rut is still there, the ache, the aggression but it is lessened now, settled in a way, and it will more than likely be over by morning. He is content right now, alpha instincts soothed because Clint is in his arms and the omega makes no move to leave. Steve needs these moments as much as he needs the sex, these moments where he can just hold him, when Clint is his in a way. Clint is asleep now, head on Steve’s chest, and Steve fingers find their way to his throat. He touches the bruise, likes that in sleep Clint doesn’t move away from the touch, instead seems to lean into it just a little bit more. It makes Steve think mine and he wonders how his bite mark would look on Clint. It is thought that has come more and more often and he needs to do something about it soon. That can wait till morning, for now Steve lets himself fall asleep with Clint beside him and their scent covering the room.

He wakes later than he normally would but he has always slept late after a rut, his body needing the rest after and he doesn’t sleep as much as he used to after one. It is better now with the serum, better now with Clint. The ruts before the serum were terrible, not many suppressants were available during the time and Steve’s health affected them quite a bit. They were irregular , not coming as often as they should have, and when they did, they lasted a while and Steve always felt like his skin was too tight, like everything was a possible threat, like he needed something and it just wasn’t there. The only reason they were anyway bearable at all was because of Bucky. They took care of each other, took each to bed during their ruts and a few times without them. When there had been nothing else, they had had each other and that had been enough. Even when Peggy came, when Steve fell in love, Bucky still had a piece of him and then the train happened, the plane, the promise of a dance that wasn’t quite meant to be and Steve is just now starting to adjust to this world a bit more, allowing himself to live in the present and not constantly in the past. He thinks about the present just a bit more now as he gets out of bed, puts on his some sweat pants and a shirt and makes his way to out of the bedroom, to find Clint. He knows that the man is still here, he never leaves right after a rut without at least saying something to Steve and today will probably be no different. He finds Clint in the kitchen, dressed and making some food and the mark on his neck is still there, the red turning into purple now and Steve feels a rush of warmth at seeing it and he knows that something needs to be said soon.

“Hey. Coffee is already made and I’m just finishing up a few things. You want cheese in your scrambled eggs?”

Clint says this as Steve gets closer to him and Steve gives a nod. Clint keeps cooking and Steve gets out plates and everything they need and puts it on the table, helps Clint move the food when it is ready. Clint moves a little stiffly but Steve knows that he is sore, not really hurt. He had been worried about harming him during his first rut with Clint, had worried that he wouldn’t be able to control himself with an omega like he had been able to with Bucky but Clint had told him that he had had experience with fighting off alphas in rut before, had even been taken once and a partial bond formed once, but that Clint has survived all that and that he trusted Steve and he means the offer. Steve took him up on it, made sure that there were tranquilizers around if Clint needed them but it didn’t prove to be needed. Steve had found that he was able to control himself around Clint for the most part. He does take suppressants to help take the edge off but his body burns through them much too quickly because of the serum that they don’t really do what they are supposed to. Spending ruts with Clint helps and he gives Steve a bit of a smile as they sit and Steve knows enough now to know that Clint isn’t hurt at all, just stiff as they start to eat their breakfast.

They talk a bit as they eat, nothing too serious, just chit chat and talk of how Steve is feeling after the rut. It is nice, the easy talking but Steve knows there is more important things that need to be discussed. He waits a little longer, helps Clint clean up a bit. After they put things away, he ends up close to Clint on the couch as they put in another movie and he takes a deep breath in and now seems as good as a time as any to try to say what needs to be said.

“My smell is all over you.”

Steve says this simply and he can see Clint tense up for just a moment before speaking and his eyes never leave the tv screen.

“It usually is after a rut.”

“I smelled myself on you the last mission we had and your scent has been lingering on me as well.”

It is the simple truth, Clint’s scent has been lingering on Steve’s skin, Peggy had noticed it on his last visit the other day, asked Steve if he had someone special now to share his rut with. He told her that he had a friend that was helping him during it and that is the truth but maybe not all of it. There is something building between them and Steve wants it but he doesn’t know if Clint wants it as well, they need to talk about it. Steve takes one small breath now and then continues speaking.

“We need to talk about it, about what it means.”

Clint turns away from the tv now, looks him straight in the eyes and then talks, voice quiet and truthful.

“We do. Nat talked to me about the other day, said she noticed it, just a matter of time before other people notice as well. We have been spending our heats and ruts together, a bond is starting to form. Is that something you want?”

The question is straightforward and Steve needs to think about it for a few moments. A bond was something that for a long time Steve thought he would never have. It hadn’t mattered, he had Bucky and he had the promise of something with Peggy and that had been enough. He hadn’t thought about having a bond mate till Clint, till now, and Steve finds that it is something he wants. He starts to tell Clint this, tries to think of the best way to phase it.

“I like you, I like spending time with you, and I want something with you. If the bond forms, I won’t break it unless you want me to. Is a bond something you want?”

Clint is still looking at him and there is a flash of worry in Steve right now. Clint could say no and just get up and walk away right now. He doesn’t say anything, but he doesn’t move away from Steve and his hand goes up to his own throat, touches the mark Steve left there, rubbing it as he thinks. A few moments of silence pass and they feel like almost forever for Steve till Clint moves his finger away from the mark and speaks.

“I like you as well and I think we can make this work. I would be alright with letting the bond grow, wearing your mark sometime, marking you. ”

He gives Steve a bit of a hesitant smile after his words and it is enough to fill Steve with relief. They spend the rest of the day together, talking a little bit about what the bond would mean as they do so. They are just going to take it all day by day for right now and when Clint leaves, Steve gives him a kiss right before and that feels so very right.

Some time pass and Steve and Clint spend more time together, spend time touching each other with heat or rut clouding them, and letting everything settle a bit. The bond is growing but isn’t permanent yet but Steve is glad for it, glad to have Clint, feels like maybe he can have a place in this world now. It is nice, having this time together and figuring out their relationship but then Clint gets a call, has to go for a mission for a while.

“How long do you think you will be?”

He asks as he helps Clint get stuff ready, will leave Clint’s apartment when he does today. Clint gives a bit of a shrug as he puts his bow in its case.

“Should be about a week. Should be back in time for my heat and I was thinking maybe, if you want, we could start the marks.”

There is something almost shy about the way Clint says it and his finger briefly touch the bruise that Steve has helped stay there the last few weeks. Clint has placed marks on Steve as well but they never last long but the bites should and Steve finds that he likes the idea. He moves a bit closer to Clint, puts his own finger on the mark and leans close to him as he speaks.

“I would like that a lot. “

He gives Clint a kiss after and Clint gives him a smile and then they finish up what needs to be done. Clint leaves for the mission, promises to contact Steve as soon as he is sure that it is wrapping up. Steve waits, does a few missions of his own, and then a week passes and there is no word from Clint and Steve is certain something has gone wrong but he can still smell Clint on his skin and still feels the pull of the bond and so he tells himself he just needs to wait a little while longer and then Clint will be home.

<^><^><^><^>


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is a bit more, thank you for all the support, probably going to try to update some of my other fics before this one gets updated again but hope you enjoy.

<^><^><^><^>

The first thing the soldier always becomes aware of as he wakes is the temperature, how his skin starts to warm up, the cold that means he has been put to sleep fading away. Everything else comes after that, smell, sight, sound, but the feeling of warming up is always first. He feels it now, warm air moving over skin, over metal, body heating up slowly. He opens his eyes and his vision is just a bit blurry right now but it will get better, it always does, and he relishes the warmth as he is guided out of the chamber, as he is made to sit down in chair just a little bit away. He can hear voices now, can smell the others around him, can see blurry faces. He is still not quite coherent but the warmth is helping and he can feel himself being touched now, an iv inserted and monitors being hooked up. He sits, a few minutes pass, he listens, the words of the others washing over him and he waits to see why he has been woken, what his mission with be.

“Most of the readings are steady but hormone levels are slightly spiked, he is pre rut.”

It is the voice of one of the regular techs, one he has seen before. The soldier does not know her name, only recognizes her voice and smell as one he has had contact with often. He only has contact with techs when he has to be put to sleep, woken up, or needs a session, there is no reason for him to know their names. The next voice that speaks is one he has had more contact with, one he knows the name of who it belongs to.

“How long till it hits him?”

Rumlow asks and he comes into the soldier’s sight with his words. He is in simple clothes, not a tactical uniform though he is still armed, a gun on him and at least two knives. His scent is clean for the most part, he smells of soap and water and his hair still looks damp, he must have cleaned up recently. There is a red mark on his right cheek, one that is purpling into a bruise, and a cut on his left arm. He has been in combat recently from what the soldier can tell and the only thing that is confusing is that Rumlow is having him woken up now and not before whatever mission was done before. The tech answers the question now.

“It should hit somewhere between seven and ten days, may last longer if we give him a few heavy doses of suppressants. “

“No, he doesn’t need suppressants this time. The timing should work out well. “

The soldier is not sure what Rumlow means but he doesn’t ask. He does not need to ask questions before he knows his mission. A few more words are exchanged, the soldier looked over a bit more and given supplements and some water and then given different cloths. It is not his usual tactical gear, just a simple shirt and pants and he is not given weapons yet. It is a little different than how things normally go but the soldier does not say anything.

“Come with me, there is something here that I think you are going to enjoy.”

The soldier gets up at those words, walks with Rumlow as the man leads him somewhere. He talks to the soldier as they move through the halls, tells him that he is getting a reward and the soldier is getting an idea of what is going to happen soon, though he is still a little uncertain. His rut is not here yet and so he does not understand why they are giving him an omega right now. Perhaps it is punishment for the one the soldier is to take. The omegas he is usually given are enemies of Hydra or ones who just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. He has never given particular thought to most of them, knows that there are probably some that he doesn’t even remember, but there was one that stuck with him, one that was different than all the others. He can still remember his smell, his taste, his blue –green eyes, and the tug he felt with him. Those memories were not taken from him and the soldier thinks about him, about those days he had him, whenever he has to take another omega during rut. He will probably think about him as he takes this one, may even call out one of the names that was given to him when he asked about the omega that escaped, he has before.

They are nearing the end of the hall now and the soldier hasn’t smelled a heat yet, usually by the time he is close to one of the omegas, he can smell the heat. It usually smells bitter, a hint of sweet in it but bitter over all, a hint of chemicals in it. There had only been once where the scent had changed, had become sweeter and something that the soldier had wanted to breathe in and coat himself in. The omega’s scent had lingered on the soldier’s skin for a while after the escape and there had been a feeling of loss when he could no longer smell it there. He pushes those thoughts of the past aside, continues walking with Rumlow as they get closer to wherever he is taking the soldier

He still doesn’t smell the scent of heat but they are outside a door now and he can smell an omega, barely catches the scent through the door but it is there. It isn’t a heat smell but there is something enticing about it and almost familiar. It makes the soldier still just a bit, take a deep breath to get more of it and Rumlow turns and looks at him, gives him a bit of a smirk as he opens the door and gestures for the soldier to follow him in.

The scent is stronger in the room, not heat but getting close to it, and it is sweet to him, smells nice. It seems familiar but not at the same time, something about it not quite right and it takes the soldier to recognize that there is an alpha scent mixed in as well. This seems familiar as well but the soldier can’t place it. His eyes scan the room now, find a figure at the end of it, laid on the floor and there is something about the omega’s smell and the soldier moves closer though he hasn’t been told that he should. He bends down next to the figure, knows that he knows this smell, but he does not move forward to touch the omega yet.

“Go ahead and touch him, you have before.”

Rumlow says this and it is enough to make him lean forward and grip the omega, move him so that the soldier can see his face . The smell is so much stronger now that he is so close to it and it is sweet and he finds himself saying a single word as he looks down at the omega’s face.

“Hawkeye.”

He breathes the name out, pulls the other man closer to him now, holds him. Hawkeye, Agent Clint Barton, is here and the soldier is surprised that he is possibly going to have a chance to have him again. It has been awhile since he has seen him, years he is sure but he slept for most of the time, and he looks over him. He is asleep right now, possibly sedated and there are a few cuts and bruises that litter his arms, his clothes are torn in different places and a bit of dirt and grime covers him but the soldier finds him beautiful. He continues holding onto him, eyes not moving away from Barton even as he listens to Rumlow start to speak.

“We were able to set up a trap to get him but he still put in a hell of fight. I had to help subdue him and he wasn’t pleased finding out I’m not SHIELD, got a few good hits, but we got him here. He is going to be yours from now on.”

“Mine?”

It comes out as a question, the soldier keeps Hawkeye close to him as Rumlow comes closer to him, and he looks at the man for more answers. He has been given omegas before but never for long, never for keeps, was ordered never to bite, and he had wanted to keep Barton before. There is something that feels a bit like hope right now and Rumlow gives him a bit of a smirk as he starts to speak, eyes shifting to look at Clint every few moments and the soldier keeps ahold of Hawkeye.

“All yours, well yours and Hydra’s. Barton has skills, he can be of use, and you deserve a reward for all the work you have done. He is going to be your omega, your mate.”

Those words sound so good and the soldier finds himself drawing Barton even closer to him, breathes in his scent deeply. It smells nice but there is still that hint of wrongness, the alpha scent lingering in Barton’s and as he looks at him, he notices something on his throat. He brings a finger to the bruise and touches it softly. Barton shifts away from the touch in his sleep and it makes him growl softly. It is another alpha’s mark, not a claiming bite but a mark none the less and it is on his omega. The soldier is not pleased.

“He is covered in alpha scent, there is a mark. Whose is it?”

The soldier is almost certain that he has smelled that scent before but he doesn’t know whose it is. It isn’t an unpleasant scent but it is still another alpha’s scent. Rumlow answers him.

“There is a man at SHIELD, Rogers, the Captain, I have worked with him before. He and Barton are close, have started a bond. It isn’t fully formed yet, you will be able to break it, make him yours. He should have a heat soon, you can take him then, have time with him leading up to it. There are a few things that we will need to do with him but he will be yours.”

The soldier gives a simple nod at this, doesn’t care to know much about the other alpha, just needed to know if it was someone here. He keeps holding Clint, keeps touching him, as Rumlow talks a little bit more about what needs to be done, how they are going to make Barton stronger for him. The soldier pays attention to it, keeps track of what is being said but a large portion of his attention is focused on Barton in his arms. He remembers those days where he had him, the rut and the heat they shared, and he is looking forward to having him now, to having something to care for, something that is his.

“It will be a while before he wakes, you can stay with him till then, but we will need to run a few tests on him once he is up.”

Rumlow says this and the soldier looks up at him, decides to ask for something.

“I would like some water, would like to clean him.”

He knows it will not get rid of the other alpha's scent yet but he still wants to clean him up, start taking care of him now. Rumlow gives a nod, tells him it will be brought in soon. The soldier just stays right where he is, holding his omega, waits for him to wake.

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	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the awesome comments and here is a bit more.

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Clint wakes to the feel of something wet guiding over his skin, along his throat. It startles him, makes him start to jolt up but something cold and heavy settles against his shoulder, keeps him from moving up, and he can smell alpha scent close to him, sees the glint of metal out of the corner of his eye and he can hear a voice now, speaking almost soothingly.

“You are safe, Hawkeye. I will take care of you now.”

He knows the voice, knows the smell that is around him, and as he turns his head to seek out the owner of the voice blue eyes stare into his own. The winter soldier is right here, holding Clint in his lap and there is a panic that is settling into him. He makes himself take deep breathes, tries to calm himself down but it hurts to breathe. He got kicked in the ribs pretty hard earlier when he was captured and it appears that a couple of them are bruised, maybe cracked. The soldier seems to notice his wince of pain and he helps him to sit up now but he does not let him move away, makes him lean against him.

“You need to breathe slowly, a couple of your ribs were damaged earlier.”

The soldier says this and Clint really needs to figure out just what the hell is going on and how he can get out of here before whatever is going to happen to him does. There is another voice that speaks now, draws Clint’s attention to it, and with it comes the sharp pain of betrayal, a raw anger.

“He’ll heal up, he has had worse, haven’t you Barton?“

Clint shifts his eyes away from the soldier’s and finds Rumlow standing a few feet away, standing calmly and watching them. There is a bruise on his cheek from Clint getting a good hit on him when he showed himself to be the traitor that he is and Clint wants so badly to give him a matching bruise on the other cheek right now. He is still in a tight hold so Clint doesn’t try to move to him to attack, speaks instead.

“ I’ve had worse. You just got a couple of cheap shots. It’s not going to happen again.”

Clint’s words are a threat, a promise that he won’t let Rumlow surprise him now that he knows the man is not who Clint thought he was. Rumlow just moves a little closer to them, gives a bit of a smirk as he speaks.

“You’re right, it won’t. Your attitude will change, I’m sure after a while we will get along better than we did before. “

“Don’t count on it, I’m not planning on staying.”

That is all that Clint says to it. They have plans for him, Rumlow’s words and the soldier’s from earlier are enough to confirm it, Clint just has no idea what exactly and he needs to figure a way out of here before his heat hits. It will be harder to get out of here in the middle of a heat. The soldier still has not let go of him and Clint tries to move out of his arms now but the soldier simply pulls him closer, keeps his arms wrapped around him. Rumlow smirks just a bit more at what has just happened before speaking again.

“Looks like you may have a bit of trouble getting away, might just be better if you stay put.”

Clint really wants to punch him right now but the arms around him are tight, the metal heavy and strong and so he simply settles for glaring at Rumlow right now, speaking again.

“There are going to be questions asked when I don’t return, people are going to look into what happened.”

He wants to see what Rumlow is going to say, see if he can get a hint about what is going on, see if Rumlow is going to give anything away. The man simply shrugs just a bit and that smirk is still there.

“Agents go missing during missions all the time, it isn’t anything that can’t be covered up. I suppose Rogers might want to look for you, considering how close the two of you are, but there are ways to keep him busy.”

The arms around Clint tighten just a bit more when Rumlow says Rogers and Clint swears he hears just a little bit of a growl as well and the soldier’s face is so close to Clint’s neck that he can feel his breath. It is an almost tender gesture, this nuzzling that the soldier is doing and it makes a feeling of nervousness run through Clint and Rumlow looks strangely pleased right now and then he is speaking again.

“ Enough talking, we have some tests to run now. You want to come with him?”

“Yes.”

The soldier says this and Clint finds himself being pulled up now, the soldier still keeping ahold of him, keeping him close. He hasn’t let go of Clint since he woke up, behavior has been a bit possessive, and Clint remembers how he was the last time they were near each other, remembers those words he had spoken. There had been the beginnings of a bond between them once, it is broken now, Clint’s bond with Steve steadily forming and there instead, but the soldier has been putting his scent all over Clint these last moments, touching him as if Clint is his. A feeling of dread is starting to settle in Clint’s stomach and he struggles to get the soldier’s hands off of him, to move away.

“Let go of me.”

He says this but it does nothing to help get the soldier’s hands off of him. The soldier simply shakes his head and starts to move him, following where Rumlow leads them. Clint is still a bit woozy from the sedative used earlier and the soldier is so much stronger than him that he can do little more than protest as he is dragged to a room just a bit away, moved to a chair. The soldier finally lets go of him once he is strapped down and some other people come closer but he keeps looking at Clint as Clint tries to get out of the chair. Clint looks back at him and there is something about his face that seems very familiar and it is not just because of that heat years ago. He knows that he has seen him before besides the heat, just can’t place it, and right now most of his focus is on trying to not do what they want right now, trying to get out of his bonds.

“Stop moving. You are going to hurt yourself.”

It is the soldier who says it, voice strong but there is an undercurrent of concern in it but Clint pays no mind to it, keeps trying to get out of the chair.

“You should listen to your alpha, Barton.”

Rumlow says this now, helps one of the techs get something into Clint’s arm. The feeling of dread intensifies just a bit because now he knows at least some of their intentions. He is being given to the soldier again and Clint has a feeling that it is intended to be permanent this time.

“He is not my alpha.”

Clint says this, anger shading his voice and he catches a glimpse of the soldier’s face. There is something that looks like hurt that flickers across it for just a moment before it becomes blank again. Clint turns his gaze away from him, away from that familiar face that he still hasn’t placed, and move to his arm, to the needle and the liquid being injected into him. There is just a hint of fear that it is the drug that was used before, the one that caused him to go into heat, but he remembers that liquid being a slightly different color. Even if he isn’t being forced into heat, being drugged is still not going to go well for him. Rumlow speaks a few moments after the needle is moved away from Clint.

“He is your alpha. He had you before Rogers did, the little bond you started won’t last. You are his and the sooner you recognize that, the better off you will be.”

Clint shakes his head at this, tells himself he has a bond with Steve, that he is going to get out of here. He is about to say something when he starts to feel just a bit off, the drug apparently starting to work already. He feels a bit disoriented, a little sleepy, and he really doesn’t like how he feels right now. He closes his eyes, hopes the strange feeling will pass soon. His eyes are still closed when he hears the soldier speak to him again, words soft and spoken in a way that Clint thinks he means to be comforting.

“It is only for the tests. You will feel better in a few hours, the dizziness never lasts very long. You will get used to it.”

Clint opens his eyes as the soldier finishes his words, glances at the man again. His face is still a bit blank but there is knowledge in it, he knows how whatever was given to Clint works, must have experienced it before and Clint feels a pang of sympathy even as he continues to fall under the influence of the drugs.

They do a few things once the drug is in full effect, once his head feels fuzzy and unsure. Clint still tries to resist but his movements are sluggish and it is easy for them to do what they need to. They draw blood, take readings of his hormones, look over him a bit. It doesn’t take too long and the fuzzy feeling is still there as they finish up, as the soldier comes over to him and helps him get up from the chair. The soldier keeps ahold of him as Rumlow walks them back to the room, keeps Clint steady as they move down the hall. The fuzzy feeling is still a bit too much right now and Clint doesn’t protest much as the soldier leads him to the bedding, sits down and pulls Clint close to him. A few minutes pass and Clint doesn’t really pay much attention to what is going on, closes his eyes and waits for the fuzzy feeling to lessen.

“Here, hawk, take a small drink.”

Clint opens his eyes at the soldier’s words, finds a water bottle being held near his mouth. He is thirsty but he doesn’t think he should take anything from him, can’t trust that it is just water. He keeps his mouth closed, doesn’t take the water yet and the soldier speaks again.

“It will help, take a drink, please.”

The please is a bit unexpected and Clint is unsure how to respond to it. He thinks about it for just a moment and decides that it will be better to take a drink now while the soldier is still being kind and so he opens up his mouth, lets the soldier tip the water into his mouth. If he gets a chance, he can throw it up later.

“You are so good.”

The words are said softly as Clint takes the drinks and they so very familiar, make him think of Steve. It is the praise phase Steve uses often during rut, during heat and the soldier uses it now. There is a thought in the back of his head, a thought about Steve, a thought about where he has seen the soldier’s face before. His head is still a bit fuzzy but it is clearing up now and he makes himself turn just a bit once the soldier moves the bottle away from his mouth, looks at him fully for a few moments. The soldier lets him, just holds him right now.

The soldier looks young, younger than Clint but he has supposedly been active since before he was born. His eyes are blue, a bright blue, hair brown and a bit on the long side but Clint imagines what it would look like shorter. He can see it now, imagines that it looks a lot like some of Steve’s drawings that he has done, probably would match a photo that Steve has shown Clint before when he spoke of his best friend. His best friend that died a long time ago but whose body was never found. There is a sick feeling settling in Clint’s gut now and he tells himself that he has to be wrong but a name escapes his lips right now.

“Bucky Barnes.”

“Who is Bucky?”

The soldier asks, hands still holding Clint to him tightly and Clint isn’t sure what to say, what to tell him. He takes a deep breath and tries to give an answer.

“I think that it is you.”

His voice is coming out shaky and he is still feeling the effects of the drugs, feels worn out and so very tired right now. The soldier shakes his head, pulls Clint closer to him now and starts to lay down, pulling Clint with him.

“I am the winter soldier. You need to rest.”

Clint wants to protest, wants to figure out if he is right, if a ghost is holding him now but he is so worn out and the soldier, Barnes, will not let him move. He makes Clint settle with his head on his chest and Clint can feel his heartbeat as he closes his eyes, as sleeps starts to claim him again.

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	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here have a bit more and comments help me write.

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His omega is asleep again, the drugs having worn him down just a bit, and the soldier is content to lay with him right now. Clint’s head is settled against his chest, body nestled right next to the soldier, and it is nice, this contact, the touch. He touches Clint as he sleeps, small, soft touches, gentle brushes of his fingertips against his skin. He has found himself needing to touch Hawkeye as much as he can since he was told that he was going to be his now, since he found out about the bond with the other alpha. It is instinct, needing to put his smell on his mate, needing to make certain that his omega knows that he is his and not the other alpha’s. It will take time for his scent to overpower the other’s, to coat Clint’s as much as this one has but he has been promised time and so it will happen eventually. Clint will be his and the other alpha will not be allowed to reclaim him.

The soldier moves his metal hand to Hawkeye’s throat at the thought of the other alpha, touches the mark that has been left there. Clint shifts a bit at the touch, trying to move away from it in his sleep. The soldier is unsure if it is due to the coolness of the metal or the fact that it is simply a touch against the alpha’s mark. He moves his finger away from it, will place his own mark there soon enough, and he pushes aside the slight hurt at his omega’s reaction to his touch. Clint is not used to his touch yet, had said that soldier is not his alpha earlier, had fought so hard the first time the soldier had him, and the soldier knows that he doesn’t want to be here, doesn’t want the bond but that does not change anything. Hydra has decided that he is to be the soldier’s and he has wanted him since that heat, has wanted something that can be his, and he will be a good alpha to him once he accepts it, accepts the soldier. It will take time but it will happen, for now the soldier simply keeps him close and thinks about what was said right before he fell asleep, the name that was spoken, and what it could mean. The soldier’s eyes flicker to the door when it opens after a few moments of thinking, of wondering about that name. Rumlow is here again, walks in and stops a few feet away from them before he speaks.

“We should have the results soon, can plan out a few things. How is he ?”

The question is simple and it is possible that Rumlow already has an idea but the soldier is expected to still answer. The soldier knows not to lie, knows that he has to answer, and he also is curious about what was said earlier and so he answers.

“A little worn out from everything, maybe a bit confused. He spoke about a name, said he thought that I was that person.”

“What name did he say?”

There is a hint of curiosity in Rumlow’s voice and the soldier looks at him as he says the name.

“Bucky Barnes. “

Rumlow tenses up for just a moment and then he glances down at Clint, there is something in his expression like he is surprised by something, a little impressed.

“Who is he?”

The soldier asks now and Rumlow stops looking at Clint now, looks at the soldier again. There is silence right now, Rumlow not speaking yet, and he is looking at the soldier as if trying to decide how much to tell him. A few moments pass and then Rumlow tells him of Bucky Barnes.

“Barnes was a friend of Rogers, they were in the war together, knew each other before that. Barnes was lost during the war, never recovered. ”

The soldier knew somehow that the name had something to do with Rogers, to do with the other alpha. He tightens his hold on Clint just a little more as Rumlow keeps speaking.

“You know who you are, what you are, who you belong to. Barton may try to change that, try to connivance you that you are someone long gone, just so he can get back to Rogers. He is yours now, yours to keep, he doesn’t get to go back to Rogers.”

There is just a hint of a threat in Rumlow’s words, a warning about what will happen if Clint somehow manages to escape again. The soldier will not allow that to happen.

“He is staying with me, he is mine.”

The soldier says this simply and Rumlow comes just a bit closer, pulls a chair over and sits down next to them.

“He is going to fight it for a while, Barton is quite stubborn but we can change that. He is strong, a good fighter but we should be able to keep him here till the bond settles, till he is yours. “

The words are simple, reassure the soldier and a few moment of silence pass, Clint still sleeping. The soldier thinks about him right now, about everything he knows about him. It is not much, what happened during that rut, his name and rank, what he has read in files, what he has been told. He wants to know more, wants to find out what he can so that he can take care of him properly, be a good alpha. Even though he doesn’t know much about him, he thinks Hawkeye deserves a good alpha and the soldier will make sure he is one.

“Do you know him well?”

He asks Rumlow this, knows that the man knows Clint at least a bit, has worked with him.

“I’m not super close with him but I know him a bit, gone on missions with him, hang out a few times after. You want to know him?”

The soldier gives a nod and Rumlow asks him what exactly he wants to know about Hawkeye.

“Everything you can tell me.”

It is the simple truth, the soldier wants to know all that he can about his mate. The next minutes are spent with Rumlow telling him about Clint, about what he knows about him, about his personality, his skills, his likes and the soldier listens to it all while holding Clint to him. Rumlow speaks about his hawk till some others come and say that they need the soldier for a few tests. He is a little reluctant to let go of his omega but he knows that orders have to be obeyed. He moves away from Clint but right before he lets go of him, he runs his fingers through his hair one last time.

“It won’t be long and I’ll stay here with him, make sure he doesn’t try anything if he wakes while you are gone. “

Rumlow says this as the soldier leaves the room and the soldier gives a nod to acknowledge it and then follows the others. The soldier will do what they tell him to and then be back with his omega.

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Clint is still a bit groggy as he wakes up but he feels less than he did before. He is sore, his ribs especially but the pain is not that bad and he notices right away that he isn’t being held any more. There are no arms wrapped around him right now, no alpha scent near him, and it makes Clint sit up a bit quicker, to open his eyes fully and starts to scan the room. He sees Rumlow almost right away, the man sitting in a chair a few feet away from the bedding Clint is in and he speaks as soon as he sees that Clint is awake.

“The soldier will be back soon but I thought you and I could have a bit of chat till he comes back.”

Clint glares at him, thinks about getting up and knocking him off that chair but he is still just a bit off, still groggy, and no doubt there are reinforcements just outside the door. It will not do a whole lot of good to fight right now so Clint doesn’t.

“What the hell do you want to talk about, the fact you helped drag me here?”

Rumlow leans back just a bit, gives a shrug as he speaks.

“We could talk about that but I thought we might start with the fact that you brought up a dead man’s name and told the soldier it might be his.”

Clint doesn’t show too much shock at the fact Rumlow knows about it, after all the room is probably bugged and maybe the soldier said something about it as well. He doesn’t really show much shock, just simply keeps looking at Rumlow and then speaks.

“Is it his name?”

Rumlow gives just a brief smirk, it is more of an answer than his next words are and Clint feels that sick feeling again that he had earlier when he first thought about who the soldier might be.

“As far as he knows, as far as everything is concerned, it is not his name. He is the soldier and you should accept that, just as you should accept that you are his, that you aren’t going back to the Captain. “

“So all of this is about Steve isn’t?”

Clint says this, knows that it has to be at least part truth. He has a bond with Steve and now he is being given to his brainwashed thought to be dead friend. This is probably one of the worst situations Clint has ever found himself in and that includes Loki. There is another shrug of his shoulders and Rumlow leans forward now instead of back and his eyes stay on Clint as he speaks again.

“It is a bit about the Captain but not all of it. After all, you were given to the soldier the first time years before Rogers was found. I remember you coming back from that mission, remember his smell clinging to you. He has been given omegas throughout the years and you were the only one that he started a bond with. It was always in the plan to possibly let him have you again, your smell starting to be coated in Rogers’s just moved it all up a bit. You will bond with him soon enough and everything will settle into place. ”

“I am not bonding with him.”

There is anger in his voice and Clint’s fists curl up just a bit. He still doesn’t think it would be a good idea to stand up yet, a good idea to attack so he doesn’t, simply keeps his eyes locked on Rumlow’s as the man speaks some more.

“You’re not going to have much of a choice. Your heat will hit soon enough, he will take you during it, the bond will start and marks can be given soon after that. You accept that all of this is going to happen, let it happen and things will work out better for you. You’ll have a good alpha, your skills will still be used, and you will be safe, take care of. If you refuse to accept it, it will still happen and we have ways to ensure that eventually you fit into your role. ”

The words are a threat, a promise of just what they plan to do to Clint and the anger is red hot right now but there is also a hint of fear that sharpens it. He knows that there are ways to twist people how you want them, to turn them inside out and make something new, has even experienced it now and if the winter soldier is really Bucky Barnes, then they already know how to do it. He doesn’t show his fear or at least he tries not to, simply keeps looking Rumlow straight in the eyes as he talks, voice low and steady.

“You’re not going to break me. I will get out of here somehow.”

Rumlow just looks at him, leans back just a little bit in his chair, a slight smirk on his lips. He is about to says something more when the door opens, the soldier entering and his eyes find Clint right away. It does not take long for him to be at the bedding, to place himself right next to Clint and to wrap his arms around him again. Clint tries to shift away but the soldier is insistent and just a bit too strong for Clint to handle right now. The soldier, Barnes, holds him tightly again, is nuzzling him again and there is something almost desperate in the touch just as there is possession there as well. Rumlow just gives them a glance and gets out of his chair, moves towards the door.

“I’ll give you two some time again, have some food brought in.”

The soldier gives a nod but Clint doesn’t say anything, just glares at Rumlow more. Rumlow catches his eyes right before he leaves the room.

“Barton, think about what I said. This is going to be your place now, you should just learn to accept it now.”

That is all Rumlow says before he shuts the door, leaving Clint alone once again with a ghost from both his past and Steve’s.

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	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am still working on all my other stories as well, just on a bit of a roll on this one and should have another update in a couple days or so. Hope you enjoy and thanks for all the support.

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Clint hasn’t returned from his mission yet and Steve hasn’t heard from him for a while. It wasn’t supposed to take this long, Clint had said it should be about a week and worry starts to nag at Steve and there is a bit of anxiety in him. He has no idea where Clint is, if he is safe, what kind of condition he is in, but he knows that he isn’t dead yet. The bond isn’t fully formed yet but it is there, Steve can feel it, can still smell Clint in his own scent, and that is what reassures Steve for now that Clint at least is still alive but he needs answers to what is going on and so he approaches Natasha first.

“Have you heard from Clint since his mission?”

He asks her this the next time he sees her, when they have a training session together, right before they start.

“No, I haven’t. I take it you haven’t either?”

“He said it would take around a week, he has been gone around two and I haven’t received anything from him.”

There is a brief look of concern that flickers over Natasha’s face for just a moment before she shrugs.

“It may have ended up a bit more complicated than he thought it would be. He can get himself out of jams but I’ll keep an eye out for info, let you know if I find out anything. Ready to practice now?”

Steve gives a nod and Natasha’s words about looking in to it soothes him a little bit but the feeling of worry is still there, still strong. When another few days pass and there is no word, Steve decides that he needs to look into it himself but he doesn’t know much about Clint’s mission, has no idea where he went, and he soon is given another mission by Fury but before he leaves for it, he talks to the director himself.

“Sir, has there been any word from Agent Barton? He has been gone a while.”

Steve keeps his tone respectful, isn’t sure that the man will give him an answer. Fury looks at him for a long moment before answering.

“We are looking in to Barton’s mission, he hasn’t reported in for a while but there was a change of information in the mission and we did receive a coded transmission from the location he had to switch to from his frequency. He probably had to go dark for a while. I can’t tell you much more than that, it is classified and I have only told you this much because I know how much time you and Barton have been spending together, know what he is becoming to you. “

Steve feels himself tense up just a bit at Fury’s words, at the knowledge that he is aware of Steve’s relationship with Clint but it is not that surprising. After all, Fury probably knows Clint’s scent well and it is mixed in with Steve’s own, not hard to figure out what is going on when you can smell it on someone. Fury just gives him another look right now before speaking again.

“If anything changes, Captain, you will be one of the first to know but you may figure out if anything happens to Barton before we do and I expect to be informed as well.”

“Yes, sir.”

Steve says this simply and then Fury is dismissing him to head to the mission. Steve goes and he makes himself focus on it, makes himself push aside his worry for Clint for a few hours to get done what needs to be done. He manages to complete the mission, gets home and the next day he focuses on figuring out what is happening with Clint again. He contacts Stark, asks for a favor. They don’t get along very well still but when he finds out that Steve wants him to hack into SHIELD to check something; he is willing to do it. It takes him about a day to get back to Steve and all he can’t really tell Steve any more than he already knows. Fury’s story checks out and SHIELD is looking into the mission and Steve is back where he started at, having to wait it out, having no idea where Clint is, just knowing he is alive because the bond is still there.

Steve can’t make the worry go away and he tenses up as another day passes. It is getting close to Clint’s heat, Steve knows it, and that makes everything worse. His omega is getting ready to go into heat and Steve will not be there, can’t help soothe him during it. The bruise on Clint’s throat has to be fading now, Steve’s mark probably no longer on his throat, and Steve hates the idea that another alpha could mark his omega now, that another alpha might be able to take what is his because Steve isn’t there to protect him. He tells himself that Clint is strong, that Clint will fight, Clint will find his way back home, and it is the truth but it does little to ease the worry , the fear that he will not see his omega again. Steve will see Clint again, he tells himself this and makes himself focus on that and the feel of the bond still intact as time passes and Clint’s heat gets closer and he is still not back.

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Several days have passed since the day Clint woke up to the soldier holding him and he has not managed to get out of here. He has tried but not many chances have come up and none have worked out so far. Clint has fresh bruises added to the ones he had when he first woke up and a nice gash across his forehead from being hit just right with a baton. The soldier, Barnes, had not been pleased when he had seen that and he had ran gentle fingers over it as he told Clint in Russian that it would heal soon enough and then he had placed a kiss against it even as Clint had tried to move away from him. The gesture had been sweet, affectionate, and Barnes seems to want to take care of Clint, wants Clint, but Clint didn’t chose this, didn’t chose him but that doesn’t seem to matter to him . Clint doesn’t hate him, can’t hate him even if he hates what is happening, what is supposed to happen. Barnes is so very broken and Clint hurts for him, looks for little pieces of the man Steve has talked about and he can see them but he can’t do much with them, doesn’t know how to put them back together again.

Clint has tried reaching out to Barnes ,has tried to get him to remember, to break through the conditioning but so far, nothing has worked. He has no idea who he once was and doesn’t seem to care to know about who he was. He won’t even give Clint a name to call him, simply says he doesn’t have one, is not allowed one. The few times Clint has tried bringing up Steve, it has earned a growl or displeased words, the soldier not wanting to speak about the other alpha. Bucky Barnes knew Steve Rogers as a friend, a companion, but the winter soldier only knows of Steve Rogers as the alpha that has a bond with Clint, sees him as a threat and Clint has no idea how to change that. He can’t get Barnes to remember, he can’t seem to escape and his heat will be here very soon.

He is laying in the room, Barnes right next to him and his arms wrapped around him when he starts to feel the start of it, starts to experience the first signs. At first he thinks it may just be the aftereffects of the poking and prodding that was done to him hours before but then there is a bit of jitteriness in him, an ache, and his body temperature is rising slightly. His metal finger tips are resting on one of Clint’s arms and they start to feel a bit cold against his heated skin and Clint is not sure whether to shift away from the coolness or towards it.

“Es ist bald soweit , Habicht, nicht wahr?”

 

Barnes says this now as he brings his flesh and blood hand to rest on Clint’s throat, on the spot where Steve’s mark lays fading, the bruise almost gone now. It takes Clint a moment to recognize the German and he doesn’t say anything to it. The soldier starts stroking the spot and Clint tenses up at the touch, tries to move away because his alpha’s mark is being touched and that isn’t right. The soldier moves his fingers away from his throat but doesn’t let Clint move away from his touch. He speaks again as he keeps ahold of him.

 

“It will be alright, no other will touch you. I will take care of you.”

 

His tone is so reassuring, so honest and Clint thinks if the situation was different that the words would be a comfort. Clint doesn’t say anything to it right now, tries to think of a way out of this, knows now that it is too late. He only has a few hours left till it starts fully, he will be able to control himself the first day or two for sure but it may harder to resist after that and he knows that he is going to be taken during this heat, possibly claimed. There is no guarantee that a bond will start to form, he is bonded to Steve now even if it isn’t fully formed and hopefully that will help him to fight. The door opens now and it draws Clint’s attention away and he can hear footsteps approaching, turns and sees Rumlow there with a tray of food and the beta takes a sniff of the air now and there is a smirk on his face as he sets it down, as the soldier starts to sit up and moves Clint to do the same.

 

“I’ll let them know no tests tomorrow, no disturbances. I’ll make sure you have everything you need.”

 

It is all he says before turning and leaving the room and Clint really wishes he could have hit him right now. Rumlow is one of the only ones who comes in here, the only one that seems somewhat nice to the soldier, the only one that really talks to either of them, and Clint still feels the sting of betrayal every time the man is near. Rumlow dragged him here, has helped make sure that Clint has stayed here, and he seems determined to see the bond happen, to see Clint forced into this role he doesn’t want, has tried convincing Clint that this is all for the best. Clint isn’t entirely sure of his reasons, think it might be because of some sort of twisted affection for the soldier, but whatever his reasons it doesn’t change the betrayal, the anger Clint feels towards him.

 

He stops thinking about Rumlow because Barnes has reached for the tray now, is offering some of the food to Clint. He takes it with little complaints, knows that the soldier will not allow Clint to not eat right now. He eats the piece of bread slowly as Barnes watches him, eats as well. He always makes sure to offer Clint the food first, to let him take what he wants, and when there is coffee in the morning, he always lets Clint have all of it. There is no coffee right now but there is a peach, one of Clint’s favorite fruits and the soldier hands it to Clint when he finishes his bread. Clint is able to eat it and another piece of bread before he feels a bit too full, the beginnings of the heat not allowing him to take in too much food. He drinks a bit of water and soon enough the soldier is finished with his meal as well, has Clint lay down again.

 

He is starting to feel warmer, starting to ache just a bit more, and he really wishes he wasn’t here, that he was with Steve. The bond is telling him he needs his alpha soon and Clint knows that won’t be possible. His body feels worn, warm, and he can feel himself start to fall asleep, drifting because his body is trying to preserve energy for what is to come and Clint lets himself sleep, hopes he will be able to fight the next morning.

 

When he wakes, his heat is in full swing, his body aches, is warm all over, he is wet, and his scent is sweet. There is a wet cloth being wiped across his heated skin, soothing words being spoken, and alpha scent near him. It isn’t right, isn’t the right scent, the right words, isn’t Steve and when Clint looks up he can see the soldier looking straight at him, a look of hunger and possession in his eyes and his scent is so strong right now. He moves the cloth away from Clint now, brings his hands to Clint’s shirt, intentions clear and Clint tries to move away as he starts to take the shirt off. His struggles do not do much and the shirt is soon off, thrown on the ground, and Barnes’s hands are touching his bare skin, touch rough and claiming and there is something about his scent right now, something rich that makes Clint want him even though he isn’t his alpha and it takes a few moments for Clint to realize what it is. Barnes is in rut, just the beginning of it, and Clint knows that this is going to be more difficult to fight than he first thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Es liegt nahe , Habicht, nicht wahr? - It is close , Hawk, isn't it?


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here is more and it is mostly smut, angsty and dub con, but it is heat after all. Hope you enjoy and comments are awesome and help me to write.

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Clint takes deep breathes, tries to squirm away from the soldier’s hands, needs to focus. Barnes growls softly at Clint’s movements, blocks Clint from moving from his hands and keeps running them over Clint’s bared chest, touching the scars there. The metal of his left hand is so cold against Clint’s skin and that almost feels good but it isn’t quite right. He wants touch so badly right now, needs it, but he wants his alpha’s touch, wants Steve’s touch, and he needs to prevent himself from being taken by Barnes for as long as he can. Clint does the only thing he can think of and that is to fight and so he starts an attack.

He is not graceful right now, not careful, all Clint is right now is pure panic and instinct, the need to keep himself from being claimed by another alpha. His movements are wild, he is lashing out with everything he has, fists, head, knees, and he gets a few hits in, manages to get the soldier to loosen his hold just enough that he is able to move away from him. The brief respite from Barnes’s hands does not last long, Barnes grabbing him again almost immediately and dragging Clint back to the bedding, pinning him there.

Barnes is on top of him now, keeping Clint under him, pinned down. He is so close to him, leans in even closer, nuzzles Clint’s neck, breathes in his scent and Clint tries to shift away, tries to move. He knows what is going to happen soon, knows that the soldier is going to claim him, and even though his body needs it, even though he is on fire, he still wants Steve and he doesn’t want this.

“Please, don’t do this. This doesn’t have to happen.”

His voice is pleading and the soldier murmurs something against his neck that Clint can’t really make out, before placing a kiss there. He seems content for right now to simply lie on top of Clint and he continues to do so for a few moments, placing little kisses along his throat, running hands along Clint’s skin, through his hair, muttering words that Clint does not pay much attention to. The soldier is still clothed right now and Clint still has his pants on but he has no idea how long the clothes will stay on, how much longer Barnes will be content to just touch Clint like this with out more. Everything feels wrong right now. Clint aches, needs, wants, and there is a willing alpha on top of him, touching him, but it doesn’t help like it should. It isn’t the right alpha, isn’t his alpha, and he finds himself saying that out of desperation.

“Don’t do this. I need Steve, need my alpha, Bucky, please.”

He says the names now, tries to plead to the pieces of Bucky Barnes that have to be in there somewhere and he feels the soldier stiffen on top of him, still in his movements just a bit. He pulls up just enough so that Clint can see his face, see his eyes staring straight at Clint’s. There is just a bit of hurt in them but there is more possession than anything else.

“You do not need him, cannot have him. I will be your alpha, I will give you everything you need, yastreb.” 

Clint shakes his head at this, tries once again to move himself out from the soldier. 

“I don’t need this, don’t need…” 

Clint is about to say you but the soldier does not allow the word to come out, crushes his mouth to Clint’s before he can say it. The kiss is hungry, desperate, and almost heartbreaking. Barnes wants this so much, wants Clint so much, and it is not all because of the rut. If things were different, if this was a different time, Clint would maybe want him just as much but he is someone else’s and he tries to move from the kiss, tries not to respond. His heat is heavy right now and the kiss is nice, the touch. The soldier stops the kiss after a few moments, moves himself away from Clint just long enough to shed his cloths. Clint uses the distraction to try to move away again but the soldier simply pulls him back to the bedding, pulls the rest of Clint’s clothes off now as well. He is bare now and Barnes settles him in the bedding again, pins him there once again. His skin is so warm and he is wet, ready to be taken but he knows that this isn’t what he wants, isn’t right. Barnes makes him spread his legs now and he brings a finger to Clint’s hole, pushes it in. The contact makes Clint whimper just a bit even though it is not right and Barnes smiles at it for just a moment before thrusting his finger in and out, adding another after a few moments. This isn’t needed, the prep, the fingers loosening him, he is fully in heat now and wet enough that the soldier could just take him but he doesn’t yet. He keeps working his fingers in and out and this is familiar, he had done this when Clint had been given to him the first time. Clint hadn’t understood it, had thought it might have been about toying with him then but now, knowing who the soldier is, Clint thinks he might know the reason and it makes something in his stomach tighten just a bit, reminds him just how wrong all of this is. Steve always preps Clint like this as well, always uses his fingers even when Clint is dripping, when it is in the middle of his rut and needs so badly. Clint had asked about it and Steve had told him it was a habit, that he and Bucky would prep each other during their ruts , shared them and they needed to loosen the other quite a bit. Those ruts stuck with Steve and it appears that they have stuck with the soldier as well even if he can’t remember them. 

“Tak teplo, poetomu vlazhnyy, sovershenym.” 

The soldier praises him, the Russian coming out of his mouth thickly and he is finally removing his fingers. Clint feels empty, needs something even though his instincts are at war right now. He needs to be claimed but this is not his alpha even if he smells good, even if his fingers had felt nice inside. He should move, should try to fight more but Barnes is strong and once his fingers have left Clint, he is moving closer, lining himself up and then he brings their bodies together. It is rough, possessive, and Clint doesn’t want it but at the same time, he needs it. His body remembers this, remembers the soldier’s touch, and it really hasn’t changed that much form years ago. There is the same desperation in it, the same need, and Barnes strokes him as he thrusts, is trying to make it good for Clint. It is horrible and wonderful all at the same time and everything is just so wrong but there is not much else Clint can do but to give just a bit, to let Barnes ease a bit of the ache in him. He closes his eyes for a few moments, tries to pretend that it is Steve, that it is his alpha taking from him right now, but he feels the cool metal of Barnes’ fingers rest against his neck and it shatters the illusion. When the soldier comes, Clint does as well and those metal fingers press down a bit more on his neck. There will be a bruise there, a claiming mark even if it is not done with teeth and Clint just has to hope it is the only one that he ends up with .The ache is a little better now but there is a wrongness about the relief. He does not feel relaxed like he should, feels worn out and wrung out. Barnes slides out of him but does not let Clint move from him, wraps claiming arms around him and lays down next to him, has as much of their skin touching as possible. Clint wants to squirm away from the touch but he can’t, feels too worn, and so he closes his eyes and lets himself drift away for a bit as the soldier whispers soothing words in his ears, sweet promises, and praises.

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The soldier holds his omega close to him, lets him rest for a little while longer before he will take him again, and right now he takes deep breathes of his scent. It is so sweet right now, has been these last few days, still clouded with the hint of his heat though it is almost over, and he is also covered in the soldier’s scent now. There is still the scent of the other alpha there as well and the soldier does not like it but it will fade with time, be replaced fully with his own. The thought of the other alpha makes the soldier tighten his hold just a little bit, bring his omega even closer to him, and he brushes his lips against his forehead, against the healing wound there. He will give him a few more minutes and then he will wake him, claim him as he should.

His rut is starting to wane, starting to lessen just as Clint’s heat is, but he still feels the need to claim, to make sure his omega knows that he is his. It is a fact that Clint is trying to deny, that he hasn’t accepted quite yet. His omega has fought him, is so strong, but the soldier has managed to take him, to get him to cry out his release many times. He is beautiful like that and the soldier needs to see it again and so he shifts them, moves Clint so he is flat on his back in their bedding and the soldier moves his legs so that he can get him ready.

Clint wakes up as the soldier pushes the first finger in, eyes snapping to his almost immediately. There is a bit of sleep still in them and he blinks it away as he shifts a bit, as he wakes up more and the soldier gets him ready. He doesn’t fight as much right now as he did the first day, knows that the soldier is more than a match for him, and he spreads his legs a little more when the soldier removes his fingers, settles himself there instead.

His omega feels so wonderful, perfect really, and the soldier thrusts in and out, wants to make this time last a little while. He takes kisses as he does so and Clint returns them with just a little bit of reluctance a bit of hesitance . A part of him wants this now, the soldier knows he does, must be starting to feel the same pull that the soldier is, but he is still fighting against it, the bond of the other alpha still there. It will fade, will break, and the soldier pushes the thought of it away, focuses on his hawk, on claiming him again.

This feels so good, so right, so much better than the other omegas he has had before. Their scents were never as sweet as his hawk’s and they were not as strong as his hawk. Even the first time he had him, Clint did not just spread his legs as soon as he smelled the soldier, did not simply let himself be taken like the others did. Clint is so much a fighter and it makes the moments when the soldier has him under him better in some ways, more precious because they have been earned, the soldier had to prove himself strong enough to have them, to have Clint. He savors this, the wetness, the heat, the noises coming out of Clint’s mouth and he can feel himself getting close, needs to make sure that his hawk comes at the same time.

He has a hand already around his cock, knows that he could come from just the soldier’s thrusts but he likes touching as much of him as he can, likes stroking him. He does so now and he leans closer to Clint as well brings his mouth to his throat, places kisses there, finds the bruise that his fingers had made before. He places his mouth there, applies pressure and he can feel his hawk tense up at it. The tension leaves him just a bit when the soldier moves his mouth away, claims his hawk’s lips instead as his thrusts speed up just a bit, as he can feel himself come. His kiss swallows up Clint’s cry of release just a moment later, his hand once again coated with it. He moves away from his mouth, leans up just a bit and brings his fingers to his mouth to clean his hand. It tastes salty but sweet at the same time, Clint’s taste and the soldier likes it.

His omega is worn again, needs rest still, the soldier can tell by how he blinks up tiredly at him. The soldier gives him a smile as he pulls out of him, tells him how good he was, how the heat will be over soon and he will feel so much better. Clint doesn’t say anything, just closes his eyes as the soldier settles down with him in the bedding again, pulls him close. He feels warm against the soldier but not as hot as earlier, the heat starting to ease off a bit and his rut is as well but he still needs to hold his omega close as he starts to drift back to sleep. He puts a hand against his throat, against the bruise he put there to replace the one left by the other alpha and Clint tenses up in his sleep a bit by the touch but the soldier doesn’t let him shift away from it. He keeps his fingers there, wants his scent to sink into it, wants Clint to grow used to his touch. He is his now, claimed, and the soldier will do all that he can to care for his omega, to help their bond grow. For now, he lets him rest and holds him close and it is enough to help ease the need inside of him.

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tak teplo, poetomu vlazhnyy, sovershennym. -So warm, so wet, perfect.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is a bit more and comments are awesome.

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Clint wakes up in the soldier’s arms and he no longer feels the effects of his heat. He still feels a bit worn out, sore, and even without looking he knows he is covered in bruises. There is a spot on his neck in particular that aches, the spot that Barnes pushed down on, the mark, but at least it wasn’t a claiming bite. He takes in deep breathes as he shifts in Barnes’s arms and he can smell him, smell both of their scents. The soldier’s scent is strong on him right now, he had claimed Clint so many times and some of his release is still on Clint, dried and stiff on his skin. The smell is almost overwhelming but under it, still mixed in with his own is Steve’s and Clint can still feel the bond. It hasn’t broken yet, doesn’t change the fact that Clint is still stuck here, but his bond hasn’t been broken yet and it is a bit of relief after everything that has happened the last few days. He starts to sit up now, wants to get his bearings again, and his movement causes Barnes to sit up as well and he does not let Clint move away from him.

“Any pain, hawk?”

It is the first thing he says and his eyes wander over Clint, look for any sign of injury. Clint shakes his head a bit. He is still angry about the situation, not happy with being taken during his heat, but the question is sincere and he gives an answer.

“Sore, not hurt. I need food, need to clean up.”

Clint wants to wash the cum off of him, wants to get rid of the soldier’s scent. He is so covered in it and it is a reminder of what has happened, a reminder that they plan to force Clint into a bond. He tells himself that the smell will go away once he washes, that it is only so strong because of what happened during the heat. The soldier has moved a hand to his throat at Clint’s words, rests a flesh finger against the mark he placed there. His touch is warm and it doesn’t feel as wrong as it usually does to have his touch so close to where Steve’s mark is. Clint pushes that thought aside as the soldier speaks.

“Water was brought in a little earlier, it may still be warm. Lay back down, I will get it.”

Clint wants to protest but the soldier is already pushing him back into the bedding and then he is moving, goes and gets the water, soap, and some cloths, brings them over. He sits down close to Clint, puts a wash cloth in the water, wrings it out. Clint tries to take it from him but the soldier stops him, gestures for him to lie down again. Clint shakes his head, tells him that he can do it. The soldier still does not let him take the cloth.

“Let me take care of you. “

The words are said firmly but almost sweetly at the same time and Clint is once again struck by how much Barnes cares, how much he wants to be good to Clint. He decides not to protest too much right now, is still worn out and he has discovered since he has been here that it is better to give into Barnes sometimes than to fight too much. As long as Clint gets clean right now, that is all that really matters and so he gives the soldier a little nod and Barnes starts to clean him off.

Barnes is gentle as he washes Clint off, careful with touching his bruises, soft touches. The water is cooling off a bit but it is still warm enough, doesn’t chill him too much, and this doesn’t feel as odd as it should. Steve has done this before, usually during a heat or a rut, Clint insisting on taking care of cleaning himself once he was back to himself, and he feels a bit of a pang at the thought of Steve, of his alpha. He shouldn’t be letting the soldier do this, shouldn’t be letting another alpha touch him like this, but it doesn’t feel that wrong. There is a worry starting to flicker through Clint and he makes himself push it aside as Barnes finishes washing him, as he hands clothes over to Clint. He puts them on as Barnes cleans himself as well, as he gets dressed. The smell is less now, still there but not as strong and it makes Clint feel a bit better. By the time they are both clothed, the door is opening, food being brought in by some random guard. They are left alone again, just the two of them, and Barnes brings the food over, sits down next to Clint, and offers it to him first. They eat, both of them needing it after the heat, the rut, and there is quiet for a while.

The day passes and for the most part, Clint and Barnes are left alone, are not taken from the room today. There is no poking and prodding today but Clint is not relieved by it. He is sure that it will start up again soon enough, that this break has only been because of his heat the days before.   Rumlow does come by, stays in the room for a few minutes. He is the only one that does that, the only one that really says more than just orders to either of them, and he has brought them things before, a few extra blankets, some books.   Clint isn’t sure which is worse, the indifference of everyone else here, or Rumlow’s almost friendly attention. Today had been a short visit, Rumlow asking Clint how he felt now, Clint telling him to fuck off as the soldier held him close. Rumlow had smirked just a bit, made a comment about Clint’s scent starting to change and then saying he would probably see them in the morning before leaving again. They are left alone again after that and Clint is still trying to get a grip on everything, on what is going to happen now that his heat is over.

Barnes for his part has been attentive all day, touching him, making sure Clint is not too sore after everything. The attention is really nothing new, he has been focused on Clint since Clint was brought here, but it feels just slightly different now. It may be just that Clint is starting to get used to it a bit more. It doesn’t feel as odd now, not as off-putting as it had in the beginning. Something has changed and Clint does not allow himself to think about just what till that night when they are laying together again, the soldier holding him close and his fingers are on the bruise on Clint’s neck.

“When it is a little stronger, I will put my mark right here. You can decide where to place your mark when you are ready, hawk.”

The soldier moves his fingers away with his words, places a kiss there instead. His lips are warm against Clint’s skin and it doesn’t feel as wrong as it should. Clint finally admits the truth to himself now, the truth he has been trying to deny most of the day, clinging to the fact that his bond with Steve is still intact, ignoring the fact that a non-completed bond doesn’t stop another from forming. The bond with the soldier has started to form now and Clint knows that he has to get out of here, has to get Barnes away from here if he can, he just doesn’t know how yet.

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It has been over a week almost two since the soldier’s rut, since Clint’s heat, since their bond started to form and the soldier has done all that he can in that time to care for his hawk, to be a good alpha. Clint still fights, still tries to run, and he had almost escaped earlier while the soldier was not with him, had been hurt during the attempt though he is safe now. His hawk is strapped down to a bed, a tube in his arm, and he is unconscious, drugs given after he was brought to this room so he would stop fighting for a bit, and the soldier sits beside him, watches over his mate. Rumlow stands near them, looks over to the soldier and speaks, tells him what is going on , voice calm.

“It is only a minor wound, the guard shot but it hit his arm, didn’t do much damage. The treatments are starting to take, he’ll heal faster now. Nothing to worry about. “

The soldier gives a nod at the words, takes Clint’s wrist now, holds it so his thumb rests on the pulse point. He can feel his heart beat and it is nice, a reassurance that his hawk is here and fine but the soldier is still frustrated, still a little upset by the events of the day.

“He keeps trying to run, still smells of Rogers.”

He says this, looks up at Rumlow with his words. The soldier doesn’t understand why the other alpha’s smell is still on his hawk’s skin, doesn’t understand why Clint keeps trying to leave him, to run from here. He is the soldier’s, he is taken care of, he is safe, and the soldier does not understand why Clint doesn’t understand that. Rumlow moves a bit closer as he speaks again.

“He is still bonded to Rogers, is clinging to it, trying to get back to him. It will fade, he is bonded to you now , it is just going to take a little time. When you mark him properly, that will help and when he gives in and marks you, it should break his bond with Rogers if it isn’t gone by then. “

The soldier listens to his words, thinks about them. He has been waiting to mark his hawk with a bite, wanted him to get more comfortable with the idea but it may be better to do it soon. The bond is getting stronger each day, the soldier feels it, can smell his hawk’s scent in his, and it will not hurt anything to mark his hawk, to start cementing his claim a little more. There is something else that the soldier needs to talk about now, something he needs to ask about, something he has thought about these last few days.

“I will mark him soon. He asks about my name sometimes, calls me Bucky sometimes even though I have told him it isn’t my name, that I don’t have one. I would like to have a name he can call me, something he can call me besides soldier, besides Bucky.”

The soldier wants to be more than just the soldier for Clint. He hasn’t needed a name before but he did not have an omega before, did not have something that is his and he wants a name for his omega to call him. Rumlow looks at him for a moment and the soldier expects him to say something about how soldier is his name, how he doesn’t need to be called anything else, but when he speaks, he does not say that.

“If Barton wants to call you something, tell him your name is James. It should work out well enough.”

The soldier says the name out loud now, tires it out on his tongue. It feels alright, almost familiar and he will tell Clint about it soon. A few moment pass and then Rumlow is moving a bit closer, makes sure the soldier is looking at him, and then he is speaking again.

“If you want, we can make him forget about Rogers, about SHIELD, about Bucky, about everything that isn’t his life now. Say the word and he won’t know he was ever anyone else’s but yours. It would stop him from running.”

The soldier draws a deep breath with Rumlow’s words, thinks about them. He knows what Rumlow is talking about, knows that they could wipe his hawk clean of everything not needed. They could wipe his hawk just as he has been. The soldier knows the wipes well, the machine, knows the pain, the confusion of not remembering, of forgetting. He wants his hawk to be his, wants to keep him safe, make him happy, and he is uncertain about putting his hawk through that, making him suffer in that way. He shakes his head, says not yet and Rumlow just gives a simple nod.

“Allright, we won’t wipe him yet, just remember it is an option. Just say the word and we can make him forget.”

There is no more talk about wiping Clint after that, just a few more moments of quiet. After a little while, the tube is taken out of Clint’s arm and he looks better than he had before, his wound starting to heal. The soldier is told that they can be taken back to their room and he carries Clint there, settles him in the bedding. He rests with his hawk, keeps him in his arms as the drugs start to wear off, as Clint starts to wake.

“You were hurt but it will be better soon. You need to stop running, Clint.”

He says this as Clint sits up and he gives the soldier a look, shrugs just a bit.

“ I need to get out of here, we both need to get out of here.”

The soldier shakes his head at this, draws Clint closer to him and makes him lay back down.

“We are safe here, you will understand with time.”

Clint shakes his head but doesn’t say anything. He is probably still a bit groggy from the drugs, probably still worn out and he doesn’t fight the soldier’s arms around him right now. The soldier moves so he is closer to his omega’s neck, starts placing little kisses there. Clint tenses up a bit in his arms but doesn’t shift away. The soldier thinks about earlier, about his decision and now seems like a good time.

“You are mine, my bonded, my mate. I’m going to start the marks now.”

He says this simply and he can feel Clint start to struggle in his arms a bit but he holds him still as he puts his mouth over the fading bruise, over the spot he chose during Clint’s heat. He bites down hard and Clint cries out in pain. The soldier knows it hurts a bit, probably won’t break the bond with Rogers fully yet, but it is needed and so he keeps he teeth there, puts enough pressure that some blood starts to come to the surface. He moves his mouth away after a few moments.   He lifts himself up just a bit to look at it. The bite stands out against Clint’s throat, a bit of blood coating it. The soldier will clean it in a bit, will soothe Clint but right now he simply brings his hand to it and touches it, traces it gently . He will have to re-open it a few times in the next few weeks to make sure it will scar but it will stay on his omega’s throat now that he has placed it there and he thinks it will be beautiful once it is healed. Clint is his to keep and the soldier will keep him.

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	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to spam everyone with this story, really on a roll with this one. I have an idea for the next chapter or two and then I may have a bit of break from this for a little while, see if I can get Broken Parts or one of my other stories updated.

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There still has been no contact from Clint, no sign of him. Steve can still smell him on his skin, can still feel the bond, but that does not change the fact that something is very wrong. There is a feeling of anxiety in Steve most of the time now and he is pretty sure that some of it is not his own, that some of it is coming from Clint. There have even been a few moments of pain, sharp spikes of fear that Steve felt for no reason he could think of at random times. It is a little disconcerting, a bit worrying, but it tells Steve that Clint is still alive even if he isn’t in great shape right now, even if something terrible is being done to him. He just needs to be found, needs to be taken back from where ever he is but that is proving difficult.

Steve looks for him the best he can, even checks out the location he had been sent to for his mission. There is nothing there, no trace of Clint, nothing to give Steve an idea of what happened. He spends as much time there as he can, a few days of doing nothing but looking and waiting, but there is nothing and he goes back home disappointed and upset. He talks to Natasha and she has been doing her own search with just as little results as Steve has had. It is like Clint has just disappeared off the face of the earth and the only thing keeping Steve from thinking he is dead is the fact that he would feel it if he was, that the bond would break. It is still intact, feels a little less sturdy than it did weeks ago, but as long as Steve can still feel it, he will keep the thought of seeing Clint again strong in his mind, will keep trying to find out answers about where his omega is.

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Things are starting to change and Clint is trying to do his best to keep it the same, to not give in, to keep fighting but it is getting harder each day. The bond with Barnes is growing stronger and the bond with Steve is still there but Clint knows that it is going to start fading, the fact that Barnes has started the process of marking him permanently is seeing to that, but he is going to keep a hold of it for as long as he can. He chose Steve before all this happened and he reminds himself that when he can, when the soldier holds him tight, gives him gentle touches that make him think of how Steve used to touch him. He makes himself think of Steve, reminds himself of him, and tries not to think about how he is starting to feel about Barnes. Clint tells himself it is the bond that was forced on him that is making him care so much for the broken man but he knows it isn’t entirely the truth.

As broken as he is, the soldier is still kind in his own way, is a good alpha. It makes everything a bit worse, the way Clint is being kept here, the various tests and things that have been done to him, because he is there during all of it, comforts Clint when he can, takes care of him, tells him it will be alright and that he is safe. They have twisted him up so much that Clint knows that he believes it. This is the only life he knows, only life he remembers, the only life he thinks he can have, and he wants so badly for Clint to be a part of it that he can’t quite understand why Clint fights so hard not to be.

Right now, Clint isn’t fighting, can’t bring himself to. He is tired, worn out, and the bite mark on his neck is sore, freshly opened and so he just lays in the soldier’s arms, lets him run gentle fingers through his hair. He had reopened the mark just a little while ago, biting down hard on it and it hadn’t hurt as much as it had the previous times, Clint is growing used to it. He had cleaned it up after and placed a small kiss upon it before settling Clint into his arms. He is speaking to Clint now, voice soft and with a bit of want in it.

“You can start marking me when you want, yastreb, I am ready for it.”

Clint isn’t going to mark him, can’t mark him. Once he does, there is no going back, he would be his and Clint wouldn’t be able to fight anymore. Clint does not say this, does not say anything and the soldier just holds him till they fall asleep.

A few more days pass and the soldier is still kind to Clint, still trying to get Clint to accept all this. He has even given Clint a name to call him by now, James, but Clint doesn’t use it often. It is the name he was born with though he doesn’t know it and Steve had told Clint once that he had hated being called that, decided to be called Bucky instead, so Clint tries not to use it as respect for choices Barnes made long ago, choices that he no longer has. Clint doesn’t use the name but it is just one more sign of how much the soldier wants Clint to be his, that he is willing to give Clint a name to call him after insisting for so long he doesn’t have one. Clint wishes things were different, that he could help him to remember but he just doesn’t know how, doesn’t even know how to get himself out of here.

They are watched so closely, the door to their room always closed and locked, and when they are taken out of it, there are always others around. It doesn’t stop Clint from running but it does make it more difficult. They have also started drugging Clint a bit more, trying to break him down just a bit, and that also makes it hard to run, to fight back. He is drugged right now, sitting in a chair after they had done a test, had someone try to kick the crap out of him. They have done something to him, gave him something these last weeks that is changing Clint a bit and they have started testing him a bit to see how it is working. Clint had given as good as he got and now he is strapped to a chair, drugged up, and they look over him as the soldier is doing something else.

“His scent is getting stronger on you, Barton. You should start your marks, complete the bond. ”

Rumlow says this now, makes it sound so reasonable, like it is something that Clint really should consider. He is pretty sure it is the drugs affecting him, that they have given him something to try to make him a little more pliable. Clint takes a deep breath, smells Steve’s scent still there mixed with Clint’s and Barnes’s and he shakes his head no. He won’t give in, won’t give up Steve. Rumlow moves a bit closer to him, stares at him and shakes his head a bit.

“You are so damn stubborn. He is so good to you, you’re about the only thing that really matters to him, and yet you keep clinging to a half formed bond with Rogers. It is going to fade, to break, Rogers won’t be waiting around for you, he’ll move on. The soldier is being patient, won’t give you up, save both of you some trouble and complete the bond now.”

Clint doesn’t say anything to this, just keeps quiet as they finish checking over him. Clint gets unstrapped when the soldier comes to the room, gets lead back to their room. It is a part of routine that Clint is getting used to and he wonders how long it is going to last, how much longer they are going to wait till they try to break Clint more, try to reshape him. Clint is already having a bit of trouble keeping ahold of himself, having trouble not giving into the soldier’s softly spoken requests.   He has another heat approaching, still a little bit of time left but each day he is stuck here brings it another day closer and Clint had barely been able to keep ahold of his self last time. Now he has a bond with the soldier, bares his mark, and the bond with Steve, the thought of him, may not be enough to sway Clint from marking the alpha when he is heavy with heat. He has to get out of here before that so he tries to run again but it does not work out and he finds himself back in the room again, the soldier holding him tight again, a bit of hurt coating his voice as he speaks to Clint.

“You keep running, keep trying to leave me, you need to stop. You are safe with me, I will take care of you.”

His hand is resting on the mark now, fingers gently rubbing it. The touch is soothing and Clint doesn’t move away from it right now.

“I’m not trying to leave you, I’m trying to get out of here. You could come with me, we could make it out if it was both of us trying.”

He says this now, turns so that he can look him in the eyes. Clint has been so focused lately on trying to get out of here, on finding a way to get Barnes out or send someone for him that he hadn’t thought about seeing if he could get Barnes to help. He knows that everything is being recorded, that they are going to know about this, but if he can just convince him to fight, they stand a chance of getting out of here. The soldier is shaking his head, has tightened his grip on Clint just a little bit now.

“There is nowhere to go and I will not help you make your way back to the other alpha. You are mine, I will not allow you to be taken from me.”

The jealousy is still there, the mistrust of Steve, and Clint takes a deep breath, speaks slowly.

“If you help me get out of here, I’ll be yours. I won’t go to Steve.”

It makes something in Clint ache to say that but he can promise it if it means he can get Barnes to fight, to leave this place. He continues speaking, makes another promise to the soldier.

“If we get out of here, I’ll complete the bond, break my bond with Steve, be just yours.”

He says this and Clint feels sick saying it but he means it. He would finish the bond with the soldier, knows that it would hurt Steve, hurt him, but would that really matter in the end? If Clint can just get Barnes out of here, get him away from the drugs and the orders, the conditioning that he soldier has been put through, Bucky may be able to come back to the surface, he may start to remember, Clint may be able to talk him into seeing Steve then. If Clint can get him to leave, he may be able to bring Steve back his best friend and maybe that would mean enough that the loss of the bond would not be so bad, they could help him together.

The soldier is staring at him now, a hint of confusion in his face and something else that Clint is unsure about. He says nothing and Clint pleads just a little more, hopes that something can get through to him.

“Just we need to leave, I need to leave, help me leave, please James.”

He uses the name now and Barnes looks a little pleased at the use of it but also still a bit sad. He pulls Clint closer to him now, makes him settle against his chest.

“You need to rest, hawk, this can wait till morning.”

It is all he says and Clint is unsure if he managed to convince him at all or if Clint is going to be stuck here still. He lets himself rest, decides that he will still get out of here even if he can’t get Barnes to come with him, that there has to be a way to get out of here, he just needs to find it, just has to hope he has enough time to find it.

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Clint is asleep now, snuggled up against his chest, wrapped up in the soldier’s arms but the soldier does not rest yet. He stays awake, thinks about his omega, about his words earlier, his promises and what he has asked the soldier to do. Clint wants to run, wants the soldier to run with him, has offered to complete the bond if they do. He wants the bond to be complete so badly, wants Clint to be his, but the soldier does not think they should run, knows that there will be consequences if they do.

He has tried running before, a long time ago, and he did not succeed. Hydra is everywhere, is strong, and the soldier was brought back and something precious was taken from him, something the soldier cannot remember. He lost so much when he tried to leave and he learned it was better to stay, to do as he was told. After that realization, things were better, the soldier was treated better when he was good, and now after years of being good, of obeying, Hydra has given him a reward, given him Clint. He has Clint now but if they try to run, he may not be able to keep him. Even with Clint’s promise of being his if they run, there is no guarantee that it would be kept. Hydra could take him away, SHIELD could take him away, Rogers could take him away. The soldier lost something important long ago and he will not lose Clint now. His hawk needs to stop running and so the soldier makes a decision, decides that it will happen in the morning. Clint will stay with him, here where they are safe, the soldier will make certain of it.

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	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is more and please don't hate me too much. Comments are awesome.

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For the first time in a while, Clint wakes up and there are not arms around him, he doesn’t feel the warmth of another body next to him. It startles him a bit, he has grown used to having the soldier with him almost all the time and it takes him a few moments to sit up, to recognize that there are voices nearby. He looks to the sound quickly, sees Barnes standing near the door, speaking to Rumlow. They are speaking softly enough that Clint can’t really make out what they are saying but he is certain that it is not anything good. Rumlow asks the soldier something and Clint can make out his yes but not much more and then Rumlow is opening the door, leaving it. Barnes turns towards the bedding now, sees that Clint is up and he walks towards him, slowly and Clint feels nervous, knows that something is going to happen today.

“Are you going to tell me what you were talking to Rumlow about?”

“Something that may need to be done but it can wait for a bit.”

The soldier has sat down now, has paced his fingers on Clint’s throat, on the mark. Clint should ask what he is talking about, if it involves Clint but the soldier is speaking again before Clint gets a chance.

“You are the only thing I have, the only thing I want. You want me to run with you.”

It is the conversation from last night coming back and Clint keeps himself clam, tries to think of the best thing to say to connivance him that he should run with Clint.

“I do. I don’t want to leave you behind.”

It is a simple truth and Clint hopes it is enough. Barnes still strokes the mark gently and he moves himself a bit closer to Clint now, looks him straight in the eyes.

“Then don’t. Stay with me, stop running."

Clint shakes his head no.

“It isn’t safe here, this isn’t where either of us should be.”

If only he can get him to see that, if only he can get him to fight what has been done to him but the soldier simply shakes his head no, speaks voice almost apologetic.

“It is not safe to run, there is nowhere you can run that would be hidden from them. I know this, hawk, I tried a long time ago. I failed. We cannot run.”

There is such finality in his words, such certainty and Clint knows that he won’t be able to connivance him to run, that Clint will have to do it by himself. Barnes keeps talking and there is determination in his voice, but also something desperate in it.

“I will keep you from running, keep you here, even if it will hurt you. Do not make me. Start the marks.”

That is what he was talking about with Rumlow, something that will keep Clint from running and there is a bit of fear right now but Clint shakes his head and speaks.

“I won’t complete the bond while we are still here.”

It is simple, Clint won’t give up Steve, won’t give up till he has no other choice. He won’t finish the bond while they are still here, can’t risk it. There is a look of sadness that passes over Barnes’ face for just a few seconds before it changes, becomes determined once again and his metal hand reaches for his pocket quickly, reaches inside and he is speaking just as Clint realizes what he is about to do, just as the needle stabs his arm.

“I am sorry but I can’t lose you. It will hurt but I will help you through it, I know how it feels.”

Those words are troubling and whatever the soldier has given him is acting quickly. He is groggy and the soldier picks him up like it is easy, carries him to the door. Clint struggles in his arms a bit, tries to get out of his hold as he knocks on the door. Rumlow opens it up now, says something about it being ready if the soldier is and Clint assumes he nods even if he can’t see the man do so because soon enough the soldier is walking, carrying Clint down the hall. It does not take long till they have reached wherever it was the soldier was taking him because Clint is placed down in a chair. He tries to get up from it but the soldier makes him stay, straps his arms down quickly.

“It won’t take long and I will be right there. It will be better when it is over, I won’t lose you.”

There is a mouth guard being shoved in his mouth before Clint can say anything and then the soldier is moving away from him, goes a few feet away. Clint is in full panic now, wanting to get out of the bonds but they are tight and the drug he was given makes it difficult to move. He is stuck in this chair and before he can really wonder what exactly it does, they turn it on and white hot pain starts coursing through his body and Clint can do little more than cry out at it.

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The room is filled with screams right now, loud pain filled screams that can be heard over the buzzing of the machine. The soldier is used to that combination of sounds, screaming and buzzing, but this time is different. They are not his screams, he is not the one in the machine right now. It is his hawk who is screaming, his hawk who is experiencing the pain of the machine, and his instincts are telling him that he should get his omega out of it, that he should stop his pain, but the soldier makes no move closer to him, watches and listens as his hawk cries out in pain and the soldier feels an echo of it as well.

“We can bring him back to the room when it is over. You don’t have to stay and watch.”

Rumlow says this from where he stands by the soldier. He doesn’t turn towards the other man, keeps his eyes on his omega, but he speaks to him now, voice calm and certain.

“Yes, I do.”

He will not leave his omega alone for this. He knows the pain, knows what Clint is being put through, has made the decision to put him through this, he will not leave. Rumlow doesn’t say anything and the soldier just simply watches and waits for the screams to stop, for the wipe to be over. It is only a few minutes more and then the screams stop, the buzzing stops, and the machine is turned off and Clint slumps a bit in his chair, passed out from everything that has happened. They check his vitals, unstrap him, and the soldier picks him up as soon as he can, holds him close.

“When he comes to, he’ll be confused, disoriented. He may need more than one session, but we will see how he does, see how he reacts. “

Rumlow says this simply as they leave the room, as he walks beside the soldier. His hawk is unconscious still, face pale from all the pain he just went through and there is guilt in the soldier at what had to be done.

“He probably won’t be sure who you are at first but you will be able to tell him and the bond should help with the rest. This was the only real choice, Barton would be too stubborn otherwise.”

Rumlow says this and they are at the room now . He opens it for the soldier, watches him place Clint gently on the bedding, tells him he will be back later. The soldier and his omega are alone again now and he holds him close, waits for him to wake, to make sure he was not broken too much by what had to happen. It takes a while but soon there is movement, his hawk shifting in his arms and the soldier helps him to sit up, tells him that it is alright as he turns and looks at the soldier. He looks confused, unsure, and the soldier speaks to him softly now.

“You are safe, Clint. It will be alright, the pain will pass.”

He turns to the soldier now, looks at him with wide eyes, unsure and almost scared and the soldier feels hurt for him. This was the only choice, he reminds himself of that, any pain his omega has felt, any pain the soldier had to put him through, it was needed to keep him. He will be a good alpha, will keep him safe, will take care of him, Clint will see that now, he won’t think about the other alpha anymore, about running.

“Clint, I know that name. I know you, somehow. There’s a feeling, a tug.”

He says this simply and the soldier nods, pulls him closer, places fingers upon the mark on his throat. He speaks, words calm and reassuring.

“Your name is Clint and you are mine , I am yours. You can call me James.”

“James.”

He says this now, still looking at the soldier with a bit of uncertainty but he has not moved from his touch yet. James keeps rubbing the mark, soothing touches, and he brings Clint just a little closer to him now and there is little resistance.

“I will take care of you, it will all be all right. Let me take care of you.”

He says this and there is still a little bit of uncertainty in those eyes but when the soldier moves forward and claims his lips, Clint does not move away. He returns the kiss after a few moments, tentatively almost shyly, but there will be time for him to grow more comfortable. His heat will be soon and the soldier will spend it with him again, will treat his omega right. Clint will be his now, he will not leave, the soldier will make certain of it and any confusion he feels now will pass soon enough.

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Steve still feels the bond, still smells Clint on his skin, but something has changed now. There are less feelings of worry, of pain, of fear, he doesn’t feel much through the bond now. About a week ago he had felt a horrible rush of fear, of pain, something terrible and sharp. He had been with Fury when it happened, getting a briefing about a mission that needed to be done and Steve had not been able to hide how it felt and the man had noticed, asked if it was the bond after the pain had passed, after Steve had been able to sit down for a little while. He had told him yes, that it had been from Clint, but that the bond was still intact. The man had given him a nod, told Steve that they were still looking and that he would send someone else for this mission. Steve had gone home after that, checked in with Natasha who still had not been able to find anything out yet. It had left Steve irritable and upset, knowing that his omega was scared, was in pain, and he could not help.

It was just a few days after that surge of pain that Steve went into rut for the first time since Clint went on his mission. He had kept himself in his apartment, had made sure to keep himself separated from others, and he made himself go through it alone. It was terrible and he tore his apartment up, needing his omega and not having him. He got desperate enough during it that he took a sedative, tried to sleep it off. That just lead to troubling dreams, memories of the train, of letting Bucky fall, of the ice, and nightmares of Clint, broken and bloody somewhere and Steve unable to do anything. The rut passed and there was still no word from Clint, still no sign of him.

Steve needs to find Clint but there is no sign and nothing really comes through the bond anymore. It should be a relief to not feel his omega’s pain but it just makes Steve worry a little bit more. There had been so much anxiety before and now there really isn’t, the only feeling that seems to pass through the bond now is a bit of confusion. Something has changed and Steve just hopes that Clint has not changed so much that he is no longer Steve’s, that he will still be able to come home from whatever has happened to him.

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	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit short but here have some angst for your friday. Comments are wonderful.

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Time has passed since he has woken up here, confused and with no memory of what was going on. He still does not remember much but he knows a little bit more now. He knows his name, knows this room, knows to obey, knows that he is safe, and he knows that he belongs to someone, that he has someone to care for him. He is being cared for right now and the attention is nice and Clint gives himself over to it.

He is bare right now, scars that he cannot remember receiving being traced by fingers, and the touch makes Clint shiver but it is not all due to the coldness of the metal. It is a shiver of anticipation, of need, and his alpha smiles at it and Clint smiles back, takes a shaky breath as fingers move lower, as they rest against his thighs, so close to his cock that has been responding since James started his exploration earlier. James’s fingers move after a moment, the warm fingers wrapping around his cock as the metal ones move to his hip, settle there. The touch is nice, feels good, and Clint cannot help the small moan that escapes his mouth. He is not quite in heat yet, has about a day or so, but he still wants his alpha’s touch, needs it, and James is more than willing to give it to him.

“I want to taste you, hawk. Is that alright?”

James asks after a moment more of stroking, eyes looking straight up at Clint’s. He gives a nod, wants to feel James’s mouth, wants to see if it feels familiar. The nod is all James needs and then he is moving his head lower, settles it there, and soon his mouth is touching Clint, little kisses at first and then he opens it, takes Clint in. It is warm, wet, and Clint brings his fingers to James’s head, settles them in his hair and he wonders if they have done this before. It doesn’t matter, they are doing it now and Clint gives into the sensation.

“James.”

He calls the name out , the name that is just for him to use. That is what he told Clint when he had asked why the others here called him soldier and not James. James is just for Clint, does not belong to the others. This is just for Clint and soon enough, he is over the edge. He loosens his hold on his hair after he has come, lets James sit up after he has tasted him. He feels good, relaxed, content and James moves away for just long enough to get some water and a rag and then he starts wiping Clint down, cleaning him up a little bit, praising him as he does so.

“Tak otzyvhivyy, yastreb, tak khrosho. You are so good, Clint.”

There is something about those last words, a feeling of hearing them before but not from James, a feeling of familiarity but also slight confusion. It is a feeling Clint has gotten every so often this last week, a feeling of something being wrong that he can’t quite place. It is almost like the slight feelings of anger he felt when he first saw the man that brings their food sometimes, the one that talks to them. He has grown less weary of Rumlow now, has pushed aside those strange feelings and he does it again now, focuses on what is happening right now, not on something he can’t place. It is what James has told him to do, said that it is better to not worry about what he can’t remember. There has been a pull to James since Clint woke, a feeling of belonging, and so Clint listens to him, trusts him. The feeling of confusion has passed by the time James finishes washing him and when he lays down beside him, Clint lays with his head on his chest, can feel his heartbeat, and James has his fingers on Clint’s throat, stroking the mark there.

James touches the mark often, kisses it sometimes. It is still healing and Clint can’t really remember James putting it there but he knows that he did, that he is his alpha, can feel it. Clint can smell himself in James’s scent, can smell James’s scent in his own even if there is another scent there as well. He had asked about it once, asked whose it is, and James told him that it did not matter, that it would soon fade. Clint hasn’t talked about it since then but he still thinks about it sometimes, about why it is in his scent when he is James’s, why there is another tug at times, one that doesn’t pull him to James. It is part of his past that he can’t remember and so he pushes it aside, focuses on what he knows. He knows this room, knows what has happened these last few days, knows James. That is enough, has to be enough, because it is what he has. He has James, he is sure of that, but there is something that Clint has wondered about the last few days and he finds himself asking now as James continues gently stroking his mark.

“Where is my mark on you?”

Clint has not seen a mark, not seen any bites or bruises that could have come from him. It is possible that they are healed up, the soldier heals fast, Clint knows this from what he has seen the last few days, what James has told him. James is his and Clint is confused about why he has not seen a mark telling him that. James shifts just a bit so that he is looking Clint in the eyes as he speaks.

“You have not given me one yet, hawk.”

It sounds like the truth but Clint is not sure why he hasn’t marked his alpha yet. They are bonded, Clint can feel it plainly, and James is all he has. There has to be a reason why he hasn’t marked him but Clint cannot think of it.

“Would you like to start one?”

James asks now and there is want in his voice. Clint thinks about it for a moment, thinks about the feelings of hesitance, pushes them aside. All that matters is now, is them and so he speaks, voice steady.

“Yes. You are mine, I want to mark you.”

James smiles at him now, pulls him closer and gives him a kiss. It is a sweet kiss, gentle and soft and Clint returns it. They kiss for just a moment before Clint pulls away, before he places kisses on James’s throat, finds a spot that he likes. He pauses for just a moment, something telling him to stop, to think about this. There is a reason he shouldn’t do this but he cannot remember it. James places his fingers in Clint’s hair at his hesitance, is stroking it softly as he speaks.

“I’m yours and you are mine. We are all we need.”

The words are reassuring, sound right, and Clint takes a breath then brings his mouth down again. He bites James’s throat, hard and he keeps his mouth there. There is a whimper from James as Clint draws blood and he can feel their bond deepening a bit. There is suddenly a wave of pain that crashes through Clint, something sharp and white hot, and it is not coming from James. It is the other tug, it is snapping, tearing, and it hurts and Clint stops the bite pulls back just a bit. He is shaking now and James is looking at him, eyes full of concern, and he wraps his arms around Clint, pulls him close.

“It is alright, you are going to be alright.”

Clint is taking deep breaths and the pain is starting to go away and it feels like he is losing something important, like he has just done something that he was not supposed to.

“Something is breaking, it hurts and I don’t know why.”

Clint says this, almost choking the words out, and James just holds him a little closer, strokes his hair softly and tries to calm him.

“It is alright, you do not need it. I am here, I will not leave you. I am yours.”

The pain is gone now and Clint is no longer shaking. The other tug is gone but his pull to his alpha feels stronger and that is all that matters. He has James and James has him, that is all that they need.

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Steve is sleeping when it happens, wakes up to a feeling of pain, of something not quite right. It is sharp, feels like something is being torn from him, like something is breaking apart. He grits his teeth at it, tries to figure out exactly what is happening, tries to calm himself as it rips through him. It takes only a moment to realize that it is the bond, not just coming through the bond, but is happening to the bond. It is breaking, shattering and Steve can do nothing but feel it, to take in shaky breathes as the pain starts to ebb away, as the bond just stops. The pain is gone after a few moments and with it the bond and Steve feels sick.

He gets up, walks himself to the bathroom, and he feels shaky all over. There is panic rising in him, absolute dread over what has just happened. The bond is gone, broken, and as Steve tries to calm himself, to think, he takes deep breaths and catches his scent. It is his scent, only his now, the traces of Clint’s scent are gone now and there is a feeling of loss, of pain.   He can’t keep standing right now, finds himself sinking to the floor and everything is a mess. It is like the train all over again, losing something, losing someone important, like falling into the ice, the hopes of a future dashed again. Something has happened, something has happened to Clint and Steve can’t feel him anymore, can’t feel that connection to him and for the first time since he disappeared, Steve feels like he is lost, like he is gone. Steve sits alone on the floor and the only thought running through his head is that he failed, he didn’t find Clint, didn’t protect his omega, something has happened, now the bond is gone and possibly Clint as well. It hurts and Steve has no idea if he can ever feel whole again.

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tak otzyvhivyy, yastreb, tak khrosho. - So responsive, hawk, so good.
> 
> For those who are interested, here is a post a little bit about how bonds work in this story.  
> http://denna5.tumblr.com/post/120222387606/destruction-decay-and-desire-explanations-on


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So slowing down a bit on this fic now because there are a few things that I am trying to decide on but I should be able to update some of my other fics soon. Thank you for all the support and great comments.

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The soldier is content right now, feels calm and like everything is as it should be. There is a fresh bite upon his neck, his hawk’s mark reopened, Clint lays in his arms, asleep and content, and the soldier breathes in his scent now. The tint of his heat is gone now, already been over for a few days, but he still smells sweet to the soldier, his omega’s scent always has, and there are no more traces of the other alpha’s strangely familiar scent and that makes it even better. Clint’s scent is his own now, covered with the soldier’s scent as well, and it is proof that their bond is growing , that the bond with Rogers is broken now. It had caused his omega a bit of pain, the soldier had not liked how much it had hurt him when the bond broke, but it was necessary and now Clint is all his, has nothing to tie him to anyone other than the soldier. It is all working out, Clint will stay, and the soldier is getting better at pushing aside his feelings of guilt whenever his omega seems confused by the memory loss, unsure, and a little broken. It was needed and Clint is adjusting to it, is starting to learn that it is better to be good and not fight just like the soldier did, that this is where they belong.

Clint shifts just a bit in his sleep right now, shifts closer to the soldier, and this is one of the things that has changed the most since the wipe. Clint used to fight his touch so much, even after the bond started there was still a bit of reluctance to the soldier touching him, a bit of hesitance. That is mostly gone now and during his heat he had been so eager for it, for the soldier. Not docile and desperate like the other omegas that the soldier has had before, but eager, greedy in a way. It had been nice and the soldier looks forward to the next one. It will be a little while but the soldier can wait, knows that their bond is growing steadily. For now, he places a kiss on his hawk’s forehead as he stirs just a bit more, is starting to wake up.

“Sleep well, hawk?”

He asks the question as his omega looks at him, as he blinks sleep away from his eyes right now. He is still snuggled up to the soldier, doesn’t shift away at all as he starts to speak.

“Ok for the most part but I dreamed again, flashes of things, of people, red hair, strong hands. It felt important.”

There is a frown on his hawk’s face right now, a look of concentration like he is trying to remember the dreams, the little flickers of memory. It worries him at times, that his hawk dreams about his past a bit but it will fade, will not matter, the soldier knows from experience. The soldier brings his fingers to his mark on Clint’s throat, gently traces it as Clint looks at him and the soldier speaks, makes certain Clint is listening.

“Do not worry about it, the dreams don’t matter. Focus on what is happening now, focus on us. We have each other, that is all that matters.”

They are words he has said often since the wipe, reassurances that he will always give his hawk. He has been keeping Clint focused on him, on the life he has now, and it is helping his hawk to adjust. He trusts him now, the bond is strong enough now that Clint has no reason not to trust his alpha, and he believes his words most of the time now. For the soldier, the words are not lies. Clint gives a nod after a moment, looks reassured and the soldier gives him a little smile, a kiss and a few touches before their day starts, before the food comes and there is no more talk of Clint’s dreams, of the flickers of a time before now.

Now that Clint is starting to adjust, to listen and doesn’t try to run anymore, more time is spent out of the room, a bit more time spent training and making sure that Clint understands to listen now. Today, Clint is even given a bow, told to shoot. The skill is still there, hasn’t been wiped away and the soldier watches him for a long time. His omega is very good at this, doesn’t miss, and the soldier likes watching him. He is not the only one watching right now, Rumlow has come by again, is watching Clint hit target after target and he speaks to the soldier now.

“He is doing well, is responding to orders better now. A little more time and he will be all settled in. There should be a mission soon, one for both of you. “

The soldier nods at Rumlow’s words, is glad to hear it. He has enjoyed this time with his hawk but it has felt odd not having a mission, to be out of his sleep so long with little orders. There have still been orders, mostly ones to do with training, with making sure that he still knows that he is Hydra’s, but there has been a little more freedom lately and it has been nice but the soldier is still unsure of it. He is adjusting to how things are just as his hawk is. Soon enough, his hawk is out of arrows and his bow is taken away and they are taken to medical again, some of his hawk’s blood taken, a slightly larger amount than normal. The soldier does not worry about it and Clint did not fight it today and the soldier take is as just one more sign that his omega is adjusting, that everything is working out.

A few days pass and Clint is making steady progress, has even started sparring with the soldier. Clint will be sent out soon, the soldier with him for at least the first mission and Hydra wants to make sure he is ready. He is strong, skilled, quick, and the soldier enjoys sparring with him, enjoys training him. He is more than what he was but still not quite what the soldier is. He can still be hurt, can still be bruised, and the soldier does bruise him when he is not quick enough to dodge. The soldier never causes any harm that will not fade, that cannot heal, and whenever he does have to bruise his hawk, he tends to him when they are alone, when it is just the two of them and he can be James for him.

There are bruises tonight, just a few across his hawk’s ribs and James kisses them, feathery light touches of lips against them to reassure his hawk that he is safe, that he is cared for. They will more than likely be gone by the next night or the day after that but James still kisses them now, soothes the brief hurt that he caused. Clint sighs at the touch, whispers his name and runs his fingers through his hair. When he has finished kissing the bruises, he lays down next to his omega and Clint shifts just a bit, moves so that he is laying with his head on James’s chest, so that he can hear his heartbeat. They are content like this, the two of them, and the soldier lets himself be James, lets himself be more than a weapon in these quiet moments. This is more than he ever thought he would ever have and he will make certain to keep it, to keep Clint.

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It has been about two weeks since Steve woke up in the night because of the pain, about two weeks since the bond broke and it has been difficult. Steve is no stranger to loss, he has lost so much after all, but the bond being gone now hurts. It is hard to keep the hope that Clint may still be alive out there when Steve can’t feel him anymore but he tries to, tries telling himself that they will still find him even though it has started to look less and less likely that they will. The search is still not called off but Fury has said enough that Steve knows it is not the highest priority, especially now after the bond has broken. Steve understands, gets that everything can’t be dropped to look for a man who has been missing for months without a trace and no real proof that he is even still alive, but that doesn’t make it any easier not knowing what has happened.

Steve hasn’t gone on mission since then, hasn’t been allowed since he called Fury and told him, since they ran the tests to confirm that it was in fact no longer there. The bond had not been fully formed but it had been close to it, had been strong enough that most thought it would be better to give Steve time to adjust, to deal with the loss of it. The time alone, the time given without something to do doesn’t help. It isn’t the first time he has dealt with loss but this is different. With his mom, Bucky had been there, when he lost Bucky, he had Peggy and the war still to fight. When he woke up in this world, there had been loss, had been hurt but then the battle of New York had happened, and then his friendship with Clint and everything that came with it. He still has people now, has a few people at SHIELD, has Peggy, but it still hard to deal with, no real closure yet. He doesn’t have anything else to really focus on other than the fact the Clint is still missing and their bond is broken so he keeps looking into Clint’s disappearance, any little thread he can find but nothing turns up.

Natasha keeps in contact with him, lets him know anything she has found but her efforts haven’t turned up much yet either. The only thing they are sure of is that Clint’s mission was compromised somehow, information was wrong, and Clint was taken. Even Stark hasn’t managed to turn up much, there isn’t much of a trail and any crumbs that have been found have lead nowhere.  Steve is finally given a mission again after about another week and it is good to have something else to focus on but it doesn’t alleviate the guilt, the frustration, the worry. The mission is a long one, takes almost a week, and Steve is relived when it is finally done. He doesn’t make it home right away, gets called to a meeting with Fury before he can.Steve finds himself standing in front of the man and there is something about his expression right now, something grim and tired, and Steve knows whatever he has to tell Steve isn’t going to be good. Fury starts to speak and his voice is calm and even but there is a hint of weariness in it and his words do nothing to soothe the ill feeling Steve has right now.

“Rogers, I wanted to tell you and Romanoff at the same time but she is unavailable right now and I didn’t think this should wait. “

“This is about Clint, isn’t?”

Steve says this simply and Fury gives a nod, gets up from where he is sitting and gestures for Steve to follow him. There is a table nearby, something sitting on it that is covered with a sheet and Fury pulls the sheet off of it as he speaks and Steve feels himself goes just a bit cold. On the table sits one of Clint’s bows, roughed up and there is a streak of something dried and red on it.

“This was found, a few other items as well in a raid of a base we were looking into for something else. We tested the blood. It is a match.”

Steve’s heart is beating wildly right now and he can hear himself speaking and he is surprised that there is only a little bit of shake in his voice.

“Was there a body?”

He needs to know and there is tiny bit of hope that flares when Fury shakes his head no but it doesn’t remain as the man speaks some more.

“No body but Barton has to be considered missing in action now, a casualty. There isn’t much evidence to suggest that he is still out there. If anything else surfaces, we will look into it but as of right now, he is considered a casualty.”

Steve wants to protest, wants to argue that Clint is still out there, that they can still find him but the words won’t come. He feels cold all over, guilt and grief sits heavy in him, and the next few hours are a blur. He stays there, waits for Natasha to come so that he can be there for her when she hears, and it is like the day of the train all over again and Steve wonders if there is anything else that he can lose now.

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	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have a bit more and thank you for all the comments and support.

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Clint feels more sure of himself, of his place, as a few more days have passed though there are still little flickers of doubt on occasion. There are things that don’t quite seem right at times, little feelings of wrongness but James tells Clint it will get better, that there isn’t anything else for them. It seems like the truth and Clint really doesn’t know anything else but this and so he pushes aside the feelings of worry, of confusion and focus on his training, on what he is told to do, and on his alpha. He still dreams of things at times, flashes of memory, of people, of a life he doesn’t really know. He can’t ever hold onto it once he wakes, can’t hold on to the people, even though he tries to and he is finding he minds a little less each day when he can’t. Whatever happened before now doesn’t matter as much as what he has now and so Clint doesn’t worry about it.

Clint isn’t thinking about his past right now, isn’t thinking about the dreams or the lost memories, instead he is thinking about what will happen tomorrow, about the fact that he will be leaving this place for what he thinks is the first time. There is a mission that they will do, a task that they are to complete and Clint is just a bit anxious about it, just a bit unsure. He has been trained for this, feels ready for it, but there is still just a hint that something isn’t quite right.

“What we are doing tomorrow, is it something I have done before?”

He asks now, asks James when they are alone in their room. He could have asked before when they were told it would be tomorrow, could have asked someone else but he didn’t want to. James is his alpha, the one thing he has been sure of since waking up weeks ago, and it seems right to share his questions with him. James gives him a nod and Clint asks another question.

“This will be the first time with you though won’t it? ”

“Yes, it will be our first mission together. It will go well.”

James says this and wraps an arm around Clint, holds him close. There is confidence in his words and Clint knows that it can go well but there is still just a bit of uncertainty. From the little bit he had overheard, from a few murmurs and glances, Clint knows that the mission is a test as well, a test for him for some reason. He leans into James’s touch just a little more and speaks.

“And if it doesn’t?”

James looks at him for just a moment, tightens his hold just a little bit before he answers.

“Then there will be consequences. We will face them, if we have to, but it will go well. Do not worry about it, Clint. ”

There is a fondness in the way he says the name, a sweetness and he gives Clint a kiss against his forehead now. Both gestures are enough to soothe him just a bit, helps him put aside his worries for now. Clint lets James lay them down now, lets himself drift off after a little while. They have a mission tomorrow, a test, and it needs to go well and they need to rest for it.

They wake early the next morning and Clint pushes aside any thoughts of dreams he may have had during the night, focuses on what needs to be done today. They are taken from the room, prepped and given what they need and then then leave the base with a team. There is a sense of anticipation in Clint now and he can feel the eyes of the others as they make their way to where they need to be. He is being watched, James as well, and Clint keeps himself calm, follows orders as he has these last weeks and stays close to the soldier as they get into place.

James is the soldier right now, Clint can see it plainly, can see the differences in how he stands, how he responds to things. He has to be the soldier right now and Clint gets that, wonders if it will end up being the same for him, a clean line between Clint and the name they keep calling him now, Hawkeye. It is what most of the others have called him, Clint being the name that only James really calls him and Rumlow had almost called him something else once, had cut himself off before getting the full name out and Clint did not ask him what it was, didn’t think it was important. Hawkeye is what they call him and it is familiar and what he is doing now is familiar as well.

He is waiting, has himself hidden and his bow is ready. He just needs to see the target, needs a chance to take the shot. It takes a little while but the man appears and Hawkeye takes a breath, draws back his string and takes the shot. It hits the target, a clean shot that goes just where it is supposed to. The soldier places a hand on his shoulder for just a moment, tells him that he did well. It is simple after that, just clean up and leaving, making sure that everything is done as it should be. There is a debrief on the way back to the base and all of this feels so very familiar but not at the same time and Clint still isn’t quite sure about it. The mission is over though and there is relief in that, relief in the fact that it went well, that there will be no consequences. They find themselves back in the room after awhile and the soldier is put away, James once again in front of him and Clint is sure of this, of him. This is what he has and Clint thinks it all he needs.

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A little time has passed since Fury showed him the bow and it is still hard to think that more than likely he won’t ever see Clint again. Steve mourns in his own way, deals with the pain of Clint possibly being gone as best as he can. The pain is rough but something he is getting used, something that is starting to dull a bit, becoming a little more manageable but still there. He has moments of longing for what could have been just as he has moments of longing for the past and he isn’t sure which is worse.

There is a box that Steve has now, that he keeps in his closet, pulls out on occasion. It is filled with a few things, random things, a couple arrows, some clothes, a few pictures, all of them Clint’s. He has a few other things of Clint’s scattered through his apartment, a coffee mug that he uses, a couple books. They are all things that he took when Clint’s apartment had to be packed away, things that Natasha had said would be alright for him to have. That had happened just a week after Fury showed them both the bow and Steve had thought it was still too soon to start closing up Clint’s life but it had to be done.

It was just the two of them, Natasha asking Steve if he wanted to be there when she took care of it. He did and he went over there with her, hadn’t been there since Clint left for the mission he didn’t return from. It was not easy being there without Clint, it didn’t quite feel right and it made him miss him. He couldn’t let Natasha do it alone though, had seen how quiet she had been after Fury had shown her the bow, and so Steve helped. Natasha was calm and strong as Steve always sees her but she was still shaken up in some way, had to be. He still remembers how quiet she got after Fury had shown her the bow and she was quiet for the most part as they got everything packed. Clint was Steve’s bond, they were starting something great, but it was still mostly a start, a beginning, and Natasha had known him for years, was as close to him as family. She was taking care of his things because in her own words, he wouldn’t trust anyone else to store them.

“Most of it will go into storage, in case they are needed again, but I’m going to keep some things . You should take some things too. Clint would be alright with that, he likes you, trusted you. “

When she had said that, her tenses were a bit mixed up, like she wasn’t sure which tense to use for Clint and Steve understood. They talked about him a little bit as they packed everything away, as they looked through his apartment. He filled up a box with random things, told himself that he would give them back the moment Clint came home. That moment hasn’t come yet and the box sits in Steve’s closet, gets pulled out every once in a while when Steve needs it.

There is one item he gets out when it is his birthday, a small sketch pad with a set of pencils. They are wrapped together, string across them both with a little note on a torn piece of paper in Clint’s handwriting attached to them with tape. It simply says, remember to give to Steve in July. Natasha had found it as they were going through the closet, had found a little box that had a similar looking note on it with her name and February. She had handed the sketchbook to him then.

“You are getting this a little early, about a week, but it is obvious he wanted you to have it.”

He had taken it, put in the box and he gets it out on his birthday, thinks about opening it and using it but he can’t make himself do it and he puts it back in the closet, note still attached and pencils still unopened. It doesn’t feel right to use it when he hasn’t been able to tell Clint thank you yet. He tells himself that he will open it up as soon as Clint is back, that there will be time to use it then.

Steve starts doing missions for SHIELD again just a day or so after his birthday. It was obvious that Fury was trying to give Steve a bit of time to himself, time to grieve but he needed something to do, something to focus on and missions help even if it is not always easy dealing with some of the other agents right now. Word spreads around SHIELD quickly that Clint is considered a loss now and Steve gets looks every once in a while, can see people whisper sometimes. They never really came out and told people they were together, were working on their bond, but people still knew, could smell it on them after all. There are a few veiled condolences, a few sympathetic looks, but most people avoid talking to Steve about Clint, about his disappearance. It isn’t really until he runs a mission with Strike, when he sees Rumlow again after a while of the man being busy with other missions, that anyone really says much more than two words to Steve about Clint. The man pulls him aside when the job is done, talks to Steve for a few minutes about the mission before bringing up Clint.

“Barton and I weren’t close but we were friendly enough towards each other, hung out a few times. Good agent, stubborn as hell, could see why you guys got along. If you ever want to hang out sometime, I could share a couple stories, may help talking about him.”

The offer seems genuine and Steve has no problems with Rumlow, thinks of him as a good man, a good agent. He thinks about it for a moment, he really hasn’t talked about Clint with anyone much besides Natasha a few times. He hasn’t been able to open up to the psychologists that SHIELD has had him see, it may not be a bad idea to talk to someone else but he isn’t ready to do it quite yet.

“Maybe some time, thanks.”

It is a simple answer and Rumlow gives a nod, tells Steve to just let him know and then leaves. Steve thinks about the offer the next few days, thinks about Clint often. He tries to go about things as normal as he can, keeps up his training, visits Peggy but it isn’t easy. Everything seems to be a reminder of how lost Steve is right now, of just how out of place he is, and after a long mission with strike he takes Rumlow up on his offer and finds himself in a booth at a dive bar with Rumlow right across from him. It is a little odd, Steve doesn’t know Rumlow that well but he needs some sort of distraction and so he talks to the man now, listens as he tells him a bit about some of the missions he had with Clint before.

It isn’t a bad way to pass the time, Rumlow is easy enough to get along with. He is a bit gruff, a bit sarcastic, and blunt . They talk a bit about things other than Clint, about other experiences, about sports and by the time they both leave it isn’t as odd as it had felt at first. It helps a bit, to have some conversation, some interaction, and Steve decides that maybe Rumlow can be a friend. It won’t hurt to have another friend, to have someone else that he can talk to, but Steve still finds himself pulling out Clint’s box when he gets home and wondering if he is alright, if he will come back soon.

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	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have some angst and try not to hate me too much.

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He is not put back in the cold, not put back to sleep, and it is strange but the soldier is glad of it. His time is spent with his hawk now, missions and training and just being together and this is the most content that the soldier has ever felt. He is still the asset, still Hydra’s weapon, but he is also James now and he is grateful for it, grateful that they have allowed him this, allowed him Clint. Clint does not try to run anymore, does not focus on the little flickers of memory he gets on occasion, and he is affectionate with James, lets James take care of him, takes care of James in his own way. They belong to each other and neither of them fights that fact now.

“Shakhta, moy prekrasnyy yastreb.”

James says this as he claims his hawk again, as their bodies are joined together. He is in rut again, the second since Clint was brought here and Clint had entered heat around the same time. It feels good, to have him under him and Clint gives a nod, shifts so that they are even closer together, claims James’s mouth for a kiss. It is quick right now, greedy and possessive. James enjoys it just as he enjoys when they go slower, when he can tease his hawk just a bit. There is no teasing this time, both of them finding their release soon enough and they don’t clean up yet, just lay together, close and content.

The rut and heat pass soon enough. There is another mission, a quick one and they work well together, are a good team. A week after the rut, they are told that they will be going to a different base soon, will be helping with some new assets that Hydra has secured. The soldier has trained assets before and it is something that he is almost looking forward to doing again because this time he will have his omega with him. As long as they are together, James does not care where they go, what their mission is. They fit together, have each other, and that is all that is important.

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Some more weeks pass and Clint does not come back. Any possible sign that maybe he can be found ends up being a dead end and Steve starts to accept that maybe he isn’t coming back, that he is truly gone. There has still been no sign of a body either and that makes a part of Steve still hope but he knows that someone can be gone even if they aren’t buried, even if a body isn’t found. Bucky has been gone for years, the train so long ago, and Steve still has trouble at times really believing it and he thinks it will be the same for Clint. Steve knows now that the chances of Clint coming home are slim but he still dreams about it sometimes, still wishes for it, even as he tries to get on with the rest of his life the best he can. Steve still has very few connections right now, very few who he feels comfortable talking to and that makes not having Clint around harder.

He visits Peggy often but she is fading, age catching up to her as it hasn’t with Steve, and there are times when she isn’t quite herself, when she can’t remember properly. Those moments are hard for both of them and they are starting to come much more often and Steve can’t bring himself to talk about Clint, about his feeling of loss, with Peggy. She already has so much to bear and Steve wants their time to be their time, doesn’t want to burden her though he knows that she would listen, though he had talked about Clint with her before. He keeps visiting her though the good times, the times when she is whole and aware, are becoming less and less because he still has her for now and he has lost so much already. He spends time with Natasha on occasion but they aren’t particularly close. She is grieving for Clint in her own way and though Steve tries to be there for her, he still doesn’t know much about her, isn’t sure how to help. She keeps him a bit at arm’s length and he thinks that is just her way. Natasha is a colleague, a friend in some ways, but he finds it hard to talk to her about some of this. The person he ends up talking to about Clint when he needs to is Rumlow. He listens when Steve needs to talk about Clint, doesn’t push for Steve to talk about him when he doesn’t want to, and he has become a friend during these last weeks. Steve has grown a bit comfortable around him, enjoys the time they spend together off mission, and he finds himself seeking him out sometimes.

Today he sees Brock but it is not because Steve sought him out but because there is a mission and they have both been called for it. If the call had come just one day earlier, Steve wouldn’t be suiting up. His rut has just ended and it was difficult, was a rough few days. He had gotten used to having Clint with him and it is hard being alone for them now. The broken bond has also made it worse, made it a bit more aggressive this time and he had event tried suppressing it but it did not help. He can do the mission but he isn’t in the best mood, is a bit tired and after they have been given their briefing, are on their way there, Rumlow approaches him.

“You look a bit worn, Cap. Everything alright?”

Steve gives a bit of a shrug, this isn’t time to go into a lot of details but he still gives him an answer.

“Just finished rut, nothing I can’t handle.”

Brock just gives him a nod and then goes back to getting ready for the mission, for the drop off, and Steve does so as well. He focuses on the mission, on getting the job done, and soon enough it is finished up. Steve does the debriefing, files his paperwork, and gets ready to leave when he sees Brock again.

“So I could really use some food and I’m not going to the mess. You feel up for some pizza?”

Steve thinks about it for just a moment before accepting the offer. He doesn’t really feel like being alone right now, had enough of that the days before when he had locked himself up in his apartment again to ride it out. He doesn’t want to be alone right now so he follows Rumlow as they leave base and he feels a bit of an ache when they reach their destination, when he realizes where Rumlow is wanting to get pizza from. It makes sense, this place is close, it stays open late, is decent enough, but Steve hasn’t been here for a while now and he hesitates at the door and Rumlow notices, asks if there is something wrong. Steve shakes his head and then gives an explanation.

“No, nothing really wrong, just haven’t been here in months. Last time was with Clint.”

That was months ago now, was right before the last rut he had spent with Clint. Brock gives him a bit of a sympathetic look before shrugging.

“We can go elsewhere, if you want. I just need food of the greasy variety right now.”

Steve shakes his head again, tells Brock it is fine, and then they head in, get a table. They place their order, wait for it and have idle chatter as they do. It is alright, helps Steve to take his mind off of everything for a bit. It is as they are finishing up that Rumlow says something that catches Steve just a little off guard.

“You don’t have to spend your ruts by yourself. I’m sure Barton would understand if you want someone around for them, if you don’t want to be alone.”

Steve can feel himself tensing up just a bit. It is awful going through the rut alone but he isn’t sure he could spend it with anyone else, isn’t ready for any sort of relationship right now or another possible bond.

“I don’t think I’m ready to date right now. “

Brock gives him just a bit of a shrug as they leave, as they start walking back towards the base.

“You wouldn’t have to date anyone, just be honest about it. A lot of people probably wouldn’t mind giving you a bit of company.”

Steve knows this but he doesn’t quite like the idea of just being with someone during rut so he isn’t lonely. It had been different with Clint, they were friends, built up to it a bit. He hasn’t had a lot of experience with being with people like that and he doesn’t want to just do it because his ruts are bad. Steve doesn’t say anything about it right now and Rumlow keeps speaking as they keep walking.

“Hell, I wouldn’t mind it.”

Those words make Steve stop, give a bit of a shocked look at Rumlow now who for his part looks calm and causal. Brock looks Steve straight in the eyes as he speaks again.

“No pressure but if you feel like you need someone during that time, I’d offer. Even if you just want someone there and don’t want the other things, I would show up. Just something for you to think about, offer’s open anytime. “

Steve gives just a nod, says he will think about it and then they start walking again. Rumlow changes the subject after that but when Steve gets home after, he is still thinking about. They are friends, Steve trusts him, but he isn’t sure if that is something he wants right now. It doesn’t matter right now, his next rut will not be here for a little while.

More time passes and Steve deals with everything, deals with Clint still being gone but it is not easy. The bond has been gone for months now but Steve still feels like something is missing. It is very similar to how he felt after the train, how he still feels sometimes when he thinks about Bucky, but this ache is fresher. He spends times with others when he can, takes every mission he is offered, visits Peggy, spends time with Natasha on occasion, still hangs out with Rumlow, and it helps but Steve still feels alone, lost.

Rumlow’s offer stays in his mind. They don’t really talk about it much but every once in a while Brock says something to let Steve know that it is still there, that he is still willing if Steve wants it. Steve thinks about it every once in a while, finds himself taking glances of Rumlow every once in a while, and if Brock notices, he doesn’t call Steve out on it. Steve has known for a long time that he can appreciate the male form as well as the female form, has always admired strength and skill. It is what drew him to Bucky, to Peggy, to Clint and there is no doubt that Rumlow is strong, is good at what he does. Rumlow holds a certain attraction but Steve still isn’t sure if it is something he should do, something he should allow himself to have. He has his number just in case and Steve goes about his business.

Steve still dreams a lot when he sleeps, dreams about Bucky, dreams about what could have been with Peggy, and dreams about Clint. Sometimes the dreams are nice, are sweet memories or nice moments that could have happened. Other times they are terrible, more night mares than dreams, and Steve sometimes finds the nightmares easier to deal with. It is difficult waking up from the nice ones, to know that they aren’t real, and Steve finds himself waking up from one this morning.

It had been one of Clint, of having him back safe and sound. In the dream, he had been found, wasn’t missing. In the dream, the bond wasn’t broken. In the dream, Steve had marked Clint. In the dream, Steve was claiming his omega again, kissing him and touching. His fingers had moved over the mark on Clint’s throat and it had felt so right, knew without looking that there was one on his throat as well. Clint had lain in bed with him, his body warm and close to Steve and he had felt so content and it had felt so real. When Steve wakes, Clint is not next to him and the bed is cold and he aches. It is not just loneliness right now, his rut is coming close, will be fully in swing by the next day.

Steve makes himself get up, makes himself go about his routine as well as he can. The ache grows as the day passes and his mind keeps going back to the dream. It is going to be rough, Steve already knows, can imagine just how bad it will if he is by himself. He needs Clint, wants to have him again so badly, but Steve knows that he can’t, that Clint isn’t here. He can’t have Clint but he isn’t sure he can handle being alone this time. By around six, Steve has made a decision, gets his phone out and makes a call. It is picked up around the fourth ring, Rumlow giving a brief greeting and Steve waits a moment, takes a deep breath before speaking, before telling him why he called.

“It’s Steve. I would like you to come over, tomorrow, if you can, if the offer is still open.”

Rumlow tells him that he will, asks Steve what time and there isn’t much discussion about it really, Rumlow hanging up after only a few minutes with a promise to see Steve in the morning. Steve puts his phone away and just hopes that it will help, that it isn’t a mistake to do this, and he spends the evening reading one of Clint’s books, tries not to think about the fact that this almost feels like a betrayal. Steve just can’t be alone for it this time and he hopes that Clint would understand.

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shakhta, moy prekrasnyy yastreb. – Mine, my beautiful hawk.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took a little while, slowing down a bit on this one, but thank you for all the support.

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There is a warm strong body underneath Steve’s own and he touches it now, hands gripping strong arms as he thrusts in but it isn’t quite right. The smell isn’t sweet enough, it feels different than what Steve really wants, and there are scars on Rumlow’s skin but Steve can’t bring himself to trace them like he did Clint’s. He thought that this would help, that this would be better than being alone, and it helps the ache in him but it still isn’t enough, isn’t what he really wants. What he really wants is Clint but that is not possible right now, Clint isn’t here and Steve tries to push thoughts of him away, tries not to think about him but it is difficult. His eyes are closed right now and all he can picture is Clint, can almost imagine it is him under him, can almost pretend even if the smell isn’t right, even if this doesn’t feel like it did with Clint.

“Go harder, I won’t break.”

Rumlow growls this out and it makes Steve open his eyes, look at Rumlow and there is a flash of guilt in him. Brock is a friend, offered this to help Steve, and it isn’t fair to him for Steve to be thinking of someone else while being here with him. He puts his focus back on Brock, goes harder as the man requested, and tries to make it good for him. He keeps his eyes open now as he keeps thrusting and stroking Rumlow, as he tries to soothe the ache in himself. It doesn’t take much longer for them to find their release, Brock coming first and Steve a few moments after. Steve moves almost immediately after, removes himself from Rumlow, lays down next to him. If this was Clint, Steve would wrap an arm around him, bring him close to him, but it is not Clint and Steve doesn’t think that he should do that with Brock so he doesn’t. He turns to him after a few minutes, looks him over quickly and then speaks.

“You alright? I didn’t hurt you, did I? ”

It is a question that Steve feels like he has to ask and Rumlow just gives him a glance, a shrug of his shoulders.

“May have a few bruises later but nothing serious. Need to clean up but we can go again in a bit if you want, if you need.”

Brock has already moved off the bed with his words and Steve just gives him a nod, lets him go to the bathroom first. He just lays there alone, hears the shower turn on after a few minutes. Rumlow is washing himself off, washing Steve’s scent off, and some alpha’s would consider that an insult but Rumlow isn’t an omega and Steve doesn’t have a claim on him. This is something between friends, nothing more nothing less, and Steve just stays here, will clean himself up when Rumlow is done.

Spending his rut with Rumlow is a lot different than it was with Clint, different than it was with Bucky. There isn’t the same amount of comfort in it. It is a bit awkward, Steve trying to figure out what works with him, trying to make it good for both of them. Rumlow doesn’t really let Steve hold him after, doesn’t let him clean him up or really take care of him outside the sex. He lets Steve takes him, is eager enough for that part, and he stays in the bed with Steve when they sleep but there isn’t the same level of intimacy that Steve is used to with those that he has spent ruts with before. It isn’t really bad, the sex helps ease the ache but it isn’t everything that Steve needs, isn’t everything that he had with Clint or even Bucky. Steve makes the best of it that he can but he still wants, still wishes it was different right now but at least he isn’t alone.

His rut ends after about three days and Rumlow stayed with him for all of them. When they wake up that morning, they drink coffee and water in Steve’s kitchen and Rumlow offers to order them some pizza for lunch before he has to head out. That is what they end up doing, eating pizza in Steve’s living room with the tv on for noise and it isn’t entirely comfortable but it isn’t that awkward either. Rumow leaves shortly after lunch, tells Steve the offer is still open anytime and that they can hang out sometime later in the week.

Once Brock is gone, once Steve has been alone again for a while, he goes into his bedroom, to the closet. He pulls the box out, sets the pad and pencils out on his bed. He takes the note off it and places it back in the box. He opens the box of pencils, pulls one out. It is already sharpened and he opens up the book, starts to sketch in it. He draws Clint, sketches a memory of him shooting his arrows, cocky grin in place. It takes most of the evening and when Steve looks at it, it makes something in him ache. Before he goes to bed that night, he changes his sheets, makes sure he can’t smell Rumlow on his bed anymore, and he places the sketch book back in the box, places the pencil back with the others. He puts the box back in the closet and lays down, tries not to think about how empty the bed is.

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They have been taken to a different base now, told that they will have missions from time to time but that they may be here for a little while. They have been shown around a bit, have met the man in charge of the project, Baron von Strucker, and Clint is not quite certain what to make of him yet. He has spoken to them about what is expected, how they will help with the testing and the training of the new assets, that it will still be mostly like it was before, and he has led them around some of the base, showed them the layout of it. He is still talking to them as he leads them to another room.

“I had hoped to have had more survivors but so far, only two have made it past early stages of the experiments. A set of twins, they have a particular interesting gene marker, one I have not seen before and they seem to be manifesting different abilities from each other. We are still testing just what changes have occurred to them, still monitoring but you will see them soon enough. There is still so much to be done with the stone, with the spear.”

They are fully in the room now and Strucker gestures with his hand at his last words, gestures to the spear that is in the middle of the room. It has a blue glow to it and Clint looks at it fully right now. It is a weapon of sorts, has a pointed tip, and there is something about it that makes him uncomfortable but he keeps himself calm, does not show his unease. Strucker looks at him for just a moment before asking a question.

“Is it familiar to you, hawk?”

Clint looks at him, answers the question quickly because that is what is expected.

“Not really, sir.”

It is the truth in a way, the spear is not particularly familiar to him but there is something about that blue glow. He doesn’t like that shade of blue. Strucker just stares at him for a moment before giving a nod, tells them that they will continue on to the next room now. They spend a few more hours being shown a few things before they are allowed to retire for the evening.

They are given a room, one just for them, and Clint relaxes just a bit when they go there for the night. There is still a nagging feeling about that blue glow he saw earlier but he pushes it aside just as he has many feeling these last few months. It doesn’t matter, he is safe here, he is with his alpha. As long as he has James, he will be alright. He is more than alright right now because he has James underneath him, bare and Clint lets his hands explore a bit, trail over skin. He has his fingers on where metal meets skin, on the scaring there, and he keeps his touch gentle.

“Do you remember losing it?”

He asks now, has always been a little curious about it. James is like Clint, doesn’t remember much from before Hydra, it may be part of why they fit together so well, but there are things he knows, things he does remember and Clint likes hearing about them.

“Not really. I think I lost it after a fall.”

“A fall from what?”

Clint asks but James simply shakes his head, tells him he can’t really remember and Clint doesn’t press for more about what happened to his arm, simply places kisses on the scars when he decides to move on. He keeps touching him for a while more, with fingers and lips, and he moves his way so that he is in-between his thighs. He places little kisses along the inside of his thighs and James’s fingers settle in his hair now.

“You are teasing right now, hawk.”

There is no real annoyance in his voice and Clint gives him just a bit of smile.

“You like when I tease.”

James gives a nod at his words and Clint gives him another smile goes back to placing light kisses along the inside of his thighs for just a moment before deciding to taste him. He wraps his mouth around him, places his hands on James’s thighs. He makes his alpha moan, tease him just a bit more before bringing him to release, before tasting him. His alpha praises him after and Clint settles back down beside him, gets ready to rest. There will be tasks for them to do tomorrow but for now they can just lay with each other, be content, and Clint doesn’t think there is anything else he could want, anywhere else he should be.

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	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have a bit more.

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The first two days of the new assignment are spent getting used to the new base, learning the layout, the procedures. They will have a relative amount of freedom, a bit more than the soldier is used to, but they will still be watched, still required to do as they are told. They will answer to Strucker while here but there will still be other missions, other things for them to do from time to time, and the soldier knows that they may have also been sent here to see just what Strucker is doing, to look at his progress, make certain he is not promoting his own agenda over Hydra’s. The soldier has been used to root out possible problems before and this might be the same, he is remembering doing that before, past missions. It has been a while since a wipe and he is getting flickers of things but he ignores them just as he has taught his hawk to and he focuses on what he is doing now, on getting ready to train someone again.

They are shown the assets the third day they are at the base, late afternoon. Strucker takes them to the hall that they are in, shows them some cells. The walls of the cells that they are facing are clear glass and they can see in to them, are still far enough away that the occupants of the cell have not noticed them yet. Only two of the cells are occupied, two of them right next to each other and they contain a woman and a man, almost more like a boy and a girl. They are fairly young, in their early twenties and the soldier already knows that they are twins and he watches them for a few minutes, his hawk doing the same. The boy paces the cell, his speed picking up a bit more, his movement unnaturally quick while the girl leans against the wall of hers, a bit of a red glow coming from her hands. There are some blocks near her and the red glow goes near them, moves them just a bit.

“They are still developing their powers but there is promise here. His metabolism has increased, the speed is a result of that. She is developing a form of manipulation, we are not sure just what all she can do yet. We are still looking at any possible side effects beside the powers.”

They walk a little closer as Strucker says this and he can smell them now, even thru the walls. There is something strange about their scents, something just a little off.

“They are both betas?”

He asks now. They smell like betas but not at the same time. There is a muskiness to the smell he is pretty sure is coming off the boy and a sweetness to the smell he thinks is the girl’s, both scents not usually so strong in beta scent.

“They appear to be now. A side effect from the experiments, he was an alpha before, she an omega but that is not the case now. Their scents and hormone readings are more in line with betas now and they have not had a rut or heat since.”

Strucker says this simply. It explains why the scents are off and the soldier takes the information in. There have been cases before of dynamics changing, usually done on purpose, and it can affect those who are switched, sometimes characteristics of their old dynamic lingering. It is something to keep in mind when they inter act with them.

“Are they always kept here?”

Clint asks, is staring intently at the cells now and they have not been noticed quite yet but they will be soon. Strucker tells them yes and Clint shakes his head a bit.

“It is too small of a space, they could hurt themselves, especially him if he runs like that often. They should be put in larger quarters.”

Clint’s words are a suggestion and Strucker looks at him now and the soldier waits to see how it will be taken. The soldier asks questions, finds out information for missions, but he rarely suggest things. His hawk is different, there is still a bit of the agent he used to be in him and even though he listens now, he still questions, still points out things that he does not think are for the best. The soldier has seen him do it on some of their missions before and it has been tolerated but he is not sure if it will be now, has little experience with Strucker. The man is quiet for a moment before he speaks.

“It is something that will be considered.”

That is all Strucker says and then they are moving closer towards the cells and they are noticed now, two sets of eyes looking at them in curiosity now. The boy has stopped running now, barks out some words that are not in English. He says it in his native tongue and that is a language the soldier is not familiar with, even if it is close to Russian and he is certain that Clint does not understand what has been said either. Strucker shakes his head at this.

“Remember your rules. English if you want your questions answered.”

The boy grimaces before speaking again, accent clear though the words are understandable.

“Who are they?”

“They are the soldier and the hawk, they will be working with you soon.”

Strucker says this simply and the soldier watches as his hawk moves just a bit closer to the cells, is looking at both of the twins now. There is something in his gaze right now, a sort of understanding look, and he asks them a question.

“Would you like to give us your names?”

It is a question, not an order and the twins look at him questioningly for just a moment before the girl speaks, voice carrying the same accent as her brother’s.

“I am Wanda.”

She is still moving the blocks with the red energy, lets them fall now as she watches them, curiosity in her eyes. The boy waits just a moment after his sister before speaking, before giving a name.

“Pietro. You’re an omega.”

He is looking over Clint as he says this and James steps closer to his omega, puts himself just slightly in front of him and Pietro’s next words tell him that he understands the gesture.

“And you are his alpha. “

The soldier gives a nod. Pietro stares but says nothing more right now. Strucker has watched everything with a close eye and he is speaking now.

“Tomorrow will start the training, you will be able to get to know each other more then. There are other tasks to attend to now.”

This is all Strucker says and then he is moving to leave, gestures for them to follow. The soldier does right away but his hawk gives one more look towards the twins before following. They go about the rest of the day, retire to their room that night. They have been given files on the twins, information about their background and they both read it. They are children of war, of tragedy and James feels a flicker of something as he read their story, as his hawk speaks about them.

“They have had no one but each other for a long time. They are not going to trust easily.”

He says this with understanding in his voice and James thinks about what he knows of his hawk’s past. He will understand them even if he doesn’t remember his own past. It may help with their training, if they can connect to them, if his omega can connect to them. James simply gives a nod right now.

“It will work out.”

His words are a reassurance and the twins’ files are put away after that. They lay down to sleep a little bit after that, his hawk settling into his arms easily. James holds him close, brushes a kiss across his forehead that makes Clint smile before he closes his eyes. His omega falls asleep first and then James joins him in rest after a few moments. He soon dreams.

He is somewhere else in his dream, a different room, on a mattress with faded blankets. He is not alone, someone else is with him, someone familiar but the soldier does not know his name, cannot remember who he is. It is another alpha, another man, and there is something about his smell but James cannot place it. He has blond hair and blue eyes and he is small, delicate, James could hurt him but he doesn’t. The other alpha is in rut, James can smell it and he has his hands on James, is touching him right now. He could stop this, could over power the other alpha but he doesn’t. The other needs to claim someone, needs the relief and for some reason, James is willing to provide it, doesn’t want the other to suffer.

James is being prepped now, the other alpha putting fingers in him, oiling him up. His fingers are long and somehow James knows that they are artist fingers. It feels good, is strangely gentle and soon enough in the dream the other alpha is sliding in, is claiming James the best that he can. He still doesn’t have a name, still can’t remember who this alpha is to him, and the dream is changing now. James is no longer in the bed, no longer being claimed by the other alpha, instead there is cold and wind and James is trying to keep his grip on something. The other alpha is there, larger somehow now, but it is the same blue eyes and he is reaching out for James. He tries to grab those fingers but he can’t and he is falling, the man screaming out something and James can’t make out what it is, and it is cold and the wind is so loud and he is falling and he doesn’t know when it is going to stop.

“James, it is alright, you are safe.’

His hawk’s voice is in his ears now and he is startling awake now, sitting up and Clint has done the same, is looking at him with concerned eyes. The dream is starting to fade and James grabs his omega, holds him close now as Clint still looks at him with curiosity.

“I had a dream. There was someone there, he was important but I don’t know why.”

He says this simply and Clint leans in close to him, puts a hand on the mark on James’s throat.

“It doesn’t matter. We are here, we have each other, that is all that matters.”

His hawk uses his words now for him, and he says them calmly, and James gives a nod.

“You are all I need.”

He says this and his hawk smiles at him, gives him a kiss. They settle back into the bedding and James holds his omega close. The dream doesn’t matter, he has his hawk and that is all that matters and so the soldier holds him close and it is enough to soothe him, to help him push aside the flicker of a ghost, of something that he cannot have again. He has Clint and that is enough.

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	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It may be a little bit before we get back to Steve but I hope you still enjoy and thanks for all the support.

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The first two days of training, the twins do not say much to them. They mostly keep quiet, speaking to each other on occasion in their native language and watching both Clint and James with a curios eye. They both answer direct questions and for the most part do as they are told but they still keep a bit of distance. They are not openly hostile but they are not exactly friendly either. The best way that Clint can describe their behavior is weary and cautious. It feels familiar, like something Clint has dealt with before, the weariness and almost mistrust but he isn’t sure when he has dealt with it. It does not upset him, he understands it, understands that they probably don’t trust anyone but each other and so he doesn’t push them and James follows his lead and does the same. The kids have been through a lot and Clint wants them to become comfortable with them if they can. He is starting to see glimpses of their personalities, can see how they interact with each other but they are still guarded around them most of the time and there is still more they need to learn about them, that the twins need to learn about them.

“You can ask us questions if you want. We will answer them if we can.”

Clint says this to them on the third day, as they sit just outside the twins’ cell, finishing up breakfast. He and James have started to take their breakfast and lunch with the twins since the training has begun, have had the cells opened at that time as well. The first day they did it, neither of them moved out of the cell until they were told to, the second day Pietro had ran to Wanda’s and sat right beside her, both of them watching he and James with curiosity. Today, they had left the cells, sat down just outside of them to eat and they are still there when Clint says this and they say nothing to it, just give a bit of a nod. No question comes that morning but by lunch they sit just a little closer to them and when they are training that afternoon, the first question comes.

“Do you use that thing often?”

It is Pietro who asks, gestures to Clint’s bow. The words are clear enough, accent there but both twins know English fairly well. Clint has been firing arrows, seeing if Wanda can knock them off course and he gives a nod to Pietro’s question now.

“Why? There must be more useful weapons you could use.”

Clint gives a bit of a shrug as he answers.

“It is useful and I’m good with it. I feel sure with it.”

It is a simple answer and a truthful one. Pietro doesn’t ask for any more of answer and they all go back to what they were doing before the question was asked. That question was the first one but Clint can see that they want to ask more, they will answer if they can. They will be spending a lot of time with the twins and there will be time to tell them anything they may need.

Questions come in the next few days, questions from both twins, for both Clint and James. They answer when they can, don’t hide anything if they don’t need to. They are always watched closely when they answer, both twins looking for any sign that they are being lied to, for any sign to not trust them. Clint has no plans to give them any and he is pretty sure that James is the same. It will be easier to help them learn if they trust them.

“When it is touched, do you feel it?”

Wanda asks as they are eating breakfast. She has sat a little nearer to James today, Pietro right next to her, and her eyes flicker to his arm after her question before she looks away again. Both of them have glanced at it before, have watched James use it, but this is the first time that it has been asked about it. James looks at Wanda now as he answers, holds his metal arm out just a bit as he does so.

“It is not overly sensitive, but I can feel some sensation.”

Wanda moves her hand now, holds it close to James’s arm, looks at him with an unspoken question in her eyes. After just a moment he gives a nod and she moves her fingers to his arm, tentatively touches the cool metal. Clint watches her run fingers over it, moving up slowly till she reaches the star. She looks at it for just a moment before moving her fingers away.

“Can it feel pain?”

She asks now and James gives another nod.

“It can, when it is damaged. It feels different than the other if it gets hit.”

He says this, tells them both a little bit more about it as they finish their breakfast. The arm has been part of the soldier for so long, he has told Clint once that he can’t really remember not having it, can’t remember what it felt like not having it, and it is a part of him and he shares it a little bit now. They start the training after that but it is interrupted when Wanda has to be taken for testing. Both twins do not look pleased and there are a few moments of hesitation before Wanda goes with the guards, whispering something softly to Pietro before she does. James goes with them, wants to see what is being done and the guards do not stop him. It is just Clint and Pietro now and Clint can see just how tense he is now, how much being separated from his sister worries him. They are protective of each other and Clint can see it plainly.

“It should not take long. The soldier will look after her. ”

He says this simply and Pietro gives a bit of a nod before speaking.

“You are his, the soldier’s, you are bonded. Is he the only alpha you have had?”

“He is the only one I remember having, is my alpha now.”

It is the truth, there may have been other alphas but James is the only one he can remember. Clint can remember the smell of the other alpha, can remember once having another pull, another tug, but he does not remember who the smell belonged to, who he may have had a bond with other than James. It doesn’t matter, whoever the other alpha was, they are not here and Clint has James now, it is enough.

“He is dangerous, isn’t he?”

The question draws Clint away from his thoughts about the other tug and he gives a nod.

“He can be, we both can be.”

Clint says this honestly and he does not look away from Pietro. He and the soldier are weapons, sharp and pointed and there is no reason to hide that from them.

“We aren’t a danger to you or your sister.”

He says this after a moment of quiet, after Pietro has just been staring at him. Clint means it, they aren’t a danger to them but he isn’t sure if Pietro believes it. He gives just a bit of a shrug and goes back to what he was doing before the guards showed up. Clint runs him through a few exercises, and after about an hour, Wanda and James returns. Pietro goes to her as soon as she is back, looks her over. She appears allright, perhaps a little tired and Clint can see the relief in Pietro now that his sister is back in his sight.

They go through the rest of the day and Pietro is never far from Wanda’s side. Clint notices it and says nothing. They eat lunch together and that is when another question comes, one for both of them.

“You have both killed, haven’t you?”

It is Pietro who asks but both twins are looking at them, waiting for their answer. There is no other answer they can give other than yes and so that is what they tell them.   A few moments of quiet pass before Wanda speaks again.

“I have heard some of the others talk about you, they speak of you like you are weapons. “

Her voice is calm but there is a caution in in, like she is not sure she should say any of this.

“We are weapons, we do what is needed.”

James says it plainly and they are still being looked at, the twins not quite sure what to say. Wanda speaks again after just a moment.

“You are stained with red then.”

She says it simply and it makes Clint think about something else for just a moment, a flash of another voice speaking about red in a ledger. It is a fleeting thought, one the pushes aside quickly, focuses on what is going on now.

“I suppose we are. Sometimes, that is what is needed.”

Nothing else is said for a while after Clint says this, both twins returning to their food. They talk about other things when the silence is broken again, things about the training, about how the twins are learning. The rest of the day passes and soon enough, they leave the twins for the day. Clint doesn’t like leaving them in the cells but if everything goes smoothly for the next few days, they should be able to be moved to a room, given a few more privileges. It is something to focus on for later, now they are back in their own room, and it is just the two of them, Clint and his alpha and they focus on each other.

“I want to feel something, try something, Hawk.”  
James says this in between kisses and Clint asks him what he wants.

“I want you inside me, first your fingers and then I want you to claim me.”

That is something they have not really done before and there is appeal to the idea and Clint nods.

“All right. Is there any reason why you want it?”

He asks, is just a little bit curious and James is quiet for just a moment before he speaks again.

“I think I have had it before, have been touched like that by someone else before.”

Clint stiffens just a bit, a little bit of jealousy settling in him. James is talking about one of his flickers, like the ones that Clint sometimes has, flickers of things that they don’t have any more, that don’t matter. James has moved his fingers to Clint’s throat now, to the mark and he rubs it softly as he speaks again.

“I want to have it with you, want to feel you like that, Clint.”

Those words ease the feeling of jealousy in Clint and he gives James a smile and then a kiss. They kiss for a few moments more before they take off their clothes, before James gets out the lube that they have for when Clint isn’t in heat. He coats his fingers in it and when he gets the nod from James, he eases one into his alpha.

This is different, Clint working James open, but it is not unpleasant. James enjoys it and there are sweet sounds coming from him as Clint preps him more, as he eases in another finger after a little bit. He works at it a bit, can feel James loosening up and he asks after a bit if he is ready.

“Yes. I want it.”

That is all he says, takes a kiss from Clint as he eases his fingers out, as he slicks himself up and gets ready to claim his alpha. He lines up and James spreads a bit more for him and he slides in as gently as he can, starts to thrust after just a few moments.

“You feel so good. “

Clint says this to James as he gets lost in a bit. This is different than how their coupling usually goes but it is good, feels good, and Clint wraps a hand around James when he feels close, wants to make if good for him like he does for Clint. It takes just a little longer but then Clint can feel himself coming, can feel his alpha’s release on his hand after just a moment more. They lay like that for few moments, Clint still in James, before he pulls out of him slowly. They clean up together, exchanges some kisses and then they settle together in the bedding. James places a kiss upon Clint’s mark, bites at it softly. Not enough pressure to reopen it but just enough that Clint can feel a small bit of a sting and there will be a bruise there in the morning.

“Mine.”

He says it simply and Clint nods before placing his own kiss against James’s mark, sucking his own bruise there.

“And you’re mine.”

It is the truth and James pulls him close and Clint lets himself relax into his alpha’s touch, pushes aside any worries and jealousy. James is his and nothing will change that.

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	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy.

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James has more flickers now, more dreams, more thoughts about the alpha who claimed him once. He still doesn’t have a name, still can’t recall much but it troubles him sometimes. Whoever the alpha was, he was important to him once and there is a sense of loss that he tries not to think about. Whoever it was is surely gone by now, no more than a flicker, a ghost and he tries not to think about him. He wonders sometimes if his hawk feels his own sense of loss when he has his own brief flashes of the past, if he is missing the other alpha, Rogers, sometimes without really knowing it, but he does not ask about it. Their pasts do not matter now, they have each other and that is enough. They have each other and right now, they also have a mission, have been spending time with the twins, helping them to train and it gives them something to do.

It has been over a month and things have improved. The twins are no longer kept in the cells instead they have been given a room next to their own. They do not seem to mind sharing, don’t like to have each other out of sight and James can tell that they are relieved to be out of the cells even if they still seem a bit cautious about things. They are relaxing a bit more around them and they are doing well in their training despite some reluctance. James knows that they are not here entirely by their own choice, that not everything has been told to them, but they are here and he and Clint do their best to help them train, help them adjust. The twins for their part watch them closely and ask questions sometimes, seem to want to learn more about them and they let them, don’t see the harm in it.

“You have never given us your names, your real names. Surely you call each other something besides soldier and hawk.”

Pietro says this one day to the soldier as they stand a bit away from where Wanda and Clint are, the other two focusing on something else but he can tell that they both have heard the words. Wanda has a bit of curiosity in her eyes and Clint has turned towards them for just a moment to give a bit of a shrug before turning back to Wanda. Pietro is still looking at the soldier, waiting for him to say something. The soldier speaks after a moment.

“We do.”

It is a simple answer but Pietro is still staring at him, waiting for something but it is Wanda who speaks now from where she is still a few feet away, asking a question.

“Can we know what they are? The names you call each other?”

The question freezes the soldier, he isn’t sure what to say. Others have known Clint’s name but only the soldier has called him that here and James has really only been his name for Clint, no other has called him that that he knows of, not even Rumlow who told him to use it. James is for Clint and he is uncertain if he should give that name to them, even if he thinks he is more than just the soldier with them. Clint answers before he has to.

“Not today, maybe later. Hawk and soldier is what everyone here will expect you to call us anyway.”

It is a simple answer and the twins seem to take it. They are used to simple answers, are used to the fact that James and Clint cannot answer everything. They know that they do not know much about their past, have learned the right questions to ask and they don’t push often. There have been a few moments of tension but everything is smoothing out for the most part.

The day passes and the soldier is ready for it to be over, ready for them to be back in their room. Clint’s scent is changing, is becoming sweeter, his heat coming very soon, and James notices it and he is not the only one. The twins do as well and their reactions are quite different. Wanda simply goes about her business but she does send Clint a look of understanding every once in a while. It is Pietro who acts a bit differently, starts moving a bit closer to Clint at times, is watching him just a bit more, and the soldier can see him take whiffs of his scent. It appears that he still has quite a few alpha instincts running in him and the smell of an omega close to heat is making him act out just a bit. There is a little more aggression in him after Clint’s scent gets stronger in the afternoon and at one point he starts to move just a little too close to Clint, starts to put a hand on him when it not needed, curling fingers around his arm and there is something about the touch, a bit of possessiveness that makes everyone react. Clint pulls his arm away just as James moves closer to them and Wanda grabs Pietro’s arm, moving him away. James stays close to Clint as Wanda speaks to Pietro, hushed whispers in their native tongue that James doesn’t pay attention to, only focusing on his omega right now.

“We should end for the day. Your smell is getting too strong.”

He says this, has placed himself directly in front of Clint, rests a hand on his shoulder now. He is blocking him from Pietro’s sight, a protective gesture on his part. The kid is a beta now but just enough alpha remains in him to make the soldier a little weary of him at times and this is one of them.

“We can. I don’t think the kid meant anything by it. He is still getting settled.”

Clint says this, has placed his own hand on James’s arm now, is soothing him just a bit. He isn’t in rut yet, which is good because his reaction to Pietro touching his omega would be a lot different right now, but he is still a little wound up from it and it is good that Clint is touching him, reassuring him that he is his. James moves a little closer now, puts his other hand on the small of Clint’s back, draws him just a little closer. He holds him right now, doesn’t usually holds him so close when they are outside their room but it helps calm him down just a bit now. They stay like this for a moment until Pietro’s voice draws their attention away.

“I apologize for grabbing you. It was not called for.”

The words are almost gritted out and Wanda still has her hand on his arm, a sign that the apology is much more at her urging than out of his own intention. Still, the soldier gives a nod at it, an affirmation and Clint shifts just a bit so Pietro can see him but doesn’t move so much that James has to let go of him.

“You weren’t around many omegas before were you?”

He says this simply and there is a nod and it helps explain the action just a little more. Pietro starts speaking again, words coming out a bit rushed and they sound like an explanation.

“I wasn’t, just Wanda, and I haven’t had a rut since everything but your smell is very appealing, even knowing…”, he glances at James as he says this and there is almost a certainty that the next words were going to be something about their bond but he just simply trails into silence, looks away from them. There is a bit of awkward silence for a bit before the soldier breaks it.

“We will end for the day, take a break for the next few.”

It is simple and he gestures for a guard now, tells them what is happening. The twins are taken back to their room and James and Clint meet with Strucker, tells him that they will not be available for the next couple of days. There is a bit of annoyance in the man at the news and he offers suppressants which are not accepted. James will take care of his omega during this time and there is always the possibility that Clint would burn through them too quickly anyway, James has the few times he has been given them for ruts and his hawk is like him now. Strucker accepts that they will need the time to take care of this after a few more minutes of discussion and then they are dismissed, head back to their room. By the next morning, Clint’s heat is fully there and the next few days are spent taking care of him, of just being with each other. They go back to training the twins right after, slip back into the routine that has been established.

Nothing breaks up the routine for the next few weeks and everything starts to settle nicely. The twin’s powers are growing, particularly Wanda’s, and a sort of companionship is forming between the four of them. It is not really that surprising when the soldier really thinks about it, the four of them spend most of their time together, they are all treated a bit differently than all the others here, and he has finally been allowed to form attachments, first to his hawk and now to the twins. The twins are still a bit cautious of everything here but they are more comfortable with them than any others here and there was one night when they spent it in his and Clint’s room instead of their own.

It had been after a day of testing, one where the twins had been put through the ringer. Clint and James had stayed with them, watched it all, and provided what comfort and support they could during it. Some of it had been borderline torture, things designed to cause pain to see what their reactions would be, if they could control their powers while being harmed. The test may have been needed but it did not change how hard it was to watch, how hard it was for them to be put through it. They had both been a mess afterwards, both trying to hide it and doing fairly well at it, but both he and Clint knew they shouldn’t be alone and so they took them to their room instead of their own. They shared their evening meal there, tried to get them to focus on something other than what had been done today, and as they seemed to calm down a little bit, the soldier told them something that he hadn’t before.

“If you want, when we are here or in your room, or out of earshot of others, you may call me James.”

He and Clint had discussed it before, thought it would be alright for them to know now. Both twins seem taken aback by it but after a moment Wanda looks to him, gives a bit of a hesitant smile as she speaks.

“So that is your name, the one no one calls you. It sounds nice, better than soldier.”

“I call him that, so am I no one?”

There is just a hint of teasing in his voice and it makes Wanda shake her head a bit with slight embarrassment as Pietro tells Clint yes with the same hint of teasing.

“No, you are you. What does he call you?”

Wanda says this now and Clint gives them his name as well. They went about their evening after that. They did not make the twins leave their room that night, allowed them to stay because it looked like they still needed to be around others and the twins started using their names after that, but only when others weren’t around. Their routine gets broken up a little bit after that round of testing by Strucker coming to them, James and Clint, to tell them that there is a mission that they are required for, that they will have to be gone for a bit. It has been expected but it does not change the fact that they are both a little hesitant to leave the twins and Pietro and Wanda are both not exactly thrilled with the news. They are both a bit quiet the morning that they have to leave and the soldier just hopes that they behave while they are gone, that they won’t return to them back in their cells.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is a bit of a long chapter but we are getting closer to Winter Soldier events and this is the last chapter without Steve. Hope you enjoy and comments would be awesome.

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It has been over two weeks since they started this mission, since they have seen the twins and now it is finally over. It seemed to be stretched out a bit, spaced out a bit more than Clint thinks it had to be, and he is pretty sure it was done to see to how they are doing, to make sure they are still following orders even after being given so much freedom at Strucker’s base. They do as they are told, make no complaints, and now it is all over and they have been taken back to a base to give a debriefing. It is the base that Clint first remembers waking up at and it has not seemed to change much in their absence, in the time they have been elsewhere. Nothing really catches his eye or raises any concern until they walk by a room, the door open and the inside is exposed. There isn’t much there beside a chair and some sort of machine but Clint can feel tension coming off of James now and he stiffens just a bit as they pass the door and Clint isn’t the only one who notices it.

“That might not be needed today. You both have been doing well enough.”

Rumlow says this, gestures for them to keep moving and James relaxes just a bit. There is something about that chair though and Clint feels a bit curious about it but he says nothing right now. Whatever that chair is or does, it isn’t anything good Clint knows that, must be used as a form of punishment or something else and so it seems like the best course of action to not bring it up, to not draw any attention to it. He doesn’t mention the machine at all as they go through their debriefing but it is never far from his thoughts. He will ask James about it later, once they are alone again and he does not have to be the soldier as much.

The debriefing gets finished, they are both looked over but they will not be returning to their previous mission yet, will not be returning to the twins quite yet. James is close to rut, will be starting it in a couple of days, Clint will have a heat as well then, and so it has been decided to keep them here until it is over and then they will be sent back. It is a bit of annoyance, Clint was hoping to be back with the twins soon, make sure they are alright, but he does not let it show, knows that it will not be appreciated. James does not say anything either and soon enough they are being led back to their old room, told that they may have some tasks to do tomorrow but that there shouldn’t be another mission for a while.   They are back in the room for the rest of the evening and Rumlow stays with them for a bit, talks for a little while.

“So heard you guys are dealing with some kids barely able to drink. That going alright?”

Rumlow is one of the few that makes actual conversation with them and they tell him a bit about what has been going on, tell him a little bit about the twins. It is not much, just a few things, and Rumlow doesn’t ask them too much about it, moves on to talking about some of his own missions. He says something about getting close to a possible threat, says something about Rogers having no idea what is going on, and Rumlow is watching them both closely when he says that name. Clint isn’t sure why, he has no idea who that is, but James does shift a little closer to him when the name is mentioned. It doesn’t really seem that important and Rumlow doesn’t mention the name again the rest of the time he is with them, leaves them to themselves after a little bit. They are alone now and Clint asks the question that has been in his mind most of the day.

“That machine we passed by, the chair, what is it? What does it do?”

He asks and James stiffens beside him just a bit, is looking at Clint. There is tension in him right now, a bit of concern in his eyes and Clint wonders briefly if he should have asked about it. James hesitates just a moment before he answers.

“It wipes things away, takes away memories. It is a consequence sometimes, others it is used because it is needed.”

There is little emotion in James’s voice right now but he is still tensed up and Clint moves just a little closer, rests a hand on James’s arm. He said it takes away memories and Clint understands just a bit more of what it is, the sense of unease it gave James, that it gave him.

“It has been done to you.”

Clint says this, doesn’t ask but James gives a yes, tells him that it has been many times.

“It hurts, doesn’t it?”

He asks, keeps his voice soft right now, and he looks into James’s eyes, waits for his answer.

“Yes, every time.”

Clit is still right now, keeps his hand on James’s arm, and he takes a deep breath. He knows the answer already, even if he can’t quite remember but he still asks anyway, needs to hear it confirmed.

“It was done to me, at least once, wasn’t it?”

James looks away from him now, doesn’t say anything, but he gives a nod, a sharp brief one and Clint can feel his unease right now. There is something like guilt in the way he is acting right now and it raises another question.

“When it happened, were you there?”

He was there after it, Clint knows that, can remember waking up here, remembers James being here, telling him his name, reassuring him. James is what he has, the only bond Clint can remember having, and he needs to know if he was there when everything was wiped away and he is still not looking at him right now. Clint moves his hand off of his arm, places it on his throat instead, on the mark Clint made there.

“James, were you?”

He says this and James finally turns his eyes back to Clint’s and there is a hint of guilt in them and he brings his own hand up now, has it near Clint’s throat, fingers hovering over the mark there, but not touching it, not yet and when he speaks, there is just a bit of a shake to his voice.

“I was there, couldn’t leave you alone for it. It hurt but it was needed, you are all I have and I am yours.”

He still hasn’t touched Clint’s mark yet and there is something that is not being said, something Clint can guess at. He wasn’t always James’s, there had been that other alpha’s smell, the other tug that Clint could never place, and there is a strong possibility that he was supposed to be someone else’s. There is a bit of worry in James’s eyes, concern and a hint of guilt, and Clint wonders briefly if he should be more upset by what had happened, what had been done, and James’s part in it. It takes just a moment for him to decide that it doesn’t really matter, that it would do no good to be upset. It won’t change anything and James is his, there is no doubt about it. He cares for Clint, keeps him safe, takes care of him, and their bond is strong, feels solid, and Clint doesn’t think he can give it up. Whatever life he had before, Clint doesn’t have it now, probably wouldn’t be allowed to have it, but he has a life now, one with James and once they are allowed to return, one with the twins, and that has to be enough. Clint moves now, shifts just a bit so that James’s fingers brush his mark and he looks him right in the eyes, speaks calmly.

“You are mine and what came before, doesn’t matter, can’t be changed. We have each other, that is enough. ”

A bit of the tension drains out of James now and his fingers don’t move away, instead settle against the mark now. They stay like this for a few moments, hands curled around eachother’s mark, and Clint asks one more question now.

“Will it be done to them?”

He doesn’t have to say their names, James knows who he is asking about, and he is quiet for just a moment. Clint can accept that it has been done to him, done to James, but he wants to protect the twins from it if he can.

“If it is not needed, if they are good, I don’t think it will be.”

It is a reassurance and Clint hopes that once they are back with them, they can make sure it won’t happen. He pushes that thought away now, focuses on other things, on other thoughts. The machine is pushed aside for now, what was done to them is pushed aside, and they find their rest after a while.

The next few days pass, the rut and the heat come, and soon enough it is over. They are sent back after that, told to continue their mission, and they find themselves back at Strucker’s base early in the morning, are taken to their room. The door to the twins’ room is open and they are there, see them as they get closer and it is Wanda that calls out to them.

“You are back. We have not finished breakfast yet.”

It is phrased almost as an invitation and they go to the twins’ room, settle with them there to eat breakfast. Pietro closes the door and the guards allow it and it is just the four of them now and Clint has missed them, is about to ask how things were, when Pietro speaks, something almost accusing in his tone.

“You were gone weeks and we were told nothing about when you would return, if you would return.”

Now that they are alone, now that they are not being watched as closely, Clint can see that there is relief on both of their faces a bit. They were worried they would be left here alone.

“Next time there is a mission, if we both leave, we will try to find out a time table, request that you be informed when we are back. We did not mean for you to not know what is going on.”

It is an apology of sorts when James says this and Clint can tell it relaxes them both a bit and Pietro gives a nod. Clint looks at both of them before he speaks now.

“Has anything happened since we were gone? “

The twins waste little time in answering the question, tell both he and James just what the weeks that they were gone were like for them. Thankfully, they were not harmed while they were gone and Clint is relieved by that. The meal is finished after a little while and then they start the training for the day. It is not difficult to go back into the routine that has been established and it goes smoothly, though Clint notices that both twins stay a bit close to them, watches both of them closely. It does not change in the next few weeks but Clint doesn’t really mind, reassures them that they have no intention of leaving them unless it is needed. They are one of the few things that Clint has and he will do what he can to keep them safe, to protect them.

 

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“He wasn’t always yours, was he?”

James hears the question and it makes him turn to Pietro who has stopped in his task to ask it. It is just the two of them right now, no guards and Clint and Wanda are elsewhere seeing to something else, and James is not quite sure how to answer the question, why it is being asked. Pietro simply speaks again, keeps his eyes on the soldier, watches his reaction.

“Clint, he wasn’t always your omega, was he? He told me once that you were the only alpha he remembers having but I have heard some of the others talk, when they know you or he won’t hear them, they speak about him being stolen from someone else, that he has only recently been made yours.”

He has kept his voice calm, is still watching James carefully, and he does not mention that the others probably were not aware that Pietro was listening either. More freedom has been given to the twins over the last weeks and they are taking advantage . James and Clint are both aware of it, aware of the fact that they do not trust the others here, that there isn’t as much observation as there should be, but they have said nothing to Strucker or anyone else about it. If Strucker cannot see what is going on, cannot find his own way to secure the twins’ obedience and loyalty, than it is something that will be told to others in Hydra if it is asked about but until the information is requested, it will not be shared. They are going to protect both Wanda and Pietro from consequences as long as they can. For now, he answers.

“He was not always mine but we belong to each other now.”

He has taken a step closer to Pietro as he says this and there is a hint of possessiveness in his voice. Pietro has not overstepped any boundaries, has been respectful, but there are still moments where there is just a hint of tension between them. It would probably be stronger if he was still fully an alpha but as it is now, it is just a hint of tension and it only rises now because he has reminded the soldier of the other alpha even if he isn’t aware of it. Pietro doesn’t move away, keeps looking at the soldier, and he speaks now, softly and only for the soldier to hear.

“ You would fight for him, wouldn’t you? Protect him even if it were not in your orders?”

There are more questions in those words, one the soldier hears even though Pietro did not say them, questions about if he would go against orders to keep Clint safe, if Clint means more to him than those who give the orders. He thinks about it for a moment. Clint is his because of Hydra, he would not have him if they would not have given him to him, but it does not change the fact that Clint is his to care for, to protect. Clint is his omega and he would do anything to keep him safe, to keep him, and there is no other answer that he can give and so he gives it now, puts his fingers against the mark on his throat as he does.

“Yes, he is mine.”

He says it quietly but Pietro hears it, gives a nod.

“Good. He deserves that.”

His voice is certain and that is all Pietro says before he goes back to what they were doing before. James keeps thinking about Pietro’s questions most of the day, even thinks a little bit about the conversation he had with Clint about the chair, about the wipes, about the guilt that he sometimes still feels for what he has done to make his hawk his. The guilt comes sometimes but most of the time, James is content right now, has his hawk and has the twins and that is more than he has had for a long time.   He knows now that he once had something before, once had someone, the other alpha that he has dreamed about, and he knows that he lost him somehow. He will not lose what he has now.

A little more time passes and the twins are still cautious of all the others here but they listen to Clint, listen to James, and there is care between them all. The twins still ask questions of both of them and sometimes James thinks the questions are a test of sorts, that the twins are making sure they have placed their trust correctly. So far it seems that they have decided that they have and they speak to them freely most of the time, words only guarded when others are around, and they are opening up to them a bit more. The twins speak to them about their past sometimes, about their memories of before, some good and some bad, and Pietro shows them a worn picture one day, tucks it away safely. They still feel the loss and Wanda tells James one day when it is just the two of them that they both still dream of it sometimes.

“Not all the dreams are bad, there are nice ones sometimes, ones of how it was before everything happened. Do you dream, James?”

She asks and he gives a nod.

“Sometimes, blood, pain, and falling, but not always that, sometimes the dreams are different, are nice. I usually don’t remember them.”

The nice dreams are the ones where he feels safe, where he sees a kind smile, blue eyes, blond hair, but he does not say this. Wanda is looking at him and there is something about her expression, like she is thinking deeply about something now and she waits just a moment before speaking again.

“Do you ever wonder about the things you don’t remember, about the time before you were the soldier?”

“It doesn’t matter who I was before the soldier, I cannot be whoever that was again.”

He says this simply. It is the truth, he does not think he can go back to who he was before, it has been too long and there is nothing left from that life. Wanda steps a little closer to him, is looking at him closely, tilts her head slightly.

“You believe your past is lost to you?”

He gives her a nod and there is a tension right now and Wanda holds a hand out, a hint of red around her fingertips.

“If it could be returned to you, returned to Clint, would you want it to?”

There is something in her voice and James realizes that this is an offer, that she believes she may be able to get their memories back. It makes something in him tighten just a bit, if he takes her offer, he could remember what he has lost, could finally know who the other alpha was. If he takes her offer, if Clint takes her offer, he would remember he didn’t choose James, he would remember that he was supposed to be someone else’s, he could possibly hate James for all that was taken from him. The thought of his hawk hating him makes something sharp cut through him, and he finds himself shaking his head.

“It would be too much of a risk, would be taken from us again. There would be consequences for us, for you. “

He says this, knows it is the truth, even if he agreed, if Clint agreed, it would be found out and they would all surfer for it. Wanda is quiet now, the red leaving her fingers, and after a few minutes, there are the sound of footsteps and both of them tense up a little bit and James worries that they have not been careful enough and their conversation has been overhead but when the door opens, it is Pietro and Clint who enter, make their way over to them. Clint knows that something has happened, is looking at both of them and he asks question as soon as the door is shut again.

“What have you been talking about?”

James says nothing right now and Wanda glances over at him for just a moment before she speaks.

“Things that have been lost, if they should be returned.”

Clint’s eyes widen just a fraction and James knows that he hear what Wanda is saying and he shakes his head just a bit and James feels relief at it, feels his relief grow as Clint speaks now.

“It is better to focus on what we have now.”

It is simple and Wanda says nothing more about lost memories the rest of the day. It is the right call to not see if it could work, the right call to try not to bring up a past that doesn’t matter anymore. That night, he holds Clint close to him, kisses the mark on his throat, and Clint lets him, snuggles up to him and they do not talk about Wanda’s offer, do not talk about what has happened before. They have each other and they will keep each other and that is enough for James, even if that night he still dreams of blue eyes and blonde hair.

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	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is a bit more and comments are awesome and we are finally checking in with Steve again. Enjoy.

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It has been over a year and a half since the bond broke, since Steve could no longer feel Clint, and he has been dealing the best that he can. Still, it has been hard to deal with, the pain is still there, and he finds himself dreaming about him a lot, just like he still dreams of Bucky, like he dreams of what he could have had with Peggy. He wakes up from a dream of Clint this morning, tries to shake it out of his head and gets up and goes on his run.

Steve runs every morning, needs the routine, needs the physicality of it. When he is running, he can focus on that, can try to keep his thoughts away from everything that he has lost. It has been rough, everything that has happened, and Steve needs as many distractions as he can get sometimes and running can work. Some days, it works better than others. Today is one of those days because he isn’t the only one running.

He passes the guy a couple times, says the same thing each time and he had noticed how he had reacted each time. He sped up a bit, tried to give Steve a bit of completion and Steve figures it wouldn’t hurt to introduce himself to the guy. He finds him under a tree, sitting down and breathing heavily.

“Need a doctor?”

Steve asks and the man glances up at him, gives him a little glare but there isn’t much heat to it.

“Need a new set of lungs. Dude, you ran like fourteen miles in half an hour.”

His tone is impressed and Steve just shrugs a bit, tells him he must have gotten a late start.

“You should be ashamed of yourself then. Take another lap, did you take it? I assume you just took it?”

All of this is said with good humor in his voice and a hand gesture and Steve thinks that this guy could be easy to get along with. He offers a hand to help him up, gives him his name and the man gives a bit of a smile.

“Already figured that out, Sam Wilson.”

Steve gives a nod, asks about which branch he was in, when he served. They talk for a bit and then Sam hits a little too close to the things Steve is trying not to think about and Steve gets ready to leave before Sam says something that makes him stop.

“It is your bed, isn’t it?”

The question stops Steve and he turns to Sam, asks what was that now and then the man speaks some more.

“It is too soft, isn’t it? When I was over there, slept on the ground, rocks as pillows, like a caveman. Now, I’m home and lay in bed and it is too soft, feels like lying ..”

“Like lying on a marshmallow, like I’m going to sink to the floor.”

Steve says this, means it. That is what it has felt like for a while. It wasn’t so bad when he had Clint, when they would share a bed, because he had someone to hold on to, something solid to help anchor him, but Clint has been gone for a while and no one has been in his bed since then except for Rumlow during that rut they spent together. Rumlow has kept the invitation open but Steve only took it up that one time and he hasn’t really spent much time with other people but maybe Sam can be a friend. The man seems to understand a little bit of what Steve is feeling and he asks how long he was over there.

“Two tours. Must be missing the good old days, huh?”

He asks and Steve answers him, tries to keep the answer somewhat positive. There are a lot of good things, doesn’t change how lost Steve feels, but he can’t really change anything. They chat for a little bit, Sam giving him an album to put on his list and then there is a text from Natasha and he has to go. Sam tells him to stop by the VA sometime and Natasha teases him as he gets in the car.

“Can’t run everywhere.”

He says this to Sam who gives a bit of a shrug, tells him no you can’t before he sees notices, gives her a bit of a smile and a hello. Natasha for her part just gives a hey and then they are heading out.

“Made a new friend?”

Natasha asks causally and Steve gives her answer.

“I think so.”

She just gives a nod and they talk a little bit as they make their way to the base. Steve still isn’t quite sure what to make of Natsaha, has spent some time with her but he isn’t sure he can consider her a close friend. She keeps a bit of distance and Steve doesn’t want to push, knows as rough as things have been for him with Clint gone, they have been rough for her as well. She has been trying to get him to go out a bit more, has even suggested a few people he could go out with. He thinks it is her way of looking out for him but he isn’t quite ready for another relationship yet, still too hung up on all the almosts he has had. He pushes thoughts of everything aside and gets ready to focus on the mission.

They go with the strike team, Rumlow there as well, and things are still ok between them. Steve had worried for a moment that spending the rut together would change things too much but Rumlow really hasn’t treated him that differently since then, just told Steve that the offer was still open but Steve can’t bring himself to take him up on it again, doesn’t want to use him. Steve trusts him though and the mission should go smoothly. It does until Natasha doesn’t respond to one of his calls and everything goes a bit messy. Turns out there were two missions and Steve was only informed of one and Natasha didn’t feel the need to let him know what was going on.

He takes it up with Fury as soon as they are back and the man informs him of his reasoning and Steve maybe understands a little bit but it doesn’t change much. He respects Fury, knows that the man does what he feels is necessary but it doesn’t change the fact that he sent him out there without knowing everything that was going on. He feels a bit of unease with everything right now, with how things are going. The feeling of unease increases when Fury shows him Project insight and they argue about it a bit and neither changes their stance by the time the conversation is over, by the time they are back in Fury’s office.

“I understand that things have been rough for a while, after Barton and everything, but I need you to understand that I make the calls here. I think it may be best if you sit out for a few days.”

It is a dismissal and Steve takes it as one, needs to get away from all of this for a while. He goes home, tries to distract himself for a little while, the next day he goes to the museum, looks at his past. It is all laid out there, just little snippets of truth here and there, not the whole picture. He looks over it all, sees the dates given for those who have passed, looks at the lives they lead that he wasn’t able to be a part of. The hardest dates to see are the ones listed for Bucky. It has been so long but not at the same time and it still doesn’t feel real, just like he still thinks of Clint as being missing and not completely gone.

He leaves the museum after that, goes and visits Peggy. He talks to her about SHIELD, about his worries and she is there for him, strong and smart like always and this is nice, helps him not feel quite as lost.

“Always so dramatic.”

She teases him, gives him a smile, and he laughs with her. She is still beautiful and he loves these moments, when she is herself, when she remembers and they can talk like old friends.

“Sometimes, the best thing you can do is start over.”

Her advice is good but it is interrupted by a coughing fit, a bad one, and Steve turns to get her water and when he turns around and faces her again, it is different. There is a look of surprise on her face and she is seeing him for the first time in seventy years again and a piece of Steve is breaking just a bit like it does every time.

“Steve, you’re alive, it has been so long.”

Her words are so honest, variation of ones she has said before and all he can do is give her a smile, take her hand, and try not to let too much of the pain show through.

“I couldn’t leave my best girl behind, could I? Not when I owe her a dance.”

She grips his hand a little tighter at his words and it is not as firm as it once was. They talk for a little bit more after that before Steve has to leave her again. He feels drained when he gets home and he finds himself going through the sketch book that Clint meant to give him. He has been using it a bit more lately, even takes it out of the apartment now but he is still careful with it, has the note that came with it safe in his closet. He goes through the pictures a bit before he goes to bed and he tries to think about what he should do, how he should move forward. He really doesn’t have any answers by the time he goes to sleep.

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They are away from the twins again, and the mission has been finished but they have not been sent back yet. Something big is about to happen, James knows it, and he is not surprised when they are called to a room, told that there is another mission. The only real surprise is that it is only for one of them, given to the soldier and his hawk is told that he is to be on standby. When he is given the information for the mission, James knows why Clint is to sit this one out. The director of SHIELD is to be killed and he is a large part of Clint’s past, recruited the man into SHIELD himself, and Clint is thought dead by SHIELD. It is better if he is not seen by any of them. The soldier is given the mission and he will finish it as quickly as he can and then he and his hawk can return to the twins, to the little home that they have made for themselves.

<^><^><^><^>

Steve still is off call right now and he needs something to distract himself so he goes to the VA, meets up with Sam. The man seems alright with seeing him again and they get to talking. Sam gets a bit of it, tells Steve about his own experiences, about losing a friend, someone called Riley.

“ Nothing I could do.Felt like I was just there to watch.”

Sam says this and Steve understands, has a brief flash of Bucky on the train. There isn’t much to say so he says the only thing he can.

“I’m sorry.”

It isn’t much but it is honest and Sam gives a bit of a nod at it.

“After that, I had a really hard time finding a reason to be over there.”

That is something Steve can understand as well.

“Are you happy now, back in the world?”

Steve asks, really wants to know the answer.

“ The number of people giving me orders is down to about zero, so hell yeah.”

Sam gives a smile before he looks at Steve for a moment and then asks his own question.

“You think of getting out?”

Sam asks and Steve starts to shake his head no at first but he isn’t certain.

“No, maybe. Truth is, I’m not sure what I would do with myself with out it.”

Steve has been a soldier for a while now and he really doesn’t know what he would, doesn’t have much besides SHIELD but he isn’t sure if it is what he has thought it was.

“Become an mma fighter. Just an idea.”

Another easy grin and Steve really does think it would be easy to be friends with Sam.

“But seriously, you can do whatever you want. What makes you happy?”

Another question and Steve isn’t sure how to answer it. He was happy for a while after waking up here, happy when he had Clint and the promise of a future, but he doesn’t have that anymore.

“I don’t know.”

“Well, you can figure it out. You got time.”

Sam says this and Steve just gives a nod. He doesn’t quite want to go back to his apartment so he decides to ask Sam if he is still on the clock. Sam tells him no, that he is probably going to go get a bite to eat before heading home and Steve asks if he minds him joining.

“I’m fine with having dinner with Captain America, especially if he is paying.”

It is a bit of a tease but Steve really doesn’t mind. They walk to a near by place, and Steve has his sketch book with him, sets it on the table once they sit down. He had it in his jacket before but he doesn’t want it to get bent from how he is sitting. Sam notices it.

“You draw?”

He asks and Steve tells him yes, says he can look at it if he wants. He doesn’t mind and Sam opens the book, is careful as he turns the pages. He stops on a drawing of Clint, of him shooting his arrows and Steve glances at it before Sam asks something.

“He was in the battle of New York, wasn’t he? I remember seeing footage of him shooting aliens with arrows, not something you see everyday. He a friend of yours?”

Steve can feel his mouth go a little dry and he gives a nod , takes a drink of water before he speaks again.

“He is, was a friend, a bit more than that as well.”

He isn’t going to lie about his relationship with Clint. Sam is watching him closely and speaks again.

“Was?”

Steve takes a deep breath, can’t say that Clint is dead because some part of him refuses to believe it, but he wants to say something.

“He went on a mission over a year and a half ago, hasn’t returned.”

A looks of understanding crosses over Sam’s face and he gives a sorry before flipping through to another page and they are both quiet for a bit. Sam hands the sketch book back over to Steve after just a moment.

“You’re pretty good. I can’t draw stick figures. Did you take classes?”

It is a change of subject and Steve is glad for it. The rest of the meal they talk about simple things and Steve is able to take his mind off of things for just a little while.

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	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick update but short chapter. I should have more up soon because I know what is going down and comments help me write. Thank you for all the support this fic has gotten.

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It is dark by the time Steve makes it back to his building and he enters it, walks up his stairs. The halls are empty for the most part but as he gets closer to his apartment, one of his neighbors exits hers and she sees him as she finishes up her phone conversation. Her name is Kate and she moved in a while ago, probably around seven months or so, and she has always been friendly to Steve, seems nice. She has a basket of laundry in her hands and when she sees Steve, she gives him a smile. She seems nice and he really does need to start spending time with others more, so he makes an offer.

“If you want, you can use my machine.”

“I don’t think you would want my scrubs in your machine tonight, just got done with a rotation in the infectious disease ward, but maybe some other time.”

He gives a nod and starts to turn away when she stops him again.

“Oh, by the way, I think you may have left your stereo on. There’s been noise coming from what I think is your apartment.”

Steve tells her thanks and then gets ready to go to his place. He is tensed up now, can hear the music playing and he knows for certain that he didn’t leave the stereo on. He opens the door quietly, puts his sketchbook down, picks up his shield. The whole apartment is dark, the music is loud, and Steve knows that someone is here. He walks quietly into his living room, comes around the corner and what he sees surprises him.

“I don’t remember giving you a key.”

Nicky Fury is sitting in his living room and the man just shifts a bit now, speaks with his usual calmness though something seems a bit off.

“You think I would need one? My wife kicked me out.”

“I didn’t know you were married.”

Steve feels a bit irritated, wants to know why exactly Fury is here.

“There’s a lot of things you don’t know about me.”

“I know, Nick, that’s the problem.”

Steve comes fully into the living room now, flips on the light switch, and looks at Fury fully for the first time now. The man is bloody and has seen the wrong side of a fight and Steve tenses up, is about to ask just what the hell is going on when Fury raises a hand to tell him to keep quiet and then turns the light off again.

“Sorry to do this to you but I had nowhere else to crash.”

With these words, Fury shows some typed words on his phone, ears everywhere, and then just a few seconds later SHIELD is compromised. This is a mess and Steve needs to stay calm and figure out what is going on. He moves a bit closer as Fury stands and the man has to be in a large amount of pain but he is holding himself up well.

“Who else knows about your wife?”

It is the closest thing to the truth that Steve can ask and Fury gives him an answer.

“Just my friends.”

The little screen flashes you and me and Steve knows that the situation is pretty bad.

“Friends? Is that what we are?”

Steve really wants to know why Fury is here, why chose Steve to share this with.

“That depends on you.”

Fury has something in his hand now, is about to say something more but that is when shoots fill the apartment, tearing through the wall and through Fury. It is sudden, two, three right through his chest and Steve is dragging him away from the area, catches a glimpse of silver across the street. Fury is bleeding out, gasping in pain, but he grabs Steve’s hand, thrusts a flash drive in it as he chokes out some words.

“Don’t trust anyone.”

Everything in the next few minutes happens very quickly. His apartment is entered again, his neighbor calling out for Captain Rogers with a gun at the ready. He calls her Kate and she tells him that she is agent 13 and she has been assigned to watch him, and he asks under whose orders and that is when she notices Fury on the ground.

“His.”

She bends down now, shocked but calm, brings out a radio and calls for EMTs. Steve can still see the silver on the other roof, knows that it is the shooter and he goes to pursue. Steve needs answers and he knows he can get them if he catches this guy.

The man is fast, strong, but Steve won’t give up. He runs faster, anticipates where the man is going. He is catching up to him, is getting closer and for a moment, he gets close enough to him that he can finally catch his scent. It is musky, rich, a strong alpha scent and something about it is familiar, there is another scent mixed in, a sweetness, an omega’s scent. Whoever this is, he is a bonded alpha, the omega’s scent mixed in his own strongly and there is something about it nagging Steve as he gets closer, as the man jumps to another roof. Some instinct in him telling him there is something important about the omega scent, something familiar and appealing, and he wants to catch this alpha, needs to catch him.

He jumps onto the roof, follows the other alpha, and there is something about the sweetness of the omega smell that is still tugging at Steve. He knows that smell, knows it well, and when he places whose it is, he stills for just a moment, relief and anger both filling him as he moves closer to the other alpha, as he gets ready to throw his shield stop him. The smell is his omega’s, is Clint’s, and he is still alive. His omega is alive but he has been claimed by someone else, bonded now to whoever this alpha is and Steve has to stop him from running, needs to find out who he is and where Clint is, what he has done to his omega. He throws the shield, a strong throw designed to knock him down but it doesn’t. The man catches it with that metal arm and throws it back, right at Steve. Steve catches it but the force of it shoves him back a bit and no one has thrown the shield that well before. The alpha jumps off the roof now and by the time Steve gets to the edge of it, he is gone and Steve is no closer to knowing where Clint is, what has been done to him, or who that other alpha was.

<^><^><^><^>

He is back at the base now, the mission over, and his hawk is right beside him. James has a hold of his arm right now, has him close, needs him close right now. Clint knows that something is just a bit off, can probably feel it, and he lets James hold him close, speaks to him quietly.

“Was there a complication with the mission?”

Clint is looking at him, waiting for his answer and James will give him one even if it not all of it.

“Another alpha gave chase, his scent was strong.”

It is not that unusual for alphas to be irritated by other alpha’s scent and Clint accepts it as an answer. The other alpha’s scent was strong and it was also familiar, James has smelled it before. He takes a deep breath of Clint’s scent now, can remember how it smelled when he was given to him, when the other alpha’s scent was there, the other alpha that gave chase tonight. James had recognized it, had finally seen the man who once had claim over what is his, and it has left him a bit agitated and a little unsure. There is something about Rogers, about his scent, about his blond hair and blue eyes, but James knows that he is a threat. He is strong and fast and no doubt recognized Clint’s scent in James’s own and it is very likely that he will try to find the soldier, try to find Clint, maybe try to take him, and that is something James will not allow. For now, he just keeps ahold of his omega, reassures himself that Clint is his, that Rogers has no more claim on him, and that Clint is content to be his.

The door opens after a moment and both he and Clint turn to it, see Pierce standing there. He is the one that gave the mission earlier and the soldier gave him a debriefing just a little while ago and James wonders if there is another mission now. He comes closer to them, starts to speak after just a few moments.

“Fury is in the hospital, I expect the call to come shortly. Rogers may end up being a problem. There is a lot that still needs to be done but both of you may not be required for it. One of you can go back to Strucker, see to things there and the other can remain here, see to any complications that arise from Fury’s termination. I will let you decide which.”

It is not often that they are given choices like this and James doesn’t even wait to discuss it with Clint.

“I’ll stay. It was my mission.”

It is a simple answer and Pierce looks pleased at it, says that they will make arrangements for the hawk to go back to Strucker within the hour and that he will give them some more time alone right now. He leaves them and Clint is looking at James right now, knows that there is something going on.

“There is something about the alpha you encountered, isn’t there, that is making you want to stay here?”

James gives a nod, needs to think of something to say, a reason to give his hawk without having to let him know who the other alpha is. Clint is his but he once chose Rogers, would have gone back to him if he had the chance before, and the soldier still worries that there is some part of Clint that would still chose Rogers over him and he doesn’t want him to know about him.

“He is dangerous. I want to handle him myself, don’t want to lose you, and one of us should go back to the twins.”

James brings a hand to the mark on Clint’s throat now, gently touches it and Clint nods, moves forward a bit and brings his lips to James’s, gives him a kiss and speaks when he pulls back after a moment.

“I’m yours. Take care of this if you need to, I’ll take care of the twins, and we will be waiting for you.”

It is a simple reassurance and James feels better hearing it. He holds Clint for a little while now, wants to touch him for a bit before he leaves, and he tells him that he will return to them as soon as it is possible. James means it, will make certain Rogers is not a threat, will see to whatever is planned, and then he will go home.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Have a bit more and comments are awesome.

<^><^><^><^>

The last several hours have been a blur for Steve, everything happening quickly and he really isn’t sure how to process it all. Clint is alive, bonded to someone else, and there is something else that has been bugging him about that alpha ever since he caught his smell. The scent itself seems familiar, not just the traces of Clint’s scent, but the scent itself, something that reminds him of the past, and he hasn’t told anyone yet. He spoke about it being an alpha that shot Fury, said that there was an omega scent as well, a bonded smell, but he didn’t say much more than that. There had been too much going on and Fury had told him to trust no one and now Fury is dead and Steve has no idea what is going on, what is happening, and everything is a mess and he isn’t sure who he can trust.

Right now, he is in a room with Natasha, Fury laid out in front of them, and he isn’t sure what to say, how to help her. She is quiet and still, not the way she is usually but different right now and there is only one other time Steve has seen her close to how she is right now. That had been after Fury had showed her Clint’s bow and Steve should tell her about Clint, about the strange familiar scent of the other alpha but the words aren’t coming. This is her time to mourn for Fury and Steve isn’t sure he should disturb that. He just watches her right now, watches as she looks down at Fury and he isn’t sure how to comfort her, isn’t sure what to do. For all the problems that he has had with Fury, Steve knows that he was still trying to keep the world safe, knows he was a good man, and he is one of the few who Natasha is close to and now he is gone. This is difficult for Steve but he can’t imagine what it is like for her.

“I need to take him now.”

Hill’s voice breaks Steve away from his thoughts and he turns just like Natasha does, gives Hill a nod and then they both leave the room. She is ahead of him and there is tension radiating off of her, tension and hurt, and Steve calls out to her, needs to speak to her.

“Natasha.”

She stops, turns around and faces him and he can see the hurt on her face and there is something else there as well, anger and suspicion. She looks wound up, like she is ready to strike, and Steve really needs to talk to her but he isn’t sure what to say.

“Why was Fury in your apartment?”

The question comes and there is an answer but Steve can’t tell her, remembers the man’s words and there are eyes and ears everywhere right now.

“I don’t know.”

He says is simply and she is watching him closely. Rumlow comes near them, says that Steve is wanted back at head quarters and Steve tells him in a minute.

“They need you back now.”

Rumlow is being insistent and Steve tells him alight, gets ready to leave and Natasha is still staring at him.

“You’re a terrible liar.”

The words are an accusation, of what Steve isn’t entirely sure, and he says nothing to them and Natasha turns and leaves. Fury’s flash drive still sits in his pocket and Steve can’t take it with him to SHIELD, can’t let it be seen. He hides it and heads back to base, changes into his uniform and goes to have a meeting with the Secretary.

Steve is all tensed up as he gets ready for it, really doesn’t want to be here, and all he wants to do is find that other alpha, find out what has happened to Clint and what it may have to do with why Fury was killed. He can’t do that yet, has to get through this meeting, and he makes his way to it.He passes Kate or Agent 13 he supposes now as he goes to meet Pierce and he gives her a nod, still not happy with the fact that he was apparently a mission and had no idea. It is something he will deal with more later and he introduces himself to Pierce , sits down and has a talk with the man.

This is Steve’s first time meeting the man and he watches him carefully, thinks about everything he knows about him as he speaks about Fury, about the possibility that Fury had something he wanted to cover up. He talks about him as a friend and Steve can hear the respect in his voice but Fury’s words from earlier are still in Steve’s head, don’t trust anyone, and he can’t take Pierce at simple face value and so he doesn’t speak of the flash drive or the alpha’s smell, simply states that Fury told him not to trust anyone when Pierce asks him why Fury went to his apartment.

“I wonder if he meant himself as well.”

The words are said and Steve knows that they are meant to make him question Fury a bit more, to maybe get him to give more information out but he doesn’t.

“I’m sorry, but those were his last words. Excuse me.”

Steve gets ready to leave now, has nothing more to say and he needs to get back to where he has hidden the flash drive, needs to start his search. Pierce stops him for just a moment, says one more thing.

“Captain, somebody murdered my friend and I'm going to find out why. Anyone gets in my way ,they're going regret it. Anyone.”

There is an expression of determination on his face and his tone is firm. Steve heard the threat in the words and he simply gives a nod now, says understood before leaving. There is something going on and Steve needs to figure out what but first he has to get out of here. He makes his way to an elevator and he does not find himself alone in it very long.

Rumlow and a few others of the strike team come in and the man greets him, says something about some fibers that they need to look at and Steve gives a nod. He wants to get out of here but maybe this will give him a clue. They talk a bit, Rumlow as he always is but there is something just a bit off right now. Steve is still on high alert and there are more people entering the elevator, a few seem nervous and Steve notices some of their hands, the way they are close to their batons. They have shuffled in so that Steve has stayed in the back, is surrounded. It is a set up but Steve is aware of it and he prepares himself, makes a comment.

“Anybody want to get out?”

It is an offer, Steve isn’t going to let himself get taken out but he has worked with many of these guys before and this is a chance for them. The offer isn’t taken and soon enough the attack starts. Steve does what he has to and this is planned, coordinated, and these men know him but Steve won’t back down and he does what he can. He has a lot of them down and Brock is one of the few still standing right now, has one of his hands up in a sort of calming gesture but the other still has a hold of a stun baton and he speaks now.

“I just want you to know, Cap, this isn't personal.”

He ends his words by trying to bring the baton down on Steve, trying to knock him out but Steve doesn’t allow that to happen. He takes the rest down, knocks Rumlow out and can’t help but speak as he does so.

“It kind of feels personal.”

It does feel personal. He trusted Rumlow, spent a fair amount of time with the man, even spent rut with him and what has just happened feels like more than the man just following orders. He pushes the thoughts aside for now, has to get out of here and he does. He fights his way out, makes it off the base, ditches his suit and steals some clothes and makes his way back to the hospital. He has to figure out what is on that flash drive. Steve walks to where he left it and his stomach drops just a bit when it isn’t in the machine. He is trying to figure out what to do now, where it could have gone when he hears the popping of gum and sees Natasha in the reflection of the machine’s glass, a bright pink gum bubble and he knows that she has the flash drive. He grabs her quickly, drags her into a closet and he has her against the wall, a firm grip on her arm.

“Where is it?”

He almost growls it out, needs to know. He is still wound up from everything and he needs that flash drive, needs to figure out why Fury was killed, who that alpha is, and where Clint is. She simply tells him that it is safe and he tightens his grip just a bit, tells her to do better. She asks him a question then, is still keeping calm.

“Where did you get it?”

“Why would I tell you?”

There is a slight widening of her eyes now as she comes to the correct conclusion, speaks it out loud.

“Fury gave it to you. Why?”

He doesn’t give her an answer, instead asks what is on it and she tells him that she doesn’t know. She knows more than she is telling and when he tells her to stop lying, she says that she only pretends to know everything. Steve is frustrated, asks her if she knew about the pirates, about Fury hiring them, and she gives a bit of a shrug now, voice still calm.

“Makes sense, he needed a way in and so do you.”

She is speaking of herself and Steve really needs to know just what is going on .

“I’m not going to ask again.”

He puts just a hint of threat in his words and Natasha is looking at him, takes a breath and speaks just as calmly as she has before.

“I know who killed Fury.”

Steve finds himself loosening his grip, finds himself nodding at her to continue. She knows who the alpha is and he needs to know, has to know who has claimed Clint.

“Those who believe he exists call him the winter soldier. He’s accredited with over two dozen high profile kills in the last fifty years.”

“So he is a ghost story then. Have you had dealings with him?’

Steve asks, has to know. Natasha starts to speak about a mission five years ago, about being chased by an alpha with a metal arm, about being shot so that the target would be killed, shows Steve the scar. The winter soldier is dangerous, there is no doubt about that and there is something that Steve needs to know.

“Did Clint have any dealings with him?”

Natasha tilts her head just a bit, is staring at him now and he needs to tell her about Clint but first he needs to know this.

“Please, I have to know if Clint met him before, if they had a connection.”

“That isn’t my story to tell.”

She says it with a certainty and if the situation was different, Steve would let it go. Clint is important to her and he has always respected that, even when he hasn’t quite been sure what to make of Natasha, he knew that Clint mattered to her. He wouldn’t ask her to share this any other time but he needs to know.

“He isn’t here and I have to know.”

He puts just a bit of pleading in his voice, his hand tightening his grip just a bit on her arm, and Natasha looks at him for a moment before she speaks again.

“Seven years ago, Clint went on a mission, was captured. He escaped after some days but not before he was forced into a heat. He was put into a room then, given to an alpha in rut. His heat shifted to a natural one after a little while and the alpha took him during that time. He escaped after but his scent was different for a bit, a partial bond had been formed. He told me that the alpha was strong, had a metal arm, and there were no traces of him. The bond faded after a while.”

Clint had told him he almost had a bond once, that he had been taken against his will, and there is guilt and anger in Steve that it probably happened again now, that his omega was taken and claimed and Steve hadn’t been able to help him. Natasha is staring at him still and her next words tell Steve she is coming to some conclusions.

“Steve, you said he smelled bonded.”

He gives a nod now, the words that he should have told her earlier finally making their way out of his throat.

“He smells of Clint.”

Her eyes widen just a bit and he loosens his grip just a bit. He doesn’t have to tell her what that means and she is still staring out him right now and Steve takes a breath before speaking again.

“I know Clint’s smell and it was mixed in with the soldier’s. He knows where Clint is, had something to do with his disappearance and he shot Fury. I need to know what the ghost wants.”

Steve lets go of her arm now, pulls a little bit away from her and she looks at him for just a moment before she pulls the flash drive out of her pocket, hands it to him.

“They are going to look for us, we won't have a lot of time.”

She says this and Steve gives her a nod but there is a bit of an understanding between them now. They both need answers and they are going to find them.

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	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is more and I hope you enjoy and shit is going to hit the fan soon.

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Clint walks down the hall, makes his way to their room. It is good to be back, he is glad that he will be able to see the twins again but there is something still troubling him just a bit. He didn’t like leaving James there, knows that something is bothering him. He could feel it through the bond, felt his anxiety, a bit of worry. Whatever it is, James will handle it and then he will be back here and Clint will be waiting for him. Right now, he just makes his way to the twins and opens their door. They are both there and they see that it is just him.

“Clint, did James not come back with you?”

It is Wanda who asks and she is looking at him and he gives a nod.

“There may be a mission he will be needed for but he will be back. We will still train while he is gone, it shouldn’t be long.”

It is an explanation and it is accepted by both of them. They go about their day then, go through their routine that is slightly off right now because James isn’t here. He will be back, Clint knows this, reassures the twins of it, but still there is just a bit of worry. He pushes it aside the best he can and goes about what he needs to do, keeps close to the twins. His alpha will come back to him soon and if he doesn’t, Clint will find him again.

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“Where did Captain America learn to steal cars?”

Natasha asks now, has her feet up on the dash. They are on their way to the base, should hopefully get more answers there and for now, they have lost the strike team at the mall, Natasha’s distraction helping but Steve can’t really relax much. They are still being looked for and he is still a bit mixed up from everything that has happened but he answers Natasha’s question.

“Germany and we are borrowing, move your feet.”

She gives a bit of a shrug, puts her feet down and Steve can feel her eyes on him. This is the most time they have spent together alone in a while and it is a bit odd. They have to depend on each other right now and Steve doesn’t think either of them are comfortable with that fact. Natasha is speaking again and Steve focuses on her words now

“I have a question, which you don’t have to answer but I feel like if you don’t answer, you are kind of answering it.”  


He wonders what it is she is wanting to ask, wonders if her question might just be more of a distraction than anything else but he tells her to go ahead and what she asks, he wasn’t quite expecting.

“Besides Clint, am I the first person to kiss you since 1945?”

She is talking about the kiss back at the mall, the distraction and Steve shakes his head a bit, makes a comment.

“That bad?”

Steve will be the first to admit that he doesn’t going around kissing a lot of people and he isn’t really insulted just feels a bit strange about it, just wants to know why Natasha is asking. She just gives a bit of a shrug again.

“Just a little awkward, everybody needs practice and you haven’t really socialized much since..”

She doesn’t really finish her sentence but Steve knows that she was going to say Clint. Natasha knows about the bond, knows what he did with Clint but it is something they don’t talk about that much and even today, knowing that Clint is still alive, knowing that he is one of the things they are looking for, they don’t say much about him to each other. He means a lot to both of them, in different ways and it is almost harder to talk about him with her because of that. For now, he just shakes his head a bit.

“I socialized a little bit and no, you aren’t the only person besides Clint that I have kissed since 1945.”

He glances at her for a moment and she raises an eyebrow at him, an unspoken question being asked. Steve thinks about it for just a moment before deciding that he should tell her, should let her know about some of the time spent with Rumlow in case they run into the man again.

“ I spent a rut with Rumlow a while back.”

He says it and Natasha stares at him for a moment. Guilt floods him right now thinking about it. At the time, it had felt like an alright option but now, knowing that Clint is alive, that Clint has been forced into a bond, it feels a bit like a betrayal and he wonders if Natasha will see it the same way.

“Well, that complicates things just a bit. Was it only one rut?”

She asks and her voice sounds a bit guarded and she is watching him carefully. He gives a nod and speaks, and he can feel her eyes on him.

“It was only once. He offered, we were spending a lot of time together and I thought it would help. It didn’t, wasn’t what I really wanted.”

The guilt is still strong right now, guilt and regret but Steve can’t do much about it right now. They have to get to the base, need to figure out what is going on so that they can find Clint, so that Steve can help him. For now, he just keeps talking, needs to get some of this off of his chest and Natasha is the only one who can listen right now.

“ It was hard, after the bond broke and he was there. It is difficult connecting to people, not a lot in common with most people, not a lot of shared life experiences.”

He says this and it is the truth. Clint had been a bit different and there are people who understand parts of Steve but it is still hard reaching out. Natasha is still looking at him right now and she gives a bit of a shrug again and she is so very hard to read.

“Just make something up. “

She says it and he wonders about her just a bit now. He has seen her play parts and sometimes he wonders if he has really ever seen her, if many people have. He is pretty sure Clint has, probably Fury as well, but those are the only two that he can think of who may have a real idea of just who she is and not what she is projecting.

“You do that?”

He asks, wants to know just a little more about her, wants to know how she will respond to the question. She leans back in her seat just a bit but her eyes are still on him.

“The truth is a matter of circumstance. It's not all things to all people, all the time. Neither am I.”

She says it like it is a simple thing, like it is easy for her to do, and maybe it is but Steve doesn’t think it is that simple. He speaks about that now.

“That’s a tough way to live.”

“Maybe but it is a good way not to die.”

She says this simply and Steve gets her point but there is one more things he has to say right now.

“You know it is hard to trust someone when you don’t really know who they are.”

It is out in the open now and she gives him a glance.

“Yeah. Who do you want me to be?”

The words are truthful and Steve finally thinks he is seeing her a little bit, understands a bit more now. He isn’t the only one with problems connecting and she hides behind masks because that is what she knows how to do. He gives her an answer.

“How about a friend?”

“Well, there is a chance that you may be in the wrong sort of business, Rogers.”

She says it with just a hint of a smirk and he still isn’t quite sure where they stand with each other but for now he simply turns his eyes back to the road as he speaks again.

“Maybe but I need to stay in at least a little while longer, need to find some things that have been lost.”

Steve has to find his answers, has to get to the bottom of all this and Natasha simply gives a nod, tells him that they are almost at the turn off now. He takes it and hopes that this will lead him to what he needs to know, that he will find out what has happened to Clint.

<^><^><^><^>

James is left alone for a while, not needed quite yet, and it is something he was once used to. He was often times left in a room by himself for a little while, put to sleep usually after that, but that was before he was given Clint. Now, he has grown used to spending time with his omega and these past several months, with the twins, and being alone these last few hours have not felt quite right. He doesn’t like being separated from his hawk but it is needed for now. He can’t let Clint go near Rogers and so the soldier stays here and waits, hopes that if he is needed, it will be soon and then he can go back home.

The soldier thinks about Rogers as he tries to rest, thinks about his smell, about how he looked. There is something nagging at him, a familiarity, and he tells himself it is only because of the smell. Roger’s scent had been on his hawk for those first few months they were together and that is why it seems so familiar. Rogers means nothing to him, once had his omega, could be a threat, and so James pushes thoughts of him away right now, tries not to think of the glimpse of blue eyes and blond hair he saw.

He finally drifts off to sleep after a while, finds himself in a flicker of memory again. James finds himself in a room, one the looks like a makeshift tent. He feels an ache in him, the pain of rut, and he knows he needs to claim someone. There isn’t an omega here but there is still someone willing to be claimed with him. The other alpha is there, smell still the same but he is different now, larger, stronger but he still lays under him like he has before, lets him work fingers inside of him. The other alpha could stop him now if he wanted to, could stop this, is strong enough now to, but he doesn’t and something about that reassures him while making him ache at the same time. He removes his fingers after a while, thrusts into him, and there is a part of him that wants to mark him, wants to claim even though he is another alpha, even though a bond would not be possible.

The dream shifts again after a few moments, the other alpha in front of him, outside a door but he is different again, small and in a too thin jacket, and there is a sadness about him. James can’t hear all the words that they speak to each other, everything is muddled and faded but he puts an arm on his shoulder, speaks a promise and those words are clear.

“I’m with you till the end of the line, pal.”

It is truthful and he feels it right now, knows that he meant.

Everything shifts again, another fuzzy memory and there is pain in this one and he is strapped to a table and everything hurts. He is muttering to himself and the words aren’t clear and then there is alpha scent around him and strong hands unstrapping him. There is relief and shock when he sees blue eyes and he is here but different, stronger and bigger, but his eyes are the same and he smells like he did before and there is such relief at seeing the man whose name he just can’t seem to grasp.

They run in the dream, try to leave, and there is fire, red and hot. The other alpha is urging him to run but he won’t, he can’t. He promised end of the line and he means it, won’t leave him behind. Everything is flame and heat and fear and the soldier finds himself waking up now, startled and unsure and his hawk is not here to comfort him.

His heart is beating quickly right now and he makes himself take deep breathes, calms himself. The dreams are still fresh in his mind but are fading quickly and he still does not know the other alpha’s name. It doesn’t matter, he tells himself the name doesn’t matter, that none of what was in the dreams matters. It feels like a lie but he tells himself that it is the truth, that it has to be the truth. Whoever that other alpha was, whoever he was to him, he is gone now, lost, and it will stay that way. What he has now is important, his omega, the little home that they have managed to make for themselves with the twins, and whatever he had before that doesn’t matter.

He feels calmer after a little while, his reassurances to himself helping, but he doesn’t lay back down. He stays sitting, not ready to try to rest yet. James just sits there, tries to push the dreams out of his head when there is a knock on a door and then it is being opened. James lets the soldier slide into place as an agent approaches him.

“You are to report to Pierce in the next hour, at his house. There is a mission now.”

The soldier gives a nod and gets up, gets ready and this is easy. He can focus now, is in mission mode. It is time to be a weapon again and the soldier slides into it, pushes aside promises of the past and focuses on his mission so he can return home, to Clint.

<^><^><^><^>

They find out some truth at the bunk, find out just how dirty things are inside SHIELD, and they barely make it out of there. They are both dirty and bruised as they make their way to an apartment door, both worn and shocked, and Steve takes a deep breath as he gets to the door, as he knocks. He isn’t sure if it is the right call to involve Sam but they need to lay low for a little bit and most people they know are not an option. It does not take long before the door is opened and Sam is staring at both of them with wide eyes.

“I hate to do this but we have nowhere else to go.”

Steve has just hint of apology in his voice and next to him, Natasha speaks.

“Everyone we know is trying to kill us.”

It is blunt and feels like the truth right now and Sam just shakes his head while opening the door just a bit more.

“Not everyone. Come in.”

He lets them in, shuts the door behind them. Sam doesn’t ask for an explanation yet, just asks them if they need a first aid kit and shows them to his spare bedroom that is connected to a bathroom and leaves them to get cleaned up after he scrounges up some clothes for both of them. Everything is quiet for a while and then Steve asks Natasha if she is ok, asks her what is going on and she is quiet for only a moment before she speaks and her voice sounds very honest and Steve is pretty sure she isn’t wearing a mask right now.

“When I came to SHIELD, I thought I was going straight, now it turns out that I just traded the kgb for Hydra.”

Steve doesn’t flinch at the name but he does take a breath. It is still a lot to deal with, the fact that Hydra is still here, that it has grown so much and done so much damage and people didn’t know, but Steve focuses on Natasha right now, on what she is saying.

“I thought I knew whose lies I was telling but I guess I can’t tell the difference anymore.”

“You may be in the wrong business then.”

He says this to comfort her, to try to lighten the mood just a bit and she gives a hint of a smile before speaking again

“I owe you.”

It is spoken seriously, Steve knows enough about Natasha to know that she does not treat debts lightly, that if she says she owes you, she means it. He tells her it is okay and she gives him a long look before she asks something.  


“If it was the other way around, you had to depend on me to save your life, be honest with me, would you?”

He only takes a moment to think about it and his answer is truthful.

“I would now.”

He means it, can see a bit more of her now, and he understands a bit, knows why Clint cares for her so much. She is still staring at him right now and she gives a nod, speaks again.

“You seem to be doing alright for a guy that discovered he died for nothing.”

Steve just looks at her, doesn’t even think about it before he speaks.

“I know who I am fighting now, know what they have done, what they have taken from me, and I’m going to stop them.”

Steve means it, he is going to drag Hydra down again, just like he did after Bucky fell. He is going to stop them and find where Clint is, is going to bring him home. Natasha simply gives him a nod right now as the door opens and Sam sticks his head in.

“I made breakfast. If you people eat that sort of thing.”

That is all he says before leaving again and Natasha just gives a shrug as she gets up, leaves the room to follow Sam. Steve takes just a moment before following them out. They need to come up with plan but Steve will find out just what they have planned and he will stop it, no matter what.

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	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy and comments are awesome.

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He and Natasha talk things out, Sam listening in a bit but Steve doesn’t really mind. Steve brought them here, invaded Sam’s life and the man deserves to know what is going on. He moves away from the room after a little while and Steve and Natasha are figuring out just who to go after, who can provide information and they settle on a target but there is one problem.

“So, the real question is, how do the two most wanted people in Washington kidnap a S.H.I.E.L.D. officer in broad daylight?”

Steve asks Natasha but she isn’t the one who answers. Instead, it is Sam who gives Steve a folder as he does so.

“The answer is, you don’t.”

“What’s this?”

He asks as he opens the folder and Sam tells him to consider it a resume. He can feel Natasha looking over his shoulder, reading and she asks a few questions about Sam being a para rescue. Steve listens to the answers but there is a photo of Sam that catches his eyes, another man beside him and he asks a question of his own.

“This Riley?”

Sam’s eyes go distant for just a moment before he gives a yeah and Steve understands that feeling, the loss of a friend, of having watched it happen.

“I heard they couldn't bring in the choppers because of the RPGs. What did you use? A stealth chute?”

Natasha asks her question and Sam tells her no, reaches forward and takes something out of the file and shows it to them, says that is what he used. It is a picture of what Steve can only call mechanical wings and he arches a bit of an eyebrow now.

“I though you said you were a pilot.”

Sam gives just a bit of a grin now after Steve’s words, answers it with his own.

“I never said pilot.”

Steve puts the picture down now, shakes his head just a bit.

“I can't ask you to do this, Sam. You got out for a good reason.”

Steve means it, he has already asked Sam for too much by coming here. This would be putting him directly in the line of fire. Sam just looks straight at him for a moment before speaking again.  


“Dude, Captain America needs my help. There's no better reason to get back in.”

He sounds so certain and Steve has no doubt that he could help them quite a bit so he goes with it, asks him where they can get the wings. He tells them where they are at, speaks about the security measures and Natasha gives a shrug at them and Steve tells him it shouldn’t be a problem to get the wings. They start to plan things just a bit and Sam leaves the room again to get some things and Natasha turns to Steve again, speaks.

“We have to think about the fact that they may send more than just strike after us, about who they may send after us.”

Steve just gives a bit of a nod, knows that the soldier might show up again, is almost counting on it.

“I’ll brief Sam about the soldier, about what we know about him.”

Natasha is looking at him and there is something in her gaze, something almost worried and then she is speaking again.

“We have to keep in mind that Hydra knows us, knows who we are close to, and we don’t know everything they have done, don’t know exactly what has been done to Clint besides the bond.”

He hears what she isn’t putting into words, how they may need to watch out for more than just the soldier and Steve shakes his head at it, doesn’t want to think about that particular possibility. Natasha just looks at him closely, stands just a little closer to him and speaks calmly.

“Bonds can influence people and he has been compromised before. Clint is strong but he isn’t unbreakable, no one is. It is something we have to consider.”

She is quiet now, doesn’t say anything else, just watches Steve and he knows that the thought is not pleasant for her either but Natasha has dealt with this before. A few seconds pass and Steve takes a deep breath before he speaks again.

“I know. We will fight that battle if we have to.”

He says it simply and she seems satisfied enough with the answer.Steve really hopes it doesn’t come down to that. Sam comes back now and they get ready to go, make it to the base. They tell him about the winter soldier briefly on the way though Steve doesn’t say anything about Clint yet, isn’t sure how to talk about him right now and Natasha doesn’t say anything about him either. Natasha goes in for the wings, it will be easier if just one of them go there and he and Sam are left alone for a bit as they wait for her. Sam turns to him after a few minutes, asks a question.

“You guys have worked together a lot, right? Is she your partner?”

Steve answers him after only a moment.

“We do work together a bit but she isn’t my partner. I technically wasn’t assigned one at SHIELD and Natasha always worked with Clint.”

“That is your friend, the one that went missing?”

Steve gives a nod and knows that he needs to tell Sam more now, explain just a bit in case something happens.

“Clint is more than my friend, he is an omega and before he went missing, we were bonded, on our way to making it a full bond .”

Sam’s eyes widen just a bit, full understanding of just who Clint is to Steve now. Steve takes a bit of a breath before continuing.

“It broke a while ago, over a year and a half ago. I just found out now why it broke, found out Clint is still alive, found out part of what happened to him. He was taken and now he is bonded to someone else.”

“You smelled him on the soldier didn’t you?”

The question is asked and Steve gives an answer.

“I did, smelled omega scent mixed in with his, recognized it as Clint’s, his. We don’t know what sort of state Clint is in, don’t know all of Hydra’s plans, just know that running into the soldier is still a possibility. “

Sam gives a nod.

“I’ll help you out if he shows, we can take care of this. ”

Steve feels a bit reassured, is glad to have Sam here. He is about to say something else when Sam looks away, gives a grin now.

“She’s coming back and she has them.”

Natasha comes now, carrying something with her and when she gets in the car, she gives them to Sam as Steve starts to drive. Steve can see him take them out of the corner of his eye, sees how excited he looks to have them back and Steve can understand, has his shield right behind him.

“They are in good condition, hope I’m not too rusty. Been a while since I flew.”

That is all Sam says about the wings right now, is still looking them over. They go over everything as they make their way back into D.C., as they get ready to find Sitwell. They find him and getting him isn’t that difficult and Sam uses the wings like he was never away from them. They find out a bit of what is going on, what the algorithm is for and just what Hydra is planning. Project Insight can’t be allowed to launch, there is too much at stake now. They take Sitwell with them, plan to use him to get inside. It isn’t the best plan but it is what they have and that is about the time when everything goes wrong and a metal hand shatters the back window and Sitwell is flung into traffic and the winter soldier is here, that familiar alpha smell near Steve again, and everything happens fairly quickly.

The soldier is strong and fast and he isn’t alone, their car is rammed from behind, the soldier rips out the steering wheel and Steve grabs Sam and makes sure Natasha is holding on as they are flung from the car, use the door and his shield to help with the impact. Sam ends up quite a few feet away from them and Steve doesn’t really have time to call out to him when he sees the soldier lifting a large gun, obviously some sort of grenade or something and he pushes Natasha away. She runs, gets out of the way but Steve doesn’t have time to run, just barely gets his shield up in time and the blast is strong, knocks him off the bridge and he finds himself crashing into a bus. He gets up as soon as he can and the soldier has gone after Natasha now and Steve needs to go after him but the others are firing. Sam draws the fire away, tells Steve he can take care of it and Steve believes him, makes his way to where the soldier is and prepares for a fight.

<^><^><^><^>

The soldier goes after the woman, Romanoff, once Rogers lands in the bus. She is still on her feet, still moving, while he is not, and that makes her the priority . She is fast and clever and the soldier fights, manages to wound her. He is about to take another shot, finish her when Rogers comes, knocks him away, and now the priority has changed.

Rogers is strong, fast, and his familiar scent grows stronger as they fight, as more adrenaline starts to pump through both of them. He is a challenge, good with the shield and skilled, but the soldier can be a challenge as well. The soldier will see him dead, will finish his mission, and a part of James wants to make it hurt because this man once had his omega, no doubt wishes to take him back. He doesn’t hold back and he knows that Rogers isn’t either. His hits have strength behind them and the soldier matches them, grabs a knife after a while, tries to put it in Rogers when there is a chance.

They fight, punches being thrown, blocked, hits exchanged. They throw each other, tackle and dodge and the soldier knows that neither of them are going to stop until there is no choice. Rogers gets him in the face with the shield. It is a good hit, disorients him just a bit. It is enough for Rogers to take advantage, to toss him and when he does, the mask comes off. It doesn’t matter and the soldier makes no move to go to reclaim it when he stands up, when he turns to face Rogers face clearly visible now.

Something happens then, Rogers see him and he stills, body moving out of his fighting stance just a bit. He is breathing heavily and his smell, that damn familiar scent, drifts over to the soldier still, and Rogers looks tense. He looks like something has just hit him and the soldier simply looks at him, his blonde hair a bit ruffled from the fight and his blue eyes so very wide and Rogers speaks, voice full of shock.

“Bucky?”

The name is soft and full of so many things, confusion, hurt, longing and it makes the soldier tense up just a bit. He has heard that name before, his hawk said it so long ago, but it isn’t his name, can’t be his name and there is something wrong now, a feeling of uncertainty filling the soldier. He pushes it aside, has to focus on the mission.

“Who the hell is Bucky?”

He says this prepares to move towards Rogers. This is his mission and he needs to finish it, has to finish it. Rogers is still standing there, frozen and just staring at the soldier as if he knows him. He needs to shoot, needs to end this but before he can, something comes crashing into him. He falls and gets up as soon as he can.

Rogers is still just standing there, staring, and there is something so familiar about him right now. James knows him, knows him somehow. His scent has always been familiar and there is something now about his face, about his blue eyes and blond hair and it makes him think about his dreams, about the flickers of things he thought long gone. He knows him but he can’t, shouldn’t , know him. Rogers is his mission nothing more and he looks away for just a moment before pulling the gun up again, preparing to fire, to end it. There is a shot but it isn’t his, is directed at him and he dodges it, gets out of sight. Strike is here now, the soldier can see them and it is time for him to go back, he isn’t needed now. The strike team will handle the targets now and the soldier tries to push aside Rogers, tries not to think about who he is, tries not think about what he may have meant to the soldier once. It doesn’t matter, can’t matter, and the soldier has to see this all through, has to return to his hawk.

<^><^><^><^>

Steve is being forced to the ground, hands pushing him down and there are familiar voices but all he can think about is what happened before, just who the soldier is. The smell had been so familiar, alpha smell that Steve knew so well once, but he didn’t put it together till he saw his face fully, till he saw his eyes. He tells himself that he has to be wrong, that it is just someone with a resemblance, but his instincts tells him that what he saw was the truth. Bucky was just in front of him moments ago, Bucky alive and no recognition of Steve in his eyes, Bucky with his scent coated in Clint’s and Hydra has taken so much more from Steve and those he cares for then he knew.

Steve is pulled up now, hands cuffed and he can see Sam and Natasha being pulled forward as well. There is blood on Natasha’s shoulder, red dripping down, but Sam does not look seriously hurt at all, just dirty and bruised. The two of them are shoved into the truck and they are about to shove Steve in there as well when a voice stops them.

“Put the captain up front, I think he may like to have a bit of a chat on the way. “

Rumlow is the one to say this and Steve looks over at the man, sees the satisfied look on his face right now and a realization hits Steve. Rumlow knows. He knows about Bucky, knows exactly what Steve has just figured out, and Steve tries to move towards him, wants to lash out at the man but he is pulled away instead, placed in the front of the vehicle, hands secured and there is a feeling of both numbness and hot anger running through Steve and his world feels more broken than he thought it ever could now.

<^><^><^><^>


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is a bit more and stuff is about to go down. Hope you enjoy.

<^><^><^><^>

“You look like you seen a ghost, Cap. Friend you thought dead not so dead, huh?”

Rumlow says this as he settles into the seat next to Steve, as the vehicle starts. Steve still feels numb, still feels that hot anger and he turns his eyes to Rumlow, glares at him while he still has that pleased knowing smirk right now and Steve wants to knock it off his face but he is restrained, the cuffs tight around his wrists. Rumlow just looks right at him as he asks a couple more questions, as he revels a little bit more about what he knows.

“Did you have any idea who he was before the mask came off, did you recognize his scent at all or did you just smell Barton’s scent there? Which was more of a shock, knowing Barton has been bonded to someone else this whole time you pined for him or realizing just who it is that has him now?”

There is almost a bit of curiosity in Rumlow’s voice along with the smugness that he knows what has happened, like he would genuinely like to hear the answers. Steve isn’t going to answer those questions, isn’t going to give him the satisfaction of it but he doesn’t keep quiet.

“You knew, what happened to Clint, what happened to Bucky. I trusted you and you knew. How long did you know?”

The words are gritted out and Steve really wishes he could lean forward and hit him. He had trusted Brock, thought of him as a friend, talked to him about losing Clint, and he had known. The betrayal hurts and Rumlow doesn’t seem to care, just answers the question with a calm voice.

“I have known the soldier for years, worked with him quite a bit, figured out who he was shortly after meeting him. As far as his bond with Barton, they had an encounter some years ago, when Barton came a little too close to finding out something he shouldn’t. He was taken, a heat forced on him and given to the soldier during his rut. He wasn’t the first omega that the soldier had but he left quite an impression, only one that really put much of a fight, only one the soldier formed a partial bond with and Barton wasn’t wiped from his memories after his escape. Barton was always going to be a reward for him when the timing was right, when a chance came along.”

Rumlow’s words make Steve feel almost sick, make anger rise in him just a bit more. They used Bucky’s ruts against him, had him rape others, and Clint was one of those. He knew about it, knew about Clint being taken by an alpha once, about the partial bond and it is worse knowing that it was Bucky, that he probably was given about as much choice as Clint was. Rumlow just keeps talking.

“We took Barton when he started smelling like you, weren’t going to let you take away the asset’s prize. I was there, helped subdue him, brought the soldier to him and was the one to tell him that Barton was going to be his.”

These words make Steve stiffen, make the anger burn even hotter and he tries to move his hands to strike the man but he can’t, the restraints holding tight and Rumlow’s smirk widens just a bit.

“You should have seen his face when I told him that he was to claim Barton, was going to get to keep him this time, he was the closet to happy I think the soldier can get. He doesn’t really get emotional, all that was wiped away from him for the most part just like his memories of being your buddy were, but when he was given Barton, he was almost human again, almost more than just the weapon he has been for so long.”

Rumlow says weapon like it is exactly what Bucky is, like him showing any emotion is such a strange concept and it makes Steve hurt for his friend, makes him want to break Hydra for what they have done to him.

“He’s not a weapon.”

Steve spits those words out and Rumlow gives a shrug.

“He is Hydra’s best and Barton was his reward and he was so pleased except for one thing. He saw the mark you left, smelled your scent in Barton’s, and that did not make him happy, knowing someone else claimed his omega. He saw you as a threat, still sees you as a threat, and he didn’t have any idea who you were to him, even after Barton recognized him, told him who he used to be. The soldier never believed him, didn’t want to hear about you or who he used to be. ”

Clint knew it was Bucky, knew who he was being given to, and Steve has no idea how much worse that made everything for Clint. Rumlow keeps talking, telling Steve about watching the bond being formed, about Clint trying to run but being caught each time, about how eventually, they made him stop.

“The soldier wanted him to forget you, wanted him so badly, that he watched as we wiped him, comforted him after. Barton stopped running then, gave into the bond, gave into the soldier, and he marked him and broke your bond. By the time I spent that rut with you, Barton was content with the soldier, going on missions with him and had no idea you ever existed. They fit together now, have a life together and neither of them have any idea you were ever a part of it. ”

Those words are said to hurt, to dig at Steve and they do. He hates hearing this, knowing that Clint doesn’t know him, that Bucky doesn’t know him, and he knows that some of this has been done just to hurt him. There are more words being spoken, Rumlow telling him that they sent the soldier after him because they knew Steve would be distracted by Clint’s smell, how it almost worked out better for him that Steve had a bond with Clint before the soldier was given him again, how it helped him to see Steve as the enemy. Hydra has taken so much away from him, have broken two of the people he cares for the most and Steve feels almost broken himself but his anger is white hot now and Steve speaks again, looks Rumlow straight in the eyes.

“When I get a chance, I’m going to make each of you, anyone in Hydra I can find, pay for what has been done to them.”

He means it, is going to make them suffer if he can. Rumlow just looks at him, smirk still in place and the truck is slowing down a bit now and Steve starts shifting in the bonds again, knows that something is about to happen. Rumlow speaks again.

“I don’t think you are going to get that chance. You aren’t getting out of this, Cap, and look on the bright side. At least you got to see Barnes one last time, can’t promise you the same with Barton, sent him back to Strucker already so you won’t be seeing him again, but you should be relieved to know that at least they are both going to live after this, that we are going to take care of them.”

Rumlow finishes speaking as the truck comes to a stop and then everything is happening quickly, orders being barked out about graves being dug and how Steve will be saved for last and Rumlow and the others leave the truck, leave Steve sitting there.

They are going to kill them, Nat and Sam first and then come for Steve and Steve can’t let that happen. He has been shifting in the bonds almost the whole time he has been in them and he may be not be able to break the cuffs but he can break the chain connecting them to the vehicle and he does so now. He puts something strength into it, pulls and he hears the chain snap just as he hears something that sounds like a small explosion. Before he gets much of a chance to react, one of the doors is being opened and a familiar face is staring at him.

“We only have a few minutes, follow me and we will remove the cuffs once we are to the vehicle.”

Maria Hill says this and Steve simply gives a nod, gets out of the vehicle and he runs now, runs in the direction she points and she leads him a few blocks away from wherever they were, to another van waiting. She starts to move to the front of it just as the backdoor opens and Steve sees Natasha and Sam waiting there. He climbs in and then they are leaving.

“Hill says there is something we need to see, that we are going to stop them.”

It is all Natasha says as the van starts to move and she is pale, still hurt but alive. Sam starts to remove his cuffs now and Steve feels exhausted but the anger is still there and Sam is speaking now.

“You seemed a bit shocked when the soldier’s mask came off back there, want to tell us why?”

“It is Bucky, the soldier is Bucky and he looked right at me and didn’t know me.”

Steve says this and there are questions then, of how that could be possible and Steve tells what he can, speaks about Zola having him, the experiment. He goes over what Rumlow said, his taunts as they make their way to wherever Hill is taking them. After a little while, the van stops and Hill leads them into an underground tunnel, leads them to a bunker there and Steve hopes that whatever is here is enough to help him bring Hydra down.

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The soldier made it back, has been taken to a room so that he can be looked over. There has been a bit of damage done to the arm, not much but just enough that repairs are being done. He sits in a chair, the chair but the machine is not on, isn’t lowered down and he tries to keep himself calm as they work on the arm, as the guards stand watch over him. There is an iv in his arm, something to help keep him calm as they do their work but he is still a bit agitated, still a bit confused, his thoughts jumbled up and unsure.

There are flashes right now, broken pieces of memory coming into his mind as he just sits. He remembers falling, being dragged through the snow, pain as the rest of his arm is removed, a voice telling him he will be the first of Hydra. He can hear a voice call out Bucky, that familiar voice from his dreams that he thinks he may have heard just a few hours earlier, he can hear another voice saying to put him in ice, can feel the cold of the chamber. There are so many fragments, so much confusion, and the name Bucky echoes around in his mind, like a name he used to know but lost a long time ago and he tries to push it aside but it isn’t so easy.

Bucky was the name his hawk would call him sometimes before the machine, before he became James for him. Clint had told him that he thought that was who he was once, told him he had a friend on the outside, but the soldier had always pushed his words away, hadn’t wanted to be called that name. He had thought that Clint was simply trying to use that name to get him to let him leave, to let him go back to the other alpha, that it had to be a lie of some sort. Now, he isn’t quite sure. Rogers had called him the same name just hours ago, had looked at him as if he knew him, and James is still shaken by it, by the familiarity of Rogers. He knows him somehow, knows him as more than just a mission, as more than just the alpha who once had claim to his omega. He may have meant something to the soldier once, may have been important but he can’t be now.   He is a mission, nothing more.

The arm is almost finished, the sound of the tools stopping now, but the soldier’s thoughts are still a mess, the jagged pieces of a life he isn’t sure of still flashing right now. His mind is still jumbled, still a mess and when one of the techs moves just a bit too close, he lashes out, arm snapping up and knocking the man away from him. Guns are drawn and the soldier takes a breath, calms himself as the tech gets up, as he is being watched more closely, as footsteps can be heard coming closer. He has to be calm, has to do as he is told, or there will be consequences and there is too much for the soldier could lose now.

“Your mission isn’t complete yet. They escaped, will try to stop us. I need a mission report.”

It is Pierce who says this, who moves closer to him, Rumlow right behind him. The soldier says nothing yet, isn’t sure how he is supposed to respond right now and Pierce comes closer, sits down across from him, eyes still looking over the soldier, judging him right now.

“Your mission isn’t complete yet, I need to know how it went up to now, mission report now.”

It is an order and the soldier takes a breath, knows he has to answer and he does. He goes over what happened at the bridge, tells what he needs to and he is still trying to push away all the fragments away, all the thoughts of just who Rogers might be to him.

“The alpha that I fought on the bridge, Rogers, I knew him, knew his smell.”

The words come out and Pierce is still looking at him and James feels so uncertain now, does not know if there will be consequences or not.

“You met him earlier this week, on mission. His smell is familiar because he was bonded to your omega when you claimed him. “

The soldier is quiet again, just looks at Pierce for a long moment. There is more to it than that, he knows it but he also knows that Pierce will only tell him what is needed, what information is required for the mission. The man speaks again after just a moment.

“Your work has been a gift to a mankind, you have helped shape the century. I need you to do it one more time.”

Pierce continues after these words, speaks about what Hydra needs to do, why it needs to be done. The soldier listens but there is still that nagging feeling about Rogers, that sense of uncertainty that has still not been pushed aside completely. Pierce’s next words snap him back to attention, helps him focus again.

“If Hydra fails, if you fail, they will destroy everything we have built, will destroy you. All you have been given, everything you have, will be taken away. They won’t let you keep your reward. He will be killed or given to someone else. ”

Clint, Pierce is referring to Clint, to his omega and the soldier tenses up. Rumlow steps just a bit closer now, catches the soldier’s eye and speaks calmly.

“There is one thing Rogers made clear when we had him, he intends to find Clint, wants his omega back.”

The words his omega send a curl of jealousy through the soldier and he cannot let Rogers find him, cannot let him be taken away.

“Clint isn’t his.”

The words come out of his mouth now, full of possession, and James means them. Clint is his, is what he has, and the soldier will not lose him. There is a smile upon Pierce’s face for just a moment before he speaks again.

“That is right, he doesn’t belong to Rogers, he is yours. He is safe but you need to complete the mission or he will not be. You will lose him if you fail, if Hydra fails.”

He knows this, understands it. Whoever Rogers may have been, he is the enemy now, is just a mission. The soldier gives a nod, speaks calmly.

“I won’t fail.”

The words are full of determination and Pierce gives another brief smile at them before telling him to make certain of that. A little more information is given and then he is left alone to prepare, to get ready for the morning. He will see the mission through, will finish it, has to. There is too much to lose otherwise and the past doesn’t matter.

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Steve is outside right now, thoughts still a bit of a mess but he is gathering himself up, getting himself ready for everything that they need to do, know that the others are as well. Fury being alive had been a bit of a shock but at least the man had a plan, one that they are going to use, and Steve knows that whatever issues are still between them, Fury is going to see this through. They are all going to have to see this through and Steve just hopes that they are enough, that they can stop what Hydra is trying to do, that Steve is strong enough to do what needs to be done even if it breaks him a bit more.

“You know he is going to be there.”

It is Sam’s voice that draws Steve away from his thoughts a bit, makes him turn and look as the man walks closer to him. Steve gives a bit of a nod, tells him I know and Sam is quiet for just a moment.

“Whoever he was, who he is now, you may not be able to save him. You may have to stop him.”

Steve knows this, has been thinking about it ever since he found out who the soldier was, has thought of it since Rumlow’s words, but he knows that Bucky is still there somewhere, has to be.

“I don’t know if I can do that.”

His words are honest and Sam is looking at him right now, speaks again, words calm.

“He may not give you much of a choice, he doesn’t know you and Hydra made sure to give him a reason to fight you.”

Sam’s words are the truth, Hydra did give him a reason to fight, gave him Clint and Steve still aches to think about it. If he would have been able to kill him before the mask fell off, before he saw just who he was fighting, Steve would have because the soldier took his omega, broke their bond. Bucky is bonded to Clint now and he sees Steve as a threat but there has to be a way to change that, to help him remember and then maybe they can find Clint together, get him away from Hydra once all this is over.

“He doesn’t know me but he will.”

Steve says this, means it. He will remind Bucky of who he is if he can but for now they need to get ready to leave and so he starts to walk to where he needs to go, tells Sam that it is time to gear up.

“You going to wear that?”

Sam asks and Steve turns to him, gives a shake of his head.

“No, if you are going into battle you need a uniform.”

This is all he says and then he goes and gets what he needs, hopes that he can get back what Hydra has taken, and prepares himself for war.

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	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate writing action but hopefully this is still alright. Comments are always awesome.

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They are at the base now, have gotten into position, and Steve uses the speakers, communicates with everyone there. He introduces himself, tells the truth, speaks about what is happening. He tells them of Hydra being in SHIELD, of what is planned, and tells them that they have a choice, that they can fight. Steve hopes that some of them do, that they aren’t as alone as they think they may be. When he is done, he turns away from the sound system and Sam is looking at him right now, a bit of a smile on his face.

“Did you write that down first or just come up with it right now?”

Steve just gives a bit of a shrug and then they are moving, Hill settling in at some of the computers and he and Sam are moving to the hellicarriers, to get started. There is no one in their path yet and Sam says something as they are running.

“Hey, Cap, how do we tell the good guys from the bad guys?”

It is a simple question really and Steve gives it a simple answer as they keep moving.

“If they shoot at you, they’re bad.”

That is all Steve says and then they are both off, going where they need to. They are attacked of course and Sam makes a comment about finding some of those bad guys he was talking about. He is holding his own and Steve is glad that he is here, hopes that he makes it through this. There is no sign of Bucky yet but Steve is sure he will show, that they will send him here. He will deal with that when he has to, for now he focuses on getting where he needs to and he fights any who get in his way, makes it to the first target quickly enough and gets the blade changed.

“Alpha locked.”

He says it and there is a bit of relief but there are still two more to go and there are still hostiles here. Steve moves away from there, starts to make his way to the next one and he hears Sam say that bravo is locked and all they need to do is secure Charlie and this will be worth it. He is on the outside of the carrier now and there are agents here and Steve has to get out of here, doesn’t have much choice other than to get ready to jump.

“Sam, I need a ride.”

He hears Sam reply tell me when and he said he just did. Steve runs and jumps and Sam makes it in time, grabs ahold of him and they land on the hellicarrier after a few moments.

“You know, you’re heavier than you look.”

Sam says it with just a hint of teasing and Steve returns it.

“I had a big breakfast.”

He says this and then something comes out of nowhere, knocks him down, and he is falling again, has to grab ahold of the edge. It was Bucky, he saw the flash of the metal of his arm but he tries not to think about that right now, focuses on keeping ahold and not falling. He starts to climb back up when he hears Sam’s voice again.

“Cap, are you ok?”

“Still on the hellicarrier. You?”

He says this as he climbs up, as he gets himself in a better position.

“Grounded. Wings are broken. Sorry, Cap.”

There is regret in Sam’s voice but at least he is alright, even if he isn’t here to give Steve back up.

“Don’t worry, I got it.”

He says this, looks up, sees Bucky there, knows that he is going to try to stop him. Steve takes just a moment to take a big breath, tells himself that he has to stop this, has to stop Hydra and then he is on his way, hopes that both he and Bucky can get through this.

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Rogers is still here, still on the hellicarrier but the soldier has taken out all of his possible support, broke the other man’s wings. Rogers will be alone and the soldier can see him moving now and James moves, goes inside the ship, goes to where Rogers will come. This is his mission, to stop Rogers, terminate him, and the soldier has to see it through no matter what flickers there may be of his past, no matter who Rogers once was to him.

He waits, stands still and prepares himself for a fight. Rogers won’t back down, the soldier knows this somehow, knows that he won’t walk away from a fight and he has to give him one, make certain he doesn’t walk away from this one. Only a few moments pass and then James can smell that familiar alpha smell, sees Rogers approaching. He is in a uniform now, red , white , and blue and this is familiar too, the stripes and the star but the soldier says nothing, pushes the flickers away and just stares at Rogers, watches him as he sees the soldier, as he stills for just a moment.

“People are going to die, Buck. I can’t let that happen.”

He says this, is looking right at the solider and James says nothing, doesn’t make a move yet, waits for Rogers to. Rogers still hasn’t moved forward yet and he speaks again, voice shaking just a bit.

“Please don’t make me do this.”

The soldier still says nothing, there is nothing that he can say. He has to complete his mission and after just a few seconds he can see Rogers stiffen just a bit, a determined expression settling over his features and then the shield is being thrown. The soldier blocks it, starts his attack on Rogers, has to finish him this time. Rogers charges and the soldier fires, knows that he hits him, can smell his blood a bit in the air. He has to stop him, has to complete his mission and so the soldier aims to hurt and Rogers fights back.

James wounds Rogers again, knows that he has to be losing blood, has to be hurt but he doesn’t stop, doesn’t quit. He is so stubborn, won’t stop fighting, and this is familiar too, seeing him bloody but still getting up. He knows Rogers and hurting him like this feels wrong but Rogers will take his hawk away and the soldier can’t let that happen. He has to make him stay down, has to complete his mission so he can go home.

He has the targeting blade in his hand now and Rogers knows it, tries to get it away from him. He garbs ahold of his arm and Rogers pulls and the soldier can feel it snap, sharp pain rushing through him and it is enough to make him scream but he doesn’t drop it. Rogers holds the arm tight, wraps himself around the soldier as he tells him to drop it. He won’t, can’t fail this mission, but Rogers is strong and he is cutting off the soldier’s air now and darkness is starting color his vision and after just a few more moments of pressure, it claims him.

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Bucky passes out now, the targeting blade dropping from his fingers and Steve lets him go, picks it up. Bucky just lays there and Steve thinks about all the damage he had to do to get him to this point and there is guilt but he had to. The scream Bucky let out when he broke his arm is still ringing in his ears and Steve wonders briefly if he hurt Clint in that moment as well, if the pain was felt through their bond like Steve felt some of Clint’s so long ago. He pushes the thought aside, has to focus on finishing the mission and he makes his way back to where he can place the blade.

There is suddenly a shot ringing, a sharp pain in his leg and Bucky is up now, shooting at Steve, still determined to stop him. Steve gives him just a glance, can see the way his arm is close to his side, knows that he must be in a lot of pain just like Steve is but he keeps shooting at him and Steve has to move, has to stop Hydra. He is there now, can feel blood dripping from his various wound but he ignores it, gets ready to place the blade there when another shot hits him, causes him to fall to the ground. It is a gut shot and it hurts, blood pouring out of it and it takes a moment for Steve to pull himself up but he does. He has to finish it and he places the blade where it needs to go.

“Charlie locked.”

He tells Hill this and he lets himself lean against the metal now, needs the support. She tells him to get out of there but he isn’t sure he can and Bucky is still here. The blades are in place but these ships still need to be destroyed and Steve makes a choice, the only one he really can.

“Fire now.”

Hill starts to argue but Steve cuts her off and soon enough he can hear shots being fired. The hellicarriers are firing on each other and Steve knows that he might not make it out of here now, that Bucky might not make it out, and he hates it but these ships have to be destroyed. He tells himself that at least maybe Natasha will be able to find Clint after this, that he will still be helped even if Steve isn’t the one to do it. His thoughts are pulled away from Clint when one of the beams of the ship starts to fall and comes crashing down on Bucky and Steve knows that he can’t leave him there. He makes his way to him and Bucky is struggling under the beam. Steve starts to lift it up and Bucky crawls out from under it, is staring at Steve.

“Bucky, you know me.”

He says it, has to get him to realize it. Bucky just stares at him for a moment before moving his metal arm, before striking Steve.

“No, I don’t.”

The words are shouted but they sound unsure, sound like a lie and Steve clings to that just a bit as he gets up again, as he faces Bucky again and speaks.

“You have known me your whole life.”

Bucky strikes him again, the metal arm swinging with a lot of force, anger in his movements. Steve takes it and everything is falling apart around them and he still just wants Bucky to remember something.

“Your name is James Buchan Barnes.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

The words are said with another blow and Steve knows now that something is there, that Bucky at least recognizes a bit of who he was and Steve makes another choice, knows it may cost him but it is the only way he can think of to help him. He drops the shield, lets it fall and he stands up, pain still rushing through his body and he looks Bucky in the eye now, can see all the confusion and anger, and he speaks.

“I’m not going to fight you. You’re my friend.”

It is the truth but he is more than that, so much more, but Steve can’t get the words to come out and Bucky is charging him again, knocks him down, pins him to a beam.

“You’re my mission.”

The words are screamed, hits accompanying them and it hurts but Steve takes it. Bucky repeats those words, places hit after hit on Steve. He pauses for just a moment and Steve speaks again, gets the words out even though his face hurts, even though everything hurts and it is hard to speak, but he pushes the words out, means them.

“Then finish it, I’m with you till the end of the line.”

Bucky doesn’t bring his fist down now and there is so much shock on his face right now. The beam is falling apart now and Steve feels himself falling but at least it isn’t Bucky this time and he lets his eyes close, gives himself over to the darkness that has been threatening his vision the last few moments.

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Rogers is falling and it shouldn’t matter but it does somehow. End of the line, that is what he said right before the beam broke and the promise is echoing in James’s head. He knows that promise, meant it once, and he finds himself letting go of the beam, finds himself jumping after Rogers. The water is cold but the soldier barely feels it as he grabs Rogers, as he drags him to the shore.

The soldier failed, Rogers is alive and James is uncertain what to do. He failed and he could lose Clint now. He should walk away but he finds that he can’t, finds himself kneeling down near Rogers, near Steve. The name comes to him now and he had wanted to know it for a while, since he first had dreams about the other alpha but it shouldn’t matter. Steve will take Clint away from him, that is what he has been told, and the soldier isn’t sure what to do.

Steve, Rogers, is still breathing, face bruised and bloody and he has wiped blood from his face before. The soldier doesn’t do so now, instead takes a knife off of his belt, holds it in his metal hand. He should complete the mission, should make sure that nothing can take his omega away. Steve is still knocked out and this won’t hurt as much right now. He should do it, should finish his mission, he can lose too much if he doesn’t. If Rogers lives, he will look for Clint, James is certain of it, even if the man stopped fighting him just moments before. He should slash his throat and he brings the knife to it, places it there. He can make it quick, should make it quick but he stills, can’t move it. He should finish this but he can’t make his fingers move the knife. He moves the knife away from his throat, leans up more now and just stares at Rogers but before he can make a choice of what to do, there is a noise and then fresh pain.

Someone has fired a shot and the bullet goes into the back of his right shoulder. That arm is still broken and the soldier needs to move now but he is worn and blood is pouring out of his wound. He starts to turn, to face the threat that is coming and something else is thrown at him, one of those little disks Romanoff has and it attaches to his arm again, sends a bolt of electricity running through it and he can hear voices now, knows that people are coming closer. Darkness is starting to swim in his vision again and his last thought before he gives into it is that he should have left, that he won’t be able to keep his promise to return to his hawk now.

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	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the support and hope you enjoy the new chapter.

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Something has gone wrong, Clint is sure of it. James has been hurt, Clint knows that much, can feel his pain through the bond. The full extent of the damage done to his alpha is something Clint is not sure of but he knows it has to be a bit for him to feel it, for James to feel it. The soldier doesn’t feel much pain, has been taught not to, and James is on mission, he is the soldier right now but still there have been flashes of pain. Something has happened to make James feel pain and Clint feels more than just pain. There is confusion, uncertainty, and James has not come back yet and Clint knows that something is happening and he tries to keep calm but the twins notice.

“You are feeling something through the bond, aren’t you?”

It is Wanda who asks when he tenses up during their evening meal, when he feels a fresh wave of pain that eases off after a moment. The bond is still there, he can still feel it, so he knows that James is still alive and that thought helps calm him just a bit and he gives an answer to Wanda’s question.

“Some pain, some confusion, but he is alive. Something may have happened during the mission, but he will come back.”

Those last words are spoken as a reassurance, both for the twins and for Clint himself. James will come back, Clint knows that he will, knows that his alpha will keep his promise if he is able to but there is still a bit of worry that he won’t.

“What happens if he doesn’t?”

It is Pietro who asks now and both twins are looking at him. Clint thinks about his answer for just a moment before speaking.

“If he doesn’t come back soon, then I will look in to it. If he doesn’t come back soon, we will handle it.”

These words get him a nod from both twins but there is still a bit of tension in all of them, a bit of worry. It has been a few days since Clint came back without James and there has not been much word about the mission, about anything that may have happened but there has been a bit of tension around the base, a sense of things shifting just a bit. There has been a bit of activity, things are being secured a bit more tightly , and Clint thinks they have been preparing for the worst, for the possibility of failure. Clint has been keeping an eye on what he can, has been debating taking the twins and leaving but he doesn’t for now. It may be best to stay here till Clint is certain of what is going on, till he is certain that they will be better off away from here. He won’t risk the twins having to face consequences till he knows that there is little other choice. He has promised to take care of the twins just like James has promised to come back to them and Clint intends to keep that promise.

They are quiet the rest of the night after dinner, the twins staying close to him and Clint doesn’t make them return to their room that night. They stay together and the next day, there is still no word from James yet. They go about their routine and at one point, Clint is called to see Strucker by himself. The man looks at him closely, doesn’t say anything for a while, and then he gestures for Clint to sit in a chair near by. Clint does so and he notices that there are a few things on a table nearby, medical equipment and he wonders if there is going to be some sort of test or something. Clint wants to ask what is going on but he doesn’t yet and Strucker speaks after just a moment.

“The head of Hydra has fallen, the system that has been in place for decades is crumbling down, but much can be recovered, Hydra will still rise. There has not been word of some of our assets yet and we will recover them if it is feasible but we will not risk the ones we have now.”

Clint hears exactly what Strucker is saying. The mission has failed and there has not been word from the soldier yet and Clint is expected to stay here. He does not like that but he is unsure if he should say anything so he doesn’t and Strucker is still staring at him and he moves a hand to Clint’s throat, is almost touching the mark there and Clint can’t help but shift just a bit from it.

“ Is your bond still intact?”

Strucker asks and Clint gives a nod and the man asks another question.

“Then we know he is still alive. Your heat is soon, isn’t it? How long?”

“About a week, maybe less.”

Clint says this and he hopes that James will be here when it hits, knows his alpha should be in rut around the same time. He can’t remember spending a heat without his alpha there and he is not certain how it will go without him. Strucker is still staring at him like Clint is an interesting puzzle and Clint is not sure how to feel about it.

“If the soldier is not back by then, we can make other arrangements for you if needed. Even if our other assets can’t be recovered, you are still of some value, perhaps more than before because I am not limited by other’s plans now. For now, you will go about your duties here, continue your work with the twins till I have decided the best use for you. Before you go back to that however, I need your arm. “

It is an order and Clint knows to follow orders given so he does, lets Strucker take his arm and draw blood. Strucker finishes it quickly enough and then he is dismissing Clint. Nothing else is said but Clint notices that the twins are taken for blood draws as well and he is being watched just a bit more closely. He ignore sit for the most part, focuses on keeping close to the twins and focuses on the fact that he can still feel the tug of his alpha. There is still confusion and worry coming through the bond, less pain now, can Clint hopes that James returns soon, that they can keep their promises to each other.

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James has been left alone for the past few hours, has been sitting in this room with only one door and no windows for a while. He is restrained, cuffs sturdy, and there is nothing around that he can use to pick the locks and the soldier is uncertain what to do, only knows that he has been captured, contained. There is some pain but it is not as bad as it should be, the bullet already taken out and he is starting to heal and he didn’t wake up when they did it, they must have given him something for the pain and that confuses him just a bit. He is not entirely sure why he is still alive, why they haven’t just killed him, and his thoughts are a mess, flashes of memories coming to the surface now.

There are memories of Rogers now, of Steve, and he wonders what happened to him after the soldier was taken, if he will be able to see him again. He knows a bit about who he was to him now, realizes he is the alpha he had dreamed about before, the one that was so very important to him once, but that shouldn’t matter. He tried to kill him, has taken his omega, and even though Steve stopped fighting him that doesn’t mean that they aren’t still enemies. Pierce’s and Rumlow’s words about Shield destroying everything that is Hydra still echoing in his head and he needs to know what is going to happen now, what they plan to do with him, if they are going after his omega, and so he waits.

The door opens a while and a figure enters, red hair shining in the light and the soldier recognizes her as one of his targets from earlier. Romanoff is looking straight at him and she is a bit hard to read, her expression careful and neutral and she carries a tablet in her hands. She is not the only entering the room and James sees another one of his targets come in now, one that he had thought taken care of, and James realizes that his mission has been failed more than he knew.

“We have a few things that we should discuss , a bit of information to show you first so that you can know what is going on.”

Fury says this, walks more into the room but he keeps a distance from the soldier. The man is wounded, arm in a sling, various cuts and bruises, probably more damage that the soldier cannot see but he is still alive. The soldier failed to kill him and there will be consequences from that and James does not say anything right now just keeps watching both Fury and the widow. Romanoff moves closer now, shows the tablet to him and on the screen is an article about Hydra’s files being released, about Pierce being dead, and a part of the soldier is glad but another part of him is afraid of what this means for him, for Clint, for the twins. Hydra has fallen but not all of it and he is not sure what is going to happen. He is still silent and they are both looking at him right now and the soldier is uncertain what to say.

“Hydra is crashing down, a lot of their info is out there now and we are finding out just what all has been done. You dragged Rogers out of the water and we were able to capture you, no one knows exactly what has happened to the winter soldier. My partner was taken over a year ago, given to you and we would like to find out where he is.”

Romanoff says this, voice strong and steady and the soldier does not speak. He knows where Clint is but he knows that if he tells them, they will take him from him, try to destroy their bond and so he says nothing. His omega is the only thing he has and the soldier does not want to lose him even though it may be unavoidable now. He stays silent and he waits for them to do something but nothing happens. Minutes pass and nothing else is said or done. Instead, Fury points to the door, gets ready to leave, Romanoff following him.

“We need information, you may be able to provide us with some, something can be worked out. We will speak again later, Sargent Barnes.”

That name is so familiar to the soldier, he knows he has been called that before and he tenses up just a bit at it now. They are opening the door now, are about to leave but there is something that the soldier has to know and he finds himself asking a question right before he leaves.

“Is he alive?”

He doesn’t say a name but Romanoff turns and looks at him now, says a name.

“Rogers?”

He gives a brief nod.

“He is.”

It is all she says and there is a bit of relief in the soldier at hearing that, at knowing that Steve is still alive even if it shouldn’t matter. The door is soon shut now, the soldier left alone and James knows that he is going to have to face consequences now, just hopes that he can shield his hawk and the twins from most of them.

 

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Steve wakes up to the sound of music playing softly, knows that someone is nearby and he turns and sees Sam sitting beside him. There is relief at seeing the other man alive and he speaks a few words, draws his attention to the fact that he is awake now.

“On your left.”

Sam looks at him now, gives a bit of a smile.

“Nice to see you awake, been out for a couple of days. We managed to find your shield as well as you.”

Sam points at the foot of the bed and Steve sees the shield sitting there, gives a bit of smile but there is more that he needs to know.

“I fell into the water, don’t know what happened to Bucky. Do we know if he is alive?”

A part of Steve dreads the answer, hates that they may not know if Bucky is alive, hates that he might find out now that he isn’t. Sam is looking at Steve now and the dread is building up as Sam takes a breath before he speaks again.

“He is alive, he was there when we found you. We brought him back, he is here.”

There is relief in Steve now, relief and hope. Bucky is alive and they have him, Bucky is alive and Hydra can’t hurt him anymore. Steve starts to look around, notices for the first time that the room is not a hospital room, looks like the base Fury had set up when they went after the helicarriers and Steve knows that must mean Bucky is here as well. He needs to see him and he starts to get up, starts to rise from his bed but Sam stops him.

“Don’t get up yet, you were beaten to pulp, you need to be looked over before you start moving around.”

There is concern in his voice and Steve appreciates it but shakes his head at it a bit.

“I need to see him, Sam.”

Sam gives a bit of a nod but he doesn’t move away from blocking Steve’s path.

“I know but first you need to be looked over and there are a few things Fury thinks you should look at before that. He isn’t going anywhere, you can wait a few more minutes.”

Steve relents, sits back down on the bed, waits for the medic to come by. He will see Bucky soon and then he can start helping him, can get him back to himself, and then they can find Clint. For the first time in a while, Steve thinks maybe things will be okay.

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	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took a little while, got a bit stuck and then got a bit busy but this is a bit of a long chapter at least. Hope people enjoy and I promise that somethings are going to start happening in this and thank you for all the comments and support.

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“Bucky.”

The name is spoken as the door opens and he knows that voice now, knows that name, and he turns to it, sees Rogers, sees Steve in the doorway. He is alive, whole and healing, and there is relief in seeing him like that just as there is also the reminder that he failed his mission. He failed his mission, couldn’t let him die, and now the soldier is trapped here and James has no idea if he will ever see his omega again . This man was bonded once to his omega, will take Clint away from him again, but a part of James is so relieved to see him alive and he isn’t sure what to do about that. He says nothing now, knows that he shouldn’t say anything, and he just looks at Rogers as the man stares back.

“I’m going to come in, just want to talk to you a bit.”

Steve steps into the room fully now, is walking cautiously to the soldier and he can smell his scent, the strong alpha scent that has always been familiar to him since he first smelled it on Clint’s skin. His blankets used to be covered in that scent, Steve always needed more blankets than he did, and he didn’t always get a chance to wash them often so they smelled of alpha but he never really minded. The memory is strong right now, the memory of lying in a bed with Steve, making sure there were enough blankets to keep him warm, and James tries to push it away. Steve was smaller then, the soldier remembers that now, small and he took care of him but that was so long ago. Now, things are different and James needs to focuses on that, on who he is now, what he has now, and not his past that is only now coming to him in tatters. He makes himself take a deep breath, focus on his own scent instead of Rogers’s, focus on Clint’s scent mixed in, on the fact that he can still feel their bond, that he can feel a bit of worry coming through it. Clint is worried about him, is waiting for him, and that is what is important. His omega is what matters and James reminds himself of that and says nothing as Steve moves closer, looks away from him, looks instead at the door which someone has just shut.

Rogers didn’t come alone, there is another man here as well, a beta from the scent that the soldier catches. He recognizes him, doesn’t know his name, but he had been there on the bridge with Steve and Romanoff. He was the one that the soldier tore the wings off of and he just stands there right now, is watching them, and James wonders if he is here to try to prevent the soldier from attacking Rogers. Any time someone has come here since the soldier was brought here, they haven’t come to the room alone and this time is no different and James’s hands are still cuffed and so he simply sits and says nothing. The only time he has spoken was the first time Fury and Romanoff came by and he had done so with out thinking, he has stayed silent since then and plans to do the same now. Rogers moves closer and he is right in front of James now and he asks a question.

“You pulled me out of the water, you didn’t let me die. Are you remembering now, remembering who you are, who I am?”

There is a hint of hope in his voice and James is remembering but he shouldn’t be, knows that it is dangerous to think of the memories. He doesn’t say anything, simply looks at Steve for a moment before looking away again. Steve just moves closer, sits down next to him on the bed, and he is close enough now that they could touch but they don’t. The other man still just stands in the doorway watching and a few moments pass before Steve is speaking again.

“I know they made you forget me, made you forget who you were, made you forget a lot, but it is going to come back. I’m going to help you, I won’t let them hurt you again, either of you. ”

The words sound honest but James isn’t sure he can believe them. Steve may think he wants to keep the soldier safe but he probably also wants Clint back and James doesn’t want to give up his omega. He stays silent and Steve is looking at him, he can feel his gaze on his skin but he doesn’t look at him back. The silence stays for a little while but then Steve shifts, moves a bit closer to him, and he starts to speak again and his words cause James’s attention to snap back to him.

“We need to talk about Clint, Bucky. He isn’t safe right now, we need to find him.”

He says this and James stares at him, remembers Rumlow’s words from before of Rogers wanting to find Clint, of wanting his omega back. If James tells them about Clint, they will take him away, he knows that, and so he stares at Rogers for just a moment before leaning back a bit, closing his eyes. He won’t speak to him, not now and some moments pass. He can feel Rogers next to him but he ignores him, doesn’t open his eyes even as the man says a few more things, tries to get James to talk. A few minutes pass and James hears another voice, the other man’s saying something about trying again after a bit. He can hear Steve move now, off the bed and then a few footsteps but before the door opens, he says one more thing.

“I meant when I said it was the end of the line, I’m not giving up, on either you or Clint, I just want you to know that.”

The words sound like a promise but James isn’t sure he can believe them though a part of him wants to. A moment passes and the door shuts now and the soldier is left alone with his thoughts and flickers of memories, knowing that he needs to get out of here so he can see his omega again but also knowing that it may not be possible.

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His heat is almost here, will be here within the next day or two and James has not made it back here yet. Clint knows his alpha is still alive, can still feel some confusion and worry through the bond, can still feel the bond, but that doesn’t change the fact that his alpha isn’t here, that Clint will need to go through his heat alone. There have been suggestions of how to handle it, Strucker telling him he can have someone with him, but Clint ignores them for the most part. The twins have been watching him the last few days, have stayed in his room with him the last few nights, and he can tell that they are a little worried about what is happening, about James not being back, about how closely Clint has been watched the last few days. They have also been watched a little more closely and there have been a few more tests done recently, Strucker is planning something but Clint hasn’t been informed of what yet, but that is something he will deal with later. Right now, he focuses on ignoring how strong his smell is becoming, how sweet, and trains with Pietro.

It is just the two of them right now, Wanda off doing something else, and Pietro keeps stealing glances at Clint. He is a bit fidgety right now, more so than usual, and he keeps moving a bit close to Clint. There is something he wants to talk about, Clint knows it, and he stops the training after a little while, looks at Pietro and waits for him to say what he needs to. Pietro looks at Clint for a few moments before he speaks, words coming out a bit rushed but Clint can still understand them.

“Your heat is almost here, I can smell it. He isn’t back, you will be alone for it but I wanted you to know that you don’t have to be. That if you need someone, I would be willing.”

Pietro is still looking at Clint but there is something almost shy in his glance right now and he takes a step closer to him. Clint just looks at him, wasn’t expecting the offer but maybe he should have, and he doesn’t say anything right now. Pietro speaks some more, not quite looking Clint in the eyes as he does so.

“I know that you are bonded, that you may not want someone during that time, Wanda never did, but some of the others have been watching you, may try something. I wouldn’t hurt you, I could make it good, I would want it to be good. I can help you, if you want, you can trust me.”

The offer is sincere, Clint can hear that, and Pietro would be the best option if Clint was to choose to spend this heat with someone, but Clint doesn’t want that. He wants his alpha if he is going to have anyone during that time and James isn’t here. He places a hand on Pietro’s shoulder, makes sure he is looking at Clint, and he speaks, voice soft but certain.

“I do trust you but that won’t be needed. I’ll make do, I think I have before.”

Pietro looks like maybe he wants to say something more but he doesn’t, gives Clint a nod after a moment. Clint gives his shoulder a squeeze before they return to what they were doing before. Pietro’s offer is not spoken of by either of them the rest of the day but Clint can still feel him watching him the rest of the day, can feel both twins watching him and watching the guards as well, watching how they interact with Clint right now. They are being a bit protective and Clint doesn’t know if it is needed, he can take care of himself, but he appreciates it a bit and he doesn’t make them move to their own room that night. Pietro falls asleep fairly quickly but Wanda stays awake, is watching Clint and she speaks after awhile, has her eyes on Clint’s face the whole time.

“I haven’t had a heat for a while now but I remember them, remember the ache. It was never that strong for me, I have always been a bit different from most omegas, didn’t want the same way a lot do but I know what people try to do during heats, how they try to take advantage, have experienced it before.”

She is speaking of something dark, of a past hurt and Clint shifts a bit closer, is tensed up now.

“Was it someone here? “

He asks, needs to know. Clint has kept on eye on the twins, has made sure that they have not been hurt, but he and James were not here in the beginning, back when Wanda was still an omega, back when she was a bit more exposed . She shakes her head a bit.

“I had a heat here once, when the experiments first started and someone did try to take advantage but I fought back, the first hints of my power showing and he was hurt. No major harm happened to me and that man hasn’t been here since. Soon after that, my smell changed, my dynamic changed and I haven’t had a heat since. It has been a relief, never felt right for me, but I remember the ache and I know that others will see you weaker right now. I don’t think you should be alone.”

There is worry in her voice, worry for him, and Clint takes her hand now.

“You and Pietro can stay here with me, I won’t need much but you don’ have to go back to your room.”

She gives a nod, squeezes his hand and speaks again, voice soft.

“If you wanted, he would help you.”

She tilts her head towards where her brother lays sleeping in the bedding and Clint wonders if they talked about what Pietro offered this afternoon or if she just knows. He lets go of her hand now, leans back into the bedding as he speaks.

“I know but he isn’t my alpha, it wouldn’t feel right.”

Clint knows this somehow, knows that even if Pietro was still an alpha, it wouldn’t feel right because he isn’t Clint’s. He is pretty sure he had an alpha before James, remembers the scent and the other tug, and it may have felt wrong with James once but it has felt right for as long as Clint can remember and he doesn’t want anyone else for his heat. James is his and Clint wants him back here but he knows that he is going to have to wait a little longer, has to get through this heat first.

“ I’m going to try to rest now, you should too.”

He says this to Wanda now and she gives a nod, tells him good night before closing her eyes. Clint stays awake a bit longer, finally drifts off to sleep after a little bit. That night, he dreams of James, of his alpha, of his smile and touches, but he is not the only one he dreams of. There are brief flickers of someone else, of another alpha, of blond hair and blue eyes, of a different smile. Clint doesn’t know who the other alpha is but it doesn’t matter and those dreams don’t last long, fade and Clint dreams of James the rest of the night.

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Everything is a mess and Steve really wishes he could make things get better quicker but he doesn’t know how. Fury showed him the files they have on the winter soldier and everything that was done to him makes Steve hurt. Bucky is here, alive and away from Hydra, but he still hasn’t remembered everything, his programming is just now breaking down, and Steve isn’t sure how to help him. It has only been a few days since Steve woke up, since he has started visiting Bucky, and he avoids talking to Steve, has tried getting out of the cuffs a few times but hasn’t succeeded yet. He worries that it has all been too much, that Bucky may never get everything back, and Bucky is not the only one that Steve is worried about.

They still have no real idea where Clint is, what may be happening to him now. They have a name, the one Rumlow mentioned to Steve, Strucker but they haven’t been able to find out much about his whereabouts. Steve really wants to find out about him, find where Clint is, but so much seems to be a dead end and he doesn’t want to stray too far from Bucky right now, knows that the other alpha is going to need him. He is getting close to rut, should hit him in about a day, and Steve doesn’t want him to be alone for it and there is some argument about how it should be handled.

“We can dose him up with suppressants, with sedatives. It is the only way to handle this, too much risk another way. “

Fury is saying this and Steve shakes his head.

“You have read the files, he burns through suppressants like I do and his body is just now starting to get rid of some of the drugs they gave him, we shouldn’t just start dosing him again. “

There is a hint of anger in his voice and he knows the others hear it but he won’t back down from this.

“Steve, it might be the only way. He is about to go into to rut, he isn’t very stable, and he is dangerous. If we don’t do something, he is going to be a danger.”

Natasha says this simply and Steve gets her point but he still doesn’t think just tying Bucky down and drugging him is the best call and he says so now.

“That won’t help his recovery. We don’t let him be alone for it, send someone in to help calm him a bit.”

Steve hates saying that, it almost feels close to what Hydra did, giving him omegas in heat but this time it could be different. It won’ be someone in heat, will be someone fully in control.He is bonded now, bonded to Clint and that still stings Steve a bit but it can’t be changed right now, so he may not want another omega but if someone is there with him, they may be able to help talk him down a bit, could always tranc him if needed. Fury is looking at him now, has an eyebrow raised as he speaks.

“Don’t think you are going to find many volunteers willing to go in there and I’m not sending someone who isn’t trained or willing. “

Steve gets that too and before he can say anything else, Natasha is speaking again.

“I have played omega before, dealt with alpha in rut but I don’t know if that will work with him. I can do it if it is the only thing we can think of.”

She says this and it is a little glimpse into her past, into the things that she was once made to do, and Steve isn’t going to ask her to do that. There is really only one option to send into the room to spend Bucky’s rut with him and Steve tells the others now.

“You won’t have to. I’ll spend the rut with Bucky.”

“I don’t know if that is a good idea, Steve. He almost killed you awhile ago.”

Sam says this, the first time he has really spoken during this meeting and Steve just gives a shrug right now, knows the risks but it is the only solution he can think of.

“He also saved me.”

“Alphas don’t exactly help keep other alphas calm during rut. “

It is Fury now who says this and it is usually true but not always. It was different for Steve and Bucky, they could keep eachother calm during ruts and Steve knows that it may be different now, everything that has happened almost assure it will be, but Steve can’t leave him alone for it.

“We used to spend ruts with each other. I can fight him off if needed, can tranc him if there are no other options but he shouldn’t be left alone during it.”

He says this now, needs them all to understand that Steve knows what he is getting into. The next minutes are spent discussing it, discussing what needs to be done, what their best option is. There is a bit of auguring but Steve won’t back down from this and there isn’t really many options and Bucky’s rut is very soon. After a bit, they agree to let Steve go in there but here are conditions.

“You will be monitored, the cuffs can come off but you are going to have to keep him in there, if things get too rough, then he will be sedated and restrained. Understand, Cap?”

Fury says this now and Steve agrees to all of it. The next few hours are spent getting a few things ready and then Steve is standing outside the door to Bucky’s room, can smell him through it and knows that his rut is here. Sam is beside him right now, looks over at him and asks a question before getting ready to unlock the door.

“You sure about this? He is going to be a bit riled up the next few days.”

Riled up may be an understatement to how Bucky is going to be. He is going through a rut without his omega and Steve knows how rough that can be. It is going to be a difficult situation but Steve isn’t going to let Bucky deal with it alone.

“I’m sure. I’ll be alright.”

Sam just gives him one more look and Steve gives a nod, takes a breath and Sam starts to open the door and Steve gets ready to go in , hopes that this is the right call.


	29. Chapter 29

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There is an ache right now, a need, a want, and James has felt it for a while now, over two now, almost three and he knows that he still has over a day or two before it will get better. He is in rut now, needs his omega but Clint isn’t here, he is far away and in heat and James can’t go to him. His hands are no longer cuffed, he is no longer bound but he has not been allowed to leave this room, has been stopped each time and he has not been alone for a while now. Rogers is here, doesn’t leave and he doesn’t let James leave, is stopping him from doing so again right now. He blocks the door, blocks James from hitting him, from hitting the door, and his arms wrap around James now, holds him close and tries to stop him from moving.

“You need to stop, you’re going to hurt yourself again, Bucky.”

Steve is referring to his wrist from earlier, from when the cuffs were still on. The soldier had tried to get them off, had twisted the right one in them, had cut the skin there. There had been blood and Steve had taken the cuffs off of him then, had cleaned the blood off and he had asked James if he remembered helping to patch Steve up before. James had said nothing then but he is remembering more and he knows that he has wiped blood off of Steve before, had taken care of him, and now Rogers is trying to care for him but he is keeping him away from Clint, keeping him here and so James struggles in his arms.

“Let go.”

He growls the words out and Steve just shakes his head at them, keeps ahold and starts to move them towards the cot. Rogers is strong and James doesn’t use his full strength right now, doesn’t try to hurt him though he wants out of this room badly. He lets himself be lead back to the cot and soon enough he is sitting on it, Steve right next to him and he still hasn’t let James go yet. His grip is firm but it isn’t so tight that it hurts. Steve is being careful with how he touches him right now and a part of James can’t understand why. They were important to each other once, shards of that life are coming to him now, have been for the last few days, but that was a long time ago, shouldn’t matter now. So much has happened since then, so much has changed, but Rogers still looks at him right now with concern and care in his eyes and a part of the soldier wishes he wouldn’t. It would make it easier to try to run, to try to hurt him if Steve didn’t seem to care. Steve does care though and he holds the soldier on the cot right now, keeps him from leaving just like he has these last couple of days.

“Tell me what you need.”

Rogers says this and it sounds a bit like an order but there is gentleness to his tone, one that James never really heard from any in Hydra. It is how his hawk speaks to him and that makes the ache a bit worse. He wants Clint, wants his omega but Clint isn’t here and he was once Rogers’s and enough broken pieces of memory have come back for James to realize just who Steve was to him once. It makes it harder to see him as an enemy and the way Steve is being with him now makes it hard as well. He doesn’t say anything, tenses up in Steve’s arms but he doesn’t move away. Both of his hands curl up into fists right now and his breathing speeds up just a bit and Steve’s scent is all around him and he is still looking at James with that look of care and concern. He closes his eyes right now, needs to block out how Steve is looking at him right now. He doesn’t see Steve right now but he can still smell him, can still feel his hands on him, holding him. It is a soft touch and James thinks it would be easier to deal with this if it wasn’t.

“Tell me what you need, I’m here for you, just like before, Bucky.”

Bucky, Steve calls him Bucky again and the name may have been his once, he knows that now but he wishes Rogers would stop calling him that. He can’t be Bucky, he is the soldier, belongs to Hydra, that is what he has known for a long time but now he isn’t so certain and each time Steve calls him Bucky, it makes him a little less sure. Something is breaking inside of him, has for a while and he isn’t sure what he is anymore, who he is. Hydra has fallen, the soldier is left without a mission, James isn’t with his hawk, and Steve it asking him what he needs. It shouldn’t matter but it does and James knows he needs Clint but Clint isn’t here and Steve is and his touch is so familiar, feels nice and he doesn’t know what to say right now. He settles for a bit of the truth, speaks it now.

“I need my omega, he needs me.”

He says these words and they are as much for him as they are for Steve. He needs Clint, Clint needs him and he has to remember that, remind himself that Steve isn’t for him anymore. Steve has tensed up just a bit and there is a flare of something in his eyes for a moment, a hint of jealousy and something else but he pushes it away and speaks after just a moment, still doesn’t let James go.

“He isn’t here but we are going to find him. It is going to be alright.”

Steve says the words like they should be a comfort but James know what will happen once Clint is found, he will be taken away and James will be alone again, he won’t be allowed to keep anything. Steve is still holding him and it makes James think of the dreams he had before, the shattered memories and it makes him want just a bit but he shouldn’t want this, not anymore and he won’t be allowed to keep Steve either. Everything is a mess and James can’t force himself to move out of Steve’s arms. Instead, he shifts just a bit more and they are closer now, his face close to Steve’s and he could touch him more, could kiss him. He has before, remembers snatches of it now and a part of him wants it again, wants to know just what was taken from him and he leans just a bit closer. He brushes his lips against Steve’s and it is familiar but not the same as Clint, but he wants it, needs something to ease the ache and Steve is here. James will deal with consequences later, for now he lets himself remember for just a bit.

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“Do you think you can eat?”

The words are spoken softly, Wanda’s voice saying them and she is close to Clint but she doesn’t touch him. She and Pietro are both here, have stayed with him and are trying to take care of him and it is a bit of a comfort but not enough. Clint is burning right now, needs James, but James isn’t here and he doesn’t know when he is going to see his alpha again but at least he isn’t alone. The twins are here and they are doing their best to try to help him, to help him get through this heat.   They are worried for him right now and Clint doesn’t want them to worry and so he sits up, is going to try for them.

“I can try.”

He says it simply and Wanda gives him a smile and Pietro hands him a piece of bread. Clint takes small bites, eats some fruit after, drinks some water. The burn is still here, the need, but the food helps a bit, makes him feel stronger at least. He can feel his bond still and he hopes that James is alright. He needs his alpha, needs to find him but first he has to get through this, has to let his heat run its course.

“You can try to sleep, we won’t let anyone in here.”

It is Pietro who says this now and Clint can hear the determination in his voice. He means it and Clint nods at it, settles himself against the bedding again. The ache is still there and Clint knows it will take a while for it to lessen, to go away but he can wait it out. He closes his eyes for now, lets himself rest and he hopes that he will see his alpha soon, that he will not have to go through this without him again.

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The room is quiet right now, the sound of Bucky breathing in his sleep one of the only ones Steve can hear right now, and Steve is glad that Bucky is resting now, that he is getting some sleep. The rut is almost finished and Steve had done what he could to help and now Bucky is fast asleep. He hasn’t been getting much and Steve hasn’t either but he doesn’t rest right now, stays awake and looks over Bucky as he sleeps, thinks about everything that has just happened and what it means, if it means anything.

Bucky took him and Steve let him, gave him what he needed like they used to before but it can’t be like that anymore. Clint’s smell clings to Bucky, his mark is on Bucky’s throat, and when Steve had tried to touch it, Bucky had growled, shifted away from the touch. There had been a flare of jealousy then, a flare of guilt and Steve still isn’t sure what is going to happen once they find Clint, once he and Bucky both remember who they are. He knows that Bucky is starting to, has seen the pieces of it, but he isn’t sure what that means for them, what that means for Bucky, for Clint. So much has happened, been done to them, and Steve really wants to make it better for them all but he doesn’t know how, isn’t sure if he can. For now, Steve watches Bucky sleep, will stay with him for the rest of his rut, and has to hope that they can think of something, that they find Clint soon and that he can be strong enough to do what needs to be done for the people he cares about.

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	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this was such a long wait, I had some personal stuff come up and hit a block on this and my Winterhawk exchange fic became a monster but it is a long chapter this time and things should start moving more quickly with this fic soon. Thank you for all your support and hope you enjoy.

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His head is clearer as he wakes up, the last of his rut leaving him, and the first thing James becomes aware of is the soft murmur of voices coming a bit away, the sound of some things being put down, and then there are footsteps coming towards him. He opens his eyes now, sits up, and he can see Steve coming closer to him, a tray of food in his hands and once he reaches James, he places the tray down and gestures to it.

“Feel up to eating? There is plenty here. Take your pick.”

There is plenty of food, some hard boiled eggs, toast, fresh fruit and among it all is some peaches. He reaches for one now, thinks about his hawk. Clint loves peaches and James holds one in his hands for a few moments and he feels a pang of guilt at the thought of his hawk. What he did during his rut, the way he let Steve help ease it, it feels like a betrayal. It was something they had done before, he remembers that now and he had wanted to feel it again, but he hadn’t belonged to someone then. “You should eat that before you bruise it too much.”

Steve says this now, is looking at James’s and James follows his eyes to where they are looking at the peach in James’s hand. He has tightened his fingers around it without realizing it, they are digging into the flesh of the fruit, and he makes himself relax his grip and after a moment he takes a bite. He eats the peach slowly and he thinks about Clint as he does, can feel their bond still there, still strong but there is another ache now, something besides just the pang of guilt from earlier. He misses Clint, misses his omega and he is still not sure if he is going to be able to get to see him again. For now, he just finishes the peach and grabs some more food, eats as Steve does the same. Some minutes pass in quiet and it is when James grabs an orange, starts to peel it and eats the slices quickly that Steve breaks the silence again.

" You still gobble those down. The church used to give us oranges at Christmas and you used to always eat yours so fast, it would be gone before we would get back to our houses. You loved them. I would try to give you mine and you wouldn’t let me, would only take the last slice of it when I told you I was too full. Remember that?”

There is something fond in Steve’s voice and as James looks at him as he finishes his last orange slice. There is hope in his eyes and James watches as it breaks just a bit as he shakes his head, tells him no. James doesn’t remember that, is still only remembering bits and pieces of who he once was, just bits and pieces of who Steve was to him. He wishes that he wasn’t , that he didn’t know who Steve once was to him, that he could hate him like before, when he just thought he was the alpha that had Clint once. He doesn’t hate Steve and it makes everything messy and confusing. He isn’t sure what to do, what to say, how to get out of here, and he just finishes eating now, sits quietly and waits for something to happen, for something to be done.

“We should talk, talk about what happened, what we did, talk about Clint.”

Steve says this and James tenses up just a bit, closes his eyes now, can’t look at Steve. He doesn’t want to talk about what they did, still feels the guilt, and he doesn’t want to talk about Clint. Clint is his but he was once Steve’s and James knows that Steve must still care for him, must want him back and he doesn’t want to talk about this.

”We need to find him, Bucky, I need to find him.”

Steve says this now and his voice is closer, he has moved closer now, and James feels his hand on his shoulder.

“He’s not yours anymore.”

James says this as he opens his eyes, just a hint of possessiveness in his voice and Steve moves his hand away now, something like hurt and anger passes over his face for just a moment.

“ I know. Hydra took him, still have him now. He isn’t safe. We need to find him, help us find him.”

There is a bit of a plea in Steve’s voice, a bit of hurt, and a part of James wants to ease it, wants to soothe him. It isn’t his place to and he shakes his head. He can feel Clint through the bond, knows that he is alright, worried but there is no pain and he doesn’t want to lose him. If he helps Steve find Clint, he will lose him and Clint is one of the only things he is completely sure of right now. He won’t help them find Clint, won’t tell them about the base or the twins unless he has to and for now he says nothing and a few moments pass.

“Please, Bucky, help us find him.”

One more plea and Steve is looking him straight in the eyes and James has to look away as he speaks.

“I can’t.”

James means it. There is a sigh, a broken sort of sound and he is expecting Steve to say something more but he doesn’t, just moves towards the door now. He turns to James one more time before opening the door and leaving, says one more thing.

“I’ll be back later, we can talk more then. “

That is all that he says and then he is leaving the room, leaving James alone again.

He lays down now, closes his eyes, mind still a mess. He drifts into sleep after a bit, restless dreams plaguing him, broken memories of before, thoughts of Steve hurt, of Clint hurt, of everything being taken away, of having nothing. He wakes from it, shaking just a bit and sits up just as the door is opening, as someone steps into the room. It isn’t Steve and James isn’t sure of what to make of this visitor.

“You know, we have seen each other before, a couple of times. Steve says he is sure you are remembering things, you remember that yet?”

It is the widow, red hair still bright and she makes her way closer to him. She stands calm, collected, and he is certain that most of it is an act but he doesn’t know how much. She moves just a bit, lifts up her shirt, points to a scar near her hip, an ugly bullet mark.

“You gave me that, I don’t know if you remember yet, but it is from you. You hit your target, through me, but your shot didn’t kill me. When it first happened, I thought it was luck but I released after a while that luck wasn’t the reason why the shot didn’t kill me. You took the shot so your target would die but I didn’t have to so you let me live. I had always found that strange, still do.”

James stares at her now, not sure why she is here, why she is telling him this. He doesn’t say anything and she just looks at him for a long moment before hiding the scar again, speaking again, eyes still watching him.

“Years before that, before SHIELD, back when I was still being trained, I saw you. I remembered you, your arm and your smell mostly. We never had many alphas around, they were considered a bit stronger than omegas but still weak, and you were one of the only ones I remember. They had you test some of the older girls and I watched as some succeeded, as some failed. There had only been one that was deemed too much of a failure to continue and they gave you the order to end her. You did it quickly, didn’t make her suffer and you let her stand up for it, let her close her eyes before the shot. It was a kindness. I never got the chance to be tested by you but I remember thinking that I would have liked it, that you were better than some of the other tests. ”

She is talking about the red room and he can remember just a little bit of it, of the girls all graceful like dancers, the ones who always smelled like betas once they were older, even if the smell was off sometimes.   Natasha Romanoff is one of the few from there still alive and James knows that she is dangerous and he isn’t sure why she is standing here, talking to him about things from long ago, of what she wants.

“Why are you here?”

He asks the question and she simply tilts her head, gives a bit of a shrug now.

“I wanted to talk to you. I saw the tape from earlier, heard you tell Rogers you can’t help but I know that isn’t the truth. It isn’t so much you can’t help us find Clint as it is that you won’t. “

Her words cut to the point rather quickly and he wonders if she is going to threaten now, going to attack but she doesn’t. She just keeps her distance and keeps speaking after just a moment’s pause.

“You won’t help us because you don’t want us to find Clint, don’t want him to possibly know that you weren’t his choice, don’t want to lose him. You have been broken, I know what that is like, and you want to keep what you have.”

James is still silent and he watches her, she moves just one step closer and then she speaks again.

“I have no doubt you care for Clint, want him but you may have to make a choice. You may have to decide if it is more important for Clint to be yours or for him to be safe, to be less broken. I just want you to think about that.”

That is all she says and then she is headed back to the door, leaves as quickly as she entered. He is alone again, alone with his thoughts, with her words and James knows that she may be right, that he may have to choose soon but for now he will still keep hope that he can return to Clint, that he won’t lose what he has, that he won’t have to give it up.

<^><^><^><^>

The day after Bucky’s rut ends, Fury gives Steve a file, all the information that they have been able to find about Strucker. It is not much but it is more than they had but none of it particularly makes Steve feel better about the situation. The newest information that they have been able to find says that Strucker has been working on experiments with the spear, that he requested Clint be sent to him, and the request was honored but changed just a bit, Bucky sent with him as well and there was a note that no tests were to be done on either of them without Pierce’s direct approval.  Strucker wanted to do something with Clint, something involving the spear, and now he doesn’t have anyone to tell him he can’t. It sends worry through Steve, worry and guilt that he couldn’t protect Clint from Hydra in the first place. Right now, he is sitting down looking over the file again, just trying to see if there is anything he missed when some words draw him out of his thoughts.

“There still isn’t a location, is there?”

It is Sam who asks and Steve looks up at him now, shakes his head.

“No, no sign of where Strucker’s base was located. We know he has the spear so we can try to track that as well but we still have no idea where Clint is or if he is safe and Bucky won’t say anything about him. He is remembering, I know he is, but it isn’t enough, not yet, and he won’t help and I don’t know how to get him to.”

There is frustration in Steve’s voice and his fingers have tightened around the paper copies he holds right now. Sam moves a bit closer now, puts a hand on Steve’s shoulder and when he speaks, his voice is calm.

“I know that all this is a lot, that you want to find Clint, want to help him and Bucky, but have you thought about what is going to happen when Clint is found, weather you guys are going to bond again, because I am pretty sure that Barnes has, doesn’t want us to find him because of what might have to happen. I know that he is your friend, Clint was your omega and you want both of them safe and better, but that might not be an option. You might have to choose who is going to be your priority.”

What Sam is saying is something that Steve has thought about before, something that he doesn’t have an answer for. He doesn’t know if he will be able to and he says so now.

“I don’t know if I can, I love them both.”

The words are out and Steve can’t deny them now. He loves them both, loved Bucky for years and fell in love with Clint quickly and he doesn’t know what to do now. He takes a deep breath and Sam is looking at him now with sympathy.

“Well, you are just screwed, aren’t you?”

Sam gives just a hint of a smile as he says this and it is enough to ease the mood just a bit and Steve gives a nod.

“Yep.”

Sam shakes his head, moves his hand away from Steve’s shoulder and sets it on the papers now, makes Steve put them down.

“I don’t have a solution for you, don’t know what you should do but I do have something we can do now. You are going to put those down and then you are going to come with me to get some coffee that doesn’t come from here, preferably something sugary and delicious, and you are taking a break from all of this for at least an hour. There isn’t anything that can be done right now and even Captain America needs a break and caffeine sometimes so I won’t take no.”

Steve wants to argue but he is worn out from everything, probably does need a distraction so he just gives a nod, puts the papers down and follows Sam out of the room, hopes that he will figure out what to do in a few days, that there will be news of Clint and that it won’t be bad.

<^><^><^><^>

His heat has been over for a few days when Clint is called to see Strucker.  It was early in the morning, he and the twins have barely started their routine for the morning when guards had stopped by their room and told them that Clint, only Clint was needed for a meeting. Both twins had not seemed pleased by the news, still a bit protective over Clint form the days they spent watching him during his heat, but Clint had simply given a nod, told them that he would find them as soon as the meeting was over. Wanda had given his hand a quick squeeze and Pietro had given him a pat on the shoulder and then Clint had left the room, started walking with the guards to where his meeting with Strucker will be.

Clint is a bundle of nerves right now as he walks with the guards to Strucker, uncertainty and confusion and worry running through him and not all of it is his. There is a lot of confusion coming through the bond, a lot of worry as well, and some guilt. Something has happened that has shaken James, Clint can figure out that much from what has come through the bond but he doesn’t know what. There has not been much pain now and Clint isn’t sure if that is good or not. James isn’t being hurt but he isn’t here and there has been no word of him, of what is being done to find him. Perhaps that is what this meeting will be about, maybe they know where James is now or they are going to launch a mission to find him. If it is the second one, Clint will want to be involved but he will also want the twins with him, doesn’t want to leave them behind right now. It is something he will discuss with Strucker if it comes up, for now he walks into the lab they have led him to and Strucker is already there.

“You needed to see me? Has there been word of the soldier?”

Clint doesn’t wait for Strucker to address, asks those questions as soon as he is in the room. Strucker raises a brow at Clint but gestures for him to move a bit closer and he starts speaking as Clint moves a bit closer, can see that Strucker is standing by a table with the spear laid on it.

“I do need to see you and we have not found the soldier yet. You can feel him through the bond correct?”

Clint gives a brief nod and Strucker continues speaking.

“I want you to tell me what you have been feeling through the bond. Has there been any changes, any sudden spikes of pain?”

Strucker orders and Clint tells him just what he has felt, the confusion, the worry, but he doesn’t tell about the guilt that he has felt. That seems like something Strucker doesn’t need to know about. They speak for a few minutes about the bond, about how Clint’s heat had been, and the slight feeling of unease that Clint has is growing moment by moment. Strucker is calm but he is watching Clint with that calculating expression he has gotten before and every once in a while his gaze turns to the spear on the table. There is something about that spear that just makes Clint nervous, something about it that is familiar and terrifying but he doesn’t know why.

“The twins have progressed quite a bit, correct? They should be mission ready soon, yes?”

This question comes and Clint hesitates for just a moment. The twins could probably go on mission now but Clint doesn’t like the idea of them being sent out yet, wants to make sure they are completely ready before that happens. He settles for an answer that is truthfully but not entirely.

“They are doing well. I believe that I should be with them when they are first sent out, help make sure that they are ready. If I am sent after the soldier, I would like them to come with me. “

Struker just looks at Clint for a moment before he speaks again and as he does so, he reaches out and grabs the spear.

“I plan to have you with them when they are sent out and we will retrieve the soldier if possible but there are other priorities first. You are more than you were when you first came to Hydra but perhaps you could still be better. We will find out but there are a few things we need to test, to see. This may be a bit uncomfortable but I need to see how it affects you and we need to test the limits of your serum.”

That is all the warning Clint gets before Strucker is reaching out, touching him in the chest with the point of the spear. Fear grips Clint now as a feeling of numbness seeps into him. This is familiar, this feeling of numbness, of cold, but being afraid at the same time. This has happened before but he can’t remember and everything is dulled, including the feeling of his bond. He is himself still but dulled, waiting for directions, for orders.

“Now, we need to run some tests, follow me.”

Clint does. There are tests, simple things at first, testing his strength, his stamina. Anything he is told to do, he does, he can’t get around it even if he tries. When Strucker tells him to bleed himself, he does. Clint cuts a series of small cuts on his arm, shallow ones, and they see how long it takes them to heal. After those heal, he is told to cut deeper and he does. It goes on like that for a while, small injuries being inflicted to see how long they heal and Clint can’t stop himself from being hurt. He even sits still as they break two of his fingers, the pinkie and ring fingers on his right hand, and they set them, want to see how long it will take them to heal.  The day passes and by late afternoon, he has a collection of injuries, the broken fingers, a couple broken ribs, some cuts and burns. Some of the damage done earlier has already healed but these are taking a little longer. There is pain but it is dulled just like everything else.

“We will stop for the day, do some more tomorrow, without the spear clouding him. I want to be sure of the serum’s effectiveness and limits before proceeding with everything else. There hasn’t been a high success rate and I want to make sure we can keep him alive even if the experiments do not give any added benefits, want to keep him useful. Give him the sedative, take him to his room. We will start again in the morning. “

Strucker says this now, not to Clint but to a few of the others and then Clint’s arm is taken, a needle piercing the skin. Nothing else is said to Clint expect to follow and he is led back to his room. The sedative is starting to take hold once he is there and Clint lies down on the bed, darkness claiming him quickly. He doesn’t know how long he sleeps but after awhile he is waken by the murmur of voices and a brush of a hand against his bound fingers.

“Do you think you can sit up? There is food now, if you think you can eat.”

It is Wanda who says this, whose fingers had just brushed his own and Clint sees her as he wakes up, sees Pierto right next to her. They are back in the room now and the numbness is gone, Clint is in control of himself, can feel the bond with James and this feels familiar too, this sense of coming back to himself. He gives a small nod and sits up, body still hurting but some of the damage is less than when he went to sleep but the twins are still looking at him with concern as Pietro moves the tray with the food closer to them. He looks them both over for a moment before taking some bread from the tray, checks them for any signs of harm. They look alright and there is relief that they probably did not have to go through what Clint had to today.

“You’re hurt, what did they do?”

Pietro says this as Clint takes a bite of bread and both twins are close to him now, still looking him over The injuries are healing but there are still some visible marks and Clint takes a moment to think about his answer, to find the right words. The twins are both worried, upset that he has been hurt, he can tell by how close they sit to him, the way Wanda’s fingers keep going to his and touching the bandages and splints on them, how Pierto has sat himself between Clint and the door. He does not want them to worry but he will not hide the truth from them. He takes a breath and then tells them of the events of the day, not all the details but just enough. Clint tells them about the spear, about it touching him and losing control, how he has felt it before but he doesn’t know when, tells them about the tests, about the injuries. They are worried, Clint can tell, worried for him and he tries to reassure them the best that he can.

“The injuries are not that bad, most should be gone soon. It was some tests, nothing else. I will be alright, we will be alright, you’re safe.”

“Are we? Are you?”

It is Wanda who asks and Clint wants to tell her yes, but he isn’t sure. Everything is a mess right now and he wishes James was here, that he knew what to do. For now, he tries to reassure them both the best that he can.

“Whatever is being planned, whatever happens, we will deal with it. Tell me about your day now.”

It is an abrupt change of subject and they all know it. A moment passes and he thinks they are going to press a bit more but they don’t, instead Wanda starts to tell him what they did, their training for the day and Pietro adds comments every once in a while. Both twins keep throwing glances towards the door and every once in a while, footsteps can be heard, a fair amount of people near their room. It appears that the guards have been doubled and Clint tries not to think about that as they spend their evening together. He isn’t sure if things here are good, if they are truly safe here, but he isn’t sure where they could go, who they can trust. Clint just hopes he can figure out what is going on soon, that he can protect the twins for as long as he can, that they will find James again.

<^><^><^><^>


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is a bit more, some talking this chapter, but there will be action soon, I promise. Thank you for all the support.

James can’t sleep right now, can do nothing but pace his room. There is pain running through him but it isn’t his own, is coming from the bond and it is strong right now, not as strong as it would be if it was his own but James doesn’t like it. His omega is in pain, is being hurt and there is nothing he can do right now, just as he could do nothing earlier when there was a strange feeling of numbness coming through the bond and then some dull pain. It has been like this the last few days and James has tried to figure out a way out, tried to figure out what is going on, and he can’t. Clint is being hurt and the widow’s words are coming to him now, about Clint being his or Clint being safe and he knows that he needs to make a choice, knows that it is not just his bond that is at stake. If Clint is being hurt, there is a high possibility that the twins are in danger as well and James has promised to protect them all.

He makes a couple more laps around the room, breathes through Clint’s pain and just thinks for a few moments. There is a slight possibility that Clint has been captured or something like that but though there is confusion and fear, it is not quite right for if he was taken by someone else. There is a weariness, an uncertainty coming through the bond and it makes James think that Clint must still be with Hydra, that it is Strucker doing this. Hydra is hurting Clint and James doesn’t know why, can’t understand what is happening and he knows that he needs to make a choice soon and right now, he does the only thing he can think of.

“I need to talk to Rogers, I need to talk to Steve. ”

He says this out loud, stops his pacing and looks up where he is certain there is a camera hidden, knows that he is probably being watched right now even though it is late.

“Please, I need him to come here.”

He adds this now, hopes that the message will be given soon. He starts pacing again, focusing on the fact that he can still feel the bond, that he knows Clint is still alive even if he is being hurt, that their bond isn’t broken yet. The pain is not as sharp as before, is starting to ease a bit, and he focuses on that as well, goes and sits back down and waits.

Minutes pass and he waits, a bit of anxiety hitting him, worry about what he might need to do. A few more memories have come to him now and he knows that once he trusted Steve with his life, trusted him with everything he had, and he may need to do that again but first he needs to speak to him, needs to learn a few things so he can chose what to do. For the first time in a long time, he doesn’t have orders, has to make a call completely on his own and he is anxious about it, unsure but he is drawn out of those thoughts as the door opens and Steve walks in, barefoot and in sleep pants, hair rumpled and worry on his face as he closes the door behind and immediately moves towards James.

“You’re shaking. What was it you wanted to speak to me about?”

Steve says this and he is shaking, just a bit and Steve sits down next to him now, puts a hand on his shoulder. He should move away from the touch but he doesn’t right now, just looks up at Steve and asks a question.

“Clint chose you before, chose to bond with you? Or was he given to you?”

It is something James has been wondering about, doesn’t know much about Clint and Steve’s bond, just knows that they had one, that Clint tried to get back to him, that Steve cares for Clint but he doesn’t know how they were, why the bond started. The grip on his shoulder tightens just a bit but it isn’t bruising, just tight. There is something that crosses over Steve’s face now, a mix of anger and horror but James isn’t sure if it is directed at him or not and a moment passes before Steve speaks.

“Clint wasn’t given to me. The bond wasn’t planned, it was just something that happened after we spent time with each other, started taking care of each other during heats and ruts. He was there for me, like you were, I was there for him and it happened. I care for him and when the bond started to form, we decided to let it. We were going to start the marks when he was back but ….“

Steve stops now, doesn’t finish his sentence, the grip on his shoulder loosening a bit and James feels just a hint of guilt as he finishes Steve’s sentence for him, asks another question.

“But he didn’t come back. You looked for him, didn’t you?”

There is a nod now, Steve’s hand still warm against his shoulder and he speaks again.

“Yes, I looked for him, SHIELD looked for him. We couldn’t find him but I could still feel him, felt him through our bond. There was pain sometimes, fear and worry, and after a while, that was less, there was just confusion. I woke one night to pain, some of the worst I ever felt, and then the bond was gone and I had no idea what that meant for Clint but I still looked for him. They found his bow a little bit after that, covered in his blood and it was like watching you fall, knowing he was most likely lost like you were and I couldn’t do anything about it.”

There is grief in Steve’s words, grief and pain and for the first time, James realizes just what he has done by making Clint his, just how much he has hurt Steve without knowing it. It hadn’t mattered before, whatever pain the other alpha may have gone through when the bond broke, when Clint became his, only Clint’s pain had mattered, only soothing his omega through it and strengthening their bond. He had wanted Clint so badly and Hydra had given him to him but now there is guilt knowing what he took from Steve, guilt knowing what he took from Clint, but he tries to push it down. It can’t be changed now but he still tenses up now and Steve is looking at him and James thinks that Steve can see the guilt.

“I don’t blame you for what happened, for the bond breaking. I know you didn’t have a choice, Buck, just like Clint didn’t, that they didn’t give you one. This isn’t your fault.”

Steve says this after just a moment, words said as a comfort and his fingers rub against James’s shoulder, like he is trying to reassure James. James shakes his head just a bit now, starts to move away from Steve’s touch, a fresh wave of guilt hitting him again.

“I wanted him. Everything happened because I wanted him.”

It is the truth, James knows that it is. If he hadn’t wanted Clint, Hydra wouldn’t have grabbed him again, wouldn’t have given him to him again if James wouldn’t have wanted him so badly. He still wants him now, wants his omega but he isn’t sure if he is going to be able to keep him. He gets up now and Steve allows it, watches James as he starts pacing the room again.

“I know you wanted Clint, they used that against you, used it against us but I will do my best to make sure that won’t happen again. “

The words are a promise and James thinks Steve means them. He wants to trust him, some part of him says that he can trust him, but he still isn’t sure.

“You plan to protect him, protect me?”

He asks and Steve gives a nod. James keeps up his pacing and asks another question.

“What if you can’t protect both of us? Will you still protect him?”

He looks at Steve now, needs to know that Clint will be taken care of even if James can’t take care of him. There may be consequences for everything that has been done, all that Hydra did, and James will take them if he has to, if it means Clint and the twins will be safe from them. Steve has tensed up now, is staring at James and he looks like he doesn’t know what to say. James is about to ask the question again, insist on an answer when something happens that makes James hurt.

There is another wave of pain through the bond, a strong one, like waves of energy hitting him. It isn’t the machine, James knows that pain well and this isn’t it, but whatever is being done to Clint right now is bad, hurts as badly as the machine does. He closes his eyes at it, can feel himself shake, body feeling a bit weak, and this isn’t something being done to him but it is being done to Clint and he can feel it, knows that it has to be worse for his omega. What James is feeling now is only a reflection of what Clint feels but it still makes it hard to breathe, to think, and the only thing he is really aware of besides the pain and fear coming through the bond is the feel of arms wrapping around him.

“Bucky, you’re safe, breathe. “

Gentle words are being murmured now, arms still wrapped around him and he has been placed back on the bed, is being held. It is a comfort but he isn’t the one who needs it right now, Clint is, but he is far away, can’t be reached. He doesn’t know how long they sit there, pain throbbing through the bond, Steve holding him and comforting him, but the pain stops after a little while and James is pretty sure that Clint is unconscious now. He opens his eyes now and Steve is watching him with concern, arms still holding him close.

“It was the bond wasn’t it? Clint is being hurt.”

Steve asks now and all James can do is nod.

“Can you still feel him, still feel the bond?”

Another question and Steve’s voice shakes just a bit, eyes widened just a bit and James knows that he is worried, worried for Clint.

“I can still feel him, still feel the bond. I think he is unconscious right now but he is alive.”

Steve relaxes just a bit at this news but he doesn’t let go of James and the worry is still in his eyes. James understands the worry all too well, feels it as well, and he knows that he can’t leave Clint where he is at.

“We need to find him, Bucky.”

Steve says this now, voice quiet and James takes a deep breath now, makes himself ask again.

“You will protect him? Protect him if I can’t? “

Just a moment’s pause and Steve gives a nod. It fills James with a bit of relief even if the worry is still there. He needs more than a nod before he does what he is thinking of doing.

“I need your word that you will protect him, protect them.”

The last word comes out without James thinking about it and Steve is staring at him now with curiosity.

“Them? Is there someone else besides Clint you are worried about?”

He is going to have to talk about the twins, he knows it, but for this moment he just gives a nod.

“There is, they are important to me, important to Clint, but I need your word before I say anything else.”

James knows that most people’s words don’t matter, that promises can be broken easily, that it is simple to lie, but a part of him knows that Steve is not like that. He needs Steve’s word as a reassurance, needs it so he can do what he needs to for his omega’s safety.

“You have my word, I will do what I can to keep them safe. I promise.”

The words are said now and James believes them, believes Steve and it is a familiar feeling, this faith that Steve will do what he has to. He wishes right now that he remembered everything, that he could remember everything Steve once was to him, who he once was, could remember being Bucky fully but it is something to worry about later. Now, he needs to focus on getting Clint and the twins to safety, to getting them away.

“Will you tell me about them now, tell me what you know about where Clint is?”

James gives a nod and he tells Steve about the twins, about the mission he and Clint was given, about Strucker. He tells about the guards, about what security measures there are, about how strong the twins are, how they don’t trust easily .  He tells Steve about the pain he has felt through the bond, how it has him worried, about how he is not sure what is being done to Clint but how he knows that it isn’t good. He tells him a lot but he doesn’t give the location, doesn’t tell Steve coordinates. He can trust Steve but this is something he needs to do as well.

“I can take you to the base but I will not tell you the location unless I am with you. If there is a mission to go after Clint, I will be there.”

He says this, has no idea if it will be accepted but it is what he has to do. He has to make certain his omega gets to safety, has to make sure the twins are safe as well. Steve just looks at him for a moment, gives a nod, and finally moves his arms away from James. He feels a bit cold without the contact now, but he can deal with it.

“I will talk to the others, get things figured out. We will find them, I promise.”

Steve says this now, reaches forward and places fingers against James’s shoulder, gives it a squeeze, and then he is getting up, leaving the room. James is alone again but he can still feel the bond, knows that Clint is alive and there is no new flare of pain right now. All James can do is wait and hope that his condition is met and that they can go find Clint soon.

<^><^><^><^>

It has been a couple of hours since he left Bucky’s room, couple of hours since he started talking to the others about what is going on, and Steve feels like he is no closer to getting anything done than he was when he left Bucky. This last couple of hours have been spent arguing about what should be done, about Bucky’s condition to showing them where Clint is, and Steve wishes that it had been spent making a plan instead. Clint is being hurt, Steve knows that much from Bucky’s reaction a while ago, and he hates that nothing is being done yet.

“ We have no way to be certain that Barnes’s information is still correct, no way of knowing if any of his programing is still intact, it might be quite a risk to do this. “

Fury says this for what feels like the hundredth time and Steve gets it, he really does, but this is Clint that they are talking about and Bucky is willing to lead him to where he may be, Steve thinks it is worth the risk.

“I know the risks but I also know we don’t have much time before something happens to Clint. This may be the best chance to get him out, the best chance to get near the spear. We need to take it.”

He is arguing again, will argue until Fury agrees or walks away. Steve has already decided that this is going to happen and he will take Bucky from here himself if he has to.

“Rogers is right.”

The words come from Natasha and they all turn and look at her now as she continues.

“ They won’t be expecting an attack this soon, probably won’t be expecting Barnes to lead us. There is a risk but it can be managed. We wait too long and they finish whatever they have started, moves somewhere else. Even if they have already moved, it will give us an idea of what is going on. It is the first break we have had. We can keep an eye on Barnes and we can have Stark and who ever else we can find be backup if needed but we go in first, get them out if we can.”

She says this and Fury looks at her for a long moment. Steve and Sam just watch them right now, both waiting and Steve hopes this is the break that they need.

“Alright, but we plan this out first. I’m going to speak to Barnes, get a read on this. Decide who is doing this.”

That is all Fury says and then he is leaving the room, going to Bucky. Natasha turns to them now.

“We do this but you still have to be aware of the risks, Steve, have to know it may not go as smoothly as you hope. You prepare yourself for this, alright?”

Steve just gives her a nod and it seems to be enough for her right now and she leaves as well. It is only him and Sam now and he turns to the other man now.

“You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to, Sam, it is your choice. “

Sam just gives Steve a look before speaking.

“Told you I would help and I will. If things go south, you’re going to need me. I just need to go and arrange a few things, let me know when you need me.”

Sam gives Steve a clasp on the shoulder and leaves as well now. Steve is alone now but soon enough they should have a plan, should be on the move, and he hopes he can keep his promise to Bucky, that will be able to keep Clint safe.

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	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long, been really busy and had a terrible time with this chapter. Hope people are still reading and enjoy.

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The pain still comes through the bond, sharp at times dull at others, but it has almost been a constant since he talked to Steve, told him that he would help find Clint. James  does what he can to ease it, tries to send calm and comfort through the bond but he isn’t sure how much that helps. His feelings are a mess right now, a few more memories coming to the surface of his mind, realization of just what Hydra did to him, just what Hydra made him do, and there is more guilt now. He knows just what he did to Clint, what he did to Steve, and it hurts but he has to push it aside right now. James needs to focus on getting Clint and the twins away from Strucker, make sure they are safe and then he can face the consequences of what he allowed to happen.

It won’t be too much longer now, they are in transport and James looks around right now, thinks about those who accompany him.  He has worked with many through the years, agents whose names he has forgotten, ones who sometimes he had to kill after their usefulness was over,  and he is used to it for the most part, used to taking orders but this time is a little different.  These people were enemies not that long ago and they are all aware of that, aware of just what the soldier is capable of and it makes everything just a bit tense.

Steve is beside him, a steady presence and there is a flicker of doing this before, of being next to each other waiting to go into danger.  They trusted each other to watch out for one another, trusted each other with so much and some part of James trusts him now, knows that he is more than just a rival alpha.  Steve is talking right now to one of the others, Sam, and James knows that Steve trusts him, even though from what has been said they haven’t known each other too long.

“You and Natasha will provide a distraction if needed, try to keep Strucker occupied while we search and to give time for the authorities to show up. Think you can handle it?”

Sam just gives a bit of a nod, a small grin that is both a bit nervous and determined at the same time before he speaks.

“I can handle myself just fine, would be easier with my wings but they are down for a  bit longer, someone threw one of them in the river after all.”

There is a brief glance given to James with these words, something hard and just a bit accusatory. James just stares at him for a moment before words leave his mouth, not an apology but an explanation.

“The wings were an advantage, needed to be taken away. I had to neutralize you, consider you a possible threat.”

“Damn right I can be a threat, remember that while we are down there, ok?”

There is just a hint of threat in his voice and Steve tenses up next to James, one word coming out now, a hint of warning and in his voice.

“Sam.”

“As long as he has your back, I’ll have his, if not there might be problems. I just want him to be aware of that.”

Sam says this, has his hands up and open, posture purposefully relaxed and it is enough to make Steve relax a bit as well. James just turns his eyes to Sam, makes sure the other man is looking at him as he speaks.

“I will have his back.”

James means it, Steve has promised to keep Clint and the twins safe if James can’t and he will protect the other man to make sure he can.  Sam just gives another nod, says good, and asks Steve a few more questions about the plan before it grows quiet again and James looks out through the window, gets lost in his thoughts for a while again.

“We will be landing soon, get yourselves ready.”

It is the widow’s voice that breaks him out of his thoughts and he gives a brief glance to where she is sitting in the pilot’s seat. She seems the most relaxed out of them but James knows that most of that is a mask,  that she was taught to hide herself at most times. She didn’t talk much during their flight, had already spoken to James alone before they left and he thinks about how words now.

“Clint might be your omega but he was my partner first, gave me a chance when few would. I’m going to get him back, help him, and if you care for him at all, you will do the same, no matter what it might cost you. “

It had been simple and to the point and he knows she was talking about more than just getting Clint away from Stucker, was talking about Clint regaining what has been taken form him, and James knows that soon he might have to choose to give up the only thing he has to make sure Clint is safe and whole. For now, he pushes the thought aside and focuses on getting Clint and the twins to safety, focuses on the mission.

 

 

 

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One of the first things James ever told Clint was that he was safe, that Hydra was safe and it was something that they both told the twins. It was something that they both thought was true for the most part, didn’t feel like a lie but Clint knows now that even if it was true once, it isn’t anymore. It isn’t safe here but it may not be safe to leave and Clint isn’t sure if he could right now. The last few days have left him worn, pain still coursing through him from the last session and it is taking a lot of effort to listen to the voices next to him, to focus on what they are saying.

They are speaking in their native tongue, the Slovakian a little harder to understand but Clint can make out some of their words and their tone of voice tells him just as much.  There is worry in both of their voices, worry and a bit of anger, and  they are speaking quietly, words meant mostly for each other but they are close enough to Clint that he can hear them.  There is talk of what is being done to Clint, how he is surviving for now, still smells the same but it is taking a toll.  He can hear Wanda say something about the bruises covering him, how dark and angry they look, and he can hear Pietro tell her that they will stop them from taking him tomorrow and that is what makes Clint speak, open his eyes and look at them as he does so.

“Don’t stop them from taking me. They will hurt you if you try.”

His words come out a bit hoarse, with a hint of pain in them and they draw the attention to him. They are both looking at him.

“If we don’t, they will hurt you. I don’t know how much more you can take, the others did not last long.”

It is Wanda who says this, voice gentle but firm. Clint knows what she is talking about, they are putting him through the same experiments that the she and Pietro went through and they were the only two to survive and they gained powers but they lost as well, lost their dynamics.  He hasn’t been changed like that yet, still smells like an omega and he can still feel his bond, still feel James. It is a comfort to know that his alpha is still alive, even if most of the feeling coming through the bond right now is worry and confusion. There is something else there as well, determination and a little hope and that is enough to keep Clint going, to remind him of the promise he made.

“I can take it. If there is a chance, you two should leave. It isn’t safe here anymore.”

He says this now, means it. Everything with the spear has made Clint uneasy, the fact that they have not been given any answers about the search for James makes him wonder what else they have not been told, and the increased amount of guards and restrictions reminds him that they are treated more like objects that people. It was something he had accepted before, something James told him was needed, but something inside of Clint knows it isn’t right, wants more for the twins  than this.  They deserve to be more than weapons.

“We aren’t leaving without you. Do you think you can make it out if we try?”

Pietro asks, and he has taken a hold of Clint’s arm now, and takes a quick glance the door. There is probably a guard outside of it but they are speaking quietly right now and even with all the new restrictions and guards, they aren’t recorded here.  Pietro looks over to Wanda and Clint can see something being spoken about with that glance and then they are looking at him. They want to run now, he can see it in their eyes, and it is a temptation.  Clint thinks about it for just a moment before shifting just a bit, the small movement causing a fresh wave of pain to course through his body.  There is too much damage right now, his body still worn and stiff and he doesn’t think he could make it far.  He shakes his head.

“I don’t think I can. Not tonight. “

It is an honest answer, he doesn’t think he would be able to fight very much right now, he would just slow them down. A moment passes before Pietro speaks again, something firm in his tone.

“Then we won’t go now. It can wait till we can all go.”

Clint wants to argue with those words but he doesn’t think it will do much good right now, Wanda has given a little nod at Pietro and he knows both twins are in agreement now that they will not leave with out him. Wanda moves and gets a bottle of water, offers  it to Clint and he drinks down what he can, eats a little afterwards.  He doesn’t move from the bedding and the twins stay close by. After a few more minutes, they have laid down beside him and Wanda asks a question.

“Can you still feel him, is he alright?’

She is asking about James and Clint takes a breath now, feels the bond and then gives a nod.

“I can feel him, he isn’t being hurt but he is worried, confused, but determined. I think he might be coming back.”

This last part is said softly and Clint isn’t sure about it but he thinks it is true. There is just something coming through the bond right now that tells him that James has a plan of some sort.

“Hopefully soon.”

Pietro says this now and Clint just gives a nod, closes his eyes now. He feels so worn and there is still pain but it isn’t difficult to fall asleep with the twins warm beside him.

He dreams again, of James like always but of others as well, red hair and a devious grin,  a man with an eye patch,  a blue glow and cruel whispers.   Then there is the man with blond hair again, strong hands and gentle words.  There is safety with this man, safety and a sense of belonging, of want.  It is odd, feeling this with someone other than James, other than his alpha, but in the dreams it feels right.  The feeling goes away when Clint wakes, is replaces with a feeling of loss, of longing and not all of it is for James.  He pushes the feeling down as the morning begins, as he and the twins eat breakfast.

It is not long until the guards enter the room, tell them Clint needs to come with them. They have weapons at the ready and both twins step in front of Clint, intent on stopping it.  He will not allow them to be hurt so he shakes his head at them, steps around them and goes with the guards, hopes he isn’t making a mistake and prepares himself for the next round of pain.

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It is a bit like old times, coming up with the plan, entering the base with Bucky, but Steve knows that it just isn’t quite the same, probably won’t ever be just like that again.  Too much has changed, Bucky still isn’t quite Bucky right now though Steve can see him more in the soldier now, and there is danger with them being here, with Bucky being here. He told them of the triggers, of the words, of how it can be worked around as long as they aren’t all said, how Strucker may not have the proper words since Pierce didn’t trust him. It is still a risk having him here and that is why he is searching with Steve, avoiding a confrontation with Strucker while Sam and Natasha do their best to cause enough trouble to keep Strucker here till the authorities they have gotten ahold of get here.

“We should spilt up, cover more ground that way.”

Bucky says this and Steve hesitates for just a moment, doesn’t want Bucky out of his sight, doesn’t want to risk something happening that could cause Bucky to fight him again, but they need to find Clint and the others quickly so he gives a nod now.

“Alright, keep on the comms, let me know if you find them or come across more trouble.”

Bucky gives a nod, starts down the opposite way that Steve goes. They have already ran into a few guards, took care of them, and it had been something to see just how much Bucky has changed. He had dealt with them with a ruthlessness that Steve thinks may have always been inside of him but that has been unleashed a bit now. He didn’t kill them, though Steve thinks he may have wanted to, but he did hurt them and Steve didn’t stop him.  Hydra has done so much to him, to them, that Steve won’t stop Bucky from lashing out at them.

He makes his way down the hall, runs into a few more guards and there seems to be more of them this way and there is chatter on the comms, Natasha saying something about how there is communication on the base’s comms to stop the experiment and get the assets out, how two of them may need to be subdued. He is on the right path, Steve is sure of it and as he reaches a new door, there are more guards and they are trying to stop him and Steve stops them, knocks them out and quickly opens the door.

He is here, Clint is here, Steve can smell him as soon as he opens the door, can smell his omega’s scent that he has missed for so long. He is strapped to a table, the spear near  by, and he is pale and shaking, eyes closed, and there are others near him, getting ready to move him.  Steve sees red at others touching his omega, at everything that has been done, and he lets his rage take over for a few minutes.

He fights the guards, doesn’t hold back. The shield flies, hits bones and flesh and Steve lashes out with himself as well. It is instinct, the alpha in him needing to get the threat away from his omega, needing to hurt those who hurt his omega, and they are all on the ground in moments,  knocked out and wounded and Steve moves closer to Clint now, speaks into his comms as he does so.

“I found him, four doors from when we separated. Get in here.”

It is a simple and he can hear Bucky say that he will be there soon as he looks at Clint, who opens his eyes now and is staring at Steve and the look makes Steve freeze in his tracks just a bit.

There is confusion in his glance, confusion and something that is almost like fear and there isn’t really recognition.  Steve knew that this was likely, knew that Clint had been wiped just like Bucky had been but it still cuts deeper to not have his omega know him. His smell is a bit different now, Bucky’s in it, and that and the bite mark on his throat are reminders that he isn’t Steve’s anymore, no matter how much Steve wants him to be.

“You’re safe, Clint, I won’t hurt you.”

He says this gently, takes another step towards Clint, wants nothing more than to hold him but Clint shifts just a bit, away from him and mumbles a bit.

“Just a dream, always a dream.”

“Not a dream. I’m here, we are here, it is going to be alright. “

Steve says this, tries to make it sound soothing and he reaches out now, needs to touch Clint needs to know that he is here, needs to finish undoing the straps. His fingers reach his arm, touches warm skin for just a moment before something hits him, a wave of energy crashing into him and an angry voice can be heard.

“Step away from him now.”

Steve glances towards the door way and there is a girl there, red energy around her hands and anger in her eyes. Bucky had told him about the twins, told him about their powers, about what they look like and he has no doubt about who stands in the door. Now, he needs to calm her down and hope things don’t escalate.

“I’m here to help. I promise you, I won’t hurt him.”

He tries to keep his tone gentle and kind, keeps his stance relaxed. She doesn’t say anything, just stares at him for a long moment and Steve decides it might be safe to move back to Clint.  He takes a step closer and the girl tenses up again.

“I said step back.”

Steve is once again knocked away from his path to Clint but this time it isn’t a bolt of energy that does it. Instead he feels the impact of a body, sees a blur, and then is hit again. It is the boy and Steve tries to hit but he is fast and Steve isn’t used to dealing  with someone quite so fast. He gets a hit in but the kid pushes him down again, is hitting Steve with as much as he can, has knocked away his shield, and the girl has moved towards Clint now, is starting to unfasten his bonds.  Steve needs to get them to stay here, can’t let them leave but before he can figure out what to say, another voice is heard.

“Pietro, stop.”

It is two simple words but Steve is pretty sure it is who says it that gets  Pietro to stop his hits.  Bucky is in the door way now, is making his way to Clint and there is a moment of quiet till it is broken again.

“James.”

Clint whispers the name but Steve hears it clearly, hears all the relief in it and he sees Bucky smile at it. He is to Clint now and Wanda steps aside, lets him under the bindings but stands close to him and Pietro steps towards them now as well, is still watching Steve. He doesn’t move forward yet, just watches as Bucky undoes the straps and touches Clint, watches as Clint leans into the touch.

“Hello, hawk.”

Bucky says it softly, touches the mark on Clint’s throat and something inside Steve aches to see the way Clint leans into the touch.  

“We need to go.”

Steve says this now, draws attention back to himself and Bucky gives a nod, helps  Clint up as the twins look at him. They look hesitant to trust Steve but Bucky speaks after just a moment.

“He’s a friend. We need to leave, I can explain later.”

It seems to work for the twins and they all head to the door now, Steve in the lead and he tries not to think about how Clint leans into Bucky, how Bucky helps guide him down the hall ways the best he can, how the twins walk beside them like they are going to guard them.  It is something he can think about later, how maybe he doesn’t fit with them, but for now he leads them all to safety and hope they can all recover.

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	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it has taken me so long to update something, life has been pretty hectic. Hope people are still reading and hoping to get more of this or another story up soon.

It hurts to move right now, agony cursing through his body, but Clint still moves, still walks alongside James, leaning into his alpha as they leave this place. He grips James’s arm tightly, needs to have a hold of him, to feel him right now and it helps him to push the pain aside having James here, warm and solid beside him. His alpha is here beside him and they are leaving this place, taking the twins with them and it fills Clint with relief as they all walk out of here.

“We are almost there, they will meet us there.”

The words are spoken by the alpha that  walks a few feet ahead of them, the one that is so familiar to Clint, the one he is almost certain he has dreamed about.  James had called him a friend earlier and he had said his name was Steve as they left the base and Clint knows that he knew him once, knows his scent and he tries not to think about what that means right now just focuses on moving.

“Who is meeting us there?”

It is Wanda who asks,  looks to James for the answer.  She is a bit weary of Steve, both of the twins are, Clint can tell by how they keep distance between them and the alpha but have put themselves in the space between him and Clint.

“Some people we can trust right now.”

It is a simple answer and Clint believes James, gives a nod when Pietro looks over at him. The twins are following their lead right now and Clint hopes that they are all making the right call by going with these people . They move a bit quicker now and soon enough they are approaching a plane of some sort, two people standing just outside of it.  The man is completely unfamiliar but there is something about the woman’s red hair that draws Clint’s eyes to her.  Her eyes catch his and she says one word as she takes a step forward.

“Clint.”

It is his name and there is something in the way she says it, a familiarity and hopefulness and she knows him, Clint knows somehow that she does, knows that he knows her somehow but there is nothing more than just flickers from the dreams.

“I don’t remember your name.”

He says this and he thinks there is a flash of pain in her eyes for just a moment before it is gone, her face settling into a neutral expression.

“My name’s Natasha. Authorities have Strucker contained for now, we should head out. ”

She gestures with those words and Steve takes a step towards the jet but the twins do not follow, hold back just a bit and look at James again who gives a nod and then they move forward, never stray too far from Clint and James.  The others move as well, all of them into the plane and Clint is seated next to James soon enough,  Wanda and Pierto close by and Steve and the other man just across from them, Natasha moving to the front.  There are some moments of quiet as the plane takes off and then the other man gets something from a bag nearby him, looks over to them before speaking and holding something out.

“Don’t know if you guys have had a chance to eat, these aren’t great but I promise they aren’t poisoned or anything so you’re welcome to them. I’m Sam by the way.”

There is something that looks like some sort of protein bars in his hand, a few of them and James looks to Pietro, gives a little nod and then Pietro reaches out and takes them, offers one to Wanda and then to Clint. He doesn’t feel like he can eat right now so he shakes his head just a bit and Pietro simply gives a nod, opens up his own bar and starts to eat. Sam gives a little smile and starts munching on a bar of his own and it is quiet again and Clint finds his eyes drifting to Steve again.

Steve is looking over at Clint, looking over at him and James and there is something in his eyes, something relieved but also sad and it makes something in Clint ache just a bit.  He knows his smell, knows his eyes and Clint has an inkling about who Steve may have been to him once but he is afraid to say anything, isn’t sure exactly what is going on, what it means that he is here, that James called him a friend.  It is something that Clint can focus on later, right now he turns his eyes away from Steve, settles his head against James’s shoulder and lets his alpha hold him. It doesn’t take long before he is drifting off and he hopes that when he wakes, things will make more sense.

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It has been a long day and Steve knows that he should go to his own room, should get some rest but he can’t leave the med room right now, needs to stay near Clint and Bucky. Clint is in a bed, currently asleep and he has been drifting in and out of consciousness since he passed out on the plane and there are various monitors hooked up to him. He has been through the ringer and from the information that they have found out so far it is mostly the serum that he has that has kept him in as good of shape as he is in.  They don’t know yet if the spear has done anything permanent to him yet but Steve is just glad that he is away from it now, can’t be subjected to it anymore and he knows that Bucky feels the same.

Bucky has yet to leave Clint since they found him at the base, would not be separated from him when they were brought here and Steve understands. He can remember how helpless he had felt when he felt Clint’s pain through their bond and he knows that Bucky has felt the same way the last few days. He wishes he could comfort them both somehow right now but he isn’t sure how and he isn’t sure that he should move too close to either of them with the twins in the room right now.

Steve isn’t quite sure what to make of the twins yet. They are young and from what Bucky has said they have already gone through a lot and they have been quiet for the most part during the flight and the hours spent here though there has been the occasional word spoken. Sam had talked to them a bit on the flight and they don’t seem as cautious about him as they are everyone else here. Steve is the one that they have kept the closest eye on and he thinks he understands why. They are close to James and Clint, that is very obvious and they may see Steve as a bit of a threat even though he hasn’t said anything about his relationship with either Clint or Bucky.   For right now, Steve tries not to give them any reason to distrust him anymore than they already do, sits a little further away in the room  next to Natasha though he wants nothing more than to be right next to Clint and Bucky, to comfort them both but he isn’t sure it is his place anymore.  He watches them right now, watches how Bucky leans in close to Clint, has a hand resting on his throat near the mark, watches how Wanda grips Clint’s right hand, Pietro’s hand on top of hers. They look a bit like a family right now and he knows he isn’t the only one to notice.

“Clint still managed to pick up strays with everything that has happened.”

Natasha murmurs this softly and Steve turns and looks at her now. She is sitting in the chair, posture straight and eyes looking over at the others and Steve knows that he isn’t the only finding all of this difficult, remembers the look on her face when Clint said he didn’t remember her name. It appears he has a sense of memory about them but nothing concrete and there is no way to know when he will get the memories back.  Bucky is remembering, Steve knows he is, but it still seems to be a slow process and Steve hopes that he can be patient for it, but it gives him hope that  Clint will be able to remember too. Right now he just looks at Natasha, offers a bit of comfort.

“He is good at it. It is nice though, knowing that there are some things that they couldn’t wipe away. He’ll remember.”

He says this as a reassurance and Natasha just gives a little nod.

“He probably will, just don’t how smoothly everything will go after. ”

Her words make Steve think of that as well, think about what might happen once things settle more. Clint and Bucky are bonded and Steve had watched them on the plane, had seen how they were with each other, the quiet affection, the care. Their bond looks strong and they both seem content in it now but from what they have learned, Clint didn’t finish the bone till he was wiped, till he couldn’t remember who he was anymore and who knows how he will react to it once he starts remembering things before the bond.  It is going to be rough for all of them and Steve isn’t sure how he can help but he knows he has to think of something that will help both Bucky and Clint. His thoughts are drawn away when the door opens now, Sam walking in.

“Hey, I did my briefing with Fury but he wants to speak with you two as well. Sooner we get it done, sooner you can come back here.”

Sam says this and Steve doesn’t want to leave but he knows that if they don’t go to Fury that he will come here and that may not be the best idea.  He gets up now just as Natasha does the same but he doesn’t head to the door yet, instead takes a couple steps closer to the bed, is next to Bucky and places a hand on his shoulder to get his attention. He can feel the twins’ eyes on him but he doesn’t focus on them right now, looks Bucky in the eye and speaks.

“We have to do a briefing but I will be back when I can. If any of you need anything, let someone know. I will take care of it.”

Bucky gives a quick nod and Steve simply squeezes his shoulder once and leaves the room with the others, hope it won’t take too long before he is back again.

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“Are you sure we can trust him, trust them?”

The question is out of Pietro’s mouth a few moments after Steve leaves the room with Sam and Natasha, spoken in a hushed tone of voice and James has been expecting it. He waits only a moment before giving an answer.

“There isn’t much choice right now. I need to make sure that you are protected and I can’t do that on my own and Steve has made a promise to keep you safe if I can’t.”

“Who is he to you that you can trust his promise?”

Wanda asks now, curiosity in her eyes and James has to think for a moment before answering. 

“He’s a friend, knew me before I became this, for a while he was the most important thing I had.”

It is the truth, James knows this even though his memories are still fractured and he is still dealing with knowing just who Steve was to him once, just how much he has hurt him.  Pietro has tensed up just a bit now and Wanda’s eyes have widened just a bit.

“You are remembering who you were?”

Pietro asks and James gives a short nod.

“Bits and pieces, not everything, not yet but it is coming back.”

A moment of quiet settles with his words, the twins not quite sure what to say and James is not sure either but then the moment is broken by Clint shifting just a bit, eyes opening and looking up at James.

“Hey.”

The word is said softly and he looks so worn but Clint smiles at James and he can’t help but smile back. He has missed him so much and there is relief in having him back now. James strokes his fingers across Clint’s mark and speaks softly.

“You are away from there, they won’t hurt you anymore.”

This is what James says instead of telling Clint that he is safe. He said that before, told him repeatedly that it was safe when Clint would argue that it wasn’t, reassured him that it was after the wipes and James had been wrong.  Clint brings a hand to James’s throat now, touches the mark that is there with a soft touch and he is trying to soothe him right now.

“How do you feel?”

Wanda asks now and Clint turns his attention to her but keeps his fingers on James’s mark.

“Tired and stretched out, pain is not as bad as earlier but still there, don’t know how long I will stay awake. They were here earlier, Natasha and Steve?”

Clint asks and Pietro gives  a nod.

“They were called away a bit ago. They act like they know you. ”

Pietra mutters this with just a hint of question in his voice and Clint looks at all them for just a moment before he speaks.

“They do. I know them, not sure how, can’t remember more than flickers but I know them even if I don’t know who they are to me.”  


There is a hint of confusion in his voice, just a bit of frustration, of worry and James can feel a bit of  all that through the bond as well.  Clint’s words make a part of James worry as well. That is how it started for him, the memoires becoming more than just dreams, seeing Steve and knowing somehow that he knew him. Clint may start remembering fully soon and James doesn’t know what that will mean for them, what it will mean for them if all of his own memories return as well. For right now, he focuses on pushing the worry aside and brushes a kiss against Clint’s forehead.

“They will be back later, you can talk to them then, right now you should rest.”

It is all James says right now and Clint just gives another little smile before moving his hand away from James’s throat and then closing his eyes again.  James can put aside his worries for now, Clint is here, the twins are here, and for right now they are safe and James will do he must to keep them that way.


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it has taken so long for chapter, life has been hectic and I was working really hard on my ot5 fic. Hope people are still reading and enjoying. Comments would be awesome.

 

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It has been about three days since Clint woke up here and there is a lot of confusion and uncertainty but less pain, whatever was done to him with the spear healing. He still feels worn and doesn’t stay awake for long periods of time but it is getting better and he thinks that they are safe here for now till they can figure out what to do. James and the twins have stayed in this room with him and that is all that really matters, that they are back together and safe,  and things are looking up for the most part, even if he isn’t quite sure what to think about the others who have just came in with trays.  His eyes glance over at them as one of them of speaks and he thinks about them as they move closer.

“Food is here, also got some more stuff for you guys, some stuff to look at,  some cards.  Trying to see about getting some tv or something but that might still take a little time.”

It is Sam who says this and he is the one that confuses Clint the least. There is no sense of strange familiarity when he sees him, the other day being the first time they have met from what has been said and that is kind of nice. There are no expectations involved with Sam, he didn’t know him from before and it is a relief in some ways to have someone that isn’t waiting for him to remember more.  Most of the others are waiting for him to remember certain things, seem to know him, and he isn’t quite sure how to deal with it.

“I’ll talk to Fury about it. “

It is Natasha who says this and Clint looks over at the redhead right now, is a little familiar with the name she said. The man himself come in once before,  he brought with him a sense of authority and had told them that they could discuss what would need to be done when Clint was in better standing.  He had not stayed long and Clint had noticed the bruising on him, how stiff he walked, and a part of him just felt relief that he was still walking, a sense of respect towards him. Enough has been said that he knows that he has worked with him before, worked with the others as well but he can’t remember it.

“There’s coffee too, already poured you a cup, no sugar.”

Natasha says this now, holds out the cup to him and Clint takes it without hesitation.  He takes a sip of it, it is just little bitter and not too hot, just how he prefers it and he gives her a little smile.

“Thanks. It’s good.”

She gives a small smile in return, a small nod and sits down next to Sam, somewhat close to where Clint is.  She was his partner, that is what he has been told, what he has heard, and Clint knows that it wasn’t the same way that James is his partner but he doesn’t think it was any less important. She has come by as often as she can, has sat and talked sometimes, and he thinks that there is relief in her gaze when she looks at him and also sadness.  He means a lot to her, he knows that much, and he is certain that she is important to him, has gotten tiny little flashes of her but not enough to say much yet and he wishes it was more.  He pushes that thought aside, focusing on his coffee and the food and tries not to think too much about the other person who has come in as well, who keeps just a bit of distance right now.

Clint doesn’t know what to think of Steve yet, only has small flashes and James’s words to go off of. James has called him a friend, said he knew him before he was the solider but he has not said how Clint knows him.  James knows who he was to Clint, Clint has no doubt about that, but he hasn’t said much about it and Clint has his suspicions but he isn’t sure if he wants them confirmed or not.  The twins for their part seem pretty cautious around Steve but he isn’t sure if it is because they have the same suspicions as Clint or simply are weary of another alpha being near him and them.  Right now, they just give him little glances shaded with a little glare and reach for some of the food.

Clint just drinks his coffee right now, listens to the little chatter there is. Sam asks the twins if they would like to play go fish in a bit and Wanda gives a nod while Pietro makes some teasing comment about how he would love to win. A game is started, just Sam, Wanda, and Pietro at first, Natasha just sitting there, Steve standing by, and James right next to Clint, close and touching.  There is a bit of tension in the air but not too much and the twins seem to be enjoying themselves, despite Pietro’s pouting when he doesn’t win.  Sam asks after the first game if anyone else wants to play.

“I’ll play if it isn’t go fish.  Do you know poker?

Natasha says this and Sam gives a grin while the twins think about it. There is a brief dissucion of the rules and then they are getting ready to play, Natasha taking the deck from Sam. She starts to shuffle it, mixing the cards together in an almost elaborate way and Clint watches her, watches her hands.  It is so familiar the way she does and there is just a flash of something, half a memory of watching her do this before, of her not doing it quite the same way, of showing her this.

“I taught you that, didn’t I?”

He asks now, can feel James tense up just a little bit, and there is a brief smile on Natasha’s face.

“Yes you did. It was Budpest. Remember the rest of that mission?”

She asks and there is just a little bit of hope in her eyes and Clint hates to dash it but he won’t lie to her.

“No, I don’t. Sorry.”

There is a brief flash of sadness in her eyes, so brief that Clint almost thinks he doesn’t see it,  right before she speaks.

“It is alright. We can talk about it later.”

She says this but he is sure that it isn’t really alright, that all of this is  hurting her and he wishes it wasn’t. He can’t remember her, not enough, not details, but he knows that he cares for her and he doesn’t like her being hurt like this but he isn’t sure what to do.  It is something he will need to figure out at some point.

A little more time passes as the game is being played, a little more conversation, and Clint has finished all of his coffee and the food that James gave him.  It wasn’t much, Clint still not having much of an appetite but it should help.  He feels stronger and he kind of wants out of the bed for a bit, maybe stretch his legs.  Clint looks over at James now, shifts just a bit as he speaks.

“I’m going to go wash up, think I can do it by myself want to try at least.”

James gives a simple nod, lets Clint get out of the bed. He can feel the others watching him but he isn’t too worried. It is a small walk to the little bathroom there and he just wants to wash his face.  He still feels a bit weak but it isn’t too bad and he is almost to the bathroom when a little bit of dizziness takes over. He starts to sway and then there are arms wrapping around him, steadying him, a familiar alpha scent but it isn’t James.  Steve is right beside him, steadying him and looking at Clint with soft blue eyes but before Clint can say anything, there is a bit of commotion, a blur of motion and Steve is pushed away from him. James is right beside him in just a moment as Clint hears Pietro shout.

“Don’t touch him.”

There is anger in Pietro’s voice and Steve backs away just a bit.

“I wasn’t going to hurt him, I would never hurt him, he’s…”

The rest of Steve’s sentence sort of dies on his lips as he glances over at Clint and James, as he sees Clint lean into James just a bit more.

“He isn’t yours.”

It is Wanda who says this, has risen from her spot as well, stands next to Pietro facing Steve. Natasha and Sam have gotten up as well, are watching and Clint knows that something needs to be said.

“I was yours once, wasn’t I?”

He asks it simply, can feel a rush of worry from James but he pushes himself closer to his alpha, tries to soothe him a bit. Steve just looks at him for a moment before giving a small nod. It is confirmation of everything Clint has wondered about and he isn’t sure whether he should feel relief or not. 

He was Steve’s once, he knows that now, dreamed about it before, and smelled his scent on his skin before he gave James his mark. Steve still cares, Clint is certain of that, knows it somehow but he isn’t sure that it is enough.  He was Steve’s once but he doesn’t really remember it and he isn’t Steve’s anymore and that needs to be known, needs to be understood.

“I’m not yours now, can’t be yours. I’m his. ”

He has a hand on James’s arm now, squeezes it, wants his alpha to know that he is his, just his, even if he might have been someone’s else before. He sees the pain in Steve’s eyes as he says this and it brothers him just a bit, makes a little part of him ache but it shouldn’t matter, Steve isn’t his anymore.

“I know.”

Steve says this and there is just that hint of pain in his voice and Clint is not the only one to hear it because Sam moves closer to him.

“Hey, lets go take a walk, come back in a bit. Ok?”

Steve has taken a step closer to Clint and James but he gives a little nod to Sam, lets him lead him out of the room.  James starts to move Clint back to the bed and Clint goes, doesn’t really protest right now. Wanda and Pietro take their usual spots by the bed. It is quiet again, quiet till Natasha speaks and draws attention to herself.

“I know you don’t remember much of your life before but I want you to know that we were a part of it and we want to be a part of it now, just let us know how you want us there.”

She says it so honestly and Clint gives a little nod.

“I will. Thank you for the coffee.”

She gives her own little nod and then she is out the door and it is just the four of them.  James is the one to break the quiet.

“I wasn’t sure how to tell you who Steve was to you, who he was to me, didn’t want it changing things between us.”

There is worry in his voice and Clint  can feel it through the bond. He does what he can to soothe his alpha.

“I’m yours and you’re mine. Even when I remember more, when you remember more, it won’t change that.”

Clint is certain of that but James doesn’t look quite convinced. Wanda speaks before Clint can say more.

“Do you want to remember more? You didn’t before.”

She asks and Clint remembers that she talked to James about this before, remembers saying it was best to focus on now. He thinks for a moment before speaking.

“It didn’t matter before, my past wasn’t there, was going to be taken away again if I had it. Now, it is here and I’m still not sure about it but sometimes I do wish I remembered everything. You think you could help?”

She looks hesitant for only a moment before giving a small nod.

“I think I could help the memories return but I’m not certain if it would work completely, what consequences there may be. If it is something you want, I can try.”

He wants to tell her yes but he still isn’t quite sure and he is starting to feel worn out again. James is looking at him with a bit of worry, rests fingers against his mark and speaks quietly.

“Don’t decide right now, wait a little bit, rest. There is time.”

He says this calmly, reassuringly but Clint can still feel a bit of his worry, worry and something that feels like guilt.  He just leans into the touch and decides that he will ask about the guilt later, just addresses the worry for now.

“Alright, I will decide later. Let’s play cards till I feel like sleeping again.”

“You mean I will beat you at cards till you feel like sleeping.”

Pietro says this with just a bit of a grin and Clint shakes his head as he gestures for the cards to be given to him. He shuffles and they play and he tries not to think about how complicated things feel for a little while.

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Sam is true to his words and makes Steve take a walk though he refuses to leave the base. Instead, they walk around the inside of it, go outside for a few minutes, before they end up in the gym. Sam gestures to the bag there and Steve shakes his head just a bit.

“Not sure if that is the best idea. I have  a tendency to break them.”

Sam gives a bit of a grin.

“Hey better you break a punching bag then something else. Besides I kind of want to see that.”

Steve just shakes his head but he goes with Sam’s suggestion, lets out some of his tension on the bag.  He is riled up right now, the stress of everything getting to him just a bit,  Bucky still only remembering pieces of him, Clint not knowing him much at all, trying to figure out what to do when Clint is strong enough to possibly leave base.  Fury isn’t sure the four of them should be allowed to leave anytime soon,  he didn’t even want them sharing that room but Steve had argued with him about it and Natasha and Sam had both backed him. Sam’s reasoning being that it wouldn’t do much good to treat the twins like prisoners after everything that had happened but Steve is pretty sure it was Natasha who connived Fury to let the four stay together.

“It was the four of them there, we take them away from each other, they have no reason to trust us or listen to us. Clint will have no reason to trust us.”

Steve is pretty sure that those last words were what got Fury to agree to them all being allowed to stay in the room with Clint and he thinks it was a good call though it hurts sometimes to watch the four of them, to watch Clint and Bucky together. Jealousy has ran through him often these last few days, jealousy and hurt and loneliness.  Bucky and Clint were both lost to him for a while and even now that he has them back, he really doesn’t have them back and it hurts. He lets it overwhelm him for just a moment as he throws a punch and soon enough  the bag is across the room.

“You weren’t kidding about breaking them. How many of those have you done that to?”

Sam asks now and his tone is  just a bit impressed. Steve just shrugs.

“A few. I think I’m done for today, should probably go clean up.”

He says this and Sam gives a little nod but stops him before he moves too far.

“Do that, clean up, take a nap, draw, just do it in your room today. I know you want to see them but I think you should take a break today, have a little distance. It might help.”

Steve wants to argue but he is tired right now so he just gives a nod and heads to take a shower. He cleans up and then goes to his room, tries to draw for a little while but he can’t keep his focus.  He lays down after awhile, tries to get some sleep, and tries not to think about the sting Clint’s words had, tries not think about how it almost hurts to look at them sometimes.

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Steve doesn’t come back to the room that day and James is not sure whether to be relieved or worried. Sam had come by himself, said that Natasha had things to take care of and that Steve was resting, and that had been different but not too bad. He had stayed for a little bit of time, had brought some candy, told the twins that they should let him know if they liked any of it and that he could get them more, had played cards with them again.   James thinks that he may have taken a liking to them and they seem to be warming up to him as well.  He left after a bit and then it was just the four of them and Clint has been sleeping for a while now, Pietro had fallen asleep just a half an hour ago but is probably out for the night and James turns to Wanda now, has something he wants to discuss with her.

“Do you really think you could return his memories to him?”

He asks now, needs to know how certain she is. She had offered once before and he had turned her down, afraid of what it would do but now he knows he needs to face that fear.  Things are going to change, he is certain of that, and he just has to hope that his bond with Clint will withstand it, that he won’t lose what he has now.  Wanda looks at him for moment before she answers.

“I believe I can and I will if he asks me to although I’m worried about what it might change.”

She says this and he thinks he knows what she is thinking about. If Clint gets his old memories back and decides to go back to that life and reject everything else, James is not the only one that will lose him. He puts his flesh hand on her shoulder and tries to reassure him.

“He will still care for you and Pietro, I don’t think that will change. “

“Are you worried about his care for you?”

She asks now and the question freezes him for just a moment. He won’t lie to her so he gives her the truth.

“Yes. Clint had a life that he was taken from because I wanted him and he might have a chance at it again. I worry about what remembering will do to him and I have something I want to ask you.”

Wanda takes a deep breath now, tenses up, probably worried that he is going to ask her to deny Clint if he decides he wants to try. He had thought about it earlier but has dismissed it and he asks what he needs to know.

“I want you to try it on me first, restore my memories now so we can make sure it works before Clint decides. “

Her eyes widen a bit and she asks another question.

“Are you sure that is what you want?”

She is giving him a chance to change his mind but he knows he can’t. This is something he needs to do. He is afraid of it, afraid of remembering everything, afraid it will change things, but he needs to do it.

“Yes. Please do this for me, Wanda.”

He says this and a moment stretches out before she answers.

“Alright, I will. We should go over to the bed, I don’t know if it will hurt or not.”

“I can handle pain, do not worry about that.”

James has had the pain of the machine, the pain of memory being stripped away, he can deal with the  pain of it being returned.  They gut up from their seats now and move to the bedding furthest into the room. She has him lay down and she kneels beside him, hands near his head. James hopes he is doing the right thing.

“You may pass out, it will probably be a lot at once. Are you ready?”

She asks now and he just gives a sharp nod. The red glow surrounds her hands and soon it is over his eyes. It hurts but not quite in the same way as the machine and he doesn’t feel the need to cry out, doesn’t scream.   Images flash before his eyes, things known, things long forgotten, years and years of memory breaking free and she is right, it is a lot at once. It is overwhelming, the rush of information, the rush of feeling, and it is too much and he lets darkness claim him.

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	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit more and thank you for your support and comments.

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Steve hasn’t been asleep for that long when there is a sound that wakes him, a knock at the door and then it opens and there is footsteps and Sam is in his room, speaking as soon as his eyes are open.

“Something happened, Nat came to my room, told me to get you. We need to go to their room. “

Those words make fear rush through Steve and his instincts are screaming that something has happened to his omega.  He gets up now and rushes to the door and starts to follow Sam out. He has to take a few deep breaths and calm himself, has to remind himself that Clint isn’t his anymore, but he still asks.

“Did something happen to Clint?”

Sam shakes his head and it doesn’t ease the worry like it should.

“No, not Clint. There was something caught on the cameras, Wanda doing something to Barnes and he passed out, hasn’t woken up yet. “

Bucky might be hurt and it makes Steve tense up a bit, a sound almost like a growl leaving his throat and Sam stops him for just a moment, takes a deep breath through his nose, and stares at Steve before asking some questions.

“Are you alright to  go in there? You seem a bit wound up and your scent is getting strong. Are you close to rut?”

Steve hasn’t even thought about his approaching ruts these last few days, been too busy dealing with other things but he knows it is coming, thinks about it right now. He is close to rut and he may get aggravated going in there  but he has to know what is going on.

“I’ll be fine, I still have around two days, maybe more . I need to find out what is happening with Bucky.”

Sam doesn’t look entirely convinced but he goes ahead and lets Steve keep walking. It doesn’t take long and they are at the room, the door open and there are already people there, words being spoken.  Steve isn’t surprised to see Natasha already there and Fury right beside her. There is a doctor there as well, the one that looked over Clint a few days ago and he is near the bed where Bucky lays, is trying to look him over though it appears difficult since the bed is pretty crowded, Clint there, looking pale and worn but holding Bucky in his lap and the twins right near him, Pietro a bit in front of Wanda like he is planning on protecting her if something should happen.  Steve hopes it won’t come to that but he can hear the irritation  in Fury’s voice.

“Did it not occur to you that it may not be a good idea to go poking around in the winter soldier’s brain? We don’t know what we might be facing if he wakes up and it was not your call to make.”

“He asked her to, Wanda did what she felt right. You don’t get to decide what we do, we are done with letting others make our choices.”

There is anger in Pietro’s voice and he takes a step forward now and Steve is fully in the room , trying to figure out if he needs to intervene when Clint’s voice draws all of their attention.

“He made a choice, Wanda honored it, and I think he is going to wake up soon, I can feel it.”

Clint’s words are sure and steady and Steve moves closer to the bed now, walks right past Fury and the others. If Bucky does wake up and is more winter soldier than he has been these last few days then Steve will do what he can to make sure things are ok. 

“What did you do? What did he ask you to do?”

He asks Wanda, voice calm and not accusing, he just needs to know what is going on before Bucky wakes. She answers after a moment.

“He asked me to try to restore all his memories, wanted to make sure it would work, be safe. I think it worked but we will not know for certain till he wakes. “

These words fill Steve up with something like hope. He knows Bucky has been remembering but it has been slow, things only coming up in broken pieces and if what Wanda says is true, Bucky might be able to remember everything now, remember Steve, remember who he was.

“He wanted to make sure it would be safe for me so if anyone is to be blamed or punished for what Wanda did, it should be me, I asked her about it first.”

Clint says this and it draws Steve’s attention back to him and he looks determined now, set to protect and it is so much like how Clint was before that Steve almost wants to smile at it.

“No one is going to be punished, we will just have to see how Barnes is when he wakes, go from there.”

Natasha says this and Fury looks like he is about to say something to this when there is a shifting on the bed, Bucky starting to wake up and Steve can’t help but take a step forward and say one word as eyes start to open.

“Bucky”

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The darkness is leaving him now, his mind coming to, body waking up and he can feel warm hands on his skin, recognizes the touch and he can also hear a voice speak a name.

“Bucky”

He knows that name now, knows that voice with certainty now and not just the broken sort of recognition that he had before this. He opens his eyes and Steve is there and he says one word now.  


“Stevie.”

The name is one he has said so many times, remembers saying it now and Steve is looking at him with hope.

“You haven’t called me that in a while. You remember me now?”

“Your mother’s name was Sara, you wore newspapers in your shoes, and you used to get into too many fights in alley ways.”

There is more that he could say but it is all still fresh and he knows what he has done to Steve now, understands just how he has hurt him and it makes it hard to see Steve smile at him with such relief.

“James?”

The name is spoken now and he knows that name too, knows the hands that are on him and as he shifts and moves,  he can see a face that looks a little concerned, can feel the concern.  His omega is staring at him right now and he brings a hand up to Clint’s throat, touches the mark there.

“Clint, I’m ok, just remember more now.”

He says this, needs to soothe his omega and Clint gives a little smile, moves into his touch just a bit and a part of him warms with the gesture while another part almost hurts.  Clint is his but he isn’t his by choice and that didn’t matter before when he couldn’t remember how things had been before Hydra but it matters now.   He feels sick knowing just what he has done but he tries to push the feeling down so Clint can’t feel it, so he won’t be affected by it. His omega has already gone through so much and he doesn’t want to do more hurt than he already has.

“It worked then.  Are you certain you feel alright?”

It is Wanda who asks this and Pietro is right beside her, both twins looking at him. He should have gotten them out of there sooner than he did and he can feel more guilt rising up but he pushes it down best he can  and gives her an answer.

“Head hurts a bit and there is a lot coming to me at once but I think I can handle it. “

She still looks concerned but before anything else can be said, someone else speaks.

“You still need to be looked over, observed. And it would be suggested that any more meddling with people’s memories wait till we are clear that there are no negative side effects. Understood?”

The words are barked out by Fury like an order and he doesn’t feel like arguing with them right now so he gives a simple nod, moves away from Clint so the doctor can look him over.  The room is quiet for a bit and Fury and the doctor leave once it appears that there are no immediate concerns but they are the only ones, Steve, Natasha, and Sam staying and the room almost feels crowded right now and he needs to get away for just a few moments.

“I need the bathroom.”

He says this and gets up, notices that both Clint and Steve give him a look of slight concern but they don’t try to stop him going to the little room connected to this one. He goes in, shuts the door behind him and stands in front of the mirror, looks at himself and just thinks for a few moments.

So many memories are back now and it is a lot to deal with, to understand, and he isn’t even sure who he should be anymore, isn’t sure what name to use.  He can remember being Bucky now, remembers being the soldier, remembers being James but he doesn’t know if he can be any of those any more.  He stares at himself and wonders just what he should do, runs a hand through his hair now. It is long, longer than he ever wore it before, and he kind of wants to get it cut but he doesn’t think he can have it as short as before.  He feels a bit lost now, not the same lost as before, and his guilt has become heavier than it was before.  Before this, before the memories became more solid, the guilt was almost a ghost of sorts, there but not quite solid, but now it is real, solid and heavy and he isn’t sure what to about it.

He takes a few deep breaths, splashes some water over his face and the metal glint of his arm catches his eye.  He holds it up, flexes the fingers and he knows what damage he has done with this hand, has always known but it is different now, he isn’t as resigned to it.  Hydra took him and broke him, released the darker parts of him,  and he killed and broke others in return, all because he was told to.  It makes him shake right now to think about it, shake with anger and the threat of tears and he can feel a spike of worry now. It isn’t his own and that makes him push the thoughts out of his mind for now.  He takes a moment to calm down and he thinks about his bond now.

A bond is something he had always wanted but there had never been any omega that he wanted it with before the war. There had been Steve, he had Steve and that had been enough. Even during the war when it was obvious Steve had fallen for Peggy there had still been a place for Bucky by his side and it had been enough.  Then there had been the train and then Hydra and he never wanted much. He would have his ruts, have an omega given to him and he hates that he did that, that he took and was told it was a reward but a bond was not something he was allowed and he didn’t need it.  Then Clint was placed in his cell, so different from the others he had been given before, strong and beautiful, and his scent so sweet once it changed.  He had wanted then, wanted badly, and Hydra noticed, used it and when  Clint was brought to him again, he did what he thought he had to and now he has a bond but he took instead of being given it and he took a bond from Steve. It is something he is going to have to fix but he doesn’t know how.

He has been in the bathroom for a while now  and he needs to go back out there but before he does he makes a promise to himself.  No matter what it might cost him personally, he is going to make this right for Clint, for Steve and for the twins.  With that thought, he makes himself leave the bathroom and joins the others back in the room.

He is able to keep himself calm for the most part as they talk a bit, Steve asking him questions to see how much he is remembering and Natasha just watching them as Sam asks his own questions to the twins.  Clint lays his head on his shoulder and is mostly quiet, resting a bit more and he can’t help but breathe in a bit of his omega’s scent. It is sweet and wonderful but it isn’t the only scent he notices. Steve’s scent is getting a bit stronger and he must be close to a rut.  He helped James through his rut and James decides as Steve leaves that he will make sure Steve won’t have to spend this one alone either, will need to talk to Clint about it soon, needs to talk to Clint about a lot of things soon. It can wait, for now he holds Clint close as the conversation finishes up and the others leave.

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The last couple of hours have been interesting to say the least, interesting and tiring in some ways and Clint can’t help but think that there may be some trouble soon.  James is just a bit different now, Clint can sense it, can feel guilt and worry through the bond though he also knows James is trying to suppress it just a bit.  He is different around Steve now, answers questions a bit more easily and just knows more than before and it shows that he does remember more now, that he isn’t just James any more. There are bits of who he used to be coming to the surface and Clint isn’t sure if that is going to change things between them.  He tries not to worry about it too much while the others were here and it had been easier to not think of it because there was something else drawing a bit of Clint’s attention away.

While Steve was here, Clint couldn’t help but notice his smell. It seemed just a bit stronger, earthier and it seems that he might be close to rut.  The smell was enticing and familiar and Clint knows that Steve was his once and the smell made him wonder what it had been like.  Steve isn’t his anymore, James is, and Clint shouldn’t want the other alpha but the smell was appealing and he was glad when Steve left again, didn’t have to deal with knowing that some part of him wants Steve still. Now, it is just the four of them alone in the room, the twins asleep and James holding him and he brushes a kiss against his alpha’s lips and tries not to think about how James tensed up just a bit at it before relaxing.

“You’re still mine, right? We’re still going to be us, even when we remember who we were?”

Clint asks now, needs to know. He is still planning on having Wanda help him remember but he doesn’t want to lose his alpha, doesn’t want to lose this.  James looks at him for a long moment before he speaks, just stares at him and holds him.

“I can’t promise that, can’t promise that things won’t change. You weren’t always mine and once you remember that, you may not want to be.”

Clint wants to argue with that but there is something about the look on James’s face right now that tells him that it won’t do much good right now. So he just brushes a kiss against James’s cheek and settles in a bit more in his arms.

“We will deal with that then, when it comes to it. We should try to get some more sleep.”

James just gives a nod now and Clint closes his eyes, hopes that he won’t lose this.

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	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is some more and thank you for all the comments, they help me write.

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It has been about a couple days since Bucky’s memories returned and Steve is relieved to have a bit of Bucky back now but it isn’t quite the same. He remembers but he isn’t the same, isn’t like Steve remembers him and Steve isn’t sure if he is going to be that Bucky again.  So much has happened to him that Steve isn’t sure if he is ever going to be the same but Steve will take what he can get. He probably isn’t the same Steve that Bucky remembers now either and they will figure it out. Right now, Steve just tries to be glad that he is remembered by at least one of the people Hydra took from him and tries not to think about his rut that is fast approaching but it is a bit difficult right now ,Clint’s smell so strong in the air and he tries to prepare himself and the others for it .

  “I won’t be available for a little while soon but I’ll come by and see you as soon as I can.”

He says this now as they are finishing up breakfast, knows that he will need to separate himself from others soon. His rut is almost here, he can feel the need starting to build and it is so hard to not move just a bit closer to Clint.   Clint isn’t his omega anymore but sometimes that is hard for him to remember, for his body and instincts to remember when he is nearby and smelling so sweet. He must be getting close to heat and the thought makes a little bit more need rise in him, he needs to take care of him during that time, should take care of him but it isn’t his place anymore.

“It’s your rut, isn’t it? ”

It is Bucky who asks, who is looking at Steve right now, eyes worried and guilty.  The expression is almost familiar but Steve doesn’t remember the guilt being there before but he tries not to think about that right now, answers the question.

“Yes.”

There isn’t any reason to deny it, he knows everyone can smell his scent getting stronger. Natasha hasn’t reacted in any way but that just seems to be her way, Sam has given him little sympathetic looks every so often the last few days,  and both of the twins have given him little glances like they are trying to figure out if his rut is going to make him a threat. Bucky looks at him with a mix of old familiar concern and a new sort of guilt that Steve isn’t sure about and Clint looks at him with a bit of curiosity, maybe a tiny bit of need but it is probably just his instincts reacting to the smell of approaching rut more than Clint remembering how they were together. He tries not to think about how that hurts just a bit and he just focuses on what he needs to tell them now.

“ It may start tomorrow and I just wanted you to know why I wouldn’t be here,I’ll be in my rooms. There is another room set up that you can use when you need it.”

He says this last part to  Bucky and Clint, know that they may want something a bit more private than this med room when  his heat starts.  Bucky just gives a little nod but says nothing.

“You all have clearance to leave the room, walk around base, but don’t leave right now. We are still trying to figure out some things.”

Natasha says this and they haven’t exactly been told that they can’t leave the room but none of them really have.

“Is there even anything worth seeing here?”

Pietro asks this and Sam answers the question from where he sits, looks Pietro in the eyes.

“Not much but I can give you guys  a tour, let you stretch your legs. I would challenge you to a race around the base but I’m pretty sure you would win.”

Pietro just grins a bit.

“I would.”

“You would but I can still beat you at cards.”

There is teasing in his voice and Wanda makes a comment about wanting to look around, gives a glance to Bucky and Clint who both just give a little nod.

“Go ahead, think I’ll stay here. We’ll be ok.”

Clint says this and Steve thinks he still looks a bit worn out and his approaching heat probably isn’t helping that though he is doing a lot better than when they found him at the base, the serum he has helping. Wanda and Pietro give one more glance to Steve who stays where he is, a few feet away from Bucky and Clint, Sam gets up and they follow him out of the room. It is just the four of them now, Steve ,Clint, Natasha and Bucky and it is quiet for a few moments before Bucky breaks the silence with a question.

“Do you already have things arranged for your rut?”

“I have things set up in my room, tranquilizers if I need them, I should be alright.”

Bucky does not look happy at his answer but it is the answer Steve has.

“You shouldn’t try to sleep it off. That can’t be healthy.”

Bucky says this, a little bit of irritation and worry in his voice and Clint shifts a bit, puts a hand on Bucky’s hand, a soothing gesture. Bucky accepts the touch, relaxes a bit, but he doesn’t look away from Steve.

“He’ll be ok. You should check to make sure you really have everything you need.”

Natasha says this now and Steve just gives a nod, gets ready to leave the room but Bucky gets up from his seat.

“I will go with you, we need to talk. I’ll be back, hawk. “

He says this the last part to Clint , squeezes his hand briefly before letting it go and Clint gives a little nod and they leave the room.

 They don’t really say much on the short walk to Steve’s room and there is some tension in Bucky, Steve can see it and he isn’t quite sure what they need to talk about now.  Bucky follows him into the room and as soon as they are there, Bucky talks.

“You shouldn’t spend your rut alone.  You should have someone with you.”

Steve shakes his head just a bit.

“I’ll be fine, I have spent ruts alone before. It will be fine.”

Bucky takes a step closer now, is in Steve’s space, and Steve can smell him so strongly, the scent comforting even if it makes him want things he shouldn’t.  He places his right hand on Steve’s shoulder, the touch warm and solid, waits just a moment then speaks.

“You shouldn’t be alone, you helped me with my rut here, I can’t let you hurt more than you already have.“

Steve can hear the offer in his voice and he almost wants that, wants Bucky with him like it used to be but he knows he can’t have that.

“Clint is going to need you soon, he’s almost to heat, you know that, and he needs his alpha.”

There is that guilt on Bucky’s face, sharp and painful and he is shaking his head now.

“You should be his alpha, you were going to be his alpha and I took that away. I want to make it right, want to make it right for both of you. You should take care of him, not me. ”

There is pain in Bucky’s voice and those words are a shout and Steve puts his own hand on Bucky’s shoulder now. He wants to take care of Clint but it isn’t his place anymore, Clint’s bonded and he isn’t going to want Steve there and it hurts and he feels a flash of anger and he tries to stamp it down.

“I would take care of him, I want to, but he isn’t mine, doesn’t remember what we had, he needs you.”

“I know, but if I talk to him, if we come to you, you would take care of him, right?”

His voice is like when he asked Steve if he would promise to take care of Clint and the twins when he still couldn’t remember Steve and Steve can’t say no to that tone. He gives Bucky’s shoulder a squeeze as he answers the question.

“If Clint is alright with it, and if you’re here, I would take care of him during his heat, while I’m in rut but Clint has to be ok with it. If he isn’t, stay with him. ”

There is just a hint of an order in those last words but Bucky just gives a nod. They just stand there for a moment, close and touching and it is almost a bit too much, having Bucky here, Clint’s scent mixed in with his, just a reminder of what isn’t Steve’s anymore.

“When his heat is over, it should be safe for Wanda to restore his memories if he still wants that. He may not want to be mine then, you’ll take care of him, then, right? ”

There is that pain and guilt in Bucky’s voice and Steve really hasn’t thought much about what is going to happen when Clint remembers. Bucky is right, he might not want the bond after he remembers and it can be broken but it won’t be easy and it is going to hurt Bucky so much if it is broken. The pain when his own bond broke with Clint was horrible and it hadn’t been a full bond then, he can’t imagine what Bucky will go through if his bond is broken with Clint, what Clint will go through but they also can’t force Clint to stay in a bond he doesn’t want. It is all such a mess and Steve knows they need to figure it out but that will need to happen later, right now he just focuses on ending this conversation.  

“We’ll figure it out, let Clint figure out what he wants but right now he wants you. You should go back to Clint, I need to make sure I have everything.”

He says this now, gives Bucky’s shoulder a squeeze and lets go. Bucky moves away from him after a moment and Steve feels the loss of him so close but doesn’t say anything, just lets Bucky leave his room and tries not to think about how rough this rut is going to be and how rough everything in general is going to be.

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“Your heat is coming, you’re going to spend it with Barnes?”

Natasha says this just a few moments after Steve and James leave and Clint answers the question though he isn’t even sure why she is asking it.

“He’s my alpha, of course I’m going to spend my heat with him. “

She just gives a little nod before speaking again.

“I know he’s your alpha and you care for him, he cares for you, but have you thought about Steve. He was your alpha once, you spent heats with him, and you were happy, I know you were happy, and that was something you chose.”

She is talking about things he doesn’t really remember and he knows that he may not have chosen James but James is his now, he can’t be with Steve. A part of him almost wants that though, his scent has been so appealing and he dreamed last night about gentle hands that weren’t James’s and he is sure that Steve was good to him but he doesn’t remember it and he is James’s.

“I don’t remember being Steve’s, not right now, but I need James even if he is a bit different now, looks at me a bit differently.”

It has been bothering him just a bit, how James isn’t quite the same with him since he has remembered more and he can’t help but talk to Natasha about it now.  He doesn’t remember her fully yet but he knows that he can trust her, that he can tell her this.

“He looks at me with guilt and I can feel it, can feel him trying to push it down so I can’t feel it as strongly. You know why he is looking at me like that, don’t you?”

She gives another small nod but doesn’t say anything quite yet and he reaches forward and grabs her hand.

“Tell me, please.”

He says this and she takes a breath and speaks after just a moment.

“You were taken twice and given to him, the first time you escaped but the second you didn’t. He was broken and he wanted you so he took you, made you his and now he remembers more and he feels guilt for what he did, what he forced on you, how he hurt Steve.  He cares for you, I can see that, and he cares for Steve and  I believe that he thinks he failed you both.”

It is hard to hear that, to hear just what James might be thinking and Clint gets it but it doesn’t make  feeling the guilt coming through the bond any easier. He really needs to know more, figure out how to ease James’s guilt, needs to figure out what to do about Steve and he just sort of sighs a bit right now.

“I really need to remember, don’t I, just so I can know what is going on?”

Natasha just gives him a small smile and squeezes his hand.

“You really do but if it makes you feel better, even if you remembered everything right now, you probably still wouldn’t quite know what was going on.”

Her voice is teasing and it is so familiar that Clint has to smile at it a bit.

“Well, it is a good thing you’re around then, to let me know what is going on.”

“It is .I’ll always be around too. After your heat, once your memories are back, we are going to have to have a long talk about a few things, like the fact that you managed to pick up two more strays while you were gone.”

She says this and he arches a brow at her.

“Strays?”

“The twins.  Sam seems to have taken a liking to them as well.”

She says this and Clint gives a little smile now.

“They like him as well. They don’t always warm up to others well.”

“I bet.”

They spend a little time talking about the twins and Clint pushes aside thoughts of James and Steve right now, though he knows that once James is a back, they will need to talk.

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He has just left Steve’s room and he stands outside it for just a few minutes, tries to collect his thoughts. He needs to speak to Clint, needs to sort out a few things before Clint’s heat starts and hopefully before Steve’s rut as well. He wants to make it right for them, for both of them and as he will, he just hopes it won’t hurt him too much.  He thinks he is focused enough now that he can go talk to Clint and he makes his way to the room now,  isn’t surprised to see Natasha still there, talking softly with Clint and she looks up as he makes his way into the room.

“I think I should go take care of some things, let you two talk.  I’ll see you when I can, hope things go well.”

She says this simply, gets up and as she starts to leave, she gives James a little nod and a look and he has a feeling she knows that what kind of talk they need to have.  Soon enough she is gone and Bucky settles down on the bed next to Clint, Clint leaning into his touch a bit. It feels so nice, so right but he feels guilty for enjoying it as much as he does right now.

“You have that look again, the guilty one. Natasha and I talked about why you get that look now.”

Clint says this, looks Bucky straight in the eyes and he just gives a nod right now, doesn’t say anything.

“She said you probably have it because you care for me and Steve and you think you failed us. Is that right?”

His throat feels tight right now and he has to swallow, take a deep breath before he can answer.

“I did fail you, failed both of you. You don’t remember it, but you  fought me, didn’t want to be claimed and I did it anyway. You wanted to get away from Hydra, asked me to help you, to go with you and I refused.”

If only he had helped Clint get away, things wouldn’t be such a mess but he didn’t. He didn’t help Clint get away and he needs to tell Clint everything he did now, needs him to understand even though he hates that this is hurting him, he can feel it, can see it on Clint’s face. There is hurt and confusion there and Bucky doesn’t look away as he continues.

“I let them wipe you clean and then I told you the memories didn’t matter. I let you break your bond with Steve because I wanted you and then when I saw him, I wanted to kill him because he had you once. He was all I had once and I still almost killed him. I hurt both of you and I never wanted to do that.“

Clint is quiet for a long moment, just looks at Bucky and there is a bit of betrayal on his face but he hasn’t moved away from Bucky yet.  Moments pass and then he speaks, voice soft.

“ So how are you going to make it right then?”

It is question that Bucky has been thinking about for a while now and he thinks he has an answer.

“I’m going to make it right by being there for you, and for Steve, until you don’t want me there. I want to help you with your heat if you want and I want to help Steve with his rut and it might be easier if we are all together for it but it is your choice.”

Clint thinks about it for a moment and then speaks.

“I don’t remember him much yet but I have had flashes of him, a part of me wants him. Maybe it would help to be near him for this but I need you there, no matter what you did before, you’re mine now and I need you there.”

Clint’s hand reaches out and touches the mark now and Bucky leans into it, gives Clint a little nod.

“I’ll be there for you, as long as you want.”

He means every word of it and a part of him hopes that Clint will still want him once he remembers everything but he is not going to count on it. For now, he stays close to Clint as they discuss going to Steve’s room in the morning and he hopes that this goes well for all of them, that he can start making this right.

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	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter and the next will be mostly smut with some feels mixed in, wanted it to be one chapter but Steve's Pov was running so long that I think it will be better as two and hopefully I will have the next one done in the next week or so. hope you enjoy and comments are awesome.

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When Steve wakes up, he knows that his rut is here, can feel the tightness in his skin, the want.  It is going to be a rough one, he can tell already, rough because of all the stress that he has been under but he tells himself he is going to be able to handle it.  He has tranqs if needed and he tries not to think about how Bucky is probably right and that it isn’t the best way to handle it but it might be the easiest way. If he knocks himself out a bit, he won’t be as tempted to leave the room, to try to get close to Clint and Bucky. Their smell were so appealing to him yesterday and he thinks about them now as he takes a deep breath and he realizes that he can smell them. He can smell them, they have to be close by and that is when there is a knock on his door.

Steve gets up now, tries not to let himself hope as he gets closer to the door. It is going to be them, he is sure of it and he remembers what he and Bucky talked about yesterday but he can’t let himself believe that is going to happen quite yet. He wants it badly, wants to not be alone for this, but he can’t let himself think about it right now just in case that is not why they are here. He takes a deep breath now, tries to calm some of his tension and opens the door.

“Hey, it’s started, hasn’t it?”

Bucky says this and Steve just gives a nod, stares at both of them there, near the door way. Bucky is closest but Clint is only a step behind him, and they have a few things with them, extra blankets , water, and food and Steve lets himself hope.

“Can we come in?”

It is Clint who asks, looks Steve in the eyes right now, and there still isn’t the recognition in them that he longs for but there is something reassuring there, a trust and Steve moves out of the door way now, goes back into his room, lets them follow.

“Come on in. How long are you planning on staying?”

“Till your rut is over.”

Bucky says this and Steve can’t quite believe it yet though he wants to.

“Both of you?”

He asks and he gets an answer from Clint.

“Both of us. We talked about it, James told me how you were there for him, and even if I can’t remember it, you were there for me once too. We’re staying unless you don’t want us here.”

He wants them here, wants them here badly and Bucky has already set the stuff he carried in down.  He wants them both here for his rut but it wouldn’t just be for his rut, Clint’s smell is so sweet and he will be in heat soon and Steve wants to make sure he has thought about this.

“I want you here, both of you. Are you sure you want to spend your heat here though?”

He is giving Clint the option of leaving, of saying he just wants Bucky, of letting them both go, even though he doesn’t want to. His hands have curled up now, waiting for Clint’s answer, and it only take a moment.

“We’re staying here, you can both take care of me when I need it.’

There is a certainty in his voice and Steve decides not to argue any more, they are both here, are going to stay here with him and he needs so much right now. Bucky seems to know how it is building up and he takes a step closer now, right in Steve’s space, puts a hand on Steve’s shoulder, gives it a squeeze.

“We’re here. Let me give you what you need, like before.”

Right after he says those words, Bucky moves his hand from Steve’s shoulder but takes a step closer to him, is close enough now that Steve can feel his body heat and tilts his head just a bit, exposes his neck. It is an invitation and Steve hesitates for only a second before he closes the small distance between them,  curls fingers around the back of Bucky’s neck, careful to not let them touch the mark on his throat and brings their mouths together.

This is familiar, so very familiar, even more so than the last time they kissed.  Bucky remembers this fully now, Steve can tell by the way he opens his mouth, the way he leans in even closer to Steve, not submissive really but giving. This was how it was with them so long ago, giving when the other needs to take it and Steve has missed it.  He wants this, wants to take and give but he hasn’t eaten yet and he needs that to, his body demanding food so it can be strong for the next few days. He pulls away from the kiss now but doesn’t remove his hand from Bucky’s neck yet.

“We should eat, before anything else, we should all eat.”

There is a bit of command in his voice and he gets a simple nod from Bucky but Clint speaks.

“Ok, we brought some things, should last a few days. We should sit down or something.”

Steve gives a nod and gestures to the bed and the three of them go over to it, sit down on it after grabbing some of the food and water. It is a bit of tight fit , the three of them just sitting and Steve knows the bed isn’t going to work when they do other things. Even if he is just claiming Bucky right now, he still wants Clint nearby if he wants to be and he will need to make spot on the floor that will work but for now he focuses on eating, on making sure that Bucky and Clint both eat.

A few minutes pass and they don’t really talk but the silence isn’t too uncomfortable, just all of them focusing on eating right now. Steve finishes up first and goes to his task he has given himself, gets the bedding that they brought in and starts to make and area on the floor for all of them, puts down some of the blankets and pillows and when Bucky and Clint finish and leave the bed, he takes the blankets form that too. It should work and he turns his attention back to Bucky now, reaches an arm out and grabs him,  pulls him close and Bucky lets him.

“I’m here, I’ll give you what you need.”

The words are a reassuance and Steve smiles at them a bit, moves them to the bedding, lays Bucky down. He is aware of so much right now, aware of Bucky laying there, aware of Clint a few feet away watching, and he can smell them both, their scents so nice and he turns to look at Clint now.

“You can come closer,  be near us if you want.”

He says this, knows that Clint is probably close enough to his heat that he needs to be  near his alpha and Steve wants him closer. He won’t touch him right now, doesn’t know if Clint wants that quite yet, but he would like him close, wants both of  them close right now.  Clint gives a nod and moves towards the bedding  now, sits down just a little bit away from where Bucky lays and he is so close that Steve could just move his hand a few inches and touch him but that can wait. Right now, he focus on Bucky, on getting him bare.

It doesn’t take long to get Bucky’s clothes off, he wears simple things right now, just a plain tshirt and sleep pants and boxers, shoes had been taken off earlier and it is nothing to push all of that off and put it off to the side. Bucky is bare, no clothes hiding him from Steve and he had noticed the differences in him during Bucky’s own rut but they still stand out now. The arm is the biggest, the scars along his shoulder and Steve hates that they are there, that he couldn’t save Bucky from this but he pushes the thought away for now.  Bucky is here and Steve is going to take care of him now, needs to take care of him now and he starts touching him, takes some more kisses.

It is good, feeling warm skin under his, but he needs more, is aware of his own clothes covering him now.  He pauses from touching Bucky for just a moment to remove his own clothes, a rush of movement and he can feel Clint’s eyes on him as he does it. He doesn’t mind Clint seeing him like this and he takes a deep breath as he leans back down to start kissing Bucky again, breathes in his scent and he has missed this so much, missed both of them so much. He lets himself get lost in touching Bucky for a bit, kissing and running hands over skin, letting Bucky do the same but soon enough it isn’t enough and he needs more, needs to get Bucky ready and even with his rut all built up he remembers that he needs something for that. He pulls away from Bucky, gets ready to look when Clint shifts just a bit closer, holds something out to him.

“Here, we brought this. James said you would need it.”

It is a little bottle of lube and Steve knows that there is some around base, had some for Bucky’s rut earlier and he reaches it out for it, lets his hands brush against Clint’s as he takes it. It is just a brief moment of contact but he sees Clint shift closer to them and Steve likes that he is closer now, needs them both close.  He opens the bottle and starts getting Bucky ready.

The lube is a bit cold but it doesn’t feel bad and he coats a finger in it, starts easing that finger into Bucky, claiming kisses as he does. He can feel Clint watching them and he looks over at him now, sees a bit of want in his eyes but he isn’t making a move.

“You can touch him, you can touch me, it is ok.”

He says this, gives a reassurance  and he kind of hates that he has to. Clint is different from how he was before with Steve, a little more hesitant and it makes Steve hate Hydra more but that is something to worry about later, right now Steve needs and Bucky is making little needy noises as his finger goes in and out and Clint is moving now, leans down and places a kiss against Bucky’s mouth, swallowing those noises.

He expects a rush of jealousy at this kiss, that same hurt that he has felt these last few days whenever he would see them touch but it doesn’t come. Instead there is a rush of heat, of want, and a feeling of possessiveness. His instincts are telling him that they are his, that he can take care of them both and that he will.  Clint leans away from Bucky after a moment, leans closer to Steve now and his lips brush against Steve’s, an  almost chaste kiss but it still feels nice and it is a start. He smiles at  Clint as he shifts away back to Bucky . Steve adds another finger, Bucky’s noise picking up again. A few more moments pass, Steve working fingers in and out of Bucky, Bucky squirming and panting, Clint watching and occasionally giving one of them a kiss.  The need is so strong now and it is time to stop with the fingers and Steve does, lines himself up and enters Bucky.

 It feels good, maybe a bit different than he remembers but good. Bucky is still so responsive and Clint is right there and it almost perfect, having them both here but it could be better if Clint was a little bit more involved but there is time for that later. For now he focuses on the warm body underneath his, on touching as much as he can, on Bucky enjoying himself.

“I’m close, so close.”

Bucky says this, voice needy and Steve has missed hearing him like this.  He speeds up his thrusts just a bit, wraps a hand around Bucky’s cock, and places a kiss along his collar bone, aware of how close Clint is to both of them now.

“I know you are, I can feel it, we’ll get there, no worries.”

They will get there, Steve knows they will and they are both so close and then something happens that brings them both to the edge that much faster. Clint brings a hand to Bucky’s cock as well, fingers brushing against Steve’s and it is so good, this little added touch, this added contact and it sends Bucky over and Steve is not far behind.  It feels so good, the release, but he knows he is going to need more soon enough but the rut eases just a bit now.

“Feel better?”

Bucky asks now, stares up at Steve, and it is a very familiar question, one that they both used to ask each other during this time. Steve gives a little nod as he shifts just a bit so that he isn’t leaning down on Bucky as much, removes himself from Bucky and looks at him and Clint for just a moment. Clint is still settled down right next to Bucky, his hand dirty now, and Bucky is a bit dirty as well, and Steve likes that they both have his scent now.  He feels a bit settled but there is something that would make him feel even better but he needs to ask for it first, won’t take without permission even when he is like this.

“Can I touch you now, make you feel good? ”

He asks Clint now, knows that he is a little worked up right now, can smell it and he is so close to heat that he needs touch and Steve wants him to know that he will take care of him but only if Clint wants it. There is a moment’s hesitation and Clint looks at Bucky like he is asking for permission and Bucky doesn’t really seem to hesitate and Steve isn’t quite sure what to think of that.

“It is your choice, Steve will make it good for you and I’ll be right here.”

Clint gives a little nod, brushes a kiss against Bucky’s lips, fingers touching the mark on his throat for just a moment and then he moves towards Steve, brushes lips against Steve’s own. This kiss is a little longer than the one before, a little more demanding and it reminds Steve of how Clint used to kiss him.  He smiles against Clint’s lips for just  a moment before Clint moves and starts taking off his clothes. Steve just watches for a moment, watches as more of Clint is exposed to him and Steve wants to touch so badly now and so he does.  He leans forward just a bit, runs gentle fingers across Clint’s chest, just a ghost of a touch before  speaking.

“Lay down, right next to Bucky.”

Clint does, actually rests his head on Bucky’s chest and Bucky doesn’t seem to mind, just shifts a bit so they are both more comfortable.  Steve just looks at them like this for a moment, takes in how good they look laying together like that and then  leans down and gives Clint another kiss, pulls back after just a moment and speaks.

“I won’t take you, not yet, but I’m going to touch you, taste you if that is alright?”

He says this and gets a breathy yes from Clint and it is all the permission that Steve needs to start trailing kisses down his skin, to start touching him.  He starts out a bit slow, fingers settling on the inside of Clint’s thighs, rubbing and slowing working their way to his cock before he wraps fingers around it. Clint responds just the way Steve remembers, the little moans and shudders and it is so good to hear those sounds again, to have Clint’s warm skin under his fingers again.  He teases for just a bit but can’t keep it up too long because he wants so badly to get Clint to come and so he leans down after just a few more moments to take Clint into his mouth.

He does what he remembers Clint liking, curls his tongue just right, settles fingers on the inside of his thighs, and he is soon rewarded with Clint’s fingers twisting into his hair. Steve is good at this, knows that he is, and the rut is driving him into making it as good as he can, on wanting to please his omega and he knows that he is. Clint is making the sweetest sounds now and he has to be close, and Steve can hear Bucky whispering words to Clint.

“It feels good, doesn’t it? He has you so close, I want to see him bring you off.”

Bucky’s words are even more encouragement for Steve and he does a little bit more pressure and soon enough, Clint is coming, fingers tightening in Steve’s hair and Steve swallows down what he can.  Pride rushes through him now knowing that he has made his omega cum and he  leans up as Clint  removes his fingers from his hair.  Clint looks wrecked in a good way, the way Steve remembers, and Bucky is holding him and they are beautiful and at least for this moment, they are his. Steve gives them both a kiss right now before settling down on the other side of Clint, throwing an arm across so that he can also touch Bucky right now. He will need more in a bit but for now he is settled, can rest with both of them right here.

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	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is a bit more and I hope people enjoy.

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As Clint wakes up the first thing he becomes aware of is the warmth all around him, body heat surrounding him and it feels good though bit different than he is used to. He is used to waking up next to James, his arms wrapped around him, and James is here  but he isn’t the only one beside Clint. Steve is beside him as well, Clint is in-between him and James, surrounded by their warmth and their scent, Steve’s still strong with rut. They both smell so good to him, different in ways but similar, and he takes a deep breath of their scents as he starts to wake up more fully and he feels a bit of need building. He is warm all over, body aching just a bit, heat is here now, and the others are shifting, waking up as well and it is Steve who speaks first.

“You smell so good. We’ll take care of you.”

He nuzzles against Clint’s shoulder a bit when he says this and Clint takes in a breath of his scent, so heavy right now with his rut. The nuzzling feels nice, nicer than it should since Steve isn’t his alpha  but he was once and Clint doesn’t quite remember it yet but his body and instincts are remembering, some of him wants Steve right now but he also wants James and he isn’t quite sure what to do right now, just knows he needs touch and so he leans into Steve’s nuzzling just a bit but doesn’t move away from James who speaks now.

“We will take care of you but first I think we all should eat something, it’s been a little while.”

It has been a little while, at least a day since they have ate much and they are going to need to keep their strength up. Steve stops his nuzzling with James’s words and leans away from Clint to sit up and Clint misses the touch but James is wrapping his arms around Clint to help him sit up and that is nice too.  They sit up and the next few minutes are spent eating and getting some water in all of them.

It is almost overwhelming how much attention Clint is getting right now, sitting in-between the two alphas, both of them focused on him. They both offer him bits of food, sips of water, and keep touching him. He is used to the care James is giving him even if it is a little more subdued than usual, James letting Steve take the lead just a bit right now, and Steve’s attention feels so familiar right now, like something he missed without knowing that he missed it.  The attention is a lot but he needs it right now, needs their touches, needs their smell so close to him right now and soon enough their short meal is over and he is laying down on the bedding again, waiting for one of them to claim him and he isn’t quite sure who he wants right now and it is a strange feeling. James is his alpha and he can feel their bond, feel their pull, but Steve is in rut, smell strong and there is a part of Clint that remembers him, that wants him. James feels his confusion, Clint knows he does, and he leans down and gives him a kiss now, speaks an idea that Clint hadn’t thought about.

“I liked when you were inside me before and Steve needs you right now, you could be between us, if you want.”

He had liked claiming James like that too, hadn’t thought about doing it during a heat but he thinks it would feel good, would feel amazing to between them like that and he gives a nod now, claims James’s lips in a kiss.  They pull apart after a moment when Steve speaks.

“Bucky, I’ll get you ready while you ease some of Clint’s heat and then we will take care of you.”

It sounds like a bit of an order and they don’t argue with it, James doing just what Steve told him to and starts touching Clint all over. Skin to skin contact feels so good right now and James is giving Clint plenty of it, running hands over his skin, trailing kisses and it does help the heat a bit, doesn’t ease it all the way but takes some of the edge off.

“You two look so good, just beautiful. I’m going to start opening you up now, Buck, but keep giving him what he needs.”

There James just gives a nod as he trails another kiss over Clint’s mark and Clint sees Steve gets his fingers wet with the lube and soon enough he is easing one into James.  He works in and out of him and Clint can tell that James is being affected by it, can feel his moans against his own skins.  Steve is making it good for him, Clint can tell, and he knows now that they have been together before, enough has been said that he knows that and it is still strange to think about. They are both alphas and Clint can tell with how they are with each other now that James’s memories are back that they care for each other, have always cared for each other, and he wonders if they would have been bonded if one had been omega.  It is something he thinks about briefly right now but the thought leaves his mind as James’s fingers grip his hip tightly now and his teeth scape against the mark on Clint’s throat. They spend some time like this, James being worked open and touching Clint, his fingers finding their way inside of Clint just like Steve’s are inside of him. It feels so good and he needs more now, is pretty sure James has to be ready for him now and he speaks that thought out loud.

“Enough prepping, I think we are all ready.”

There is a bit of impatience in his voice and James looks at him with a smile.

“You heard him, Steve, no sense in waiting anymore.”

With those words James moves away from him, fingers leaving him and Clint feels a little empty now but he knows he won’t feel that way for long. James lays down on the bedding and Clint shifts so that he is up and over him, lining up.  He gives James a few kisses and then he is claiming him, entering him. It is good but not entirely what he needs and he looks over at Steve now who moves closer to him.

“You ready for this?”

He asks now, waits for Clint’s nod before he settles in behind Clint. He places himself in the right position, places a kiss against Clint’s shoulder,  and then he is entering Clint, filling him up. There is a gentleness in the way he thrusts even if there is an urgency about it as well,  Steve needing to claim right now and it feels so good.  He is inside James and Steve is inside him and it so good, being with them both like this  and it soothes the ache in him.

They get a rhythm going after a bit, Steve taking control a bit, thrusting into Clint and causing him to thrust into James. This is new, being with two people like this, and Clint is pretty sure he hasn’t done something like this before but it is amazing. He gives as much attention to James as he can, wraps a hand around his cock and makes him feel good and Steve is doing the same for him, peppering little kisses along Clint’s shoulders and neck.  He pulls his lips away from Clint’s skin for just a moment to ask a question.

“Can I leave a mark, just a bruise, just a small  one?”

The question is meant for both him and James, somehow Clint  knows this and there is something so very familiar about it, about Steve asking to mark him and Clint doesn’t want to answer before James does and he looks his alpha in the eyes now, waits for him to say something and he does.

“If you both want that, do it.”

There is a brief flash of something through the bond, a feeling of worry but determinedness but it is pushed down quickly and Clint knows now is not the time to dwell on it so he doesn’t. He instead stills for just a moment and thinks about what he needs right now, about what Steve needs, and he gives an answer.

“Just a bruise, no teeth.”

He turns his head just a bit so he can look at Steve as he says it and Steve tenses up for just a moment before giving a nod.

“No teeth, I promise.”

He leans forward after those words, brushes a kiss against Clint’s lips and it is nice, Steve’s lips feeling different against his than James’ but still good.  After that he goes back to kissing Clint’s neck, settling on the side that doesn’t bare James’s mark, sucks a bruise there as he speeds up his thrusts a bit and Clint doesn’t think he is going to last much longer, keeps his hands on James’s cock, keeps thrusting into his alpha. It takes only a few more moments and Clint can feel the rush now, can feel the ache lessening like it does when he comes and he can feel James’s release on his fingers soon after. It is only about a moment after that and Steve finds his release as well, places a kiss against the bruise he made.

They don’t move right away, the three of them just stay like that for a little bit, a tangle of bodies and something about it feels right. Steve moves after a little bit, gently takes himself out of Clint and then Clint is able to ease out of James. He  feels a bit wrung out right now but in a pleasant way, the ache of heat lessened right now and he lets himself sink into the bedding right next to James.

“We should clean up a bit.”

James says this, starts to move to get one of the rags  but Steve moves now, stops him.

“I’ll clean you both up. Let me take care of you.”

James gives a little nod and then moves back to Clint, lays down, maneuvers Clint so he is laying with his head on his alpha’s chest and Clint doesn’t mind at all.  James is warm under him, scent soothing, and his fingers are in Clint’s hair now, gently rubbing his scalp.  It feels good and he just waits for Steve to clean him. Steve looks at them for a moment right now, something fond but also just a little sad, and then he starts cleaning Clint up a bit.

Steve is gentle as he wipes the cloth against Clint’s skin, gentle like James is with him.  He is looking at Clint, eyes soft but intense at the same time and Clint isn’t quite sure how to feel about that gaze. There is history between them, from everything Clint has heard, he and Steve were going to build a life together, and Clint doesn’t really remember it and that can’t be easy for Steve.  He is so caring right now, even clouded with rut, his hands have never been rough with either of them and Clint knows he must have been good to Clint when Clint was his.  He is kind and attentive just like James is with him and Clint wonders how much of how they treat him came from their time together so long ago.

“Move your legs just a little bit.”

Steve says this now and Clint does, shifts them so Steve can clean him a bit better and Steve murmurs a you’re so good under his breath.  James’s fingers are still stroking his hair and Clint just lets himself relax under their attention.  Steve finishes cleaning him up after a few moments and then he leans down and places a kiss against Clint’s forehead.

“I missed you.”

Steve whispers it and Clint hears it but he doesn’t say anything to it, just shifts so that he can place a kiss on Steve’s lips for a brief moment and then settles down against James’s chest again. Steve gives a small smile and then turns to clean up James. Clint just closes his eyes right now and rests, lets himself feel content right now and he hope he can keep the feeling for a while.

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They have been in this room for the last few days, just the three of them, and James has allowed himself to enjoy it, to enjoy these moments with Clint and Steve but he knows it is going to be over soon. Steve’s rut and Clint’s heat are both almost over and James knows that Clint will probably try to regain his memories soon and he might not get a chance to spend another heat with him after this and Steve may not need him either and so he tries to make the most of the time he has left with them.

“You feel so good, Bucky, so good.”

Steve is muttering this against Bucky’s skin as he thrusts into him and Bucky just gives a little smile now, brushes a kiss against Clint’s lips. He is in-between them right now, Steve in him and he is in Clint and it is so good, claiming his omega, being claimed by Steve and he does his best to make it good for all of them.  They have a good rhythm going, the three of them moving together and he wishes he could keep this but he isn’t sure if he is going to be able to. He tries not to think about that right now, focuses on wrapping his fingers on Clint’s cock and stroking his omega, making this good for him and letting Steve rock into him.

“So close, James, so close.”

Clint is mumbling this and James knows his omega is close and he leans in now and places a kiss against his mark on Clint’s throat, bites down just a little bit.  It throws Clint over the edge and soon James can feel Steve coming as well and it is easy to lose his own control after that. They pull apart after a bit and then all settle into the bedding, not cleaning up right now and James looks over both Clint and Steve now.

Clint is laying in-between them, fresh marks on his throat, a bruise from Steve and the fresh bruise that Bucky just placed there and he looks worn out in a good way. Steve also looks  a bit worn out but he manages to grab a blanket, throws it over the three of them and this feels nice, the three of them snuggled together and Clint is closing his eyes now, snuggling into Bucky just a bit more. Bucky brushes a kiss against his forehead now.

“Get some rest, hawk, we will be right here.”

He feels Clint nod against him and the room is quiet for  a bit, neither Bucky or Steve closing their eyes yet. A few moments pass and then Steve is turning just a bit and looking at Bucky for a long moment and then he speaks softly.

“Thank you for being here. It helped, having you both here.”

Bucky feels a tightness in his chest at Steve’s words, at the sincerity in them. Steve should hate him for everything he has done, for what he has taken from him and he doesn’t and Bucky still isn’t sure why and he just gives a little nod right now. Steve gives a little smile and brushes a quick kiss against Bucky’s lips, careful not to disturb kiss and then he is closing his eyes now. Bucky just lays there as they both rest, holds Clint close, and just lets himself have this for a little bit. He will deal with losing it when he has to, will keep it for now, and closes his eyes after a little bit to try to get some rest.

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	39. Chapter 39

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long, been super busy. Hope everyone still enjoys.

It has been a few  days since Clint’s heat finished and he feels like something has changed just a bit, something he can’t quite put his finger on, something shifting between the three of them, Steve, James, and himself but he tries not to think about it too much. They are allowed more freedom on base and they have been exploring a little bit. He hasn’t had Wanda restore his memories yet, the plan is to do it tomorrow  and he is getting more flickers now, little flashes of missions before Hydra, flashes of his personal life, flashes of Natasha, of Steve.  He is starting to feel a bit closer to the life he once had and he feels like his life that he remembers having is changing and it is a bit to deal. He needs to remember but he worries about what that might change, even though something already has.

There is more ease around Steve now, a part of him remembering how good Steve was to him before, and he is spending a little more time with him, Steve being a little closer to him at times, even touching him. It isn’t like the touches during his heat, not quite that close and familiar but it is still more than Clint would allow before, a hand against his shoulder or arm.  James doesn’t say anything about it, in fact he sometimes moves so that Steve can sit closer to Clint and Clint almost feels like he is trying to push them together a bit sometimes .  Yesterday, he left the room for a few hours while Steve was there, leaving him and Clint together for a little while and he told Clint he just needed to talk to Fury for a little while but Clint thinks there may have been something else to it but he didn’t push . He wasn’t the only one to notice, Wanda had asked James as well why he wasn’t in the room when they returned and James gave the same reason that he gave Clint while Pietro had just stared at James for a long moment like he wanted to say something but decided against it for that moment. He tries not to think about what it means, and he really doesn’t mind spending time with Steve, just doesn’t want his alpha pushing him away, and he can feel something off with James, feels a sense of worry but determination through the bond.  Right now, all three of them are together and James suggests that Clint and Steve spar together  today.

“I want to watch right now, know how both of you move and want to see how you move against each other.”

James says this as an explanation of sorts and Clint just gives a shrug. He is finally healed up enough that he can spar again and he doesn’t really care who he does it with, knows that neither of them will hurt him.  Steve just gives a little nod and then they start.

It only takes a few moments for Clint to realize that they have done this before. He knows how Steve moves, knows what attacks he is going to go for, and it is still a challenge but a familiar one.   Steve seems a bit surprised at Clint’s movement right now, apparently he is a bit faster than he was before and a bit stronger and he manages to get Steve to the ground, pins him there, and Clint has fingers wrapped around Steve’s wrists, can feel his pulse there.  This feels almost intimate, in a different way  than spending the rut and heat together days earlier but still intimate .   He tries not to think about it too much, just gives Steve a little smirk as he speaks.

“I got you. You’re down.”

Steve is looking up at him, something warm and longing in his eyes and they are so close right now.  Steve gives a little grin of his own now.

“I’m down now, not going to stay that way though. “

It would be so easy to just lean in and brush his lips against Steve’s right now and the thought is just a little startling but not as much as it would have been days ago. He has kissed Steve  now, felt his skin against his own, felt how familiar and right it felt, but now doesn’t seem like the time to indulge in something like that now. Instead he just gives another little smirk as he speaks.

“I don’t know, looks like you’re going to stay down.”

Clint says this now and Steve just grins a little bit wider and shifts just a bit and Clint finds himself thrown off but he gets to his feet quickly enough. Steve is back up as well, grinning still and they spar some more and Clint can feel James’s eyes on them both,but he focuses on Steve. They exchange a few more hits just like before and then Steve manages to sweep Clint’s leg. Now Clint is on the floor and Steve pins him in place, is on top of him like Clint had been on top of him,  and he is smirking now. That smirk is probably as nice as Steve’s grin and Clint wonders how often he got to see it before.

“Told you I wouldn’t stay down.”

Steve’s smirk  turns into a grin and he leans down just a bit more now, so very close to Clint. If Clint just shifts up a bit, their lips would brush each other, a soft kiss that would be different than the hungry ones they shared during his heat. It is a tempting thought but he doesn’t get to act on it cause there is the sound of footsteps and words drawing Clint’s attention away from Steve.

“I used to think no one could  pin you down but James.”

It is Pietro’s voice that draws Clint’s attention and he is entering the little  gym followed by Wanda and Sam . Pietro  looks a little tense, has been since yesterday and Clint really isn’t sure why. He just sort of shrugs from where he is still under Steve and speaks.

“Steve isn’t just anybody.  Besides, I can pin him too.”

He flips Steve back with those words, switches their position and Steve just smiles up at him as he does so. The smile is nice and there is still the urge to kiss but Clint doesn’t think it is the right time right now so he gets off of Steve instead, offers a hand to help him up which Steve takes as the others come closer. James moves to them now as well and Pietro speaks to him now.

 “I need to speak to you, James, just us.”

Pietro says this and he has the same tight expression he had yesterday when James explained where he had been.

“Alright, we’ll find you when we are done.”

These words are said to Clint now and Clint reaches out and squeezes his hand quickly, wants the contact for a moment.

“Ok, we’ll be somewhere. Don’t get lost.”

Clint says this and James just gives him a quick little smile before heading out of the gym with Pietro. There is just a moment’s pause and then Sam speaks.

“Speaking of people needing to talk, Steve, Fury wants to speak to you so you should probably head there. I need to head out right now, will be back this evening when Natasha is. I’ll bring you that book I told you about tonight and some more games for Pietro.”

Those words are for Wanda and she smiles at them, tells him thank you and Sam starts to leave the little gym, Steve waiting just a moment.

“You guys can still wonder around base if you want, I’ll find you after I’m done with Fury.”

Steve says this, puts a hand on Clint’s shoulder for just a moment and Clint gives a nod.

“See you in a bit.”

He says this, Steve gives him one more smile and then he leaves as well and Wanda looks at him for a moment before speaking softly.

“You care for him, don’t you? Even though you don’t remember fully, you care for him.”

“Yes, I do. We can talk about this in the room, if you want.”

 She gives a little nod and they head there, not really talking much on the way but Wanda stays close to him.  They are soon back in the room, James and Pietro aren’t there and Clint hopes they come here soon but for now he sits down with Wanda and she asks a question as soon as they settle down.

“You care for him, for Rogers, do you think once you remember everything you will bond with him again?”

The question comes and it is one that Clint hasn’t really let himself think about. He cares for Steve but he is James’s and he knows it would be possible to bond with Steve, he just doesn’t know if he will, what it will mean for all three of them if he chooses to. James and Steve care for each other too, Clint is sure of this, and maybe the three of them could be something together but he doesn’t know yet.

“I don’t know.”

He says it simply and Wanda just looks at him for a moment and then speaks softly.

“I was just wondering about it, so much is different now and after tomorrow, you may be too, may go back to your old life, not sure about our place in it.”

He reaches out now and takes her hand, needs to reassure her.

“There’s a place for you, I know there will be, I’ll make sure of it. Besides, I think Sam will find you guys a place if I can’t.”

“He’s a good man.”

Wanda says this after Clint’s words and there is just a bit of a fondness in her voice that he could tease her about but he decides not to.

“He is. What’s the book he is bringing you tonight?”

He asks and she tells him about it, about what Sam has told her about it. They spend some time now just talking and Clint tries to focus on the conversation but he finds his mind drifting to how everything might be tomorrow when he gets his memories back and he just hopes that it is all going to be ok.

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It is not too difficult to find somewhere for them to speak, there is an empty room nearby and  Pietro goes in first , Bucky shutting the door behind them and there is quiet for just a moment till Pietro speaks.

“Do you still care for Clint ?”

The question is spoken quietly and there  is a bit of accusation in his tone. Bucky’s answer comes quickly.

“Of course I do,  that hasn’t changed, won’t change. “

Bucky is sure of this, can’t imagine not caring for Clint.  Pietro looks at him for a moment before asking another question.

“ You care for Rogers like you care for Clint, right? Is that the reason why you spent his rut with him, shared your omega with him?”

They had not hid what they did with Steve from the twins and neither of them really asked about it till now and James just answers his questions.

“Yes, I care for Steve, we meant a lot to each other a long time ago, had each other when there wasn’t  much else and I wanted to help him. Clint is my omega now but he was Steve’s once, chose Steve before Hydra gave him to me and Clint is starting to feel drawn to him. I won’t keep them from each other, I care for them both, want to keep them safe.”

Bucky means every word of it, he cares for both of them so damn much, just wants to do right by them, and he knows that it is going to be difficult to do. He thinks he has figured out an option but he hasn’t told any of the others yet. Pietro speaks again now.

“Ok, you want to keep them safe, promised to keep Wanda and I safe before,  care for all of us right?”

Bucky just gives a nod, not sure why Pietro is asking about all of this, and Pietro continues speaking.

“Then why are you planning to leave?”

The question is one that Bucky wasn’t expecting and he tries to keep himself calm, doesn’t want Clint to worry because of what he might feel through the bond.

“ I heard you yesterday with Fury, was wondering the halls and went near the room you were in, the door cracked open just a bit and I heard you volunteer to leave, to do missions for him, offered to do it as soon as he wanted.  “

Pietro says this and Bucky doesn’t even try to deny it. He did speak to Fury about that yesterday,  offered himself up, knows that it may be best if he separates himself from Clint and Steve after Clint remembers. It will give them a chance to re-bond, Bucky has no doubt that Steve wants that and he is pretty sure that once Clint remembers everything, he might want it too and he is going to stand in their way. He doesn’t say anything right now and Pietro continues speaking after just a moment.

“You didn’t tell any of us about that, didn’t tell Clint. You’re planning on leaving him. You told me you would fight for him, I believed you, thought you would take care of him. Why the hell are you abandoning him?”

There is anger in his voice now, anger directed solely at Bucky and Bucky doesn’t back away from it. 

“I’m not abandoning him, not abandoning anyone, just trying to do the right thing. I took so much from him, form Steve, and I need to make it right and I don’t know if I can do that here. I didn’t let Clint chose what he want before, I need to let him chose now. ”

He means this,  needs to walk away so Clint can make his choice, so that Clint doesn’t have to worry about the bond that was forced on him, so that Steve doesn’t have to worry about it. Pietro shakes his head and the anger on his face seems to be mixed with disappointment now.

“If you leave without speaking to him about it first, you’re making the choice for him. You shouldn’t leave till, if, he tells you to. He deserves better than that. Tell him about it or I will.”

There is a threat in Pietro’s voice but Bucky knows he is right so he just gives a nod.

“I’ll tell him about it tonight, wait till his memories are restored to go. You have my word.”

Pietro looks at him for just a moment before giving him a nod.

“Alright. I’ll trust that for now. Make sure you tell him tonight, tell both of them.”

That is all Pietro says and then he is walking out of the room, Bucky following him. He’ll keep his promise and talk to Clint and Steve about possibly leaving soon. He doesn’t know what he will do if they ask him to stay, will cross that bridge when he needs to, hopes he can make the right choice for all of them.

<^><^><^><^>

“You wanted to speak to me?”

Steve says this as he enters the room that Fury has been  using as an office of sorts and the other man gives a nod.

“I want your opinion  on Barnes, whether you think he would be fit for missions right now.  He told me he would go on any I have for him. Have already talked to a few others, want to hear what you have to say..”

Steve thinks about it for a moment, wonders why Bucky would talk to Fury about this right now when Clint is getting his memories restored right now and then Steve thinks about  everything that Hydra did to Bucky, that they did to Clint, and he thinks he knows Bucky’s reasons.  He tells Fury the truth.

“He handled himself well when we went to the base, can handle himself in the field, there is still a lot he has to work for, but he deserves a chance to go against Hydra. Everything they did to him, he deserves to help bring them down.”

Steve means every word of it, wants to be able to help Bucky do that, wants to be able to help Clint do that. He’ll help them in any way he can and Fury just gives a nod.

“You’re right about that and I think he should alright to go into the field so I might take him up on his offer.  You can tell him that I’ll let him now in the next few days if I have something for him.  Let’s go over a few more things right now, Barnes’s strengths and weaknesses. “

They talk for a while, discuss Bucky and other things, new intel, possible plans of attack against Hydra and then Fury asks another question.

“Tomorrow, Clint should be getting his memories back. Are you ready for that?”

Fury asks and it isn’t really a question that Steve was expecting from him but he answers it.

“I think so, he has already remembered a bit but I’m ready for everything, just don’t know what it will mean for everyone yet.”

Steve has been thinking about this the last few days, since his rut ended. It felt so right being with Bucky and Clint like that but he isn’t sure if it is something that will be possible again. Clint may want to end his bond with Bucky when he remembers and though Steve would like to bond with him again, he still needs to speak to Clint about what he did with Rumlow before, can’t keep that from Clint and he doesn’t know how he will react.  There is so much to consider but Steve is still looking forward to Clint remembering, to have pieces of himself back again and Fury speaks again after just a moment.

“I guess you all will figure that out when you can. I have another meeting soon, you should head out of here.”

With that Steve is dismissed and he leaves the room, makes his way back to Bucky’s and Clint’s room. It is still late afternoon, will be a while before Sam and Natasha are back but Steve wants to spend time with them both now, hopes he won’t have to give up either of them any time soon.  The door is open and he walks right in to find Bucky and Clint there with the twins and he sits down at the small table with them.

“Hey, just got done with Fury, thought I would stop by.”

He says it simply and Clint gives him a smile and Steve is so glad to have Clint’s smiles back.  Pietro gets up almost as soon as Steve sits down, makes a gesture to the door and speaks.

“I think I’m going to go around base again. Care to join me? “

Those words are said to his sister who gives a little nod as she gets up and speaks.

“We’ll give you a little bit, chance to talk.”

“Don’t forget what you promised earlier.”

Pietro says this to Bucky as they leave and Steve wonders what he is referring to but it appears he isn’t going to have to wait too long as Bucky starts talking as soon as the twins leave the room.

“I need to tell you something. I went to Fury yesterday, asked to be put on mission as soon as possible. He hasn’t given me an answer yet, but if he says yes, I’ll go, leave if you need me to.  ”  
 The words rush out and Steve can see just a bit of guilty determination in Bucky’s eyes and he should say something but Clint beats him to it.

“I want you here now, can’t promise it will be the same tomorrow but  you need to talk to me about leaving first, it is something we can decide later, all of us, ok?”

Clint says this, voice firm and he sounds so much like how he used to and it gives Steve hope that they can figure out something for all of them. Bucky gives a nod and Steve does as well before speaking .

“We can all talk about it tomorrow, how about for now we play some cards or something, not think too much?”

He gets two nods now and Bucky gets out some cards and they start a game. Everything is relaxed right now and Steve enjoys it, enjoys being around both of them and hopefully it is something that they can all keep.

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	40. Chapter 40

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is a bit more, hope people enjoy.

<^><^><^><^>

It is time, time for Wanda to restore his memories and Clint’s stomach is tied into knots just a bit. This needs to happen, he knows this needs to happen, but he also knows that it might change things. He can’t put it off anymore, he needs to do this but he still feels all tensed up and unsure.

“Are you sure about this?”

Wanda asks now, is sitting next to Clint on the bed. They are not the only ones in the room,  Pietro, Sam, and Natasha sit at the table a few feet away while Steve and James are standing right by the bed and he looks at them now.  Steve just looks at him with both hope and a bit of worry and James simply reaches forward and gives his shoulder a brief squeeze and he can feel his alpha’s own worry. It would be easy to say no, to wait to do this, but he sees Steve’s face again, thinks of Natasha at the table, and he wants to remember fully, wants to know them again so he takes a breath and gives an answer.

“Yes, I’m sure. I trust you, let’s do this.”

He gives a little smile, hopes it looks confident and Wanda returns it, gives a little nod, tells him to lay down.  He does and then Wanda is placing her hands against his forehead, fingers gentle against his skin.

“This will hurt, sorry.”

She says this and he just gives a nod, looks over at James and Steve for just a moment before telling her to start. She does, energy pouring out of her hands and into him, and it does hurt, colors everything red. He shuts his eyes against it and there are moments appearing in his mind, memories rushing to the surface, overwhelming and he gives into darkness after a bit.

Clint isn’t sure how long he is out but he wakes up after a while, still a little overwhelmed but knowing so much more than he did, remembering what was just out of reach before.  He opens his eyes slowly, sees that everyone is  still around though  they have moved a bit, Natasha and Steve the closest to him and he looks to both of them now, so glad to know them again.

“I see you found your present. I thought it would suit you.”

He says this to Natasha now, breaks the silence of the room by gesturing to the necklace  she is  wearing, the tiny arrow he bought her years ago now.  She gives a smile and then a shrug.

“If you say so. Arrows are still more your thing. They don’t always work out so  well for me.”

“You still managed to get him in the foot.”

He says this, knows what she had been referencing and she probably made the comment as a test of sorts to see if most of his memories are really back and her smile grows brighter at his comment, at the proof that he does remember now. He is glad of her smile, glad that she is here but there is someone else that he needs to give attention to and he turns to Steve now.

“Steve.”

Clint just says his name, says his name and leans forward, lips pressing against Steve’s, hand coming to rest against Steve’s neck, thumb against his pulse.  This is how he used to kiss him, thumb stroking his pulse point and he didn’t kiss him like this during his heat days ago, didn’t remember to but he remembers now.  It is a good kiss, Steve returning it even if there is an audience and then there is a sharp pang of jealousy and guilt, only a pang but Clint feels it through his bond and has to pull away from Steve now.   Clint is bonded, remembers everything that happened for it to be this way, remembers his bond with Steve breaking, and there is a flash of anger at everything that happened, a flash of anger that Bucky no doubt feels and he speaks now.

“I think I’ll let Fury know you’re awake, I’ll be back.”

He says this, catches Clint’s eyes for just a moment and Clint doesn’t say anything and he leaves after just a moment. They will need to talk, will need to figure out what to do about their bond but he needs to think for a bit, needs to figure out what he wants but right now he focuses on the others, on Wanda coming closer to him, almost shy.

“How is your head?”

She asks, concern in her voice and Pierto is near her, is watching Clint with a guarded expression. He answers the question.

“It is ok, lots of memories that are still being shifted through, but ok. Thank you for doing that for me.  I owe you both, I’ll get you some pizza, show you one of my favorite places soon, have to show you a few places.”

He says this, wants them to know that he is going to be there for him. Clint wishes he would have been in the right state of mind to get them both out of Hydra’s grip but he wasn’t so he’ll have to try to make it up to them now.

“We already have plans for tomorrow but we will try to fit you in when we can.”

There is just a hint of teasing in Pietro’s voice and Clint goes along with it, arches a bit of an eyebrow.

“Oh, what big plans do you have in your busy schedule?”

He asks and Sam answers.

“Taking them off base tomorrow, got it cleared and everything, figured they could use some change of scenery.  You can come if you want.”

Sam says this now and Clint just gives a little nod.

“Maybe, I have some catching up to do though. Would say I need to go by my place but I’m going to guess I don’t have a place anymore.”

“We packed up a while ago, we still have most of your stuff though.”

Natasha says this now and  then Steve adds to it.

“I have your favorite mug at home, couldn’t throw it away.”

He reaches out then, takes Steve’s hand and gives him a smile. It is so good to remember him now, good but also makes Clint hurt a little bit to know just what he lost, to remember the bond that they were going to have. It is something he still wants, Wanda had asked him about that days before and now he realizes that he wants the bond with Steve now that he can remember having it before.  They are going to have to talk about that, will need to do it alone, but before Clint can figure out how to go about that, the door is opening, Bucky coming in with Fury.

“Barton, think you can handle a check up?”

Fury asks now and Clint just gives a little nod but doesn’t quite keeps his sarcasm  in check.

“No hello first, sir, just straight to time to poke you with needles?”

Fury gives just a hint of a smile right now as he speaks again.

“That sounds more like you than you have seen you came back.  Hellos later, needles first, everyone else should find something to do outside the room for a bit.”

Those words are an order and everyone starts to leave, Bucky and Steve lingering just a little longer, Steve still right next to Clint as Bucky stays near the door, has a cup in his hand.

“We should talk to night, just us.”

Clint says this to Steve, gives his hand a squeeze and Steve gives him a smile and a nod as he walks away. Bucky steps forward after Steve moves, puts the cup down on the little table by the bed.

“That is for you, after they are done with the prodding, it should stay warm.”

He says this and Clint looks at the cup, sees that it is filled with coffee and it is a nice gesture, a caring gesture and though his feelings are a little conflicted right now about his alpha, conflicted by remembering that this bond wasn’t his choice but remembering that it wasn’t really Bucky’s either though he wanted it. Right now, he gives a small smile but doesn’t reach out to touch Bucky.

“Thanks, I’ll drink it even if it is cold, I love coffee .”

“I know.”

Bucky says this simply, starts to reach out to touch Clint’s shoulder before stopping himself and turning to go back out of the room. Soon it is just Fury and the doctor with Clint and he gets ready to be looked over, will figure out everything else later, figure out if this bond is something that should be kept, how he can do right for all three of them.

<^><^><^><^>

It is evening now, the whole day going by rather quickly, and the feeling of relief when Clint opened his eyes and actually remembered him hasn’t gone away. Steve is relieved and glad that Clint remembers now, that there doesn’t seem to be any side effects yet and that Clint kissed him earlier, that Clint’s affection for him is still there. They haven’t had a chance to talk just them yet but Steve thinks it is coming. They have all finished up dinner about an hour ago, Natasha and Sam leaving just a few minutes ago and now it is just the five of them, Clint, Steve, Bucky and the twins playing cards. Bucky has been quiet most of the evening and there is a bit of tension between him and Clint, everyone can feel but they don’t say anything about it, just keep playing cards for a little bit till Clint stops.

“  I think that is enough for now, we still need to have that talk, I’ll meet you in your room in about ten minutes, sound good?”

He says this to Steve and he gives Clint a nod, gets up and says good-bye to the others, stopping by Bucky for a moment.

“Hey, tomorrow we should spar, if you want.”

Steve still wants to spend time with Bucky, still needs to make him a priority and Bucky gives a nod.

“Ok, I’ll let you know tomorrow.”

Bucky says this, gives a tight smile and Steve takes it for now, will have to probably talk to Bucky tomorrow about everything but they have time to talk later. Right now, Steve leaves the room and goes to his own.  He waits, gets out his sketch book and doodles for a bit and after several minutes there is a knock at the door.

“Come on in.”

He calls this out and the door opens, Clint entering now, giving a look at the sketch pad and pencils.  He gives a smile as he sees them.

“I see you found your present as well, sorry I couldn’t give them to you in person.”

There is just a hint of guilt in Clint’s voice, not quite the same as what Steve has heard in Bucky’s voice before, but it still doesn’t sit right with Steve and he moves to Clint now.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t find you before I did. We can’t change any of this, but it isn’t your fault.”

He says this now, feels his own guilt rising. Steve still wishes he could have found Clint when he was first taken, could have found him and Bucky, got them out of there, but it can’t be changed now. Clint just gives a little nod, gestures to the bed and moves towards it, sits down and Steve sits down next to him. They are close, Clint brushing his shoulder against Steve’s and he has missed him so damn much.

“I talked to the others, they aren’t expecting me back tonight, told them I might stay with you to hash out some things so we have all night if we need it but there is something that I just want to get out in the open right now. “

Clint says this, takes a small pause and Steve feels a spike of worry, unsure about what Clint is going to say before Clint takes a breath and continues.

“I want to bond with you again or at least try to, if that is something you want. We don’t have to start it again right away, we can both wait a bit, but now that I remember everything, I want to try us again.”

The worry goes away, replaced by raw hope and Steve can’t help but smile and lean forward, brushing a quick kiss against Clint’s lips. It is such a pure moment of happiness but as Steve pulls back, he sees the mark on Clint’s neck and remembers everything that has happened that Clint is bonded to Bucky and he has to ask a question.

“I want that too but what about Bucky?”

Clint pauses for a moment before speaking, voice soft and a bit unsure.

“I’m not sure yet. What happened, it wasn’t fair, not to me and not even to him, and I think something can be worked out for all of us, I just need a day or two  to adjust, to figure out what I want, to ask him what he wants but I needed to talk to you tonight, I missed you, even seeing you these last few weeks, it wasn’t the same.”

Steve gets what he is saying, gives a little smile and brushes another kiss against Clint’s lips again.

“I missed you too, missed you so damn much. When you were gone, I even spent a rut with Rumlow, thought he was a friend, thought it would help. It didn’t and I’m sorry I did it .”

Those words come out and Steve hadn’t really planned on telling Clint about that tonight but  he wasn’t going to hide it either and Clint’s eyes darken a bit.

“Rumlow’s a bastard , he helped drag me there, if I ever see him again, I’ll shoot him in the eye.”

Clint says this and Steve understands the sentiment, feels very similarly.

“I’ll help you. I promised to drag Hydra down and I plan to, want you beside me as I do it.”

Steve says this and Clint gives another nod.

“Sounds like a plan but right now, I just want to lay down with you, talk if we need to. That sound ok?”

Clint asks and Steve gives a nod, lays down on the bed and Clint settles down next to him, tucks himself right next to Steve like he used. It feels good but Steve almost wishes Bucky were here as well but tonight is for him and Clint. He holds Clint close and they talk for a bit, going over their past, over what might be their future, till it is late and then Clint falls asleep in Steve’s arms and Steve just hold him close and finds his rest after a few moments.


End file.
